• Published 21st Jun 2016
  • 2,871 Views, 26 Comments

With Tears in Her Eyes - Peekaboo



Celestia tells the truth about Nightmare Moon.

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She Goes Where She Feels Most At Home

“Celestia?” a timid voice broke the silence.

“Yes, Twilight?” the noble swan replied, looking up from her reading. Her previous student and now fellow Princess had set down her books and stared concernedly at her.

“You never answered my question.” Twilight said evenly, but not without tenderness. Celestia sighed, and lowered her papers.

“She goes to where she feels most at home, I presume.” The Princess stated, and rose to her feet. Celestia's hooves padded on the soft carpet as she walked from the plush reading area over to the table of treats that had been delivered for the study session. She set out a pair of teacups onto the fine lace tablecloth and began pouring herself some hot tea. She sat upon her favorite pillow chair and motioned for Twilight to follow.

“And… is that not here in Canterlot? With you?” the younger alicorn chanced the question as she got up, carefully checking the expressions on Celestia’s face. She did not want to upset her elder. Moving quickly, she joined her mentor at the table, Celestia pouring Twilight her own cup of tea.

“No. I suppose it isn’t.” Celestia frowned, the sadness in her voice was very apparent.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you.” Twilight assured. “I just never notice her here unless something big is happening. Before, I had always sort of assumed that she was here with you.”

“My dear Twilight, you never have to worry about asking me questions.” A thin smile cracked Celestia’s face. “You see, my sister and I have not had the same relationship we did before her imprisonment. She... has chosen to make her home elsewhere.”

“Oh no! Are you two fighting?” horror struck the heart of young Twilight.

“Certainly not. We get along well enough, but... it would seem that some wounds never really heal, I’m afraid.” The sun Princess poked at her teacup, before adding a few lumps of sugar and stirring.

“Wounds?” Twilight’s expression shifted from shock to concern.

“Twilight, I think it’s time I told you this story.” Celestia said with a sigh, her face falling from it's usual grace. She levitated a book over from a dusty shelf in the corner. “You might recognize this book?” she asked. Twilight peered over the cover.

“But of course. How could I forget? This is the book I first discovered the story of Nightmare Moon in, the day you sent me to Ponyville.” Twilight smiled softly down at the old, tattered book.

“Indeed it is. And you remember, you told me that when Zecora allowed you to drink from the potion whilst Luna and I were captured, you saw poor Luna’s banishment?” Celestia began flipping through the tender pages. Twilight nodded that it was the truth. “Well, the potion did allow you to see a piece of the past… but such things are distorted with time, and fragments and details are always lost along the way. Potions of that nature simply aren’t magically strong enough to recreate every detail exactly as they were, no matter how talented the brewer.” Finding the page she was searching for, Celestia pushed the book back over to Twilight, who looked upon the page before her.

“This is where it talks about you, and how ponies loved the sun.” Twilight commented, gently touching the little ponies at play on the page.

“Indeed. But there is more to this part than the story says... In those days, we were more than Princesses to the ponies of Equestria. We were relished like Goddesses, as though we had the power to do absolutely anything.” Celestia explained. “Or at least, that is how they loved me." Celestia's eyes rested upon the book, hazy with the burden of unspoken thoughts.

"Every day, I was in the limelight. And during that time I was not a kind pony, least of all to my sister… One could say that I had become drunk on the sudden power at my disposal. One word from me and the crowds cheered. To them, I was beloved, and endearing, and all-powerful.” As Twilight watched, mouth slightly agape, Celestia stared vacantly into her tea.

“Twilight… I was a monster.” With tears welling in her eyes, Celestia shuddered and continued. “I was so caught up in my own glory; I truly believed that there was nothing else that could compare to the perfection I was perceived to be. At least, I did until Luna began to come of age." The elder Alicorn shifted uncomfortably in her seat, avoiding eye contact with the younger Princess.

"Luna was growing into a young mare at that time. She was smart, talented, and beautiful. Colts began to notice her, the ponies loved her company, and I could see their hearts melt in her presence... So many years later, I am finally able to admit that I'd been jealous. I had become a selfish pony and I did not wish for her to join me in the light. I feared for her to become more beloved than myself.” Finally daring a glance over to Twilight, Celestia was met with curious, but sad eyes. Quickly flicking her gaze away again, Celestia continued.

“In an attempt to hide that growing bitterness, I began to tell her lies. I told her such awful things, Twilight... I said that ponies were speaking ill of her. That they believed her too dark and strange, that her night was frightening to them." Celestia scowled at the resurfacing memories. "I told her that they believed her to be unappealing, that their politeness stayed their tongues in person. Through false concern I suggested that perhaps it would be best if she were to reduce her presence, to hide herself away from them." Celestia sneered, as though the words were bitter on her tongue.

"But Celestia, if the ponies of Equestria had taken to her as you say, how could she believe all those things?" Twilight furrowed her brow, trying to understand. She'd poked at her own tea without much interest in this time, and had already accepted that it'd grow cold. Celestia stiffened in discomfort, but attempted to relax herself and spoke.

"Because, as if lying to my sister were not awful enough, I also told the citizens lies. I lied daily to cover up the lies I so often fed my sister... I claimed that monsters crept across Equestria when the sun went down, that it was dangerous to be out when the moon came up. I insisted, whenever my sister was not present, that night was the best time to locks their doors and to rest. In my blind greed for affection, I instigated everypony’s distaste of the night; I encouraged their trepidation, and ignored it as it advanced into fear and disgust.” She scrunched her nose, and glared at her reflection in her cup. With hesitation, Twilight motioned to speak, before being swiftly cut off.

“But what was worse, Twilight, is that all the while, I pretended to be on Luna's side. Every time she begged for an event to show the ponies the truth of her night, I found an excuse to not. I found an excuse to turn her down every time she looked up. I stood by her side so that she believed that I truly mourned with her, and that it broke my heart every time she cried. But on the inside, I smiled... Oh to the heavens! Somehow, I smiled..." Lip shaking slightly, Celestia's eyes shut tightly, forcing tears to stay put. "How could I have smiled?" She muttered, putting her head in her hooves. Pupils narrowed, Twilight was at a loss of words, never before seeing her mentor in such a state.

"Of all things, I was joyous of her downfall." Celestia spoke through her hooves. "The more they turned away from Luna, the more they turned towards me... Even she turned towards me, not knowing that the only family she had was manipulating her livelihood, and orchestrating her pain.” Celestia dared another glance over to her companion. Twilight's face was very stern, and calculating. Yet she said nothing. Celestia felt the silence crushing down on her.

"She was so hurt, and I was so oblivious to it... or at least, perhaps, I made a point to pretend that I was. Yet even then, all those years ago, I fear... no, I know that deep down I knew that what I was doing was monstrous. In some way, I feel as if I had truly convinced myself that my actions were somehow for the best. As though my lies had become so many and so twisted amongst themselves that I'd forgotten what was really true." Twilight's expression remained hard, but took on a tone of sadness.

“Celestia. I won’t lie to you, what you did to her was awful.” The purple mare frowned, “But I know who you are, I've known you all my life. And I truly do believe that you’re sorry for it, that you have been for a very long time. With youth often comes foolishness and dare I say, arrogance. But who you were then clearly isn't who you are now.” Twilight smiled sweetly and laid a gentle hoof on Celestia's foreleg. “Please, I want you to tell me the rest of this story. While it is so heartbreaking, none of this really explains to me exactly why that if you’re forgiven, Luna doesn’t live here with you.”

“How can it not, Twilight?” Celestia groaned miserably, her ears laid back in shame. “Luna has never told me where she goes, and she’s never told me why she opts to be elsewhere, but it can only be because of the monster I was to her then. Surely she's figured out that it was all because of me by now..." the elder princess sputtered.

"I’ll never forget her face the day she found out the full truth of how the ponies of Equestria had begun to think of her." fighting tears, the sun princess shook. "I have never seen that kind of hurt. Not before then, or ever since.” Celestia's voice fell to a softness bordering on inaudibility. Tears now openly streamed down her face.

“It was the day she was confronted in the street of the city that surrounded our old castle. It was the first time in a week that she, a mere teen, had even left her bedchamber. The first time in a week, and she was attacked." Wiping her tears back, Celestia struggled to continue. "They called her names, some actually hit her and shoved her, and things were thrown at her. I could hear as she was told to leave Equestria, and to take all away all the evil and monsters within her realm. She was so clearly hurt and humiliated." Celestia scrunched her face in shame and softly shook her head.

“It was at that time I landed from flight and put a halt to the senselessness. I demanded they stop and to return to their homes, which by my command, they did. In that brief moment I felt proud of myself, as though I had done Luna some huge favor. As if this one good deed secretly made up for all the problems I'd caused her; until she turned to me… she turned, and gave that empty, awful look." Celestia forced herself to raise her head and eyes to her student again. Twilight was definitely processing what she'd heard, her eyes were almost fogged over with thought.

"She didn’t even resemble my sister in the slightest. It was like looking into the eyes of a pony whose spirit had completely left their body." Celestia prodding gently, hoping almost desperately that Twilight was too distracted too hear much more. "I tried so hard to comfort her in some way, to bring back my sweet, loving sister. But something had changed in her that day. She wouldn’t even speak to me... Over time this angered me, but I failed to give up my pride." she tried further. To her dismay, Twilight's eyes brightened and she nodded, her attention fully back to her mentor's words.

"I instead took Luna's silence as a personal offense, and for one whole year after that point, we lived in the same castle and never spoke unless it led to an argument." With another sigh, Celestia's face hardened and she shut her eyes. "Luna would plead with me to allow some love for the moon, for her night and all her hard work, but I never once did budge. And so it was that, however angrily, the sun continued to rise and set, as did the moon... Until that one fateful day.” Finally giving up on her tea, Celestia pushed it aside.

“It was the morning of the Summer Sun Celebration. The longest day of the year. Normally, Luna joined me at the festival to lower the moon as I raised the sun. But that year, she was not there beside me. Wherever she was, she lowered the moon in time, but I still have no idea where she went that morning." Her brows furrowed, Celestia thought hard for a moment, contemplating the 1000 year old incident.

"I went to find her after the sun was up and I could break away from the throng, but found no trace of her for a long while. When we did meet later that morning, we only fought... I was angry that she didn't show up, that she'd just disappeared. I feared how it made us... how it made me look." Celestia briefly explained Luna's answers, and that Luna had refused to support what she didn't believe in.

"When I couldn't understand why she wouldn't come, she stomped away. I searched for her again later, with no luck until I entered the throne room.” Celestia laid her ears flat and sighed heavily. “You know much of the rest from there, but in truth we spoke for a few moments before our fight truly started."

"As you know, from the place behind her throne, she hid from me." Celestia said solemnly. "When she finally answered my calls, she did not speak lightly, nor did she beg. This time, she said that if I didn't allow her the honor she deserved, then she'd take it from me. I… I refused, and became angrier.” Celestia appeared anything less than regal and proper. Her eyes were puffy and red, her nose ran, and she struggled to speak clearly. Twilight pitied her and did her best to show Celestia some warmth and comfort.

“I told her that the ponies of Equestria could not survive without my sun, and that to lessen its importance would be an insult. I told her that for the ‘good of Equestria’ the moon needed to be second, and that I couldn't abide her selfishness any longer… Clearly, that was where the line was drawn. I had gone too far, and spent the next 1000 years thinking about myself because of it. That was my punishment for what happened between she and I, and for the ponies it ruined." Twilight cocked her head to one side, questioning that least sentence.

"You know we battled, but the battle between Luna and I was much, much longer and much bloodier than I believe you saw. It raged for too long, and far too many ponies suffered its effects because I was too proud to give her what she desired… and what she deserved. If I am honest, were it not for the Elements of Harmony, she probably would have won. I had no idea the strength within her until then.” The silence in the room was heavy as Celestia paused briefly.

“When I used the Elements of Harmony against her, it was the final thread that broke the bond we'd shared with them… and each other. I had gone corrupt from the elements I had represented. Were it not for her own magical abilities and her own connection to the elements, I likely would have succeeded in locking her away completely." grimacing at the prospect, Celestia shook with everything she was sharing for the first time.

"But it was her connection to them that lessened the severity of her sentence, and which allowed her eventual escape. When the deed was done, and Luna gone, the elements locked themselves away from me. Clearly they knew my heart better than myself." still tearful and ashamed, Celestia played with the pink hairs of her mane to distract herself. Twilight sat in silence, thinking hard about the elements and her own connection to them.

"I’d never felt as empty as I did that day, Twilight. The elements had opened my eyes to what I'd become, and made me so painfully aware of what I'd just lost... I was hailed as a hero back then, but to this very day I despise the very concept. I was no hero then, nor am I now... I was a maker of villains... and hardened hearts..." Celestia lowered her head mournfully.

"With the help of many unicorns I managed to lower the moon, again bringing on the first day of summer. Then, and for 1000 years after, I could feel my sister’s seething eyes locked heavily upon me from her moon. It was years before I no longer needed help in moving it, and every time I saw it's glowing rage, it was a reminder of the truth." Celestia's eyes wandered to the paintings and tapestries that filled the walls of the room.

"I filled the castle with more reminders of that fateful day. Ponies took it as a means of celebration of a victory, as recorded history, but it was in actuality a reminder to never become that pony again. To remind me who really deserved to be ruling Equestria, and who deserved to be locked away.” Celestia held her head in her hooves, the shame evident in every ounce of her being. Twilight rested her hoof on Celestia’s shoulder.

“Celestia, have you ever talked to Luna about this since her return?” Twilight asked. “It seems to me that there are plenty of things you should probably clear up and talk to her about.”

“No, I have not.” Celestia admitted. “I had hoped she’d come to me when she was ready, but she never has... I am afraid of what she may say or do when she finds out that it truly was I who caused her unraveling all those years ago.” The solar princess looked nothing less than exhausted.

“Then I promise you that I will be a mediator should I need to. Luna occasionally comes to tea in Ponyville, and I’m sure she’d be more than willing to come to chat with the both of us if I asked.” Twilight suggested excitedly, and Celestia could sense that she was already laying out every detail of a plan.

“Twilight, I’m afraid I must decline. I don’t think Luna would approve of it, or agree to it.” Celestia sighed. “And, as it were, I’m feeling a little tired from all this. If you don’t mind, I think I could use some time alone for now. Please.” Celestia's eyes betrayed her attempt to sound less pleading.

“I understand Princess.” Twilight stood and bowed slightly. “If you need me, I’m just a letter away. I know I sent my friends back to Ponyville for the night, but I think Spike and I’ll be staying in my old room here in Canterlot tonight. If you feel like talking again later, feel free.” With a faint smile, and a quick hug, Twilight walked somewhat sullenly to the door.

“Oh! And Celestia?” she turned to face her mentor.

“Yes, Twilight?” the elder Princess raised a brow.

“I don’t hold what happened against you. I think it’s something perhaps anypony may have struggled with in a way, given the circumstances. And Luna is a smart mare, she is very kind, and slow to surprise it would seem. If you just talked with her I just know she’d be happier that you finally admitted your wrongs than anything.” Her ears laid back, Twilight smiled and turned again to leave.

"Someday, I hope so." Celestia replied, rising to her feet. Walking to the far end of the room, she opened the doors to the balcony and stepped out of the library. Looking out to the dusk, she grasped the sun, and lowered. Somewhere out in the world, the moon too was grasped, and rose. The pale light enveloped the balcony and as stars sparkled brightly above, the sun princess sighed dreamily. "How I hope so."

Author's Note:

Another quick, unedited, one-shot in celebration of the first day of summer!

FYI!! THIS IS NOT DESIGNED TO BE A BASHFIC ON CELESTIA! I WROTE THIS ABOUT FROM THE PERSPECTIVE ON HOW SHE MIGHT FEEL ABOUT HERSELF!

I always liked to imagine that Celestia had kind of a mean streak in her youth, and a lot of frustrations that ended up hard on Luna. She's a much kinder and gentle pony since then of course, and so full of regret. Too bad I'm not very good at portraying that. :/
Anyway, enjoy it for what it is, or don't I guess.

Comments ( 26 )

Hmm. Into my read later you go. Looks interesting but the description is making me not want to read it.

Twilight asks Celestia why Princess Luna is rarely seen at the castle, and where she goes.
For the first time, Celestia tells the truth on the matter.

Tidbits:

1. Space the lines out.
2. Add some more to the first sentence. When does this story take place? At night [from your coverart I have to assume that]? Why is Twilight asking this?
3. Remove the "and where she goes". Unnecessary.

So yeah, give me some context. Don't be afraid to give us more in the description. Otherwise this looks like a generic sadfic with nothing to gain (I don't know that but with the current description, it looks like it).

Princess Douchelestia, subset of Tyrantlestia. Rare sight, that.

7324295
I don't personally think I would want too much more in the description, as I myself don't like the wordy kind that gives away too many story details. I find stories less entertaining to read if I already know most of what happens. I'd rather let the story speak for itself in that matter.

But, I'll what I can do that is more appealing to the reader, I may add a little bit more than I just did. Make some more suggestions if you like (though it may help if you read it), I guess I'm not very good at story descriptions. I also removed the thing you recommended, I liked it well enough as I thought it was a relevant tidbit, but I guess I understand that it could be seen as unnecessary to those who haven't read it yet.

7324347

Actually, the fix that you just made is much better than what you had. It supplies a bit more context and setting than the last one. I just thought of this after I commented on your story, but you could even add what time this story takes place (what event in canon can this story connect to? Season 1? Season 6?). It's just the minor details that bring out the story, not the actual purpose itself.

Oh and:

But, I'll what I can do that is more appealing to the reader, I may add a little bit more than I just did.

A reader's comment is merely advice, not a demand. Although my comment might be received well by you or by others, many other people could disagree. But yeah, the reason why I said to space it is because double-spacing your lines makes it easier on the eyes for late night readers. Not to mention that it looks cleaner than single-spaced.

I also said the bit was unnecessary because it appeared redundant to mention it when you already said Twilight was asking where Luna was (just in a different way).

I'll give this one a whirl when I'm not rushing to finish a paper. :D

7324328
Aww, I don't think Celestia is so bad really. I just think that maybe in her youth she was a lot more deviate and rotten because she was essentially infected by the same attitude problem many celebrities get when they come to fame. It just never ends well for family.

7324369
I had actually considered that, but it felt weird to basically add a line in that summed up its happening sometime after Twilight's ascension, but before the tantabus ordeal. Or at least I wasn't sure how best to portray that.

I guess I tend to take constructive comments fairly seriously. Maybe overly so, lol. I'm always trying to improve the way I write and portray my work, and am almost always starving for feedback on what people liked/disliked or what I could do better or what was just right.

It's not a super long read, so I'd be thrilled if you read it when you get the chance. Even if you end up hating it, I'd love to hear that and why. Good luck on your paper, by the way! And thanks for the feedback you've already given! :twilightsmile:

7324389
I'm glad you look at constructive comments as you do! Detail is great to pay attention to. Just don't overdo it. There's a fine line between quality and overly-exerting one's writing hand to create a cesspool of words.

Oh and since you answered politely, I'll give you a very in-depth analysis when I get the chance. I don't do it often, but when an author shares kindness and a bit of sass, I deliver a nice care package to help them out with his or her's writing. Heck, if the author's stories are good, I tend to shout them out. It's a rarity though, so we'll see if you make the cut.

Now where did I put that mitochondrion...

Read it and I'm a bit on the fence on this one. I want to like it, but there's not really enough there for me to grasp onto. I'll go in-depth on this when I give you this analysis. Too tired to write one up now.

7324438
Bummer that it didn't grab out to you, but even I can admit that it wasn't exactly written as a thrill ride or anything. I looked at it with fresh eyes this morning as well, and I too honestly felt it fall flat. Because even though she's crying and stuff, I didn't feel anything for her. But I wasn't really expecting much to begin with, and I'm surprised to find that it's already had more views that I thought it would have in a year. :pinkiegasp:

And so as for its sad rating? I'm still not so sure it fits, but I don't know what would fit better. I think it was more like watching someone fall apart a little bit from their usual poise, before collecting themsself again before things really got deep enough to make the reader truly feel for her. She glazed over the surface of what happened without enough detail on the things she spoke of, kind of like someone who still has secrets to hide. But I'm not really the best at portraying a deceptive personality like that.

I was hoping to write it in a way where at least briefly, she spoke honestly about she might have felt about herself, rather than how the reader, or Twilight, felt on the situation. So I hope it didn't come off as just another Celestia Bashfic, because I didn't want to portray the usual, unapologetic tyrantlestia that so many people seem to eat up, but rather the over-calculated adult that grows up from the kid who made a really big, awful mistake.

These of course are ideas I hadn't really toyed with before in writing, it was actually an unedited one shot story that I'd uploaded because I figured why not? I'd actually put enough effort in to write it. It's the first story I've written that actually focuses on canon characters too, so I'm curious to hear if I was capable of capturing their mannerisms if nothing else.

7324372 Exactly. A douchebag. If she wants her Lulu back, she has some apologizing to do.

7324372 And now...I need to know what comes next. Something like that has been sitting inside Celestia AND Luna for at least a year going by the cannon Time line, and that's not even going into how much further she'd LET this sit. To me, this one-shot needs a sequel to resolve things with Luna, for better or worse. Frankly, the way Luna returned and the words Celestia said to her, taken into context of this...I think Luna NEEDS this...more so if we take into account the Tantibus. If that's happened already, or if not then it WOULD be the catalyst to finally bring that conversation forward...for Luna's own mental health it would be absolutely necessary. I implore you to consider it, and if you need help or someone to bounce ideas off of, send me a PM, I'm up for it.

I just feel, after reading this, it is something that should be done. But I leave it up to you.

Good work, and I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Hmm. Personally I think this story would have been more effective if Celestia hadn't been so blatant a tyrant and Luna so helpless a victim. It reached a point of feeling like a bashfic, whereas lessening the severity of Celestia's transgressions or removing at least some of the malice involved would have engaged me more.

7326494
Yeah, I reread it this morning and had the same thoughts honestly.
I had wanted to write it in a way where it all was explained in a manner more befitting of how Celestia may have felt about herself rather than how we, Twilight, or possibly even Luna felt about her and what happened. But I've never written a character in that way before, least of all while attempting to keep it grounded in the thoughts that others may not agree with her, so this story certainly didn't quite hit the mark I was hoping it would. Not nearly. It was hard for me to try and hit the marks that would make the reader feel for both Luna and Celestia without just going into what felt like a bashfic, which was and is the opposite of my intentions.

7326415
I had seriously put thought into making a sequel part to this featuring that idea when I first wrote this story, but I'm honestly not so certain that I will, at least not as an add-on or chapter to this story exactly. I kind of like the idea of letting the reader find that answer for themselves, but maybe it's something I'll end up doing sometime in the future.

I am actually also working on a story that will go into Luna's feelings and perspectives since her return if you think you may be interested in that, but that won't likely be done for some time yet. I could put a little more effort into working on it, but no guarantees there as I tend to only feel like writing when the inspiration for the story is really flowing for me, lol.

7326626

Eh, at least you're working on it. For Luna, that would be something I'd be eager to read, about her take on all this. Moreover, however, if the thought to make a new one-shot fic about Celestia finally going to Luna about this topic happens...well I'd be very happy. Regardless, this was a great fic, I say again, and I thank you for the hard work and wish you well on future projects.

You know... it's interesting this perspective... maybe Celestia is still going through her crucible and is still going through a penance she has set herself since Luna's banishment and return (something similar to the Tantabus of Luna... wonder if Celestia knows of that in this story).

7327561
Precisely. You are 100% correct on that assumption. But I'll tell you that this story takes place after Twilight's ascendance and defeat of Tirek, but just before the Tantabus incident. So when the Tantabus makes its appearance, and Celestia hears of it, I assume she understands the reasonings behind it better than Luna may initially believe.

I'd just like to point out that the way Celestia acted in the story is far beyond "a kind of a mean streak."
The story gave me something to think about, so I consider it a success.

Wow... I'm amazed. I wasn't expecting too much but I was proven wrong yet again. Now I MUST read the sequels immediately!

I'm guessing these were the one shots ur were talking about and i don't see it as a bash on Celestia I think it gives her the depth she needs and shes apologitic about it. If she wasn't sorry then it'd be awful thing but I think u did a great job potraying her. As one of my favorite songs go "how can I be old and wise if I'm never young and wild" well idk if those are the exact words but ya get the jist. But it is a good story and ya it is in need of editing lolz but still a good story

This story brought a tear to my eye...........good job

7872174
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

Seems we have the same headcanon :trollestia:

While I enjoyed this story quite a bit, I'm going to have to agree to a lot of what was pointed out by others. The change in perspective was interesting, and to be honest, I've never once had such an idea as this. I've always pinned the blame on both of them; Luna being the lesser, jealous sister, and Celestia simply being busy and never paying her heed.

The way this played out did feel a lot like a bash fic, which isn't good when its not meant to be. What would have helped is if Twilight had a little more time to speak.

However, the writing itself was very enjoyable. You did a good job of telling a story through a character telling a story. I felt myself imagining her speaking, yet I too could imagine what she spoke of. On a technical level, this was well done, but there were quite a few places that felt... rough around the edges?

I'm pleased I actually sat down and read this little fic. I'm going to read its sequel.

Such an incredibly amazing story! I just loved it. Great work!!! 🎉

Hey there! I did a reading of your story! I hope you enjoy it!

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