• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 19 minutes ago

Mocha Star


I'm here to write my way into your hearts and infect your minds.

T
Source

A troubled foal with poor boundaries, bad language, and what seems to be a very troubled past is sent to reside with Rarity, a mare unprepared for true motherhood as well as being unknowing of how to raise a foal of a different gender. A long road ahead awaits them both.



Rated Teen for adult language and sexual references. No clop occurs in this story.

As appropriate, this is a societal gender reversal role story so expect some differences than what you may be expecting.

Supplemental chapters use a 'psychological' form created and used with permission by and from Minalkra. This story is inspired by many other stories, most of which are incomplete and stopped years ago; never to be updated again(?). I, personally, like to see Rarity as a foster mother.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 30 )

Nice start

... woah.... I am very interested. Please make more!

Is this RGRE? Some of terminology makes it seem so, but it isn't labelled as such, so.....?

9829937
Good point, it will be since there needs to be more of those in these stories.
Thanks!

9830016
'Nother thing. Why are the Rainbow Dash and the Fluttershy tags the EQG version?

9830017
Wow, you're super helpful! :pinkiehappy:

So is this goin to be "oh to be old again" but actually finished? I hope so.

9831979
I actually got permission to use a few points, but yeah, inspired by that story and I plan to finish.
Not sure about the HiE aspect.

Rarity: And this will be your father, his name is Spike.

Spike: You can barely handle this boy, you expect help from me.

Snicker: You must be crazy if you think I'm taking orders from a dude half my size.

Spike: You know dragons eat ponies right? *Spike coldly stares the boy down.*

* Snicker knocks down Spike quite easily and walked off to his room. *

*********************************************************************

Sorry about going off tangent it was just first thing that came to mind about the idea of Rarity adopting someone. Back on terms, will this adoption effect just Rarity, other characters as well. I'm not saying other characters taking center stage, but often writers will flat out ignore certain characters from the canon just to get a story across when they could actually have more fun keeping these characters in.

I know you haven't go far in the story, it really looks like you just started, but a fun idea would be how does her adoption affect other characters that often interact with her. How will this Snicker interact with characters like Sweetie Belle and her friends, Applejack and her close friendship Rarity, Spike helping Rarity out with her duties, Coco Pommel and Sassy Shore in her connections in fashion.

I love for a scene where he calls Sweetie Belle too needed, or assuming that Rarity and Applejack might be more than friends. Or even a scene similar to the one I used up above where Rarity asks help from Spike, but Snicker spend the whole moment insulting Spike's height. Really, there is a lot you could do here.

I'm curious to read more already so I'll be tracking this.

9831996
I actually liked the hie aspect of that story. It wouldn't hurt to just hint to it at the least, and let people make their own conclusions.

9831997
I'm actually up to chapter 5, but I'm going over them before posting to make sure they're logical and humorous.
Some adult aspects come into play, some hair pulling moments, an embarrassing to death scene.

Yes, some initial meetings between characters outside rarity, but it'll take a while and I don't really have a plan, just to have fun with a story that has underlying issues that resolve through time.

First several chapters are just day one from 10am to 10 pm. That's all I've gotten down so far so a lot can happen and I haven't a clue until I write it. Just a few points to reach and pass.
We're all in this adventure together!

9831999
That's the plan, I like being ambiguous. The thought of a colt with hyper sexual humor in a rgre story and as an adoptee is music to my mind.

hmm...hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm....hmhmmhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm..........
have a track

Huh, the the second chapter seems to be a nearly identical evaluation setup to Oh to be Old Again by Minalkra, while I don't mind that I would lie it if the story was stated as such end with the stated permission original author's on in sense he is still around on the side. I don't care much for the Trans gender aspect change as it change a lot form the original but I can't go with it depending on how well it goes. I will be keeping an idea on this sense I always love his type of setup.

Also if you are looking for a cover art for this you know where to look up.

lel silly Rares

Now I show how easy parenting really is. I’ll just lay down the rules, scold him, and he’ll fold like origami.

Hi there Rarity, let me introduce you to an acquaintance of mine.
His name is Murphy.

9833752
Oh, if only she knew what she'll know at the end.

9833791
Yes indeed. Hindsight tend to be 20/20 in most cases.

Hum, looks like the colt probably was more of an irresponsible jerk if he ever was an adult human previously, if he was more busy in trying to disgust Rarity then showing that he could be a responsible person/pony and trying to be taken seriously in his affirmation of being something that he doesn't look like at all to all those around him, this could be an interesting deviation from the other story but it gives off a more aimless feel for the colt's perspective in his objectives. I take it that it is safe to say that he might not be a brony or aware of the show. I feel Rarity might have a little too focused on the sexual deviant aspect of the colt over thinking of his need and trying to keep him away from Sweetybell, while understandable seeing the circumstances, it feels feel harsh , and I would guess that Sweetybell could just be sent back to her parents during the adjustment period until she feels that Snicker can be trusted for it. Thought if this is a mostly revers gender role Equestria, as the description says, wouldn't it be that she would be worried of being abused by mares or having to deal with his tantrums or being qualified to deal with psychological needs ? I think the magic signal was a nice touch and I wonder what was the training that Rarity had in agreeing. Have Shy and RD also being involved in Foal Services in one aspect or another sounds a little too convenient for the plot, but I am willing to role with it. I would say that the colt who clams to be normally clothed be happy that he is living with Rarity she can make cloths for him, though maybe overly frilly would give him some reason to stay in line to some extent or at least prefer to stay around her. Now, I would wonder what would Rarity see in the colt to be willing to put up with his antics?

So...... I just wanted to say that I really like this story so far and the thing that I like the most is the clashing between Snicker's assholery and Rarity's refinery (or whatever you call it). At first I thought it would just be a normal colt with a trauma or something but just by adding the fact that he is human and that he is an asshole (or at least is pissed about his situation ) made me very interested in this story.

*sniff* it's beautiful!:fluttercry:

9834254
Thanks, it's his reaction to stress. Adult sarcasm. 😏
It's gonna get real before it gets real.

lol sitll a fun read

Yup, definitely not taking anything seriously and acting like a regular hyperactive kid, not too sure if he has a clue on what he could be doing, but I am not sure what he is aware of what could happen if this living arrangement doesn't work. Still, I wonder what make them think that he was abused if he doesn't show any psychological signs of amuse in his behavior, at the moment he just sounds like an undisciplined child how doesn't understand common sense boundaries or in this cases consciously flat out ignore them. I take it that he is unaware of his his own psychological evaluation, understandable seeing his apparent age. Looking forward to see what will come next.

Okay, now I definitely want Snickers to interact with Spike. I could just see him accuse Spike of being Rarity's sex toy. Or even better him telling Seven that Rarity hides a dragon sex doll or anything else just to make both Spike and Rarity blush heavily. There doesn't even need to be shipping involved, just purely accusations.

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