- Member Since 31st Aug, 2015
- offline last seen Sep 4th, 2015
Necroware
My name is Necro. I write stories. On here, it will mostly be erotica *cough*porn*cough* so, just expect it.
Necroware
Joined 31st Aug, 2015 ·
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You know, dragons and ponies can't breed right?
6383891
Never said they could. All that happened was Spike and Apple Bloom had sex. Never wrote she got pregnant and I don't plan to.
6383891 Actually, according to most myths, a dragon can impregnate anything.
6383908 Translation: They can have more sex than they realized.
6383919
And according to some pony theories I've seen, ponies can crossbreed with pretty much anything.
6384157 That one isn't supported by myth, only people's desire to ship ponies with non-ponies... Not that that's a bad thing, mind you
Okay, so I finally read this. I'm going to be honest, it isn't anything special. It's not bad, mind you, but it's just another SpikeBloom clop fic so far. While I love SpikeBloom (it's honestly my favorite ship. They're adorable together) it's been done countless times. The actual sex scene is brief, not very descriptive, and quite plain. Don't be afraid to get into detail (a problem that I often have myself, to tell the truth).
Onto more technical issues, these two lines;
If AJ taught her how to have sex, she should know what that is. Also, the way she said the second sounds like she actually taught her how, not just explained how it works.
Third, the dialogue is very mechanical. Whenever you're writing dialogue, act it out. Actually get into character and read out the lines as if you were playing the character in a play. It'll help you in determining how natural it is.
Over all, it's not a bad first fic, but it's still a typical first fic. You have potential, but you need a lot of practice.
6384172
There is some justification. Not much, but some.
A few of the creatures and species in canon are more ponylike than their original myths would suggest. Changelings aren't even quadrupeds in their myth; the implication being that ponies may have crossbred with them long ago. (I know this theory does not appear to be supported by comic-canon, but I found the changeling origin story in the comic to be underwhelming). And although we haven't seen any in canon, it is widely assumed that hippogriffs could exist in Equestria.
I'm curious to see where this goes.
6384341 Most types of changelings in myth resemble humans. Therefore it makes sense that in a world where there are no humans and ponies are the dominant species, they would take the appearance of their pray.
6385111
We can also remember that this is a fan fiction of a cartoon show and regular mythology doesn't apply here.
6387320 True, but there's a precedent for it. Obviously, you can do whatever you want with it.
Could still use a bit more detail, but a noticeable improvement. Remember, there's no such thing as too much detail with erotic scenes. Other that just humping, what were they doing? Where were their hooves/claws, eyes, or lips? What were they saying or thinking? Surely they adjusted position slightly at some point, even if it's only scooting up a bit, or sinking further into the water. What makes these scenes is the detail. Be as descriptive as possible.
While this is most certainly interesting, it doesn't really feel too special. Maybe just because it's too fast. It feels too linear, and stories are not that. They're an entire world, you can't just tell it, you have to make the readers feel like they're in it.
I'll follow and see how this goes. I might enjoy this anyway. No story is perfect after all.
If this is just a pure sex fic, then you're doing great so far.
Having sex in water actually washes away a girl's natural lubrication, so it will actually end up being quite uncomfortable unless you use some sort of non-water-soluble lube.
6388292
Yes, I did know this. If the story was pure reality, then it wouldn't exsist.
6387931
It is indeed a pure clop story, I don't really have plans other then for them to have sex.
Hooray! More SpikeBloom! There isn't enough of this ship out there!
Even though I would've like a bit more back story, considering that Spike's always with Twilight and now he's considered 'too young'...How old is Spike, anyway? I always saw him as, honestly, slightly younger than the CMC considering that, during AJ's cutie mark story her parents weren't there (Implying that they were already dead) so AB had to have been, at least, a couple of months old and Twilight only just hatched Spike the same day. That's just my head-cannon though...And for that matter, how old is Applebloom? I can't see an 8-year-old going through heat. Maybe 12-13, but not 8.
Then there's the plot-hole (no pun intended) of Applebloom knowing what sex is, but not knowing what orgasmic juices are. What, did AJ feel that part wasn't nessecary? Did she also leave out pregancy risk? I know Applebloom is impulsive and sometimes doesn't think things through, but she must have known the risk right?
Also, I'm sure Spike should know that he's a special case when it comes to dragons, so shouldn't be concerened whether its' 'normal' for him to like ponies. He grew up with ponies and he had a crush on Rarity in the show.
I'm happy, however, to not have another Applebloom is pregnant story that seems...fairly common when it comes to the Spikebloom pairing. Some do it well, others not so much.
Still faved though for OTP!
(There needs to be a happy AB emoticon!)
...Okay, this story is pure clop, true, but if you're pushing them to be romancing each-other too then...Well the picnic was a good idea. I do like the idea of them actually going on dates rather than the two of them just bumping uglies for no reason. So points for that. I'd still like a little back story on how they started to develop feelings for each-other outside of 'they started seeing each-other more often and they suddenly liked each-other'. Was there an event? Was it just the little things they started to notice? Did they catch sexy glimpses of each-other?
And I...Well I think AJ and Twi are taking this really well, considering. Was Twilight not a little angry that they did it in her bed? Or did Spike wash the sheets before she came home...assuming she wasn't already home. (Well with the way Twi reads books, it's possible)
Ah well, it's still fun and surprisingly cute giving the context. I'm not much for clop unless there's a story behind it, but because it's Spikebloom Imma ive it a pass.
Edit:
Don't know how I missed that hilarious line! It makes it sound like they're on a crusade to have sex everywhere they possible can! Next week, find out if they managed to bang in Celestia's Bathroom!
They are determined to do it everywhere.
i like the heat tipe of stores cus it is mor arousing that way
agen that was amazing
*stabs*pervert
You asked for input, so here we go. Overall, a solid first attempt at clop. There were a few spelling mistakes, some repetitious language, and some awkward grammar and/or formatting, but overall not the worst I've read by far. The spelling errors I found are below:
Should be 'semen'
Should be mare, female, girl, or filly. Ponies aren't known as women as far as I've seen.
I think you meant 'her tongue was lulling out of her mouth'
'...causing him to orgasm as he...
Great story
plz continue!