467 - Prince Uncharming
“Your Highness,” purred River as she sat down, “Please let me say again what an honor it is to meet you.”
Blueblood nodded, a smile of satisfaction on his lips. “It is an honor, isn’t it?” Glancing over at his reflection in the window next to their table, his expression turned wistful. “An honor that I, alone among ponies, will never get to experience.”
River winced inwardly at the naked narcissism, but knew better than to comment on it. Given that she still wasn’t sure why the prince had asked her to dinner, she knew her best course of action was to tread lightly until she figured out what he wanted. Only then would she be able to start making a plan to get him to come to Vanhoover. But all she’d learned so far was that Prince Blueblood was completely and utterly head-over-hooves in love.
With himself.
Indeed, in the few minutes since she’d come back inside – having gone out just long enough to thrust the semi-insensate Pixie into her carriage and telling the stallions chauffeuring it to take her home; although Prince Blueblood had given her twenty minutes to come back, River had known better than to keep royalty waiting – he’d all but shouted from the rooftops that he was utterly enraptured with his own noble personage. He’d demonstrated as much quite clearly to a pair of perky young mares that had approached him while River had been out, with her returning just in time to overhear their brief conversation.
“Your Highness,” giggled the first coquettishly, “my friend and I were wondering…”
“Would you mind autographing our flanks?” cooed the second, whipping out a magic marker as she and her companion turned around and presented their backsides to him in a motion so smooth that they had to have practiced it.
River had immediately panicked at the sight, worried that the prince would be captivated by their offer – which was quite clearly for more than just an autograph – and toss her aside in favor of the sweet young things throwing themselves at him. But to her surprise Prince Blueblood had turned his nose up at the two…for an altogether unexpected reason. “Ugh, a marker?!” he’d snorted, glaring at the writing implement brandished in a glowing aura before him as though it were a wriggling earthworm. “My royal signature is far too majestic for such a coarse instrument!”
It had taken both mares, as well as River herself, by surprise. Fortunately she’d recovered first, presenting herself to the prince and very pointedly thanking him for inviting her to dinner, making it clear to the interloping mares exactly who had a monopoly on Blueblood’s attention. The pair, clearly still unsure what had just happened, had taken the hint and slunk away.
There had been nearly a half-dozen other exchanges like that in the time it had taken Blueblood to escort her to dinner, held in the luxurious rotating restaurant on the top floor of the resort. A fashionable stallion had wanted to take a picture with the prince, which Blueblood had haughtily turned down on account of his only posing for portraits rather than common photographs. A group of carousing ponies had spotted him and had called out for him to raise a glass with them, only for him to dismiss them on account of their drinking “swill” that was unfit for his refined palate. Few things, it seemed, were good enough for Celestia’s nephew.
Which made River all the more curious what he wanted with her.
Of course, she knew better than to come out and ask him directly. Instead, she pretended to look over her menu as she thought about the best way to try and feel out his intentions, eventually deciding to start with something innocuous. “So, what do you recommend we have, Your Highness?”
“Oh, I always order the most expensive thing on the menu,” he replied easily. “Anything less runs the risk of eating common slop, which would just wreak havoc on my illustrious insides.”
Years of practice allowed River to smile and laugh, as though he’d just said something witty and insightful rather than unbelievably arrogant. “What a magnificent policy! Truly something expected of Equestria’s prince!”
“Isn’t it?” Blueblood preened. “I just hope the food here lives up to its reputation. Gladmane’s resort is supposed to be among the very best this city has to offer, but I swear most of the entertainment in that casino of his were little better than carnival games!”
River couldn’t think of any carnivals that included roulette tables and slot machines, but kept that thought to herself. Instead, she turned to the individual that Blueblood had thankfully introduced into the conversation. “Speaking of which, I do hope that my friend’s shameful display didn’t interrupt whatever business you and Gladmane were in the middle of?”
“Oh, that weeping mare who was hanging off of you?” snorted Blueblood, as though just remembering Pixie’s bawling was an affront to his royal memory. “Hardly. We were mostly finished anyway. Since his special talent is games of chance, I just needed him to cover some wagers I’d made on the last Equestria Games. Honestly, who would have expected those costumed ponies from Cloudsdale to win the aerial relay?”
“You mean the Wonderbolts?” River asked before she could stop herself. As self-absorbed as Blueblood was, she couldn’t imagine anypony in their right mind betting against Equestria’s best flyers when it came to an aerial sporting event.
“That sounds like them,” answered Blueblood with a shrug. “Really, it’s a lot of fuss to go to for a mere hundred thousand bits, and it’s not like Fancy Pants needs the money. But that little girlfriend of his keeps bringing it up every time I run into her at a soirée. Really, I don’t see why he keeps her around. She’s so…clingy.” He pronounced that last word with marked distaste, as though he couldn’t imagine a worse quality in a mare.
A problem I’m sure you'll never have, noted River silently. She’d previously assumed that the prince was single because he was aware that he had his pick of almost every unmarried mare in Equestria. Now she knew better; even if he was royalty, River couldn’t imagine any mare being able to stomach Blueblood’s egotism on a daily basis. And after what I put up with in my marriage to Mounte, that’s saying something. “Well, I’m sure that Gladmane will be more than happy to led his assistance to the crown,” she offered sweetly.
“You’d think he would be,” huffed Blueblood. “But he’d barely agreed to pay the funds when he started asking me if I could promote this little purlieu of his! As though I came out here to do him a favor!” He shook his head in indignation, somehow managing to make even that come across as snooty.
“Some ponies are just so ungrateful,” nodded River, doing her best to keep the irony out of her voice. So that was it. Gladmane had been called upon to indulge royalty, and hadn’t been able to resist trying to parlay that into a tit-for-tat exchange. No doubt he was hoping to make that cheating scandal go away, River knew. A royal endorsement of his establishment would have cancelled out any bad press and then some. But even taking into account Prince Blueblood’s massive sense of entitlement, River had to admit that Gladmane had made a rather serious faux pas. Favors for the royals were done with the hope of cultivating a relationship with them. Trying to turn it into a quid pro quo was just asking to be rebuked. He must have been quite desperate to make those allegations disappear.
Under other circumstances River would have immediately moved to one-up Gladmane by offering to pay the prince’s debt herself. But even leaving aside that she didn’t have a hundred thousand bits to her name at the moment – and knowing that Lex would never approve of her offering to use the money she’d already turned over to him back in Vanhoover – she knew that doing so would have made the resort owner take a very dim view of her. Although Blueblood was by far the bigger prize, River still hoped that she could lure Gladmane to Vanhoover as well.
But that didn’t mean she still couldn’t capitalize off of the stallion’s mistake. “I hope you won’t think me too forward for saying this, Your Highness, but if there was ever anything I could do for you, I’d never be so crude as to ask for something in return.”
It was blatant sucking up, but Blueblood seemed pleased by it. “Ah good. I’d heard that ponies from Vanhoover were all a group of rustic bumpkins, but I’m glad to see there’s at least one with some sense of class.”
River fought down the urge to grimace in irritation at the casual insult, managing to keep her smile in place as a waiter came over and took their menus, with Blueblood living up to his pledge of ordering the most expensive dish and River – knowing that she’d be the one paying for it – doing the same. It was only after the waiter left that Blueblood seemed ready to get down to business. “Since you offered, there is something you can do for me. For all Equestria, really.”
Her ears perking up, River leaned forward slightly. “Of course, Your Highness. I’m at your disposal.”
“My valet tells me that Vanhoover, bucolic little hamlet that it is, doesn’t have a proper airshipyard where I can park my yacht. So I’d like you to take me there.”
River blinked.
Blueblood was right about Vanhoover not being equipped to receive large-scale aircrafts, of course. That was largely because the Hoofingfords had been in favor of building those facilities, eager to expand their maritime dominance to the skies as well, which had naturally seen River ally with the McNeighs to block any such projects whenever they were put forward. Much like how she’d allied with the Hoofingfords to stop the McNeighs from advancing their plans to pave the roads to the farming hamlets scattered throughout the northern region. Or how the McNeighs and Hoofingfords had worked together to squelch her plans of building a larger train station in hope of attracting more foreign capital to prop up her banks. That perpetual stalemate, keeping the city from developing greater transportation services, was – in conjunction with its location on the far side of the Unicorn Mountains – the major reason Vanhoover was considered a backwater, River knew.
Of course, that didn’t mean it was impossible to own and operate an airship if you lived there. It just meant that you’d needed one of the convertible aerial/nautical types, like the one River used to have, since your normal airship wasn’t built with water travel in mind. The alternative was to buy a buoyancy module that would allow an airship to function as a watercraft. River had already purchased one of those for when she made the trip back home, but she suspected that Prince Blueblood hadn’t even considered such a thing for his own airship. Those modules were, she knew, rather unsightly in how they added large outrigger-mounted balloons to a vessel. No doubt Blueblood wouldn’t allow such a thing to be done to his own yacht when a “rustic bumpkin” could do it for him.
But at the moment, River didn’t care about any of that.
“You…you want me to take you…to Vanhoover?” she breathed, scarcely able to believe it. This wasn’t just a stroke of good fortune; it was everything she’d hoped for being given to her on a silver platter. A small part of her wondered if she should feel grateful to Pixie.
“We’ll leave tomorrow morning,” nodded Blueblood. “I’m sure you’ve heard, since you’re from there, but there’s a scoundrel in your town who apparently behaved quite inappropriately with Celestia and Luna. Poor Cadance and the castle guards were in a tizzy when they heard.”
Their food arrived then, and Prince Blueblood took a dainty bite of his entrée, not noticing that the mare across from him had suddenly gone very still. “Thankfully,” he continued, “the news reached me right before I set out on this little excursion.”
“R-really?” croaked River, making no move to touch her food.
Blueblood, of course, didn’t notice. “It was quite fortunate. Now, I can pop over there and vanquish the fiend before returning to Canterlot.”
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Pfft hahahaha!
Oh ho ho ho, Blueblood is in for a rude awakening if he believes that he's capable of doing what the princesses failed to accomplish. Granted, Lex did forsake Severance and the benefits the scythe brought so he'd be rather easy pickings should the Elements or the Princesses themselves go after him now.
So unless Blueblood somehow turns out to be a prodigy in either magic or combat, I highly doubt his chances against Lex, let alone the NMK for that matter. Still, should Lex do anything to Blueblood, it would instantly dash away any hopes of getting the others to lend Lex the money he needs so she best start thinking up ideas on how to convince Blueblood to change his mind...which shouldn't be too hard. I think.
“So ponies are just so ungrateful,” -- some?
Defeating Lex shouldn't take more than, what? 2 minutes?
I hope Lex curses Blueblood to be unable to eat anything costing more than 5 bits.
So two idiotic fools will be taking the Lex Express
I see a potential problem in the future... not for Blueblood, but for Lex.
I predict that Lex will dislike Blueblood, but although Blueblood is selfish to the max... he isn't breaking any of Lex moral codes.
Due to the princesses current view of Lex, it would properly be in Lex best interest to stay on good terms with Blueblood.
I can already tell however that THAT wont be the route Lex goes.
a small part of me do think that perhaps... although unlikely... that Blueblood could be a potentially great follower of The Night Mare.
Looks like Blueblood here is being defined by a favourite signature of a forum poster Ive seen.
Dont let the only reason for your existance, is to be a warning to others.
10188828 Whoops, typo fixed now!
But yeah, Blueblood seems to be treating Lex like an errand that needs to be run, rather than a major threat to Equestria's existing power structure. To be fair, he seems to be implying that all he heard was some garbled version of events from when Celestia was trading frantic letters with Cadance via Spike, so he quite clearly doesn't have all of the relevant information...nor the good sense to realize that. But that really makes it seem like he's in for the mother of all rude awakenings if he goes through with this.
10188777 It doesn't look very good for Blueblood at the moment, does it? He's working off of extremely incomplete information, and doesn't even seem to care that he has no idea what he's up against. That's a recipe for disaster by any standard.
Of course, Lex is currently hurting where magical power is concerned, but you have to wonder if Blueblood is warrior or wizard enough to take advantage of that. Because based on what we know about him, it doesn't seem likely; given that he can't handle the thought of getting dirty, you can only imagine the reaction that actual combat would get out of him. And yet, he still seems intent on "vanquishing" Lex...
That said, Blueblood also represents Lex's best access to a large amount of bits. So what will he do when Blueblood arrives looking to overthrow him?
10189085 One can only imagine Blueblood's despair at the prospect of having to dine out of a vending machine.
10189261 It's starting to look like Lex will need to make a list of all the ponies that he's going to need to curse, at this rate. Let's just hope that Twilight and the gang don't show up at an inopportune moment...
10189271 Being a jackass isn't against Lex's moral code, to be sure. But if it gets to the point of being disruptive, then it does; Lex previously cursed River simply for her making a credible threat to derail the recovery operation he was running, for instance. So if Blueblood tries to get in Lex's way, he'll be on very thin ice. Of course, punishing Blueblood would almost certainly make it impossible to get any money out of him...
But while having Blueblood as an asset would potentially be more useful, Lex doesn't kiss up to anypony. He's told the Night Mare to her face to stay in her lane, and was quite willing to make it clear to the princesses that he considers them to be incompetent bunglers who need to be removed from power for everypony's sake. So it's hard to see him trying to placate Blueblood, save perhaps for finding him to be a harmless irritant who's too small to warrant any attention whatsoever. So really, it comes down to just how much of a jackass Blueblood can bring himself to be...which isn't very reassuring.
As for Blueblood and the Night Mare...that would require a radical change of mindset on Blueblood's part. It's not that he doesn't already think much of himself, but he can't really live up to that in terms of practicalities.
10189284 Oh, I'd say that ship had already sailed back when we first met Blueblood, way back in The Best Night Ever (season one, episode twenty-six).
10189301
The way you phrased that.... I am watching you
10189648 Hehehe, was that a bit of foreshadowing on my part? Or was it misdirection? Or was it just an innocuous comment?
I'll never tell!
Murphy's law
Is often right.
That all that can
Goes wrong.
But his cousin's law
Adds to this
Since it brings all
It's friends along!
10190458 And, as Finagle noted, usually at the worst possible time.