800 - A Gift Wolf
Solvei was the first one to break the silence that fell in the wake of Nisha’s request.
“You...you want to-”
“To pledge myself to your master, body and soul, as you have,” murmured the black wolf reverently, continuing to prostrate herself before Lex.
“It has been my one and only wish, ever since I witnessed the magnificence that was your victory over White Wraith,” Nisha continued, no longer speaking to Solvei. “From the safety of the trees, I watched as you shamed him in front of his servants, forcing his superior to intervene, and I was filled with awe and reverence.”
“ “ “Long had I hoped to see the downfall of the one who defeated/humiliated/broke me.” ” ”
“I circled the city many times, waiting for you to emerge so I could offer myself to you, but the wilderness went mad with violence and I missed my opportunity. Ever since then, I’ve prayed to the Night Mare to grant me another chance to appear before you, and now She has!”
Again, Nisha pressed her lips to the barbed wire around Lex’s foreleg. “I beg you, take me into your service! Restore my shattered self, and I shall be yours forev-, huh?”
Her pleading ended abruptly as she noticed black crystals growing around her, the jagged black prisms growing like razor-edged flowers. Stranger still was the fluorescent cast to them, until she realized that the pale green and purple light wasn’t coming from the crystals themselves, but from Lex’s eyes, which were now glowing so brightly that they blotted out his irises and pupils.
And those featureless orbs were trained directly on her as he breathed heavily through gritted teeth.
Freezing as she beheld the intimidating sight, Nisha attempted to press herself further against the ground. “M-my master, have I upset-, URK!”
She couldn’t finish as a claw seized her by the throat and squeezed, cutting off her air.
“You don’t get to call me that.”
Slowly, Lex rose onto his hind legs, lifting Nisha as he stood upright, until he was raising her above his head. Her hind legs kicked pitifully, barely able to touch the ground as her front paws gripped at his wrist, feebly struggling to free herself. “Please-”
Her begging was cut off as he increased the pressure on her neck, letting her wriggle like a worm on a hook as he glared at her before finally deigning to speak to her again.
“Your presumptuousness has angered me more than you can imagine.”
Behind him, Solvei let out a moan as she sunk to her knees, one hand going to her head. She knew that Lex was aware of her emotions – being cognizant of them without feeling them himself – but that part of their bond didn’t extend both ways. She was only aware of his emotions when he experienced them with powerful intensity, and when that happened she felt them as if they were her own. It had happened before, when Mystaria’s thoughtless prying had driven him over the edge, and it was happening again now.
But unlike the panic her master had felt when his secret had been uncovered, the emotion he felt this time was towering rage.
“I brought you here to perform one simple task for me,” continued Lex, his voice colder than the surrounding snow. “Locate my enemies. That’s all. And yet in exchange, you dare to ask that I invest a piece of my own soul in you? That I make you an extension of myself? How high of an opinion do you have of yourself to think that you’re worthy of such a thing?”
Nisha’s purple eyes were starting to bulge now, her struggles slowing as she couldn’t draw more air into her lungs, but Lex didn’t seem to care. “How low of an opinion do you have of me that you think I’d show you such favor in exchange for one small errand and some flattery?”
“M-Master...” Cringing, Solvei righted herself, giving Lex a pleading look. “I know I asked you to force her to find my kin, but this-”
Without turning his head, Lex thrust his other claw – the one with the barbed wire coiled above it, which was now digging into his flesh angrily – toward her. “Sit still and be silent.”
The display of the Night Mare’s disapproval did nothing to abate the Charismata’s power, and Solvei immediately dropped to her knees, her jaw snapping closed. Simple reflex made her struggle, even though she knew it was futile. The nature of the Charismata was to empower those it was directed at, granting them the ability to fulfill the user’s desires...even if those desires weren’t their own.
Abandoning her efforts, she instead did her best to remain calm. Even if a hurricane had swept through the forest, she wouldn’t have moved from the spot she was in, nor could she have cried out even if she was being tortured. Until the Charismata wore off, Lex’s desires bent the very universe to his will, empowered by the Night Mare herself and using her as the medium through which they came true.
But that didn’t mean she couldn’t still communicate with him.
Master, if you kill her-
She didn’t get a chance to finish as he slammed their telepathic connection shut, the force of it causing her ears to flatten.
She knew she still had other options available, since he hadn’t ordered her not to use her magic, but she didn’t bother. Trying to wrench the black wolf free with her telekinesis would only put more strain on her body, and attacking Lex with her ice magic-
No.
Her rejection of that idea wasn’t so much a conscious decision as it was a visceral reaction. She could almost feel his mark on her flanks throbbing, as though allergic to the very thought. He was her master, the one to whom she belonged, and knowing that was what gave her existence meaning. Rebelling against him like that was unthinkable.
Literally.
Which meant that Nisha was on her own.
“ “ “I beg of you, release/forgive/spare me!” ” ”
The chorus of shadows from around the helpless black wolf in his grasp brought a sneer to Lex’s lips, refusing to give them any further acknowledgment as her struggles degenerated to a few weak twitches.
The sight brought him far less satisfaction than he’d expected, and he frowned inwardly. As furious as Nisha’s request had made him, the beast inside of him was unmoved by his violent response. For all that it had been howling for blood earlier, it found nothing worthwhile in slaying a creature that had already demonstrated its submission; all the more so if they were a female suitable for breeding.
Silently cursing the contrary thing, Lex instead took solace in knowing that his fury was all his own. The fact that this insolent creature had dared ask for something so profound – so incredibly intimate – despite their having just met fanned the flames of his rage. Solvei had been given that connection only after she had proven herself, laying her life on the line in battle with him multiple times! And even then, she’d never dared to ask for such a favor!
Except, for some reason, thinking of Solvei now only made him feel worse.
But there was no opportunity for him to think further on that as he felt the barbed wire around his other foreleg clench tighter, sawing through his organometallic fur and toughened flesh effortlessly. The Night Mare, it seemed, was very upset that he was rejecting the servant that she’d all but gift-wrapped for him.
But despite having reaffirmed – multiple times over now – his faith in the goddess, he still couldn’t fight down a sudden sense of vindictiveness toward her. Bad enough he had Kara deciding who would love him; now the Night Mare wanted to pick and choose whom he’d share his innermost self with? All I wanted was one minor logistical problem solved! he raged at the Night Mare silently. You’ll get my soul if I die, but you will NOT pick who I share it with while I’m alive!
It was with that thought in mind that he hurled Nisha to the ground, the last few dregs of air in her lungs exploding outward with a pained yelp that sounded almost puppyish in tone. It was immediately followed by a ragged inhalation and sudden fit of coughing, barely able to move as she gulped down air. Even then, Lex could hear her trying to speak. “F-for...gi-give...m-”
“Not another word,” hissed Lex. “Not one. If you want my forgiveness, you’ll earn it by completing the task I’ve given you, and accepting the compensation I’ve deemed you worthy of receiving. Is that understood?”
Still struggling to breathe easily, Nisha managed to pick herself up, cringing as she nodded.
“Then go,” ordered Lex. “Now!”
Shaking like a beaten cur, Nisha dragged herself toward a nearby tree, passing behind it and vanishing.
The barbed wire around his foreleg stopped its excruciating twisting then, though it still remained tightly clenched around his foreleg, making it clear that the goddess was still very displeased. But Lex found it easy to ignore the pain, instead closing his eyes as he fought to calm himself. After several seconds, the black crystals sprouting around him disintegrated, and the light from his eyes flickered and went out as he slowly sank back down to all fours.
Releasing the block he’d put on his telepathic connection to Solvei, Lex said nothing to her, nor did he turn to look at her as the seconds passed. When she didn’t say anything after he knew the Charismata had worn off, he held the silence in turn, content to wait like that until Nisha returned.
Even so, he registered deep discomfort coming from Solvei, slowly growing more intense over time. Finally, he heard her clear her throat softly. “Master...?”
When he didn’t respond, she tried again. “Master, I’m worried. After...what just happened, what will we do if Nisha goes back to Darkest Night instead of tracking down my people?”
“If she abandons the task I gave her, then what she just experienced will seem pleasant compared to what I do to her the next time I summon her,” vowed Lex darkly.
“But that won’t help us this time!” protested Solvei, still making no move to get up. “Master, I just...” She paused then, and Lex heard her sigh. “I know she shouldn’t have asked that, and I’m angry that she wanted a reward for helping my kin too, but I wish you hadn’t been so hard on her.”
Lex clenched his jaw so hard it hurt. “Then next time, I’ll let you fawn all over her the way you did Silla.”
The words came out more bitter than he’d intended, and he was aware of Solvei feeling surprise then. “Master...is, is that why you’re upset? Because I was-”
“I don’t want to discuss this anymore,” ordered Lex brusquely, suddenly wishing he hadn’t said anything. “Don’t bring it up again.”
For the next several seconds silence reigned, but only a few heartbeats had passed before her voice reached his ears once more.
“Master, you know that I’m still your Solvei, now and forever, right?”
In an instant, his fury came rushing back, but this time it was so powerful and so unexpected that it made him stop short...
And he realized that it hadn’t been Nisha that he was angry with, nor the Night Mare.
He was angry at Solvei.
Except even that wasn’t right.
He was angry because she hadn’t been there when he’d lost himself to the beast inside of him, instead telepathically carrying on about her injured kin. He was angry because she still thought of them as being her kin, embracing Silla as though they were family. He was angry because she had referred to the missing adlets as “her people” again and again, inadvertently emphasizing the connection she still felt toward them.
That had been, he realized now, why he hadn’t even thought of simply imbuing her with the power to heal once he’d arrived on the scene, instead conducting an experiment with a less-powerful healing spell on Silla. Why he’d lost his temper so badly when Nisha had asked to partake in the same bond that he was suddenly apprehensive toward. Why the words the wolf he was bonded to had spoken just now – which he knew he should have found soothing – had instead made him furious.
His anger was covering his fear, the same way it had his entire life.
She’d said she was still his Solvei, but these last few hours had shown him something he’d known for some time, but hadn’t fully appreciated until just now: that the same way he wasn’t truly himself anymore, she wasn’t truly Solvei anymore.
All of that slid across his mind even as he opened his mouth, his reply spilling out before he’d had a chance to consciously process what he was saying.
“But are you my Akna?”
Damn it, Lex!
Augh! Just...AUGH! 
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You take candy from a baby, you get an angry baby.
When that baby is Jak Jak,
You dont want to make him angry.
Makes sense. Gains aren't everything in life and Lex is very much his own person with an entire lifetime to live, while Nisha would be extremely beneficial for not only her skill but her knowledge of tulpa. Baring his soul for so little would make him worse than a cheap wh*re who only sells her body, This is much more intimate and he would spend all of his life with his soulbound person for a simple transaction. Yeah, This is much more logical. How can you write Lex so consistently tho? this is a skill that eludes me when I write. You have a chart of Lex's do and don't somewhere beside you when you write?
But at the same time, Nisha is the one who would be losing the most in the soul bound contract even if she is gaining power, her freedom will be lost for however he will be alive. Then again She is a wanderer who live in the forest from what I read so she doesn't seem to have much to lose.
This is too complicated of a situation. I guess that's why it being consensual is mandatory for it to work and cannot be forced.
In fiction these days and particularly web fictions, characters seem to take the easy power up without regard to the broader implication of the action that led to the power up, this made me fall into a trap of not considering this kind of situations more deeply. This is even used as the main plot for some stories for example taking a cursed artifact for some easy power but only after realizing that it was stupid to do so for X and Y reasons.
Well, there goes another potential follower but then again, Nisha doesn't feel like the type to give up so easily. Plus, Lex might summon her again in the future since her ability is so useful.
Regardless, that's not important right now since Lex does make a pertinent point. He and Solvei share a very intimate bond with each other whereas Akna has no such thing. And after merging, she might share the connection but not the devotion Solvei has so Lex likely worries about Akna causing a divide between him and Solvei.
wow chapter 800 and the word count 1.888 million.
awesome chapter.
11509323 Well, in Lex's defense, he at least managed to figure out why he reacted the way he did pretty quickly.
11509343 Comments like yours are why this site needs a blushing emoji.
Thank you!
In point of fact, I don't keep any sort of written notes about Lex's characteristics or personality (notwithstanding what I've written in my blog, either here or on Wordpress). It's just that I know his character extremely well, and have no trouble understanding how he'd react to a given situation, which in large part has been due to having written him so much over the last several years. (In the early days, there were times when I'd go back and have to change bits that I'd already written, realizing that they didn't fit the situation nearly as well as I'd thought at first.)
For this scene, Lex was essentially being offered a "free" power-up in terms of taking another soul-bound servant, since there's no reason to think that he couldn't have made Nisha his the way he did Solvei, making her both much stronger and completely obedient to him. But it simply wasn't in his character to accept that offer. Lex has never been someone who craves power for its own sake; he wants it only to accomplish the goal(s) which he believes will give meaning to his life, which is to make a positive contribution to pony society...one large enough and enduring enough that it justifies his own existence to himself. (He previously also believed doing so would compensate for his personal foibles and allow him to achieve a meaningful connection to his peers, but after what happened in the Confluence he's given up on that dream.)
But while those are Lex's goals, his fears are much more visceral, insofar as he fears losing what little comfort he can find, since that's what makes his life bearable (which, it's important to note, is distinct from his desire to prove to himself that his life has meaning). That's why he's a person who measures his life in terms of what he's lost more than what he's gained; even when he willingly merged with that aurumvorax in Darkest Night (losing a part of himself, as he saw it, which goes to the heart of his fears), he didn't truly understand what that entailed.
Then he temporarily lost himself to his bestial side, and got a lesson in that regard.
Given all of that, plus Solvei's having her own alteration-of-self, and it's no surprise that Lex reacted very badly to being presented with a situation where someone was asking him to invest part of himself in another. Even though that wouldn't involve any change to himself per se, it's still an extremely intimate bond, and given that Lex is struggling to process what's happened to himself and Solvei both, Nisha couldn't have picked a worse time to make that particular request of him. That he's letting her go without so much as a curse is likely only due to him needing her to track down Sissel and the adlets, along with her being there because he himself called her (and because the Night Mare selected her).
Of course, this means he won't have whatever power Nisha would have gained at his beck-and-call later on (which, true to form, I'd already sketched out before writing this), but as you noted, this isn't one of those stories where the main character just grabs power with no consequences (or consideration for consequences). Even if it's just how he feels, Lex puts more thought into things than that...something which has served him well, though at times it's also made things much harder for him.
11509644 Thanks! I swear, if I had known when I'd started this story that it would go on this long, I'm not sure I ever would have begun...which I suppose makes it a good thing that I had no idea!
11509346 Although he's extremely bad at expressing it, Lex's fear about what's happened to Solvei is essentially a form of insecurity. He'd finally accepted that he and Solvei have a bond that's as deep as it is permanent (even if it took her dying for him to recognize that), and he'd begun to take some measure of comfort in that...even if he thinks that Kara's partially to blame for how much Solvei cares for him, he still can't keep himself from reacting to that, since he's literally unable to break what they have.
But now Akna, who never had that same level of caring for him, is part of Solvei also. To that end, Lex is now wondering if he's less important to her, seeing how badly she's upset by what happened to Silla and the other adlets.
This, of course, is not only very unfair on Lex's part, but borders on being childish; it's essentially him being upset that he might not be the center of her universe anymore. But that's kind of how Lex is; for all of his skills and talents, he's also an emotionally-damaged individual, and while he hates that about himself, being aware of it doesn't change that part of him. Even if Solvei isn't a pony, and even if Kara's responsible for it, someone who regards him as being their first, last, and only person of importance was irresistible, and he doesn't want to lose that.
11510636
i can remember David Silver pointing me to this story shortly after you started it.