• Member Since 9th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

PixiePony


She/They. Avid fanfic reader. Write stories more often then I publish them :twilightsheepish: Sunlight * Flutterdash * Rarijack :heart: I do pony reacts on YT! Falling-Pixie Creations

Sequels1

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Frightened was an understatement. Fluttershy, one of the kindest and sweetest girls, was being stocked to the point of feeling terrorized. She now has acquired the help from her most loyal friend. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, childhood best friends, learn to love each other in a new and confusing way.

Complementary Story: The One Where Everyone Finds Out

Teen Rating for Rainbow's use of foul language :rainbowwild:
"Fake girlfriend" trope; EG Universe Story only; The others girls show up briefly;

Beta Reader will be done by my gf in the near future. I was just too excited to get this out! This story has been 3 years in the making. Please critique and enjoy!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 40 )

I like this so far! It's well written and it's nice to see a EG FlutterDash story. There wasn't a lot of them on this site.

I'll definitely track this! :pinkiesmile:

Just to let you know, if you're making more chapters of this story, you might want to change your story to "incomplete" instead of "complete".

Looking forward to the next chapter! :twilightsmile:

10107920
Thanks so much! I agree, there aren't a lot and I really fell in love with the EG universe.
And thanks for the advice. I wasn't sure what to label it as because the story is already done for me, i'm just uploading a week at a time. I'll change it though.

Woot, been looking forward to this:yay:

Continue the story please it's very good, seriously i loved it.

Shadow Chaser probably has a anime girl cutouts in his room.

This story is interesting. I have to ask though, why did you include the tags for pony Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy if they're not going to be in the story?

10107920
10107985

EG Flutterdash stories are more of a rarity than Rarity. They're the best.

Fluttershy, one of the kindest and sweetest girls, was being stocked to the point of feeling terrorized.

Don't you mean stalked?

Pinkie kept her smile, as if she knew something they didn’t, and it began to irritate Rainbow. She knew it was Pinkie just being Pinkie, but it made her pause briefly. What was she seeing that Rainbow couldn’t? Pinkie Pie backed off shaking her head.

Pinkie ships it.



Also, Shadow Chaser is the type of guy who thinks being "nice" will get him anywhere.

10108201
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: YES! Thank you! I'll fix that :twilightblush:

10108050
Honestly it's just so people looking for anything related to Fluttershy or Rainbow at all will be able to see it in their filters.

10107995
Sorry it took so long! :twilightblush: But it's all finished and ready for upload.

10108296
And it's worth the wait. A very good start to the story. Wife was looking at me funny at some of the noises I was making while reading. It's much more reserved then I would have guessed considering some of the comments you use to leave me, but that shouldn't be taken as a criticism in any way. As far as any critique, I think I noticed a wrong word mistake, possibly.
".... trying to elevate the heat that had pulled in her palm."
I think you meant alleviate?
Also I took the time to actually read your story since I've been waiting for it and oddly enough this is something I probably wouldn't have caught had I been listening like I usually do. You don't always start another paragraph between characters speaking which makes it hard to know who's speaking sometimes.
Those are the only problems I noticed. And even with them I enjoyed and am looking forward to the rest.
It's sort of funny/ cool to see your story after knowing you've seen mine. I like that we randomly made our stories some how very similar and yet also polar opposites.

That was really nice, I'm looking forward to the next chapter! :rainbowkiss:

Although l have one critique: You tell us several times how Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are really close friends, but we don't actually see any evidence of that before the conflict is established and the story is already underway. We see Rainbow Dash being concerned about Fluttershy's problem, but we aren't shown how the two interact under normal circumstances. I think it would have been better if you had showed us a little snapshot of what Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's relationship is like before Dash fully realizes the extent of Fluttershy's stalker problem. It's not hard to believe that Dash and Fluttershy are best friends, but it does feel unestablished within the context of the story, given how important it is to the plot.

I expect that we'll get a deeper look at what Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's relationship is like in the future chapters, but the starting chapter could have fleshed that out a little better.

I'm gonna start tracking this from now on. I'm really curious to see what happens next.

However, when I read this chapter one thing kept bugging me every other sentence and it made the whole thing very hard to physically read. So here's a simple rule: NEVER have multiple characters speaking in the same paragraph. It makes it way harder to know who's talking and its very distracting.

For instance, this...

“So, how’s my favorite dress maker??” Pinkie Pie said, putting her arm around Rarity. Rarity smiled. “Personally, I’m doing quite well, but,” She paused and looked toward her friend. “I’m concerned about Fluttershy.”

...should look like this...

“So, how’s my favorite dress maker??” Pinkie Pie said, putting her arm around Rarity.

Rarity smiled, “Personally, I’m doing quite well, but,” she paused and looked toward her friend. “I’m concerned about Fluttershy.”

10108639
Thank you!! I'm glad you're enjoying it so much. Thanks for telling me what was wrong lol I am going to go in and change it soon, both the paragraph reading as well as the spelling mistake. (right now I've got a LOT going on)
And yes, when I saw your story and how similar it was, I knew I was going to love it! Thanks for reading mine! :heart:

10109205
You're right, I never even thought about that until you mentioned it. I think the reason I didn't go into any detail of past history was because of the show itself. That people assume they grew up together since that's what happened in the show but I never bothered explaining it. Thanks though, I might rewrite a little to really get the feeling that they're best friends. Thank you!

10109494
Thank you! Someone else mentioned that as well. I'm gonna go in later and change the paragraphs. (Right now I've got A LOT going on :fluttershyouch:) but I'm glad you pointed it out to me.

That's a good story and character progression curve. Their pace of realizing how close they are and now seeing how that could look in different circumstances is exactly right for a fair couple story where they don't have feeling for each other at the start.
One small thing, right at the end. Breathe, not breath. English is weird. Otherwise great. Can't wait for chapter 3.

beloved? what an AWESOME story, I loved the chapter it's very cute and I almost had a fit when I read the last part where they hug.:raritystarry:
I loved it !! :pinkiesmile:
Please, continue:heart:

Man, Shadow Chaser is such a creep.

It is disturbing there are so many people like that.

10120081
Thank you!! I'm so glad I'm getting the characterization down. I try to make it as realistic as I can and mostly true to their character. And yeah, they're not two characters who already love each other and don't know it, but my story is about them viewing each other in a romantic light and finding out that they like it, they don't want to give it up now that they know how it feels.
And thanks again, for the spelling correction :twilightsheepish: This is why I need my Beta to read it! She's yet to do it lol

LOVED the chapter, it's very perfect and it's awesome the way you surprise me with each chapter:twilightsmile::heart:

Hello,
I am in love with this story and I must have more! That said, when is the next chapter coming out?

10129473
The next and last chapter will be posted next friday! Thanks for loving my story :twilightsmile:

A very good chapter that does a very good job of exploring the feelings that can guide us even if our conscious minds haven't caught on yet. Although I think they are catching on at least a little. One again I can't help but love comparing and contrasting our stories. The differences between trying to figure out what your body is trying to tell you and trying to ignore them because you know exactly what's it's trying to tell you is an interesting dynamic of actions that are similar and yet completely different in the physical, intellectual, and emotional sense.
There are a few things I could nitpick, but honestly it just comes from how good the story has been so far and wanting to see how you'd tackle the issue. Specifical I thought shadow chaser was going to bring up the "friend" line from the previous chapter and was hoping that if he did Rainbow would come up with a good line, the type you'd only really come up with if you were more then friends. Could just be me projecting my writing style onto your story because I wish I had been able to put more scenes like this in mine though. Can't wait to see the climax after reaching this emotional high.

10129197
If you need help with editing, I'm not sure if I'm proficient enough to offer my services directly but I do know at least one little tip that could help. Dm me and I could share it with you if you'd like.

Faking romance is a deadly game. The lie could become truth, or it could lead to new kinds of madness.

10131146
I haven't read yours in a while and I really want to go back and reread it, just to see the differences!
I did kind of just leave that "friend" line and not come back to it. I wanted to make it seem like he was just watching them a little more closely after that. And the confrontation in the cafeteria was suppose to kind of address that issue. I guess I didn't really do it the way it should have been done.

This is a very sweet EG FlutterDash story! Enjoyed the whole thing from the beginning to the end! :twilightsmile:

If this is the final chapter, then don't forget to mark this story as "complete". Sorry that I'm being a pain about this!

10139410
Thanks! I did forget until you said something lol

This came together so nicely. It reminds me of the very first FlutterDash stories people were writing back during the first couple of seasons, when the ship was at the height of its popularity. You really captured the kind of down-to-earth wholesomeness that FlutterDash is all about, and you managed to brighten my day with every new chapter.

10140171
Oh thank you so much!! I'm so happy I got the real feeling of FlutterDash down. They're an amazing couple and I loved exploring their feelings like this. I'm so glad you enjoyed it :heart:

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough to hang around anymore.” He crossed his arms. “If she is purposely keeping you from me then maybe she isn’t as good a girlfriend as you think.”

Man that line...just...makes me sick.

It is the classic example of stalker behavior: manipulate your target into distrusting the people around her.

Thank god Fluttershy found someone in the end.

I don't know what you're talking about with the messy comment, that was clean and so will paced. This wasn't even the longest chapter so far and yet the way it was established made each part stand out like it's own separate, well realized, story unto itself.
Keeping the antagonist in the story until the end I think was a good way of giving the story arch a good pay off and give the final resolution more substance. The fact that the relationship gave Fluttershy the confidence to face her problems alone is a great example of why the flutterdash ship works so well in the first place. Then the fact that the relationship is no longer needed and yet still wanting it being the final push they needed, that is a perfect way to get their feelings out in the open.
Also, you had some killer lines sprinkled throughout. "... the lump in her throat was her heart." My personal favorite, and oh so good.
The only criticism I think I could level is that the very last part was not the way I'd of liked to see it end. You kind of end it on a joke. It would be fine but it's not the best pay off to the emotional scene that led to it. I did something similar in mine, but I made sure it wasn't literally the last line of the story. But it's honestly not a deal breaker with how good everything was leading up to it.
Have a fav, you've definitely earned it.

10143775
Characteristic of both a stalker and an abuser. Maybe not the way of physical abuse, but emotional abuse - in that he's trying to make her think she's made some wrong decision.

10144044

The goal of an emotional abuser to make someone psychologically dependent on you. Making you question your own decisions is one of those things.

I especially despise that kind of mistreatment.

10144036
Oh thank goodness. I'm so glad it wasn't too fast pace. I felt like I had rushed the end but maybe that's my insecurities. And YESS good. That's exactly what I wanted to show. That her relationship with Rainbow wasn't only for romantic realization but also to help her be stronger herself. Rainbow's belief in her friend helped Fluttershy see how strong she really can be on her own. It's why I love their dynamic so much.
Ohh thanks!! I love when I come up with creative lines like that :rainbowkiss:

Ok, I can see that. It kind of breaks the glow I had achieved. I guess I wanted to keep it light and the little ending I had in the first chapter with Pinkie was stuck in my head. So I kind of rounded that out but I think I should have just let it go lol :twilightblush:

YES MY SHIP! IT HAS SAAAAIIIIILLLLEEEEEDDDD!

10123304
Completely agree with you there

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