This story is a sequel to Sweet and Delicate
A rewrite of my story because I felt like I could make it better.
Being rewritten AGAIN :D https://www.fimfiction.net/story/456161/loveliest-of-trees
Reading Sweet & Delicate is recommended but not required.
Now that she's in possession of a working portal, Princess Celestia asks Twilight to go back to Sunset Shimmer's world to check up on her.
As Twilight and Fluttershy walk through the halls one day, the two witness a new student being bullied by two jocks; beaten and humiliated in front of everyone to the point of tears.
Naturally, the two offer help, but when they do, Twilight comes to realize that this new student is Coppermane's, her newest friend's, human counterpart, and he and Fluttershy become quite smitten with each other.
Coppermane & Fluttershy Series: 2.0
Cover art by SoulAkai41
I'ṃ ṡȏяяʏ... I'ṃ ṡȏ, ṡȏ ṡȏяяʏ...
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The rewrite is great! Keep up the good work!
I enjoy your effort in trying to make it better. It is always good to back track, plus it gives me a new reason to reread it again. It seems better, as in your detail and plot progression, as well as having those 'love at first sight' ideal that people love (me included). And that it expresses the pace of the story early on.
This is a good chapter, it helps show that Coppermane and Fluttershy share very similar mindsets and a common desire for romantic companionship, as well as there ideas of what a relationship would have. It hammers the fact that they are very compatible and would compliment each other very well.
I can tell that dislikes for the story are from people who either don't like the pace or are die hard fluttershy shippers that disliked the story for her involvement. Don't let them discourage you, they need to realize that every story is different, and that you please everyone, I look forward to seeing more soon!
Thus the formation of their current relationship.
Btw, the dates don't match up, in the beginning, Coppermane thinks he needs to make a better impression than yesterday but his first impression was on Friday, and this thought is thunk on a Monday.
I can see where the intent is, but this is the somewhat awkward part, as given their shy natures, and lack of experience, their relationship is going to be a touch and go for a while. Which at times can be tedious to read. But it is still good.
When she kissed him on the cheek, I imagined the sound a computer makes when it stops responding.
Why do people say that though, 'im never washing (insert body part here) again.' If you do that than it'll never happen again!! I don't think she'll kiss an unwashed cheek! XD
7146819 Thanks for catching that. It's fixed now
:D the daws' are too much. I heard a similar story about some one about to commit suicide, but I don't remember where or from whom.
I gotta say while I enjoyed the original version, this one is even better. Much improvement must be but overall everything is perfect. I can't wait to see more.
7146946 I think there's a few HiE fics like that.
7157089 No, when I say story, I mean like, real life. A boy emptying his locker completely was gonna kill himself, a different student helped him when a bully attacked him, and he changed his mind. It was on the news once.
7157256 That news story was my inspiration for that
That's a good note to end the chapter. :D
Moar characterz developemtz plz!
7161487 can you be more specific?
Stories like this are always a bit hard to read, knowing that situations like this actually exist. I myself have always been a perpetual "loser" and bullied throughout school for being so different (I found out last year I have Asperger's, information I really would have appreciated back in my school days, even though Asperger's was only named and described six years after I graduated high school). All I can say is that I wish some beautiful girl somewhere along the way had loved me. Now I'm about to turn 59 and crippled with arthritis to the point my mobility is very limited, and I've never had a sweetheart. Copper is lucky in that aspect.
But there's one thing that keeps this story from being confused with an actual situation at least in all details: Coppermane apparently has no parents. Who provides for him? How does he keep himself supplied with food and necessities? How does he pay the rent? But then, no one in the EqG universe seems to have parents!
7161847 I know that the story is based around fluttershy and Coppermane, which is fine, but it is already 41k words in, and we don't know alot about the other girls, or, other than that they are dating, the relationship between flash and twilight. I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a chapter and look into the situations of the other girls.
7162863 I see. I will definitely consider those things when I rewrite future chapters. But for now, I'm busy writing integrals and inductive proofs for college, and I want to die. The next chapter might be a little while. I barely managed to squeeze the most recent chapter out
Was there enough character development in the first version of the story, or do you think it could've had more there as well?
7162909 well, near the end, when Coppermane had talked with sunset about her bullying issues was good, and the flash and twilight relationship updates were okay, but I feel there wasn't lot of it.
I would like to see maybe a POV shift every now and than, and see the girls' opinions about Coppermane and his situation, as well as the future conflicts I know are inevitable. You know, like a view of someone looking from the outside in. We are always in the point of view of someone in the middle of the conflict, but we never get to see how the others feel about said situations.
7163097 gotcha. Alright. I think I may have an idea then. I'll definitely keep that in mind, because you're absolutely right. I should include things like that. Thank you.
7163104 not a problem.
I now consider Neon Lights a sex offender. Therefore, he needs to do the sex offender shuffle.
...Great chapter...
Very good chapter.
Exploiting one of the main characters internal conflicts in such a way that it does a good job establishing them, but not to cause any major problems at the moment. Giving us a little forewarning of possible future conflicts and a more in depth look to Coppermane's character/thought process. If you would get a semi similar chapter in which we did something like that for fluttershy, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea.
7179577 glad you liked it.
I'll have to ponder how to do that with Fluttershy some other time. Right now I've got a calc3 and computing structures final to study for. Thanks for your feedback and suggestions!
So far, this is the only difference to the original I've found, and I'm perfectly okay with it
-Dark
And another change from the original. That being that in the original, Flash and Copper were playing a zombie shooting game, when in this they're playing skeeball. Also, I may just be forgetting, I don't think Copper gave Fluttershy a stuffed unicorn in the original. Not complaining, just wanting to identify the differences between this and the original. Still good.
-Dark
7198500 I felt like it was almost sinful for Coppermane to not give Fluttershy any stuffed animals. I also thought it would be cute
7198531 Good call
-Dark
Well....I think I found another change. Didn't see that coming....
-Dark
I have a question
7213854 yes?
7213870 Why are you deleting the chapters of the original?
Uh-oh...
Isn't next chapter the re-write evuivalent of the original's ch. 12?
Very sweet story, with the developing romance between Copper and Fluttershy. Keep it up, man.
I dunno about everyone else reading, but when the dance happened, this song came to me.
I like how Fluttershy's timid and modest nature keeps her from fully accepting Coppermane's compliments at first. I think it fits her character very well.
7220626 Indeed she does
Can I just say, I can't wait for Hoops and Score to get their really bad karma. I've seen the original version of the chapter in the original story, and it was soooo satisfying to see them finally get what they deserve.
O SHIT
And once again, things just got bad to worse. But then again Hoops and Scores are gonna face the consequences once their caught. Like they always said, karma does strikes back.
Woah. Didn't expect another update today! Bravo (update speed AND chapter)!
There's only one thing that bugged me about this chapter since the original. Why would Twilight, of all of them, believe that Coppermane will ever even think about that? I mean, she lives with the Equestrian version of him, and she already learned that both versions of everyone/pony is practically identical. Just saying, that's bad move, what she did. I could understand the others, but Twilight? She should know better
Wow, wasn't expecting such a speedy update! Anyways, good chapter heartbreaking as it was to read.
Well, I'm not entirely sure what's changed here but I don't care one jot if anything did. Hoops and Score got what was coming to them and that's all that matters.
*climbs onto the stage*
*takes the hundred dollars*
*a b s c o n d*
Not bad. Of the changes, I was only able to notice that in this version, Trixie had a few more lines, and the girls actually told Hoops and Score that only they got the pics. Are there any more changes in this chapter?
7246688 Read my earlier comment to find out a few
I've said this before and I'll say it again. Best Chapter EVER
Excellent chapter! ...Sorry, that's all I got right now.