Cork Screw is a special colt living with his aunt and uncle.
He has troubles and life isn't easy, but he needs their help to survive day to day.
This is a series of moments in his life as he grows from a young colt into a stallion.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 22nd Mar, 2015
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Mocha Star
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I have mixed emotions about this. I like that you are trying to contribute towards better understanding of how people with autism communicate, but
is a clue that you might want to stay away from this topic. Because as you have it now Cork Screw comes across as brain damaged not autistic. He calls his uncle "Unkie", he doesn't understand basic cause and effect, you haven't show him as being able to make anything more than rudimentary sounds.
Of course the problem is that autism is a spectrum, your protagonist is clearly on the severe end on the spectrum. But then you fall into the trap of lazy storytelling.
Parts of this are good, when he wants a drink I can feel how frustrated he is at not being able to say that and that's powerfull.
I get that you're not trying to be disrespectful, but when you write disabled characters as simpletons you cheapen how people see them, and that's ostensibly the opposite of what you are trying to do.
7127300
Don't fret, as time goes he will grow. He is, as of now, still young and gets frustrated, just as any child will.
As he ages and grows he will learn how to communicate and interact in more 'social' ways.
The chapters are going to show his growth, not his problems... that's my goal anyway.
The story 'Flowers for Algernon' was and is my inspiration, but only just so much. It gave me an idea, within the protagonist will become more of himself.
TV and movies usually do a horrible job of portraying mental illness… Just saying.
This is sort of accurate, at least to me because of my Asperger's (which I find bullshit that it's lumped into Autistic Spectrum Disorder since that doesn't fully explain it.). It may be a good choice to go with Asperger's Syndrome specifically because , again this is personal opinion, is easier to write. Those with it tend not to get social ques, play with things in 1 way and gets upset if someone doesn't follow it and they can also be described as savants. Hell, Bill Gates has it and it's thought that Sir Isaac Netown and Albert Einstein had it. And you aren't limited to science or math, though it is the most common. Oh, and I almost forgot about the 'inappropriate' emotional responses. Like, instead of crying at a mass shooting, they smile. Not because they find it funny but because they're glad their family wasn't hurt. It may be that you're going towards this and I'm blind too it but this will be probably the best way to go.
7127657
Exactly why I chose to start this.
Ignorance.
Will all the chapters be this short?
7129191
I dunno.
This story is... hard for me to read. Very hard, I'll admit, and not because of your technical writing. It's because my brother's autistic, though he's come a huge distance in the last 30 years, to the point where most people don't realize it.
I will say that the only thing in here so far that bugs me, as somebody with an autistic family member, is that it looks like you're tripping into the savant myth. While there are savants out there, they're not nearly as commonplace as media portrayals would have you believe. Also, his sensory input filter seems to be working selectively, since he apparently hasn't had trouble with it at home that we've seen, only when put in a situation that *any* child might be overwhelmed in.
As a *writer*, the main thing that I notice is that there's no contextual evidence to indicate how old Cork Screw is, or how long it is between chapters. As a result, it's hard to tell just how far "behind" his peers he is, in terms of normal social and mental development. There's very little, until Rainbow Dash is involved, that even tells us if he's a foal, teen, or full blown adult.
Just things you might want to consider, as you move forward.
7178027
Actually, that's exactly the kind of input I've needed.
I'll take all of that info account accordingly and even make a couple changes to what I've done so far.
I don't intend to go into the 'savant' classification. I know what that is and it's not what I'm aiming for here.
I appreciate the input, including my technical mistakes (many are purposeful).
Anything else is always appreciated and, I do hope, you enjoy this at some level and would be willing to offer advice, that'd be just spiffy!
7178091
I'll try to remember to keep checking in, but like I said - it's hard to read sometimes. From what you've said, I'm hazarding a guess that you don't have anybody in your family who's seriously autistic, but their frustration seems to be fairly genuine.
One thing I'd like to mention, just for possibly future consideration, is that especially if you start at an early age, autism *can* improve. When he was little, the doctors were fairly certain my brother would never speak, make eye contact, or a lot of other things - they'd be utterly flabbergasted to know he's got an associate's degree now. Still more issues than a magazine stand, but that's pretty much universal in this family.