• Member Since 7th May, 2016
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Quillian Inkheart

I'm still here! I just don't write as often.


Quillian B. Inkheart was at rock bottom. The love of his life was gone. His inspiration – his muse – was dead. He couldn't write like this. His friends, unable to stand his constant negativity and reclusive behavior, left him behind. That was the plan, after all. None of them understood what his heart told him. None of them could see. In fact, he didn't want them to see. After all, he didn't want them trying to stop him.

The taste of cold steel is bitter. The whispers of it's beckoning call are alluring. The soft feeling of completion in the darkness' embrace. The slow squeeze. The silence. Though he'd tasted it once before, he'd never embraced that silence. Now, he'd find it once more. This time, he wasn't certain he'd be able to resist the gentle whisper of the steel.

-:Disclaimer & Trigger Warning:-
This is a seriously depressing story that lends to the idea of self-harm and suicide. Don't read it if you're not up for some very dark themes, or if these ideas make you feel unwell.
While this story is based on true events, and I myself battle with depression regularly, but I am not at risk of harming myself in any way. Please, don't worry about my emotional well-being.

On a lighter note, many thanks to Black Paint and Vayne Hellslinger for Pre-Reading and Editing

Coverart by HoodwinkedTales

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 17 )
Comment posted by Quillian Inkheart deleted Jul 15th, 2018

My god. I... There aren't words to fully describe the feelings about this. Never before has a fic struck me so heavily between the eyes that I simply couldn't read it all in one sitting. And then the note. I just want to reach through my phone and give you a huge hug. My life thus far has had really bad turns too. That's what brought here. And this site and writers like you are part of what kept me here. I went so far as to post a goodbye on my blog. I'm a little better now, but I still have bad days. So I thank god (I do believe in god) for writers like you and my step mom.

Thanks for the kind words. These events took place somewhere around... six years ago, I think? Wow, I feel old...

But if I could give any message, it's to not let things like this capture you. In the end, this was a very misguided attempt to find the redemption I was looking for and... well, it didn't really work. I mean, I felt like it did at the time, but I think it did more damage to my mentality than it did helping me through the darkness. There's something particularly wrong about surviving something like this. I never really saw the world in the same way anymore... Ironically, my views can be best described by Rick and Morty, of all things.

"...'Don't run.' Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV."

- Rick and Morty

But all that aside, I grew from that dark moment and became someone better. Yes, my ideologies changed, but I think this was just one step in a long line of events that shaped who I am today. Would I take back doing this to myself? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is, at the end of the day, it happened and I survived. And, though it's trite, it's also very true: that which does not kill you can only make you stronger.

- Quillian B. Inkheart

Sees authors note simpitheticly laughs seek your foundation in yourself and you become a pessimist seek it in family and friends and you an open book waiting for the next chapter seek it I a relationship and your probably an optimist. Good fortion to you my friend I am happy to say I enjoyed the story glad it's finally out.

Why isn't there a tragedy tag?

I can only have up to three tags. It was a toss-up between Sad and Tragedy; since I saw the ending as open - i.e. Quillian could survive - I went with Sad, as it doesn't immediately imply that he died. Poor choice?

Kind words are still kind words, no matter the context of their speaking. Thank you, friend.

Thank you!

No, it is true. The sad part of the reality is, despite that the words are kind, some people are beyond listening. :ajsleepy:

A truly touching story. This fic was like a movie being played right in front of my eyes. I feel really bad about what happened in your life. Everyone has their ups & downs & I've seen it happen only in movies. To see it in real is like...
I don't have words for this. Glad to know that you rose above it & started your life anew. Don't let those things ever bother you again! :fluttershysad: Be positive & be awesome like you always are! :heart:

Crystal Out! xxxx

Should’ve commented on this a lot sooner!

But… wow. This is… truly something. Kinda reminds me of this, actually.

This hits hard. Multiple reasons why, I guess. I’ve been there, in my own way. And while my experiences can’t count for everybody, and this is the recollection of your own experiences, this… fully depicts how much hurt, how much pain, can come with falling all the way down, with no clear way back up. But, at the same time, it depicts the numbness, from finally having too much of that pain.

This is one of those stories that… one can’t forget easily. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s served as a wake-up call for, well, numerous people, in different places/mindsets. A special story, this is. Very special. It’s lovely, in an… incredibly heart-tearing way.

And for what little it’s worth, you have my respect. For pushing through such a dark, dark place, and for the courage it must have taken to write out your story, for everybody to see.
I’m so glad you’re better now. Thank you for writing such a marvelous story.

Thank you. I actually spoke about this story openly to a group for the first time, shortly before writing it. The experience of getting my words out to people right in front of me made the act of writing it that much easier. It's not a time in my life I'm proud of. I'm not happy for what happened to me back then. Honestly, it's one event that I wish I could undo, regardless of the repercussions for today.

However, I did write this story as a kind of wake-up call. I wanted other people to know that they weren't alone. That there are people out there who know that pain and have been on that journey, and survived.


Yeah, I believe it.

Such times, such moments, are never ones anybody would want to relive, nor be proud of. They’re moments that, well, hurt, only… it’s the kind of wound that gauze won’t heal, and it’s the kind of wound that leaves a scar -- even if in some, twisted way, that scar is for the better. I’m sorry you can’t redo it, really, truly sorry. It must have been incredibly difficult, those moments, if this story even hints at what you must have felt. And it must still be difficult now, in that scar-like way.
But, if it helps just the slightest, this story is written so well, so from the heart, that it might really save someone from suffering through what you had to endure. As I'll say below,

I wanted other people to know that they weren’t alone. That there are people out there who know that pain and have been on that journey, and survived.

I strongly think you have accomplished just that.

Even having an idea of what was coming didn’t make the ending any less wrenching for me...

For completeness' sake, review notification from horribly long ago. You were kind enough to engage with me in an interesting exchange of comments on that blog, so I won't waffle on here. I'll just say that I still feel as I did then: it's quite well written, but it really isn't a My Little Pony story at heart.

Oh! I wasn't aware you were that reviewer! :pinkiehappy:

It's fine; I can understand your views.

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