801 - Ill Logic
“They’ve split into two groups.”
Nisha’s report made Lex’s eyes narrow. “Explain.”
Although she was making sure to keep several feet of distance between herself and him now, Nisha still cringed at the order. “They headed northwest from here, the venedaemons and the mortals who’re commanding them, along with the adlet prisoners. From what I can tell, they headed in that direction for two or three days before they split up.”
“Where did they separate?” spoke up Solvei, and Lex registered nervousness as she glanced at him. “I might know the local landmarks,” she added, as though to forestall any objection he might have had to her speaking up.
In that regard, Lex couldn’t blame her. It had taken roughly a full day for Nisha to report back to them, and during that time he and Solvei had barely said two words to each other. It hadn’t been for lack of trying on her part; more than once, she’d tried to talk to him – either verbally or telepathically – about that last question he’d asked her. Each time he’d shut her down, refusing to discuss the topic.
Instead, the two of them had waited in silence. After a few hours had passed, Lex had ordered Solvei to rest while he stood watch, and she’d reluctantly obeyed. He’d woken her up around dawn, using the divine magic he received from the Night Mare to conjure a bland meal for both of them, and then he’d taken his turn sleeping.
It was a bitter irony that, despite having mastered his tulpa, he’d still had awful dreams about losing himself to his inner beast again.
Nor did it help that the creature which now ruled his instincts was once again making its displeasure known. The bland fare that he’d conjured before sleeping had never bothered him before, but now it was all he could do to choke it down. The monster within him wanted meat, preferably warm and bloody, and so – just like when he’d barely been able to eat a few morsels of dried fruit during the last meal he’d shared with Fail Forward – his usual vegetarian diet was now a stomach-turning ordeal to eat.
Nor had the waiting gone over well. Simply staying in one place and not doing anything also went against the creature’s animalistic desires. For that matter, so did the prolonged period of celibacy that he was currently undertaking. So did sleeping out in the open, trusting someone else to guard him, rather than in a safely-enclosed space. There was little, it seemed, that he could do which met with the creature’s approval.
As a result, Lex had woken up in an even more foul mood than when he’d gone to sleep, and Solvei’s renewed efforts to discuss what was bothering him were shut down even more viciously than before.
“It was near a small waterfall, frozen now, that fed a spring,” replied Nisha in answer to Solvei’s question. “There’s some evidence that they stopped there before splitting up. No tracks, but remnants of a fire, along with some of the snow and brush being cleared.”
“I know that place,” nodded Solvei after a moment’s thought. “It’s near the edge of our territory. Beyond there, the landscape becomes a lot more broken; the mountains turn into smaller hills, but they have almost no vegetation, and there’s a lot of canyons between them.”
Lex digested that for a moment, then turned his attention back to Nisha. “What was the distribution of their division?”
“I...if you’re asking who was in each of the two groups, I don’t know,” admitted Nisha hesitantly, her ears flattening against her skull. “I was tracking the venedaemons’ auras, and from what I can tell they were evenly divided between the two groups. As for how the rest of them split their numbers...” She shrugged, shaking her head.
“ “ “I thought it best to hurry back/report this development/avoid more of your wrath.” ” ”
The added commentary from her shadows brought a growl from Lex’s throat. “You were told to find where my enemies and their prisoners are. Instead you come back with nothing but where they were, and no other pertinent information.”
Nisha looked down, accepting the rebuke without protest, and Lex’s lip curled at the sight before he turned his attention to Solvei. “How long will it take us to reach the falls she mentioned?”
Biting her lip, Solvei considered that for a moment, glancing up at the clouded sky. “If we left right now, I think we’d get there a little before dark tomorrow, but we’d have to hurry. Or I could take to the wind, in which case I think I could be there before the moon reached its zenith...I mean, if we could see the moon.”
“Absolutely not! You’re staying with me!”
Solvei recoiled, surprised by his vehemence. “But...Nisha said that there were remains of a camp there. If I got there early and looked it over, maybe I could find some clues-”
“Or it could be some sort of trap!” snapped Lex. “Sissel is crafty enough that she might have left a contingency behind in case we found a way to follow her!”
“But I’ve gotten a lot stronger!” protested Solvei. “I bet I can handle anything she throws at me now! And if things go badly, you can summon me back anyway!”
Lex could feel his hackles rising, talons digging into the ground as she continued. “I told you-”
“Besides, what if it isn’t a trap?” Lex sensed frustration from her then, and that only made his temper worse as Solvei kept pushing the issue. “Nisha can cover a lot of ground by disappearing and reappearing nearby, so I bet she could keep up with me if I took to the wind! We could both get back to the frozen falls, and she can follow one of the trails while pointing me in the direction of the other another! They don’t know to look for her, and I can keep speaking to you telepathically the entire time so you’ll know what’s going on! You can even look through my eyes-”
“WE ARE NOT SPLITTING UP AGAIN!!!”
Lex’s furious roar silence Solvei immediately, and she swallowed before nodding. “As you wish, Master.”
Her acquiescence barely mollified him, and he glared at her for a long moment, almost daring her to continue her defiance. He knew her points were all valid, that even if her proposed course of action led to nothing that it was at least worth the attempt, but he couldn’t bring himself to sign off on it. Not when it meant enduring another prolonged period of isolation in the wilderness.
Not when it meant running the risk of losing himself to the monster within him again.
Intellectually, Lex knew he was being irrational. He’d let his guard down before, not realizing how strong his new body’s instincts were, and that had been why he’d reverted to that bestial state. By keeping his conscious mind firmly occupied – and maintaining an active telepathic conversation with Solvei, which had brought him back to sanity before – he knew that he had little to worry about.
But that knowledge did nothing to remove the absolute terror that gripped his heart at the thought of reverting to that animalistic state again. The prospect of turning back into that unreasoning creature, driven only by its own desires, was something that had to be avoided at all costs. And not just because of the loss of self that represented.
If I had run into another pony while I was like that...
He knew that wasn’t a logical thing to fear, that the odds of encountering one of his own kind out in this desolate wilderness were nil. Even so, the thought of what he could have done if he’d come across another pony while he wasn’t himself terrified Lex to the very bottom of his soul.
Such a thing could never be allowed to happen, under any circumstances. If isolation increased the chances of losing himself, then he’d simply never allow Solvei to leave his side again. It wasn’t the ideal choice for the current situation, but it was an acceptable one.
Even if it meant being aware of how hurt she felt now.
Forcing himself to ignore that, Lex instead turned his attention back to Nisha. “Solvei and I will head for the campsite you found. As for you, your services are no longer required,” he spat, taking off the mind-shielding ring and contemptuously throwing it into the snow in front of her paws. “Go back to Darkest Night.”
Her purple eyes looked up at him again. “Can I not serve you longer?” she begged. “I wish to atone, both for my insult toward you earlier, and my poor showing now.”
“ “ “Just one more chance, and I will impress you/prove my worth/make myself useful.” ” ”
“Master, even after we reach the frozen falls, we still won’t know which way to go,” murmured Solvei, keeping her gaze on the ground as she spoke. “She could still be useful.”
Lex snorted at that. “Sissel and her band, along with their prisoners, are all traveling on foot. That’s why they’re taking such care to conceal their trail. Other than a single instance of them teleporting, which involved a magic item, there’s nothing to suggest that they have other forms of transportation. If the landscape beyond the adlets’ territory is as rugged as you say, their options for traversing it will be limited. Which means that your ability to sense the nature of the surrounding area should be able to determine what the viable paths are.”
He had to fight to keep his voice neutral during that last part, hating that he was implicitly recognizing her as Akna, since that ability belonged to the shaman rather than the winter wolf.
But Solvei shook her head, her voice still numb as she continue to avoid looking him in the eye. “Master, it doesn’t work like that. I can sense things like where water is, or locate certain types of animals or people. I don’t see some kind of map of the area.”
“I’ll grant you the power to do so,” he replied, not bothering to elaborate. Although he couldn’t use the Charismata to augment that particular ability of hers – it took several minutes for her to use, which was far too long for the sixty seconds his divine augmentations lasted – he could just have his tulpa bring forth some relevant magic item to boost her ability to read the local area. If necessary, he’d pour his own magic into it to enhance its ability to enhance hers in turn.
Assuming his tulpa could create such an item to begin with.
Assuming that his new body had the capacity to enhance it to the necessary degree.
Assuming that the augmentation worked properly, rather than overload the item the way it had the healing spell he’d used on Silla.
Gritting his teeth, Lex glared down at the barbed wire wrapped around his foreleg. It had gradually ceased cutting into him; the Night Mare had apparently come to terms with his rejecting Nisha. But that brought Lex no satisfaction now. If anything, he felt bitter, since the goddess’s acumen seemed even more pointed now.
Taking the black wolf as a soul-bound servant would give him another permanent companion, making it easier to avoid being isolated. It would give him someone with insight – possibly markedly so – into what his tulpa could do now. It would likely enhance her abilities considerably, potentially making it not only easier for her to track down Sissel and the adlets, but maybe even bring them along with her as she jumped from place to place in search of her quarry.
All he had to do was give away another piece of himself, and he’d be able to easily solve his current problems.
Just like how he’d been able to bring Solvei back by merging her with Akna.
Just like how he’d gotten a stronger body by turning himself into monster.
Just like how he’d given up on his heart’s desire in order to find his faith in the Night Mare.
“Nisha...”
Across from him, the black wolf bit her lip as she looked up. “Yes?”
Lex paused for just a moment, then turned and started walking northwest, telepathically ordering Solvei to follow him.
“Go back to Darkest Night.”
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Another Banger
Lex is really setting up for deific displeasure, and Nightmare generally isnt one for being subtle?
wow Lex needs to get his beast under control and accept Nisha before he really pisses off the Nightmare and work something out with the new Solvei
11512182 Thanks!
11512253 There seems to be a certain level to which the Night Mare respects her faithful being independent, rather than blindly following her whims. There's also a level where defiance earns her wrath. Presumably those who grow more secure in their faith know the difference. As for Lex...he seems to be growing more into his faith with fits and starts. This is definitely one of the fits.
11512268 At this point, Lex seems to have ruined things with Nisha, and while the Night Mare doesn't seem to be holding a grudge, I doubt he'll be able to ask her for any favors for a while, considering he just threw this one in her face.
As for working things out with Solvei...yeah, he's reverting to type here, embracing his worst impulses by pushing everyone else away. Hopefully he snaps out of it soon.
Hope his new instincts don't mess him up in the coming fight, bottling them like this could end in disaster. Heck, could be in any high stress situation.
11512660 Yeah, going into battle alongside someone whom you're currently upset at is a recipe for disaster. Heck, going into battle while you're upset at all tends to be a very bad idea. There's still time though, so maybe Lex will get his act together?
Switching out the tulpa's anguish and mental torment with the aurumvorax's beastial instincts and physiology and all on top of a rescue mission and Solvei/Akna's condition.
Lex certainly has his work cut out for him, which is par for the course but I am curious if he'll be able to resolve it himself or through help.
11512869 You have to appreciate the irony of Lex managing to overcome his tulpa's constant torments, only to gain an entirely new set of mental issues to deal with. There's surely some sort of lesson in that, particularly since both were something he received in connection to the Night Mare's faith. Of course, whether that's an indictment of her religion or a testament to it is open to interpretation.
Either way, Lex is handling the new changes badly now that he's no longer able to approach them on his own terms. At some point, something's going to have to give. Hopefully it won't be in the middle of a fight.