Chapter 15: Lose the Game
Hollow eyed, I stared at the marble surface of the rock pillar that rose from the ground. It was a gray-ish white and shiny like seafoam.
I haven't seen seafoam in ages, so how am I supposed to even recall what it looks like? It's not like I'm a siren any more. I wobble on the two stupid, weak hindlegs I've been given, and fall forward onto knobby knees barely covered by some sort of sack-like gown the color of...
...I look down at the color, just once before returning my vacant stare, no longer to care about even the horror that burned in me for a moment.
It's the color of the ocean, and it doesn't matter any more because I'm not sure if there's even an ocean here. The dust hurts my legs, which are bare of fur, or even boots. My head still hurts from where I hit the ground...
I close my eyes and place one of these strange webbed-digit weird forehoof things across my mouth and cough a bit. Adagio is screaming at Sonata in the background. I ignore them both but Sonata's crying is just so loud and I feel so weak... these seashell ears against my head feel weaker and I can't move them...
My sack-dress - I've settled on calling it a dress - came with a scarf in a hue of brighter silver than the rock in front of us.
We came through that rock... the scorpan's magic - he opened a door and then we fell out of the rock... I hit my head...
My skinny body, so unlike my pony disguise sways with fatigue and my throat felt as dry as the earth pony inns never were, because there was ale to numb the mind and water to wet beds and aid the growth of the mildew that would freeze outside. Without any coat to properly cover me, the bruises from battle stand out like spots on my exposed skin, cold even without the snow.
I miss the world I hated so much.
Strange digits - five of them - weak and as cold as the rest of me brush the smooth surface. Closed. Sealed.
There's no way back.
The dense forest around us feels so unreal after so many years of snow. I'm able to ignore it all. I could stare straight ahead forever, straight mane falling limply over my ears to block out all sound. These forms don't even have tails, how are they supposed to do anything?
"Well girls," purrs a voice.
Adagio's voice.
I blank at that voice, limbs still clumsy and heavy and when I bother to see again, to care at all, Adagio is sprawled on the ground clutching her smashed-muzzle face with blood - the same blood across the bunched up paw-thing in place of my hooves. I try to keep my legs steady since I still barely know how to support myself in this form. I don't even know how the paw-thing bunched up like that to hit her - it certainly wasn't any instinct I had.
I gulped and my legs felt - and looked - like the roots of trees as I watched Adagio wipe the trickles of blood from her face so only a few smudges remain on her golden skin. My head hits the ground for a second time and Adagio tackles me, the fleshy-claw-digits of her paws wrapping around my neck.
"Who died and made you leader, Aria?!" Adagio screamed. "Who?! Who?!"
'Since when were you our leader?!' I wanted to scream but all I could manage was a pained choke for air.
Adagio's eyes don't look like she's even occupying her own mind - just angry, no vicious - it'sgettingsohardtobreathe - HAPPY! That's it, she looks...
I give her a shove when I manage to, rolling over and crushing her quickly with my slightly larger frame in order to get her to-
I cough when her grip falters and I jump away, scrambling to stand. Neither of us have mastered these forms. Her purple sack-garb, tied with a rope now has more dirt on the fabric and a few tears. It's a far cry from the gowns, however shabby, we wore on our way here.
-let go, I think with another gasp, reaching up to touch my bruised neck.
"You aren't the leader, Aria."
I gulp. It hurts. Why does she sound so sure, so happy? We're lost! We have no food, nowhere to go and I'm pretty sure that we can't change back now...
I reach a paw up under my scarf and feel something smooth: black ribbon that flows over my neck easily. I hadn't noticed it under the cloth. I follow it until I find a cold, hard stone. I didn't need to look at it to know it was red.
A stone.
My heart is a stone now.
It always looked like one, of course... but now each of us-
My eyes, tired and hollow look at all of us. We're heartless now, each and every one of us. I reach from the necklace to the center of my chest, just below where my throat begins on this form, searching for a bit of a pulse. Anything.
I wait. One second. Two.
Nothing.
Heartless. That's what we all are now: dead.
I take one heaving breath that might as well be my last, I choke out words now even if it feels like more weight is on me, momentary desperation melting to a coat of panic across all my senses.
"The game," I manage - it's all I need to say, really. My eyes find Sonata. Her eyes are empty, wide and staring at nothing in the distance. She shakes, a red mark is across her cheek. She pokes it and whimpers when her claw makes contact with the paw's mark on her face, thin claw's marks still visible.
She blinks at my voice, eyes still freaky - she's not there. How long has it been since I've talked to her like this?
"The game?"
"Sonata if you go with her, you'll lose."
She doesn't move.
I try again. "It's against the rules."
She looks at me like I'm the stupid one. "What game?"
Adagio looks at Sonata, she's smiling again as if she knows I'm missing something. Forgetting something obvious, even. I know everything about Sonata - there's not much to know in the first place.
She'll do what I tell her to.
"The game," I repeat.
She stares on. Repeats the same thing.
That's how I know she's forgotten, that she lost. I watch her hum out a few notes of nonsense before I see her in all her air-headed vacancy return to her eyes.
And I watch her walk over to Adagio like it's nothing and I want to scream that if she weren't so gods-damned slow then maybe I'd still be... home? No, that word is as hollow as I feel.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.
Safe, bleak words, both of them. Tragically correct.
Even though Sonata's a bit runty for her age, she's the only one of us that's an adult, and she walks over to Adagio like she's still a filly.
I don't want her to.
I don't know how long it's been, but I want her back.
I want Nata back.
"What next, Adagio?"
She looks at her like she's the leader and Adagio knows it. Of course - that must be what she's been smiling about.
I bunch the furless paws at my side as Adagio reaches out and grabs us both by the ankle of our forepaws. Her grip on mine is far tighter, even though I won't run.
Can't run.
She - Adagio - shifts closer to me for a moment.
"I can't believe you never realized how valuable, how powerful she is."
I don't listen. I barely know what she means. I just grit my flat-ish teeth as she drags us both along, Sonata continuing to hum her nonsense songs, unreachable.
'That's right, Sonata,' I want to shout, 'follow her lead!'
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I'm addicted to this story!
7950508 *inhales calmly*
goddamnit
fixed
8490973
Huh. Really?
8491603
Nope. Why?
8492198
I chose the name because of the musical connection and similar sound to 'Sonata'. It helped give a nice connection, and was better then something generic like 'Melody'.
8492206
It'll be, yah.
8493052
The next chapter, if I recall correctly. It's been a while since I've looked at this one, but it's in there.
An interesting tale, for sure. Lots of tension and anxiety leading up to the climax and beyond; I was super into this the whole way.
Great read, interesting portrayal of the characters, and lovely world-building.
9062709
Bless you and thanks for reading š
And thanks for the updoot
Iām not quite sure how I feel about this story as a whole. Parts of it, I quite liked. Thereāre some lovely worldbuilding tidbits scattered throughout and I liked what you did with Adagio, who was the highlight of the story for me--it was wonderful to see her being both obviously malevolent and yet also so entrancing that Aria couldnāt help but go along with her, and I liked how Sonata was so enraptured she seemed to forget all about what she originally set out to do. And I really liked how you described things from Ariaās perspective as she encountered all these unfamiliar sights, from Adagio herself to the surface world and eventually a new body.
That being said, other parts didnāt quite do it for me. Sonata was a bit more dim than I usually like, and while it wasnāt as bad here as it is in other stories, Adagio being a prostitute really didnāt sit right with me. Those arenāt really criticisms, I guess, just admissions that I didnāt always like what you did with the characters.
And, sadly, bits of it fell a bit flat for me. Part of that may have been clunky grammar and stuff like that--this story could badly use another editing pass to clean up typos and run-on sentences and the like. The rest, I think was due to the structure of it more than anything else. Perhaps I would have liked it more had it been more in-depth and fleshed out. Mainly with regards to Aria, I think the ending felt more cruel than deserved--it felt like her only real faults were being too complacent to even try and distance herself from Adagio, and Iām not quite sure that warranted the kind of misery it seems like sheād be feeling at the ending.
So, in general, I really liked what you were going for, and there were lots of nice details and the like to make this an enjoyable read, but also some things that just didnāt quite sit right with me that stopped it from leaving more of an impact. Thanks for writing it, though! It had a nice villainous Adagio, and thatās always wonderful to see.
9074468
Wow, long comment! Let it not be said that I don't reply to long comments, so here's a probably long reply.
Thank you! One thing I always love doing with character-centered story is getting into the new perspective of a character. Apathetic, tries-to-be-tough young Aria was really neat to write, as well as how much she sees... and how much she misses, sometimes of her own choice. Getting to build the ocean side of things for my usual 'verse is something I was excited to do, because of the culture and perspective of the inhabitants, and the fact that I've only done it in... two or three other stories, I think?
That's fair! Though, on the part of Sonata, it wasn't that she was dim but that her father being a god meant she matured very slow mentally, so others thought she had a learning disorder or was intellectually impaired, when she wasn't. I wasn't quite able to say this outright because most of the story is Aria's POV and Aria is, well, Aria. The flashbacks had a bit more room to do so, thankfully, but there was also Sonata's behavior, which spoke for itself, I would hope. At the start of the story, she has the maturity of someone who is very infant-like or toddler like, but throughout the course of the story, she does mature, but really only up to a young schoolchild's level (like a third grader, probably). In Rainbow Rocks, she's certainly a bit airheaded, but not nearly as bad as she would be here. Hence a lot of why she forgets things. I played around with an Adagio prequel/side story too, of what she did before she met the rest of the gang, but it never came to light.
She's hardly a truly malicious character here, that is true. Everything she does is because she wants to survive, and she's a child. A very cynical, apathetic, and not a particularly clever child (she very deliberately ignores details and charges into things, but hey not everybody's a genius) and she absolutely didn't deserve anything in her history, with losing her very homeworld and Sonata's affections. It just didn't stop it from happening. She did give up trying.
Thank you for still enjoying my story! I don't have any more Siren stories, sadly, but if you like horse-horses as much as water-horses, then I've got a ton of other stories set in this world (and some that aren't) if that's to your liking, including poetry, different styles, more worldbuilding, and all that fun stuff. I must admit that while it's certainly not my strongest piece, there's a lot more stories I have to offer if that's up your alley.
This was a very interesting story! I thought you handled all three main characters ever so well. Watching Sonata and Aria grow more distant was rather devastating, and I particularly appreciated Ariaās ignorant mind trying to piece together Adagioās more sophisticated insincere smiles. Star Swirlās characterisation was the thing I liked most, with him not being some shining hero working for the good of Equestria, but actually the lowest of stallions. I was amazed to look back at the word count upon reaching the end - normally a chapter of only a thousand words feels so brief, but here they didnāt feel at all lacking, so having fifteen of them made the story seem a lot longer than it was. You also did better than Iāve ever seen at making the world seem huge. Their journey really did feel like something of several years, where Equestria tends to be something ponies can cross in a day or two in the show.
I felt there were some details with the plot, though, that didnāt quite hang together, and some of the world building left more questions than not. The implication that thereās something special about Sonata didnāt really seem to go anywhere? We never see her do anything Aria doesnāt in Rainbow Rocks, so we donāt really know what Adagio is expecting of her. Or, in fact, why Adagio keeps either of them around at all. Pimping Sonata out seems to be about the one benefit she gets, but when Adagio is already doing that to herself, then having a second warm body available seems a bit pointless for the price of two extra mouths to feed. I wasnāt quite sure why they were still working in that manner even once they had the whole town under their control, or why they hadnāt moved onto grander pastures after building up their strength. It also didnāt offer much explanation of how Adagio had come from the surface, made it all the way out to sea to live in a ship and be attacked by a shark, and promptly returned to the surface (but presumably a much more run-down part of it than where she originally came from).
I wasnāt quite sure what the final picture was regarding their parentage - I got that Sonata was Neptuneās daughter, but was Aria supposed to be his too? Or was it really a unicorn nobleman of the same name, as she thought? And, if the former, why wasnāt she also slower to mature? That was an excellent idea for Sonataās childishness, by the way
I liked just how dim she was, but wouldnāt want to read her that way in every story, as I think it would be limiting elsewhere. Then there was the line about two other siren daughters of Neptune; was Adagio implied to be the third? And, again, why isnāt she slow too if thatās the case?
The ending I would perhaps describe as unfairly bleak, ending on a sad note and with the promise of more misery to come, especially as so little of it really seems something theyāre responsible for. One wonders what the characters āshouldā have done; what choices would have spared them such a fate. I was thinking, given the time skip structure, that weād see more of them in the EG world, and get a closer picture of how they got from who they were when they arrived to who they were in Rainbow Rocks.
Overall, I canāt remember the last time a story left me with this much to say. Especially one so short. I think thatās a testament to the strength of the worldbuilding here, with how solid it all felt. Iām definitely glad I read it,
9074659
It seemed a bit of a shame for you to have plopped 20 kilowords down and gotten only fairly short comments, so I thought Iād try and compensate
Also, sorry, forgot to mention this the first time around, but I loved that Star Swirl was kind of a dick here
Aria is such a joy to both write and read when sheās done well! I thought it was nice to see how her outlook and thoughts and stuff crept into the narration.
I should perhaps have clarified more there, sorry
Yes, one of the flashbacks did clarify that her ditziness is a result of her heritage and unusually slow development, not more conventional intellectual impairment. And that was a nice idea and actually, I think, added something to the story, since itās easy to see especially this Sonata being affected by Adagioās charisma.
So, to be clear, my remark there was more along the lines of āI didnāt like thisā than āthis was bad.ā Between lots of people doing stupid Sonata really badly and my favorite depictions of her being more cunning, her being infantesque and forgetful wasnāt exactly to my liking, even though it was justified and made sense and handled fairly well.
Ah, fair enough. I think anyone who writes as much as you do ends up with quite a few unfinished stories. May I ask what you had in mind for her, though? In some sense, I think she almost works better without much backstory, as when youāre looking at her from the outside youāre never quite sure what she wants or how many steps ahead sheās thinking and explaining her more peels that air of mystery back. But with all the worldbuilding stuff going on here, Iād be curious to find out how she fits into it.
Thatās very true, and I think itās exactly what brings the story down for me. Whether Iām being objective there is hard to say, but the way things were set up here, itās less like Ariaās eventual miserable fate is something she brought on herself and more something that was thrust upon her. The latter isnāt necessarily bad, I think--indeed, the idea of Ariaās life having been shaped by her getting screwed over like this could make for a wonderful way to characterize her in a story set in her future. But here, the Tragedy tag made me suspect that Ariaās bad ending would come about from her own actions, whereas it turned out to be more a case of her inaction bringing it about, which I donāt think makes for quite as satisfying an ending.
Iām intrigued! Do you have any youād recommend?
9074706
Holy moly, another long comment, so be prepared for a long reply.
This was a highlight for me, getting to write another closely bonded pair in Sonata and Aria (something I do with Tirek and Scorpan, Celestia and Luna, and others) and then getting to sever that, and highlight them a bit more. I certainly don't hate Adagio, but the lovely cheeto puff Siren leader gets so many stories of her own that I felt these two needed a spotlight.
I'm glad you felt intrigued by him! This version of him is actually in a lot of my other stories, and he's involved with the history of many other characters, so I hope you like those if you decide to check them out as well.
This, I'm told, is a bit of a talent of mine. (I consider villain shipping to be a bit up there as well.) Compared to a lot of my other works of the length, the worldbuilding here might just be a touch on on the sparse side for my writing, but it was fun and I'm glad you found it so as well. If you like a lot said in a little words, most of my writing should appeal to you, even though I can be equally verbose. My poetry tends to be the least verbose I can possibly be, if that interests you as well.
This is such a huge compliment! So, thank you! Making characters that live in a world as rich as they are is something I strive to do, and if you enjoy this world, it's one I write in frequently. Very frequently.
Ah, it kinda stayed in implications, partly because Aria POV? Hmm. Because her father is a god, Sonata is a demigod. Obviously her lack of maturity is something that decreases any real awareness of this, but as she matures, she would have the chance to be more powerful than Adagio and Aria, but obviously she would not be able to use that power as well on her own. Adagio essentially being Sonata's twisted example of a carer means that she controls Sonata's power, even in her present state where she's dim, because Sonata won't know what she's doing. Since Sonata is a huge wellspring, she's basically worth any price to Adagio because why on earth would anyone throw away a demigod?
They are more powerful together. The three of them together can keep greater numbers of ponies under their control. Adagio has the luxury of being able to live better (at least in what conditions and restrictions were like at the time) by not having to do all the survival work herself. Sonata has power and Aria is an extra set of hooves and force, all Adagio has to do is teach them to sing well and properly use some of their power, because other than singing, being the face of the trio, and leading, she really doesn't have to do much. She does, however, recognize Sonata as powerful, even if she would not know that it's because of her parentage.
1) It is certainly a benefit to her because it garners (a limited amount of) money, favor, and information. Though, the implication with Adagio herself is that she enjoys what she does, 2) while exploiting Sonata is what's for profit. The accidental curse on the sirens via Adagio's song in the mountains means that they know eternal hunger (why the feed on negative energy so much instead of just magical songs and voices) but that nothing they eat (other than the energy) will every really satisfy them. Thus, they technically do not need to eat.
Again, the slight implication (as much that can be gathered through Aria's POV, of course) that Adagio enjoys her manner of work, and that Adagio is still an imperfect planner. If they had been planning to gradually assume more control, things like constant war, societal divisions, and bad weather/lack of resources needed for such travel hindered them at that point. For their conditions, what they had was the best they could afford, and that was something that really speaks of the poverty of the Tribal Era ponies.
Adagio would have come from what wouldn't be much more than a family seaside cottage of so on the surface, so she was raised with greater knowledge and awareness of ponies, but also was from much farther south. She did indeed swim/run off when she was young, found a boat, and get attacked by a shark, but that's when her story with the others obviously starts. Aria, being the mentally competent one, choosing not to interrogate her more thoroughly about where she's from is a bad choice.
They're also children.First, thank you for the compliments with this! I love mysteries in my stories, and this was a fun one to do for this particular story. Sonata is indeed Neptune's daughter, and Aria is seeking out Neptune because she thinks that he is a pony named after the god, and not the god himself, and because he will take care of Sonata, in Aria's mind. Aria and Sonata are not siblings but cousins, because yes, that would make Aria slow too, and the story would not have happened. Aria's father is given in the story as a unicorn, while Sonata's is an Alicorn. Adagio has no relation as all to the other two, and is like Aria in parentage - a unicorn father and a seapony mother - but they do not share any parents or family. The other siren foals are back in the undersea kingdom, and just bastards from other lovers, as the midwife said.
While I do write hopeful and optimistic, and sometimes even downright fluffy stories, that's exactly what I was going for with this one, and where plenty of the tragedy stems from. Nothing I write with that tag will have really any hope, as is expected, though there are two that do, but only if you have context of Sombra from my other stories that lends the context of his better fate in different stories that can offer different contexts to what are otherwise standalone works.
There originally were some sequels planned, but things happened and they never came to be. They did deal with Aria/Adagio conflict, a more matured Sonata (she'd have the maturity of a 10-12 year old, most likely), and Aria's realization at what 'Neptune' really meant in a post-Rainbow Rocks setting (likely AU by canon now) and struggling to try and get Sonata of the three of them home, while Adagio would refuse to relinquish her at every chance she had, etc.
Thank you, and I hope you check out some of my other stories too.
9074777
Aww, this is very sweet. I usually don't get this kind of treatment, so I was so happy to get nice comments today.
If you think he's 'kind of' a dick, then maybe my other stories with him will be next on your list? You did ask for suggestions!
Thank you! Any character I write in first person has that happen to them in spades, and it's always great when readers can laugh and cry and be awed along with them.
I don't mind if my ideas aren't someone's cup of tea, since I'm quite used to it by now.
It's been a few years, but I PM'd you what I recall.
Sorry again it if's not your cup of tea. The things Aria does to bring about her fate are indeed more indirect, when she has a hand in it, so I can understand why you might have had different expectations.
Of course! There's a list of great starting places to my work on my front page, of which I'd highly suggest 'Crystalline: Her Destiny' and 'Autophobia'. 'All That Lingers' could be for you as well, but it's not on that particular box. My stories with Sombra are by far my best and my most beloved, but you might enjoy ones like 'Right/Wrong' and its series of sad/hopeful pieces, 'On Deaf Ears', 'Mercy, Celestia', and this ol' thing with a heart in the title.