Lateral Movement

by Alzrius

17 - The Pathos of Lex Legis

In the hour that he had wandered through Tall Tale, Lex had failed to acquire a single useful piece of information.

The local newspapers had not been delivered yet, and the retail shops that would have had yesterday’s news had likewise not opened this early. There were a few ponies out on the streets, of course, rushing to get a jump on their day or coming back from some nighttime activity, but all of them had made a dedicated effort to avoid him.

It took only a glance at himself in a store window to see why. Even if his horn, always so arresting in how mismatched its bright red color was to his dull gray coat, hadn’t been enough to alert others that he was potentially trouble, his face would have done the trick all on its own. His features, in addition to being marred by his usual scowl, had grown haggard, with dark bags visible under his sunken eyes. His posture had stooped, as though he was struggling just to find the energy to move…which he was.

And of course, his shadow continued to make itself known, ignoring the early morning light by staying directly beneath him, as though it were high noon.

The shade behind the shop window, which had been drawn, suddenly went up, and a pony’s face appeared from behind it. Said pony took one look at Lex, and as if to confirm his suspicions, gave a shriek and yanked the shade back down.

Sighing, Lex walked away. At this point he was moving simply because he knew that if he sat or lay down, even for a moment, he’d pass out, and he wasn’t willing to give up yet. Not when there was so much at stake…or when sleep would bring what he knew would be incredible nightmares. He had to persevere, had to at least figure out wh-

Not realizing that he’d failed to account for the step down from the sidewalk into the street, Lex lost his balance and went tumbling. His head hit the pavement, and even as much as it hurt he was suddenly struck by how good it felt to lie down. He knew he had to get up, had to get back to doing whatever it was he’d been doing, but maybe for just a moment…

A minute later, the figure that had been following Lex pounced on his unconscious form.

---

Failure was something that Lex was intimately acquainted with.

He had made many earnest efforts to make friends as a colt, but they had all ended the same. In each case, the ponies he’d approached had all come to one conclusion: that he was “awkward” or “odd” or “weird.” Something about him, some combination of his mannerisms, his reactions, his style of speaking, was putting other ponies off enough that they never felt entirely comfortable around him. Even after myriad instances of holding his frustration and incomprehension in check and simply trying to act the way the ponies around him had acted, it had never worked. They’d always seemed to know that he wasn’t being genuine, and had subsequently distanced themselves from him.

At some point, Lex had come to understand the deeper meaning of his repeated failures to make even a single friend. There hadn’t been any flash of insight or moment of sudden illumination. Instead it had been like a flower opening, being a gradual realization of the true nature of the problem:

There was something wrong with him.

It wasn’t a question about what he was or wasn’t doing properly. It was that there was something about him that was so unpleasant, so off-putting to others that they couldn’t help but withdraw from him. Sometimes the reaction was immediate, and other times it was gradual, but the end result was always the same: his presence simply could not be countenanced.

As painful as that was, what made it truly unbearable was his inability to comprehend just what was wrong. Without knowing what it was about himself that unfailingly drove others away, he had no way of fixing it. No matter how he closely he reviewed past failures or how exactingly he tried to plan subsequent encounters, the true nature of whatever it was about him that repulsed others refused to clarify itself.

The existential anguish of it all was indescribable. If he couldn’t form a connection with others, then he had no place to belong. He knew he had gifts, that he possessed natural talents that gave him something worthwhile to contribute, but without the acceptance and recognition of his peers there was no venue in which to make use of them. That meant, in practical terms, that he had nothing to offer, and what was the value of someone with nothing to offer?

Nothing. Such an individual was worthless.

He was worthless.

It was out of desperation to escape from that label that made Lex change his focus. If he couldn’t isolate and repair whatever his fundamental flaw was, then surely he could at least compensate for it. Though he was unwilling to cease experimenting with social interaction – he couldn’t ignore the chance that some new insight would be unexpectedly unveiled – he would instead endeavor to demonstrate, on a scale so grand as to be undeniable, the worth of what he and he alone could do. Such a thing would surely be enough to eclipse whatever was wrong with him, and win the respect and admiration of his fellows.

At first he’d tried leveraging his aptitude for magic to this end, but although he had created new magic that had many advantages over native Equestrian spellcasting, it had a central flaw in that recharging it required batteries of tremendous magical power that were extremely difficult to find. It was something he was still trying to correct, with no breakthroughs other than minor compensatory techniques to show for it.

Upon returning from the Crystal Empire during its stasis, the horrifying stagnation of his homeland had inspired his next attempt at greatness, which was to revolutionize the philosophy of governance. That had also hit a wall when those short-sighted princesses had spurned his ideas and denied him the chance to execute them. That second attempt, to show his worth via rulership, had only been saved because of Sonata.

…Sonata…

Sonata had been the one pony that had completely defied his history of dealing with others. For reasons that he had never asked and still didn't understand, she had been drawn to him. She had wanted to be around him.

…she loved you...

Not only that, she had believed in him. Although she’d debated how he should achieve it, she had supported his goals of showing other ponies why his authority could bring about prosperity. She had taken his dreams as her own, freely offering her assistance and insights…insights that had, much to his surprise, turned out to be wise counsel. With her at his side, he had actually started to draw closer to the goals that he’d sought for so long.

…and you ruined it…

He had driven her away, the same way he had driven away every other pony he’d tried to get close to. No matter the reasons, no matter what justifications or explanations he made, the end result was that he’d driven away not only the one person who had wanted him to succeed, but was also the only individual that had brought joy – not petty intellectual stimulation or a tepid sense of moral superiority but actual joy – into his ash-gray existence.

…now you’re alone again…

Though Lex prized knowledge, though he lionized new insights and understandings, the awareness of the full scope of what he’d lost was almost more than he could bear. The weight of her absence was crushing. The silence where her beautiful voice should have been was deafening. And the hole in his heart from where she’d been was a gaping wound that could not be closed.

…it will never get better…

During his waking hours, his shadow’s barbs could be mentally “heard,” but that was the extent of its spite. But when he slept, it changed from an irritation into an unstoppable force. Memories that he didn’t want to recall came rushing back in vivid detail. Thoughts that he tried to push away flooded his consciousness. Fears that he refused to acknowledge became impossible to ignore.

Over and over, they tore through him. The regret and the despair and the longing for who he’d lost. If only he had another chance, just one more chance, to make things right with…

---

“Sonata!” Lex awoke with her name on his lips, his voice practically a sob. He always woke up from his nightmares into an instant state of full wakefulness, but this time the overwhelming sadness arrived before the rest of his awareness returned.

“Who’s Sonata?”

The voice that he didn’t know brought Lex back to himself, and he looked around frantically for the source. Belatedly, he realized that he was inside now, lying on the floor beside a bed in what looked like a hotel room. Sitting at a desk across from him was a unicorn mare he didn’t recognize. Her coat was the color of coal, and her mane and tail were blonde. Her cutie mark was a magnifying glass over a newspaper, and she was currently peering at him over the top of a pair of glasses.

Lex slowly got up, returning her gaze warily. “Who are you?” he demanded. “Where am I, and how did I get here? I-” he was cut off as his stomach growled sharply, reacting to a stimulus that his initial inspection of his surroundings had overlooked: the smell of food. Sitting on a small table near the bed was a plate with toast, scrambled eggs, and slices of potatoes.

The mare gave him a disarming smile. “Go ahead. I ordered it for you.”

Despite her invitation, Lex hesitated, suspicion flaring. A thought was all it took for his circlet to let him view magic…only to find that there was none present, save for the few spells that he’d permanently woven onto himself. Turning his attention back to the meal that had been laid out, he called on Sombra’s power to enhance his senses as he inhaled its aroma again. It was mouth-watering, and completely lacking in foreign substances that he could tell.

A squeal of delight reached his ears, and he glanced at the unknown mare sharply. She had produced a pencil and notepad from somewhere, and was glancing between it and him as she wrote. “Eyes turn green…purple thingies from the corners,” she muttered. “Purple aura around horn…this is great stuff!” She had declared that last part louder, nodding to herself in satisfaction.

Apparently done with her note-taking, her grin radiated satisfaction as she finally looked back at him. A note of confusion dampened her enthusiasm as she glanced between him and the food. “You’re seriously not going to eat anything? Your stomach was growling so loud I thought I was going to get noise complaints.”

Lex was about to demand answers again, only to have his belly punctuate her statement with another loud rumble. Grudgingly picking up the plate in his telekinetic grip, he brought it to him as he climbed on the bed and sat down, the mare occupying the only chair in the room. He took a bite of the toast, and for a moment almost forgot about everything else as his hunger was finally satisfied.

“So, I hope you don’t mind my saying so, but that food’s not exactly free.” Her statement caused Lex to pause in mid-bite of a potato slice, and he turned a baleful gaze on his apparent savior. “Whoa, no need for the stink-eye!” she protested, waving her hooves in a warding gesture. “I just meant that I wanted to ask you some questions, is all.”

Swallowing the mouthful of food, Lex gave her a level look. “Before anything else, you tell me who you are and what’s going on.”

“Fair enough. I’m Nosey.” She placed a hoof on her chest, and Lex had time to wonder if she was describing herself before she continued. “Nosey Newsy. And what’s going on,” her voice took on that excited squeal again, this time keeping her gaze directly on him, “is that I’m about to have an exclusive interview with King Sombra!”

Author's Note:

You don't need to go through some sort of traumatic event to become twisted inside. Sometimes all it takes is a life of quiet desperation.

More immediately, Lex seems to be out of danger, but can he handle a member of the fourth estate?

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Interview with King sombra.

Even when he is the only one around, Lex is playing second fiddle to a loser.

Wonder how long it will take before he Lokis out and meets Hulk.

[Spiritus Arcane]

Oy...Lex can't catch a break, can he?

[Alzrius]

6650636 One thing I wanted to drive home in this chapter was Lex's heartbreak over Sonata leaving him. While we've seen his attempts to deal with that (e.g. trying to ignore it and focusing on his presumed "duty"...which meant that he pushed himself until he collapsed to reach Tall Tale and get to work), I wanted to explore what this was like for him on the inside, where he was trying very hard not to think about it.

I also wanted to shine a bit of a spotlight as to why he acts the way he does in general. Hopefully this drives home that he doesn't drive people away because he's abrasive and bitter...rather, he's abrasive and bitter because he drives people away.

[David Silver]

Sombra? Oh man! I always wanted his hoof print...

This situation is not nearly as bad as it could be.

[Spiritus Arcane]

6650664
Well, yeah that....but I really meant him having to deal with an annoying reporter who thinks he's Sombra.

[Apeman81]

Ouch, now is that more a punch to the gut or a slap to the face for poor ole Lex's ego being mistaken for Sombra. It bad enough his supposed archnemesis's protegee made that mistake, but now some random newsmare is some podunk town? That gotta hurt!