778 - Purge Your Weaker Self
“I AM LEX LEGIS! CHAMPTION OF THE NIGHT MARE!”
Raising a claw above his head, Lex clenched it into a fist. Staring up at the darkness that the Keeper clad himself in, Lex felt his dark magic surge. That shouldn’t have happened, he knew; he’d expended all of his horn’s power before he’d entered the Confluence, and it wouldn’t replenish itself until he’d had a chance to rest.
But that limitation was something which had bound the old Lex.
His new self, it seemed, was beyond such constraints.
Even without calling upon his powers, the pitch-black area which housed the Confluence had been visible to his upgraded eyes. And now, as they turned green and sprouted dark purple contrails from their outer corners, Lex’s vision easily pierced the darkness surrounding the pathetic, withered creature that called itself the Keeper. Even as he watched, the disembodied skull retreated further upward, putting more distance between them before coming to a halt near the ceiling, and the beast inside of Lex howled at the display of fear, prompting him to scream out his dominance.
“AND I BOW TO NO ONE!!!”
The chamber fell silent in the wake of Lex’s roar, the monsters that were the Keeper’s acolytes cringing at the power in his voice. Or perhaps it was because they had noticed that their master was retreating. Though the prohibition against fighting among the Night Mare’s faithful might have had something to do with it as well.
Lex couldn’t have cared less. As much as he found himself savoring the idea of a bloody fight to the death, he clamped down on that urge, battering the craving into submission beneath his will. Settling for one last look at the assembled creatures, he sneered as they all backed up or looked away or simply shivered as his eyes met theirs, and when he started toward the stairs a moment later, they hurried to move out of his way.
All except one.
“Le-, Master...” The voice was Akna’s, but in his mind he registered her presence as Solvei’s, and he had to push aside his joy at having her back as he sensed her disposition flickering back and forth between fear and confusion. Nor was that limited to her state of mind; even as Lex watched, she took a step toward him, only to shift into her two-legged form halfway through the motion. Stumbling, she caught herself, only to change into a winter wolf as she did so, then shifting back into an adlet a moment later. “I can’t-, something’s happened, but I don’t know-”
I do, he reassured her silently, not wanting her to broadcast her distress so readily around so many potential enemies. Right now, just focus on staying in your quadrupedal form. Can you do that?
I...yes, I think so. Swallowing, she shuddered as she returned to her winter wolf form, taking several deep breaths as she resisted the urge to change back. I feel strange. Like...like I’m wearing all those clothes that don’t fit, the way I did back in Darkest Night, except then I remember that wasn’t me! Except it was, and then I get confused because it feels like I’m not me except I am, and I tried to say my name was two different things just now, and both of them felt right but also wrong at the same time, and-
Calm down.
I can’t! I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do!
He could feel her composure disintegrating then, their link alerting him to her increasing agitation even as she began to shake, her slow breaths again becoming rapid and shallow. Fortunately, he knew what to do to calm her down; he’d done it before, after all.
Striding across the uneven stone floor, his talons scratching the stone with every step he took, Lex reached out a claw toward the shivering winter wolf...
And gently petted her fur.
The beast inside of him snarled at showing such weakness when they were surrounded by hostile creatures, but he ignored its anger. Instead, he focused on keeping his talons safely away from her skin, not wanting to accidentally hurt her as he stroked her back.
It’s going to be alright. What happened in Darkest Night changed you, changed both of us, but it hasn’t changed the fact that you’re precious to me, and always will be.
A twinge ran through Lex then, and unlike before it didn’t come from the violent creature lurking below his thoughts. Taking a moment to examine it, he realized that he’d fully and completely abandoned any desire to break the connection between himself and the wolf in front of him. It was a total reversal from how he’d felt in the days immediately following the formation of their bond, but now – despite the lingering guilt he felt at knowing that Kara’s blessing likely played a part in how devoted she was to him – he couldn’t bring himself to think about letting her go. Not after how bereft he’d felt when he’d lost her.
Their bond was permanent, and always would be.
You belong to me, now and forever.
The words brought a soft gasp to her lips, and this time when her anxiety fell away, it didn’t come surging back the way it had before. Even then, she needed several seconds to collect herself, taking more slow breaths as he continued to stroke her fur. Finally, she raised her eyes to meet his. Thank you, Master.
A smile crossed his lips then, lasting just long enough for her to see it before he turned away and headed back toward the stairs, knowing that she was following him.
The two of them ascended in silence, leaving the Keeper and his monsters behind as they headed back toward the ciborium waiting above them.
It was only when they were slightly past the halfway point that he heard her voice in his mind again.
Master, you said that what happened in Darkest Night changed me. How?
You should focus on resting for now. We can talk about that when you’ve had a chance to recover from what you’ve been through.
I don’t think I’ll be able to unless I know what I’ve been through, she protested. Please, Master! I’m doing my best to stay calm, but it’s hard when I don’t have any answers! What happened to me?
Sighing, he paused for just a moment before answering, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake. This is just a theory, he cautioned her, and I don’t have all of the answers regarding what it entails, but I believe that you’re both Solvei and Akna now.
He heard a scrabbling sound as she missed a step. Wh-what?!
The two of you touched the black statue of Akna, the portal back to her body, at the same time, confirmed Lex. When you did, both of you disappeared, which I theorized meant that each of your souls had been placed into Akna’s body. And judging from what you’ve said and how you’ve acted so far, that’s exactly what happened.
I’m Solvei...and Akna...together?
I wasn’t sure if your souls would remain distinct or not, admitted Lex. I once met a monster that could possess others, and there was no blending of consciousnesses when it stole someone else’s body. But the way it operated and what happened to you two are dissimilar enough that I’m not surprised it turned out differently.
Can...can you separate us? I mean, if we were two different people before...
Continuing up the stairs, Lex shook his head. I don’t have any spells that can do that, and I can’t even imagine what it would take to design a ritual for that purpose. Even then, if I left Akna’s soul where it is – since the body is hers – Solvei’s soul would have no living receptacle to place it into-
And she’d be dead again.
Lex didn’t say anything to that, nor did he have to, his reaction to that thought being visceral enough that the two-souled wolf behind him shivered.
The two kept walking upward, and it was only when they approached the trapdoor leading back to the Night Mare’s altar that Lex heard her voice in his mind again.
Master, what about you? You look so different now. What happened to you?
About to use his horn to open the way up, Lex paused.
And remembered...
Hauling himself over the rock ledge, Lex found himself less than two feet from the black statue of himself. Letting out a laugh that sounded like a dying gasp, he reached out for it...
Only to find that his limbs refused to move.
Exhaustion and blood loss had finally caused him to reach his limit, directly in front of his goal.
A moment later, Lex heard something crawl over the ledge with him, then felt blood fall on him from above as a growl, pained but triumphant, reached his ears.
Lacking the strength to so much as grind his teeth, let alone fight back, Lex could do nothing but scream inwardly as he realized that he was going to die here. The fact that he was about to be slain – quite possibly permanently, since he was already a spirit in his soul’s destined afterlife – was all the more frustrating for his so recently having rediscovered a reason to keep going. Despite having learned that he’d never have what he wanted most, he’d managed to reaffirm that his life was meaningful so long as he held to his moral code and kept working to better Equestria. That alone was enough to make his life worth living.
And now that life was about to be taken from him.
It was so utterly galling that he couldn’t even bring himself to feel fear or regret, instead raging at the injustice of it all. Xiriel, the alicorns, Dark Streak; they at least knew that they were fighting to change Equestria’s future! he howled silently. This stupid thing can’t even comprehend the consequences of its actions! It’s only interfering because something drove it toward me!
As that thought crossed his mind, a memory came to him, unbidden:
“The Night Mare’s test Lex Legis faced, seeking Her dark salvation! But interference from outside left his body misshapen!”
For some reason, Spinner’s prophecy made him recall the last time her words had crossed his mind: right before he’d jumped into the Confluence. The Keeper had said something to make him think of them...
“What usually happens when someone fails the Rite is that they can’t make their way back to their body before one of the denizens in Darkest Night, the goddess’s home, possesses it in their stead. If that happens, you will be unable to return, while whomever takes over your body will reshape it in accordance with their nature.”
Sanguine Disposition had said much the same, confirming that part of the Keeper’s warning even after revealing that the Rite of Sublimation wasn’t real.
“The spirit shapes the body far more than the reverse. Hence what happened to your adlet and the so-called Keeper when the Confluence exposed them to a fraction of the Night Mare’s unfiltered power.”
Except this time, Akna hadn’t gone back alone. She and Solvei had touched the adlet’s statue at the same time, and since neither of them had fallen into the ravine – having plunged to the bottom of it himself, he would have seen them if they had – that could only mean that, as impossible as it sounded, they had both gone into Akna’s body.
As though divinely inspired – and perhaps it was – all of the pieces came together.
Interference from outside.
The spirit reshaping the physical self.
Two souls in one body.
Spinner’s prophecy hadn’t been a warning.
It had been instructions.
This was what the Night Mare had meant when, upon bringing him to Everglow, she’d said that she was giving him the chance to grow stronger. This was why the barbed wire around his hoof had indicated her approval when Akna had mentioned the so-called Rite of Sublimation. Because this was the answer to one of his greatest weaknesses.
How often had he been reduced to the pathetic state he was in now? How many times had he gotten into a fight only to find that his body simply wasn’t capable of withstanding the punishment his enemies had dished out? How frequently had he been his own worst enemy in that regard, augmenting his magic at the cost of his health, injuring himself in pursuit of strategies that damaged him almost as much as his foes?
He’d thought the answer was to improve his battle tactics, expand his combat resources, and rely more on allies and servants. And he hadn’t been wrong; those were all viable paths to victory should he find himself in a violent altercation. But those merely compensated for the underlying problem, when the solution was so much simpler:
If he didn’t want to keep being overwhelmed in a fight, then he simply needed a stronger body.
And now, a way to achieve one was right in front of – and on top of – him.
Lex had no doubt that they eight-legged creature that had cornered him was a supreme example of physical prowess. The thing had fallen from a cliff several stories high, twice, and had barely seemed to feel it. It had almost completely bled out, and its combat capabilities had suffered little to no degradation for it. Its claws had torn through his magic items and defensive enchantments like they weren’t even there. It had ignored being set on fire, kept fighting after the debilitating bloodfruit had splattered across it, and hadn’t slowed down even after ripping off one of its own legs.
More than the magic items he’d gotten from Solvei’s mother, more than the scroll he’d used to fight Lirtkra and his comrades in Vanhoover, that was the kind of power Lex knew he needed.
And all of it was his for the taking.
But doing so would mean that he’d no longer be a pony, at least not completely.
Even now, that thought was enough to terrify Lex in a way that the prospect of death couldn’t. The idea of something corrupting his identity, of changing who and what he was both physically and mentally – and he had little doubt that anything which would alter his body that much would have some effect on his thought processes – frightened him more than anything. It meant losing more than just his home or his powers; it meant losing part of himself.
Except that now, after the revelations he’d experienced since entering the Confluence and coming to Darkest Night, Lex knew just how meaningless that was. He now knew that his inability to relate to others couldn’t be cured nor compensated for, and even the mares who’d loved him in spite of himself had simply been under Kara’s influence. His only remaining worth, the only value in his being alive, was in what he could do for his homeland and his people.
And if that meant carving away a piece of himself...
Then so be it, Lex decided, feeling the monster’s blood dripping down onto him. I don’t care what it costs me! I’m going back, and I’m taking this thing with me!
His horn lit up then, the purple aura grabbing his hoof and moving it toward the black statue...as a matching aura surrounded the creature, already leaning down to sink its teeth into his neck. It wasn’t a strong hold; in his current state, he doubted the creature could even feel it, but that wasn’t the point. Solvei and Akna had touched the latter’s statue at the same time, but they’d also been in contact with each other. If there was any chance that the latter was the key to merging this thing’s body with his own, then he wanted to maximize that as much as he could.
Watch me, Night Mare! he swore as he telekinetically moved his foreleg forward. I’ll show you the determination...
Just as the monster bit down, his hoof brushed the edge of the black statue.
...of the pony you made your champion!
His horn lit up the space around them as Lex pushed the altar to the side, climbing the last few steps out of the cavern beneath it.
I faced my fears, he answered at last. And I reaped the rewards for doing so.
He registered curiosity from his lupine companion then, but she didn’t have a chance to ask another question as the door at the far end of the cathedral swung open.
“Lex?” called Spinner, the mare peering around as she wandered inside. “Are you in here? We thought we heard your voice a minute ago – something about bowing? – and thought maybe the Rite was over. I need to talk to you about DraAAAAAAAHHH!!!”
Shrieking as she caught sight of him, Spinner backpedaled so fast that she lost her balance, collapsing to the floor and scooting backward until she hit the door she’d come in through. “L-L-Lex?! Author’s quill, what happened to you?!”
“Your prophecy came true, at least in part,” replied Lex tersely. “Now, I believe you were saying something about Thermal Draft?”
“Prophecy? I don’t-, oh!” Her eyes going wide, Spinner shakily climbed to her hooves, gulping. “I’d almost forgotten about that! I mean, it feels like forever ago when I said that, you know? And even then...when I said that stuff about you being misshapen, I thought it’d mean, like, you’d lose a leg or go blind or something, not...this...”
“Spinner,” growled Lex quietly, the sound making the mare dig her hooves into the ground as she tried to back up more. “I’m not going to ask you again. What’s happened with Thermal Draft?”
Gulping, the bard nodded. “Right, um...I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s something you need to know about her...”
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If everyone is going for two for one sale, I wonder what Thermals blended with now?
11430895 She didn't enter the Confluence, so I'm guessing her "second person inside me" has more to do with her pregnancy than anything else.
Seems like Lex a changed ex-pony. He renewed everything about himself that was dragging him down, he gained new things but lost parts that defined him. Don't know if this is positive or negative yet but after jumping the fence he found himself surrounded with green. Is that green good grass or radioactive only the future will tell.
So what happened was Lex's decision huh? I'll admit, the power up might be worth the transformation since he'll need it to face what's waiting for him outside the shrine. Though he'll probably be caught by surprise by Thermal Draft's condition, whether it be her deteriorating state or her pregnancy. I recall Thermal Draft making Fail Forward's members swear not to say anything to Lex but someone's gonna blab regardless.
Still, things will be extra awkward if and when he returns to Equestria in his current state, I mean, it is the land of friendship and all but I can only imagine the many rags doubling down on him being the illegitimate offspring of Nightmare Moon and Sombra or some other nonsense.
Regardless, Lex needs to survive to reach that point, hopefully with Thermal Draft(and her baby still alive) in tow and I guess Akna/Solvei now since Lex has abandoned his desire to dissolve their bond with each other.
11432309 The Night Mare would no doubt approve of what Lex has done (and while there's no way to confirm, you have to wonder if there's a hint of divine providence in his transformation having not only worked, but worked out so well for him). Of course, her religion lionizes the idea of transcending your limits and throwing away the things that make you weak...it's just that a lot of what they define as being "weak" tends to include things that most people place a premium on, like love, friendship, camaraderie, etc.
11432370 My initial drafts for this chapter had Lex's transformation be accidental, much like what eventually happened with Solvei/Akna, but as the story progressed it became more and more clear that things would work much better if it was Lex's own idea to initiate the transformation, willingly giving up his equinity (at least in part) in exchange for power. After all, everything that's happened since he reached the Shrine of the Starless Sky had been prepping him for that moment.
Losing Solvei not only drove home his lack of sufficient power necessary to protect the people around him; while he's dealt with that before, the intimate nature of their bond was enough to make her loss exceptionally painful, to the point of causing him to have a flashback when she and Akna vanished in Darkest Night. So not only did that keep the need for power at the forefront of his mind (since the Night Mare champions self-improvement as well as dominance over others), but it helped to get him out of the mindset that his connection to Solvei was something he needed to break.
Throw in the Confluence showing him that his every effort to get his heart's desire was misguided and that most of what he'd been living for was a lie, along with finding out that his relationships had been tampered with by Kara, and things start to become more obvious. Despair has always been Lex's weakness (which is a sin in the Night Mare's religion), and we saw that here, when he was seriously considering throwing everything away and staying in Eigengrau with Sanguine Disposition. It was because the vampire pushed so hard, so fast, however, that Lex managed to snap out of his malaise. He got a good look at just what it meant to completely abandon everything and give in to self-indulgence, and he was disgusted by it, snapping him out of his angst and reminding him that even if he couldn't have a happy life, he could have a meaningful one.
To that end, Lex has essentially given up on himself, which is why he had no qualms about throwing away his being a pony in exchange for power. Of course, the Night Mare wouldn't phrase that as being a loss, but as an evolution, one that necessarily came with a sacrifice. You need to destroy your weaker self in order to become stronger, in other words; hence the title of this chapter.
Now let's just hope that in doing so, Lex hasn't cut himself off from everypony around him to the point of not being able to govern...or at least, not being able to govern without becoming a tyrant. Maybe if he had a more personal connection to somepony, that would help? Like, say, someone pregnant with his baby...?