• Member Since 12th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Rocket Lawn Chair


Under many delusions.

E

Alya was the name Twilight and Celestia had given their adopted daughter two years ago. Nopony knew where the little filly came from. Nopony knew anything about her.

The two princesses had no idea that two years later she would reveal herself to be a changeling, and nopony—especially not Twilight—was prepared for it. Her previously normal, structured world comes crashing down around her. The happy future she had pictured for herself and her family, now a bittersweet memory.

After long days full of prying questions and sleepless nights bristling with nightmares, Twilight comes to a desperate conclusion: Alya is the root of her troubles.

Silver Scrolls has been a wonderful help as an extra pair of eyes and editor on this story.
Cover Art: The Price of Immortality by MagnaLuna

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 16 )

cute story I like it,

You, my friend, have well captured what it means to love and forgive. The only monsters are the ones we make. Excellent story overall.

:heart: :twilightsmile:

Well done.

Very sweet and well written. I really enjoyed it. I'd love to see more of little Alya's life.

Nicely done, if a bit extreme of a reaction on Twilight's part. Worked out OK in the end.

Only thing I'd recommend is adding character tags for Chrysalis and Changeling. It's right there in the description, so it's not like a Changeling tag would spoil anything.

7431288
It's been a while since I've written anything, and even longer since I decided to share something, so I love your feedback. Developing character is still something I'm working to improve. You make a good point that my story cast Twilight in an OOC light, even in the context of a fan-fictional universe. Her sentiments and reactions were not as well-established as they could have been. I'll work to improve this more in any future writings.

7431944
It's not always OOC if the scenario you're writing is something the character has never dealt with in canon. As long as their reactions are something you can reasonably extrapolate then you're ok.

Almost wish this were part of something larger so we could see the entire story. There are so many great plot hooks: was a real foal replaced? What was Chrysalis' plan in sending a foal (nymph?) to live with ponies? What will her revenge be like? How will the public react to having a changeling in the royal family? Is Twilight’s relationship with Celestia damaged?

7432496
I'd meant this to be somewhat short and focus on Twilight's character, but I'm glad you think it has the framework to fit inside a larger story. I'm sorry that I can't expound upon the untied plot elements in a larger story just yet, but for now I'm taking the baby steps to know how to build something even bigger. Can't say if I'll extend this story or not, but it's encouraging to know that I did a few things right! Thanks again for your feedback.

Wow god damn! I approve of those fealz

Interesting story.

But at the very latest in the middle of chapter 3 I got totally confused:
What had happen and what didn't happen?
What was dream and what was reality?

I'm totally lost right now...

7719135
Ah, yes, I understand your confusion! (Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, by the way). All of the story which follows Twilight in the Changeling realm is what is truly happening throughout the story. The entirety of Chapter 3 is meant to be a vivid dream Luna conjures for Twilight, her subtle way of reaching out to coax the words out of Twilight in the most natural way she could—by getting her to relive and ruminate on some of her past experiences. Hope that clears some things up!

8102843
I think so.

At least in the end everything is right again.
(Is it?)

Ok. Hold up.

Celestia is upset in part because Twilight refuses to nurse their child...

That they got 2 years ago...

From an orphanage where Alya was passed over dozens of times...




Screw Twilight's hangups, WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BREASTFEEDING A 3+ YEAR OLD?!?!?!

Downvoted.

There was no buildup, no epiphany here, no transition.


Just one conversation with Luna and Twilight goes from denying Alya is her daughter(and presumably kidnapping her with the intention to kill the monster) to 'GOTTA FIND MY DAUGHTER!!!'.


Might have found it a bit more believable if Alya's calling out had triggered Twilight's epiphany, and she ran forward regretting her actions, promising to do better, ANYTHING rather than a fairly emotionally muted 'welp gonna go find that daughter I hated until 2 seconds ago.

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