• Member Since 16th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen March 1st

Zyrah


Could possibly, maybe be active again. Don't place bets.

Comments ( 190 )

I can say I quite enjoyed the story. There are some minor grammar checks you may need to run through again just to get perfect. Other than that great job! :yay:

Zyrah has fantasies of his sister walking in on hin fapping, thus this outlet of the kink of being discovered, and then proceeding to commit incest.

7827232 *minor*
Yeah... He needs an editor. XD. It's sound just the grammar, especially the use of tenses, needs a bit of a touch up.
I might pull this up while I'm at work today and give it a work through.

How old is rainbow?

7827513 sounds like she's in the 12-13ish range, just before puberty.

He begins run his hoof closer to Rainbow Dash's privates, his hands on top of the adorable Wonderbolts pajamas she's sporting, when the doorknob rattled behind them.

bruh

Well... Time to clear my browser history

7827840 just telling the world how perverted you are.

7827628 That right there is more important than any grammatical error, so I definitely went back through and fixed that :rainbowlaugh:

7827847 Can't argue with that :derpytongue2:

7827853 you hit featured box.
FIX THAT DAMN GRAMMAR YOU SORRY SON OF A PEGASISTER.

7827752 diddo. I feel like I should be shot for enjoying that.

7827929 sequel...
Mommy joins in the fun...

I'm not into incest stories, but I know a good plot when I see one. ;3

7828061 Thanks for being open minded like that man. Don't see that too often! :twilightsmile:

7827752 It'll be on your web service provider though.

7828294 Most service providers have a privacy policy that makes it to where they can't see it unless a federal agency has a warrant to look at it. But even then, this isn't illegal, so idk:derpytongue2:

7827912 I am so very glad I have come to terms with being a terrible human being long before this.

7828294 Well, if they want to scar themselves looking at this... They can go right ahead

7828521 do to...unfortunate circumstances, I really should be offended because of this story....but I'm not for some odd reason.

Is it wierd that i thouroghly enjoyed that

Bucking pervs!!!

7828873 It is what it is:derpytongue2:

7828892 And you are happy with that?

7828903 It's not hurting me any. so I guess so:applejackunsure:

7828908 You truly believe that? Wow how bad did you have it growing up?

7828925 Had it quite good actually, but I sense some hostility. Is there something you'd like to tell us or are you just asking?

The begging was worthy of a comedy tag...

Always a pleasure to see more Rainbow family incest. Very good stuff!

my eyes!!!!!! my eyes!!!!!!!!!! and my poor mind!!!! I NEED BLEACH LOTS OF BLEACH!!!!!!!!!!

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild::rainbowwild::moustache:

7827752
Lol.
VPN, incognito, AND fully reinstalling browser.
Because nobody shall EVER know...

7829306 Dedication.

Alriiiiiiiiight

Oh, I know ! A "Don't tell dad" sequel.

7829549 Who knows?:rainbowlaugh:

If only Rainbow Dash invite her best childhood friend "Fluttershy" to play with her at home...Play a new game together with her father...:pinkiecrazy:

I will definitely talk dirty to that thumbs-up button!

How did I get here...

Why is this featured...

7829689 Magic!

7829758 I don't know, but I've seen worse in that box lol

7829921

I agree, but I'm also so silly, that I look into each and every story that gets featured. There's always about 30-50% of porn stories in the box, on average. Sometimes they are more or less revolting.

7829689
7829758
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/59396144/Congrats%20your%20now%20a%20pedophile.png

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In all seriousness however,

The dialogue felt staggering in many places with the "fixed" third person view. In the future, try to change perspectives once in a while to give the story a more natural flow. I would give a more detailed review but I am going on 12hrs no sleep and must bed soon. :twilightsmile:

7829665 :ajsleepy:

7829936 Yeah, it's just a thing ya know? Considering the short amount of time I put into this, I'm surprised it got featured anyways.

Not that I'm complaining or anything lol

7829946

And it's ok! Really. I don't need to like it, but there's no reason for me to shun you for writing it. Have your 5 minutes of fame, enjoy it while it lasts!

Hope you will be as successful with your next story as you are with this one.

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