You know, dragons and ponies can't breed right?

6383891

Never said they could. All that happened was Spike and Apple Bloom had sex. Never wrote she got pregnant and I don't plan to.

6383891 Actually, according to most myths, a dragon can impregnate anything.

6383908 Translation: They can have more sex than they realized.

6383919
And according to some pony theories I've seen, ponies can crossbreed with pretty much anything.

6384157 That one isn't supported by myth, only people's desire to ship ponies with non-ponies... Not that that's a bad thing, mind you

Okay, so I finally read this. I'm going to be honest, it isn't anything special. It's not bad, mind you, but it's just another SpikeBloom clop fic so far. While I love SpikeBloom (it's honestly my favorite ship. They're adorable together) it's been done countless times. The actual sex scene is brief, not very descriptive, and quite plain. Don't be afraid to get into detail (a problem that I often have myself, to tell the truth).

Onto more technical issues, these two lines;

She knew it wasn’t pee, but she had no idea what is was.

"Applejack told me to how to have sex"

If AJ taught her how to have sex, she should know what that is. Also, the way she said the second sounds like she actually taught her how, not just explained how it works.

Third, the dialogue is very mechanical. Whenever you're writing dialogue, act it out. Actually get into character and read out the lines as if you were playing the character in a play. It'll help you in determining how natural it is.

Over all, it's not a bad first fic, but it's still a typical first fic. You have potential, but you need a lot of practice.

6384172
There is some justification. Not much, but some.
A few of the creatures and species in canon are more ponylike than their original myths would suggest. Changelings aren't even quadrupeds in their myth; the implication being that ponies may have crossbred with them long ago. (I know this theory does not appear to be supported by comic-canon, but I found the changeling origin story in the comic to be underwhelming). And although we haven't seen any in canon, it is widely assumed that hippogriffs could exist in Equestria.

I'm curious to see where this goes.

6384341 Most types of changelings in myth resemble humans. Therefore it makes sense that in a world where there are no humans and ponies are the dominant species, they would take the appearance of their pray.

6385111

We can also remember that this is a fan fiction of a cartoon show and regular mythology doesn't apply here.

6387320 True, but there's a precedent for it. Obviously, you can do whatever you want with it.

While this is most certainly interesting, it doesn't really feel too special. Maybe just because it's too fast. It feels too linear, and stories are not that. They're an entire world, you can't just tell it, you have to make the readers feel like they're in it.

I'll follow and see how this goes. I might enjoy this anyway. No story is perfect after all.

Hooray! More SpikeBloom! There isn't enough of this ship out there!

Even though I would've like a bit more back story, considering that Spike's always with Twilight and now he's considered 'too young'...How old is Spike, anyway? I always saw him as, honestly, slightly younger than the CMC considering that, during AJ's cutie mark story her parents weren't there (Implying that they were already dead) so AB had to have been, at least, a couple of months old and Twilight only just hatched Spike the same day. That's just my head-cannon though...And for that matter, how old is Applebloom? I can't see an 8-year-old going through heat. Maybe 12-13, but not 8.

Then there's the plot-hole (no pun intended) of Applebloom knowing what sex is, but not knowing what orgasmic juices are. What, did AJ feel that part wasn't nessecary? Did she also leave out pregancy risk? I know Applebloom is impulsive and sometimes doesn't think things through, but she must have known the risk right?

Also, I'm sure Spike should know that he's a special case when it comes to dragons, so shouldn't be concerened whether its' 'normal' for him to like ponies. He grew up with ponies and he had a crush on Rarity in the show.

I'm happy, however, to not have another Applebloom is pregnant story that seems...fairly common when it comes to the Spikebloom pairing. Some do it well, others not so much.

Still faved though for OTP! (There needs to be a happy AB emoticon!)

i like the heat tipe of stores cus it is mor arousing that way

You asked for input, so here we go. Overall, a solid first attempt at clop. There were a few spelling mistakes, some repetitious language, and some awkward grammar and/or formatting, but overall not the worst I've read by far. The spelling errors I found are below:

...covering Apple Bloom’s snout with seamen.

Should be 'semen'

She knew that a stallion shoots ejaculate into the women...

Should be mare, female, girl, or filly. Ponies aren't known as women as far as I've seen.

Heer tongue lollygagging out of her mouth...

I think you meant 'her tongue was lulling out of her mouth'

...causing his to orgasm as he...

'...causing him to orgasm as he...

Great story