Lateral Movement

by Alzrius

789 - All Fun and Games

Over the course of his life there had been many moments when Lex had felt overwhelmed by what was happening.

Some of those instances had been when he’d struggled to win an uphill battle against an enemy that had been nearly unstoppable. Xiriel’s seeming inability to die, no matter how badly he’d damaged the twisted creature. An army of ghouls whose numbers had been so far outside of his initial estimation that they had seemed endless. The eight-legged creature in Darkest Night that had been so aggressive that it had been more intent on killing him than saving its own life. All had demanded that he not only push his limits, but surpass them in order to secure victory.

Other times, it had been pain that had left him struggling to formulate a response. For all that he’d long since grown used to physical hardship, forcing himself to fight through agonizing injuries, that had been instances when he’d simply been too hurt to respond, oftentimes due to emotional – rather than physical – wounds. Sonata’s having left him during their trek to Tall Tale had been one such time. Another had been Solvei’s death. And immediately following that loss had been the vision he’d had while inside of the Confluence.

Opposite those were the precious few moments when something joyful had happened, leaving him temporarily stunned by the persistent hardship that was his life ever-so-briefly falling away, giving him an all too short moment of respite. Whether it was something as simple as being struck by how beautiful Sonata was during their train ride toward Tall Tale, being stunned by a crowd of ponies cheering for him after he’d recovered from his battle with Starlight Glimmer, or feeling his connection to Solvei unexpectedly restored when he’d emerged into the Night Mare’s realm, those were memories that he clung to fiercely, taking what comfort he could from them.

But now, as he stood just outside the Shrine of the Starless Sky’s grand cathedral, Lex found himself unable to do anything but stop and stare for reasons that had nothing to do with aggression, pain, or comfort.

Instead, it was the sheer absurdity of what he was seeing that kept him rooted in place.

“RELEASE ME AT ONCE!!!”

“OW OW OW!!! WHAT IS THIS THING?!”

“SPINNER!!! ARE YOU OKAY?!”

“WE NEED TO GET BACK INSIDE!!!”

“MEEP!!! MEEP MEEP!!!

“HANG ON!!! I’M COMING TO-, OOF!!!”

“WOOF!!!”

That last yell was Teyu’s, all seven heads barking in unison, making the sound so loud that Lex was amazed that the entire Shrine wasn’t reverberating from it. As it was, another testament to the solid construction of the underground chamber was provided a moment later, as the ground somehow refrained from shaking as the multiheaded monstrosity charged across the courtyard, scaled legs pumping as it ran as fast as it could go.

Nor was its run unprompted, as it was apparently chasing the Keeper, who had just been flung across the open courtyard by Spinner.

Except, with his enhanced darkvision able to cut through the Keeper’s supernatural darkness, Lex could see that wasn’t quite right.

Instead, the Keeper had been impaled on what looked like a spear, the pointed end of it passing through one of the equine skull’s eye sockets, the pointed tip reaching the back of its teeth. Nor had Spinner – who was still blinded, thanks to the curse he’d put on her and her friends as part of their penance for bringing light into this holy place – deliberately thrown the Shrine’s caretaker. Instead, she’d apparently panicked, her legs getting tangled in the spear’s haft as Valor had rushed to help her, the two of them tripping over each other and inadvertently launching the spear end-over-end across the open space.

Which had sent Teyu rushing after it, barking loudly as he reached the discarded weapon – the Keeper still caught on the end of it, roaring to be set free – and lifted it in one of his mouths, bringing it back toward where Fail Forward were still falling over themselves, Littleknight meeping in alarm as he desperately tried to keep the four mares out from under Teyu’s paws.

Then the seven-headed croco-wolf dropped the spear in front of the earth ponies, seven jaws open and panting as his squamous tail swung back and forth behind him.

Fetch, Lex realized incredulously, as the Keeper’s incessant bellowing brought Mystaria over to it, only plant her hoof on the weapon’s cylindrical haft, causing her to fall as she inadvertently kicked it into the air – Keeper and all – and causing Teyu to again chase after it with a joyous howl. They’re playing fetch.

“Littleknight?” called Woodheart, squinting as she stepped forward, unable to see past the dim radius of Lex’s horn. “You guys? Is everything okay?”

The almiraj whipped his head around as Woodheart called his name, launching himself forward as he caught sight of his mistress. “MEEP! MEEP MEEP MEEP!!!”

A second later he’d sprung at her, and Woodheart was barely able to catch him, laughing as she cradled the horned rabbit in her foreleg and nuzzled him. “Littleknight! Oh, you must have been so worried!”

“W-Woodheart?” From where she was lying in a heap with Mystaria, Shadow lifted her head, sightless eyes blinking. “Everyone shut up! I think I hear Woodheart!”

“Woodsy?” This time it was Spinner who called out, managing to stumble back onto all fours. “Is that you?”

“You know I hate that name, Spinner!” Despite the rebuke, Woodheart was giggling as she delivered it, sticking her tongue out at the bard.

“It worked!” cheered Mystaria as she righted herself. “Lex’s ceremony worked!”

“Woodheart, keep talking so we can find you!” Valor was already taking an unsteady step toward them, swiveling her head back and forth. “It doesn’t matter what, just say anything!”

The instructions brought a frown to the druid’s face, causing her to cease cuddling Littleknight. “But I’m right here, next to Lex.” When her response only caused them to stumble more in her general direction, she cast a worried look at the stallion who’d brought her back. “What’s going on? Your horn’s giving off light, but it’s like they can’t see us at all.”

Already losing interest in the druid, Lex paused just long enough to wave a hoof in the direction of her friends. “I absolve you all,” he murmured, waving a hoof at them as he headed toward Teyu, making sure to keep careful hold of Thermal Draft.

Hearing the four mares squeal as they caught sight of Woodheart in the fluorescent glow of his horn’s aura, Lex ignored them as they dogpiled their friend. Instead, he moved over to where the seven-headed behemoth was picking up the spear in the mouth of its lowest head, the Keeper still bellowing indignantly to be set free. The scene was no less bizarre than it had been a moment ago, but now Lex had habituated enough to it to be more curious than anything.

Though it didn’t escape his notice that the various acolytes he’d ejected from the cathedral ahead of him were also watching the spectacle, peering out from the various buildings lining the walls of the Shrine.

“YOU!!!” roared the Keeper, shaking as he tried – apparently in vain – to dislodge himself from the weapon that Teyu was currently bringing his way, the monstrosity stopping right in front of Lex with the spear held in its mouth. “IS THIS YOUR DOING?! ANSWER ME!!!”

The only response Lex had for the Keeper was a contemptuous snort, instead looking up at the seven-headed croco-wolf. “Teyu, give me that.”

But rather than dropping the spear, Teyu’s other heads barked, tail still wagging eagerly.

Frowning, Lex’s horn glowed brighter as he grabbed the spear, trying to yank it from Teyu’s mouth, but the large creature simply clamped its jaws tighter, growling as it pulled in the opposite direction.

Letting out a slow breath between clenched teeth, Lex abandoned the struggle. For a moment he was tempted to simply use the Charismata to try and force Teyu to comply, but the memory of how poorly that had worked the last time he’d tried that – as well as Woodheart’s inadvertent lesson about the perils of using force as a first resort – made him discard that option. Instead, he lifted Thermal Draft in his telekinesis so that his forelegs were free, and turned to the side as he started casting a spell.

The process should have been difficult. He’d cast that anemic healing spell, staunching the bleeding that the neart a’staigh had inflicted on him, partially to gauge how hard it would be to make the proper gestures with claws instead of hooves. But to his mild surprise, he’d been able to make the transition with almost no problems, as if he’d had talons his entire life. Now it was time to see if that had been a fluke, or if something deeper was at work.

The minutes ticked by as he rattled off the lengthy series of syllables and gesticulations, feeding power through his body into the casting so as to enhance the final result, but with each passing moment Lex grew more confident at how easily the requisite somatic components were coming to him, relieved that casting spells with his new body apparently wouldn’t require a long period of retraining himself.

It’s a result of that creature’s instincts merging with my own, he decided as he neared the end of the spell. It’s not just a matter of having adapted aspects of its morphology or suborned its reactions. I’ve incorporated its intuition into my own sense of self. While he could still remember how it had felt to be an ordinary pony – to the extent that he’d ever been ordinary – his ingrained reactions, from balance to reflexes to sensory processes as well as myriad other aspects of his physical functions, were all operating as though he’d had this body his entire life.

But then, that shouldn’t have been a surprise, he decided as he finished the spell, causing a massive quantity of food to appear in the Shrine’s courtyard.

The Night Mare wouldn’t inflict weakness on her faithful as a side effect of gaining new strength.

Seeing the huge feast that had appeared out of nowhere – including a large quantity of fruit and honey – Teyu dropped the spear, barking happily as he rushed over to the feast and immediately began to dig in, his seven heads gulping the repast down in huge portions.

“Don’t just stand there!” growled the Keeper, again trying in vain to pull itself free from the end of the weapon. “Remove this thing from me immediately!”

Still holding Thermal Draft aloft, Lex moved to pick up the spear...

Only to stop in mid-motion, his eyes narrowing as he got a closer look at it.

It can’t be.

Ignoring the way the Keeper kept cursing and wriggling on the end of it, Lex slowly lifted the weapon, looking it over.

The entire thing was a single piece, rather than a collection of parts that had been fitted together. That wasn’t too surprising, considering that its construction hadn’t involved metal, wood, or stone, with its composition instead being made of a particularly dense calcified substance. Nor did it have any ornamentation; indeed, it looked to be completely unworked, having no affectations or decorations of any sort.

...except toward the end of it, where Lex could spy several barbs sprouting from the central haft before it reached the Keeper’s eye socket.

That settled it, then: it wasn’t a spear at all.

It was a giant quill.

Absorbing that latest surprise as he took hold the Keeper, Lex wrenched the skull free of the weapon, one of the barbs having gotten stuck between the undead thing’s back teeth. Flinging the caretaker away as though it were so much garbage, Lex ignored its sputters of outrage as his attention turned toward the small ribbon tied to the end of the quill, hidden from sight up until now by the Keeper’s empty cranium. There was a small tag dangling from the silken wrapping, with a brief message scrawled upon it in flowing, elegant script.

Congratulations on your rebirth.

Beneath the words there was no signature, instead showing only the emblem of a weeping rose.

Author's Note:

Stumbling onto a bizarre scene, Lex receives an unexpected gift from a certain admirer!

What implications does it carry, and how will Lex react to them?

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Fail Forward rolled enough Crit 1 to be worthy of a 40K raid.

As for the quill, well, its like Candadian Geese might say.

The pinion is mightier than the sward.

[Alzrius]

11479928 Technically, critical fumbles are an optional rule in Pathfinder 1st Edition (and are only found in a deck of fumble cards, of all things), but yeah...this came across as one of those failures so profound that it turned into a spectacle all its own. It's almost like these mares have a knack for failing forward.

All kidding aside, we don't quite know the full scope of what happened. Hopefully someone has some answers as to just how things descended to quite that level of madness.

Also, I snickered at your dad joke. Good one!

[TheAbsoluteRadiance]

Looks like everything gone to plan.

[Alzrius]

11480112 Well, I wouldn't go quite that far, but things do seem to have turned out okay (as unusual as that is).

[Not so New Brony]

Of course it'd be something absurd. It's Fail Forward! I can imagine the party being a random encounter on a campaign where the Players can opt to help and probably be pulled into a mini adventure (Roll the dice to see whether it's more lighthearted or filled with peril)

Regardless, fitting that Lex has found an interesting artifact(?) Now I wonder what would happen if Lex dips the end into an inkwell and write or draw with it. Or is there also a giant inkpot somewhere nearby.

[Alzrius]

11480627 I've been developing a lot of Fail Forward's previous adventures in my head (even though I doubt I'll ever get to put many of them in this fic ), and it's amusing just how many of them end on points that are absurd, embarrassing, or downright ridiculous. Needless to say, while the girls have turned their mishaps into a point of pride, there are a few instances which they've sworn never to talk about, since it would be offensive to their professional dignity as adventurers...at least until someone gets drunk enough to spill the beans.

That aside, Lex once again has the bandersnatch quill that he acquired in Darkest Night. But what, if anything, will he do with it?