414 - Sacred Vow
“And now, the pony you’ve all been waiting for! Lex Legis!”
Sonata was the only one who clapped her hooves after announcing him. Everypony else simply sat there silently or muttered something unintelligible to their neighbor. For all his inability to anticipate or understand people’s reactions, Lex knew the lack of enthusiasm on the crowd’s part was a bad sign. But there was nothing he could do about it now.
Taking a deep breath in order to control the rising pain coming from his leg, Lex stepped forward, doing his best not to limp as he moved to the edge of the now-wrecked station’s platform, the only part of the building that was still intact. Sonata smiled as she passed him, moving to stand with Aria at the far end of the platform behind him. “Don’t be nervous,” she whispered. “Aria and I will totes make sure you charm them so much, they’ll go put socks on just so they can be knocked off by how great you’re gonna be!”
The mangled euphemism made Lex roll his eyes, once again doubting the wisdom of Sonata’s “great idea.” But whereas her two previous epiphanies – staging a fake rebellion and threatening suicide if she couldn’t be with him – had been irrational to an unparalleled degree, this one had actually possessed some merit. Enough, at least, that Lex had stowed his reservations and gone along with it.
“Now remember,” came Sonata’s whisper again, reaching his ears clearly despite the fact that she was currently over a dozen feet away from him. “The first thing you want to do is thank everyone for showing up.”
Lex frowned as he reached the edge of the platform. Up until now, he’d used his whisper spell to transmit his ideas to Sonata so that she could relay them to others in a palatable manner. But Sonata had convinced him to do exactly the opposite this time: she – and Aria, since the other Siren had insisted that listening to Sonata alone was a bad idea – would use his spell to surreptitiously tell him when he was conducting himself in an off-putting or incomprehensible manner. “It’s perfect!” Sonata had insisted. “This way you can still be you, but we’ll be able to help smooth out the rough parts!” She’d then declared herself to once again be the best spokespony ever, and made a joking comment about her idea being “crazy good,” in an apparent reference to his finding her mentally incompetent that had left Lex feeling very dubious about her idea.
But knowing how much was riding on this being a success, he’d decided that accepting Sonata and Aria’s help couldn’t possibly be worse than refusing it. Otherwise he’d simply have to hope that he’d somehow say the right things the way he had with Fruit Crunch a few nights previous. And given how badly he’d subsequently messed things up with the girls after he’d let that entirely random success go to his head – to say nothing of how much worse the consequences of failure now would be – Lex knew better than to make that mistake again.
Standing on the edge of the platform, Lex looked out over the assembled ponies, who fell silent as they waited for him to speak. “Thank you all for being here,” he announced, making his voice as stentorian as he could. Inwardly, however, he cringed, and not just because simply being present didn’t strike him as something that should be considered praiseworthy. Letting someone else dictate his words made him feel like he was being manipulated; it was distinctly unpleasant.
“It has come to my attention,” he continued, “that I have been remiss-”
“What’s that mean?” came Sonata’s whisper.
“Shut up you idiot,” hissed Aria, her answering whisper also reaching Lex’s ears clearly. “You’re going to mess him up!”
“Geez, it means all that?” replied Sonata. “He totes shouldn’t say it then!”
Grimacing, Lex forced himself to keep speaking. “…in acknowledging the contributions that everypony else has made to Vanhoover’s recovery and restoration thus far. To that end, I will be taking this opportunity-”
“Say that you’d like to take it,” cut in Aria. “It makes it sound like you’re doing this because you want to instead of because you have to.”
“I would like to take this opportunity,” echoed Lex through gritted teeth, “to-”
This time it was Sonata’s voice that interrupted him. “Don’t say it all growly like that! Try to sound happier! Or at least not like you’re about to start shouting at someone!”
Despite the fact that he very much wanted to start shouting at two particular someones, Lex somehow summoned the strength to keep his irritation out of his voice. “To rectify that oversight,” he finished. “Once I’ve finished recognizing everypony’s efforts, I’ll then speak to the events that have occurred since my assumption of authority over this place.” That had been Aria’s idea, pointing out that it would be helpful if he explained his side of what had happened with things such as Block Party’s death – which insofar as everyone else knew was still unsolved – why the ghouls had attacked en masse, and especially yesterday’s debacle with the princesses.
But as much as Sonata had turned this into a celebration of everyone here, and Aria had convinced him to expound on recent happenings, Lex knew he had to keep sight of what this was really about: appeasing the Night Mare.
A sudden wave of fresh agony from his leg drove that point home a second later. Lex could hear several ponies near the front of the crowd gasp, followed by murmurs breaking out, and it wasn’t hard to understand why. Even without looking, he could tell that the paper towels that Aria had wrapped his leg with were turning red. Worse, he could feel the bone straining now, threatening to crack under the increased pressure, and knew that he’d run out of time.
“First,” he stated loudly, silencing everypony, “I want to express my appreciation for the Night Mare. While Cloudbank…while other ponies have spoken to you about the goddess, I should have done so before now. The Night Mare…”
His brief hesitation brought Sonata and Aria rushing in. “Just say all the nicest things you can think of about her!”
“Talk her up however you have to so that she’s satisfied with you dumping us!”
Closing his eyes, Lex did his best to ignore the two of them. As much as he’d referred to this as a ceremony, there was no formalized structure to what he was doing now, which meant that there was no way to be certain of what precisely he needed to say to placate the goddess. And as much as his mares were trying to help, Lex knew that he couldn’t rely on them for this…especially since he’d already moved to undercut the sacrifice the Night Mare had demanded of him.
That thought sent a sudden pang of uncertainty through him. Would the Night Mare be mollified by his “sacrifice” if he’d already acted to circumvent it? Or would she be offended by it? Although Lex saw a great deal of practical impact in his decision to declare Sonata and Aria as being unsound of mind, and therefore placed under the authority of the state as embodied in himself, there was no guarantee that the goddess would take the same view. After all, the entire point of his new arrangement with the girls was that they could still have intimate contact, nullifying the most obvious point of loss in what he was forfeiting. But on the other hoof, Harrowing Ordeal had been certain that enslaving the two of them in lieu of a romantic relationship would be acceptable to the Night Mare. Surely this new arrangement, while still distinct from taking ownership of them, had the same overall effect due to his appropriating their right to make decisions for themselves-
“Lex! Say something!”
“What’re you just standing there for?!”
The girls’ voices brought him back to reality, causing Lex to silently curse himself for hesitating. The fact that there’d been no time to review his decision to declare the girls mentally incompetent was his own fault; if he’d had sufficient imagination to think of that option more than a few minutes ago, he wouldn’t be questioning its viability at the last minute. But he hadn’t, which meant that it was too late to review it now. All he could do was go with it and reap the consequences, for good or for ill.
“The Night Mare,” he began again, “has saved my life, and the lives of everypony here, on multiple occasions.” That earned a few wide eyes and a renewed murmuring, but Lex didn’t let that distract him. “If not for the accord I reached with her, I would never have been able to restrain that monster that led the attack on the harbor. It was the magic that she gave me which allowed me to treat the ponies that had been disfigured by one of those aquatic creatures in the course of that same battle. And it was that same magic which allowed me to conjure food for everypony here mere days ago.”
“That’s great!” Sonata’s encouraging whisper flowed into his ears as soon as he’d paused. “You’re doing a super-awesome job! Keep it up!”
“So far so good,” admitted Aria.
But Lex couldn’t bring himself to feel encouraged by their words; the barbed wire hadn’t ceased to squeeze his foreleg. He had to keep going. “And while I condemn Severance – the autonomous magical scythe that I oversaw until recently – in the strongest possible terms for its unwarranted and unsanctioned killing of the Princess Luna’s retainer Silhouette, I would be negligent to overlook that it still played a vital role in fighting those marine creatures, as well as defending this place from the depredations of the undead. That, too, was the result of the Night Mare’s munificence.”
This time Sonata’s whisper was a bit pained. “Okay, maaaybe it’s not the best idea to remind everyone how Severance killed a guy while you’re trying to tell them how great the Night Mare is.”
Aria was more direct. “Have you lost your mind?! Don’t talk about that now! Save it for afterward when you’re explaining what happened with that fight!”
“And you’re using too many big words again,” added Sonata. “Like, just keep it to one or two sylla-thingies.”
“The word is ‘syllables,’ you idiot. And by the way, if he isn’t supposed to use three or more of them then he won’t be able to say ‘Sonata’ anymore. Which, come to think of it, is fine by me.”
“Hey! He won’t be able to say ‘Aria’ either you know!”
Knowing he was on his own as the two started to bicker, Lex forged ahead. “As a goddess, the Night Mare champions a creed of self-improvement, perseverance in the face of adversity, and loyalty to those in your care. These are qualities whose virtues are not only self-evident, but vital to anypony who would don the mantle of leadership. I continually strive to uphold these values so that I might better see to the welfare of everypony here, and in doing so honor the Night Mare.” He had no idea if he was saying the right thing or not, but not wanting to take the chance that he was babbling, decided to bring the paean to the goddess to a close. “I encourage all of you to look to the Night Mare as an example of strength. Those who forge a relationship with her, as I have, will find that she helps those who help themselves.”
Now there was only one thing left to do. For an instant Lex felt his doubts about whether or not he’d undercut the nature of the sacrifice he was about to make resurface…and he made a split-second decision. There was still a way to make sure his offering had substance, even with the loophole he was pursuing.
“As a demonstration of my devotion to the Night Mare and what she represents, I now make an oath.” Telekinetically undoing the makeshift bandages around his left foreleg, Lex held the bloody limb above his head. “This wire represents my commitment to the goddess. So long as I wear it, I will take no wife, no girlfriend, no significant other of any kind, foreswearing all others in the name of duty. This, I vow.”
The crowd was absolutely buzzing now. So were Sonata and Aria, his spell carrying their whispered opinions directly to his ears. But Lex paid no attention to any of them.
Instead, he looked at his upraised leg and waited for the Night Mare’s answer.
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And then Lex lets out a scream before the wire saws off the leg...The end.
Setiously speaking though, not off to the best of starts with the speech with the girls' interruptions but the ending statement ought to placate the Night Mare considering he's finally starting to carry out his end of the deal though I do wonder if the ponies will be as willing to convert to the Night Mare's new religion after seeing the mark of Lex's 'devotion' bleeding him out.
Of course, that can be addressed later since his most immediate objective is to get back into the Night Mare's good graces and subsequently keep his leg. Still, that vow he made has a really obvious loophole though I wonder what Lex will need to do to remove the thing when he finally wants to tie the knot with his girls.(I can totally see him willingly lopping it off and replacing it with a prosthetic or regrow it with magic when he learns the appropriate spell.)
9937688 At this point Lex can only hope that the Night Mare decides not to lop his leg off right there in front of everypony.
And yeah, the beginning of his address to everypony was very much a comedy of errors. It wasn't that Sonata and Aria's advice was bad – most of it was pretty good, actually – but the constant interruptions, along with their mercurial personalities, made for some rough going there, particularly when they started to get into one of their usual bouts of bickering. Still, it wasn't a bad idea overall; if they can work things out more, this might be a novel idea for future speeches...assuming Lex survives.
As for what everypony thinks of his speech, let alone his mangled hoof, well...it's sure to make an impression. Exactly what impression is up in the air, though. You'd think that by now everypony would have started to get at least a little used to Lex being ridiculously hardcore compared to any normal pony, but after what happened with Silhouette and the princesses I suspect that he's fairly short on public goodwill. Hopefully the crowd will be impressed and not horrified...of course, if the Night Mare approves of his statements about her, then Lex will still need to give the rest of his address where he thanks everyone and tells them his version of recent events. So he has some more leeway to try and regain everyone's trust...again, if he lives.
As for the substance of his vow itself, well, the conditional about "so long as he wears that wire" seems like quite the loophole, until you remember that he can't take it off, as it's the symbol of his pact with the Night Mare.
Lex might not be able to take a wife or even date, but given how much Sonata and Aria keep trying his patients, theres nothing stopping him becoming a GP?
Every Taco Tuesday is followed by an Examination Wednesday?
9938625 Oh, I think he's going to specialize in female anatomy a little more than that.
9938644
If he keeps digging any further, hes going to end up a Guanocologist.
9938679 If we're still making lewd euphemisms, then I'm guessing that Aria would enjoy that, though I'm not sure about Sonata.