How Dare You!
Muhtar Kent, CEO and Chairman of the Coca-Cola company, relaxed in his office on a sunny afternoon. He'd finished all of his meetings for the day, sorted through all the needed reports, signed a few documents, and was doing some stretching before a nice dinner. He was feeling sushi tonight.
"Mr. Kent, there's a, problem sir. Someone's hear to see you." The voice of his secretary came over the phone by his desk.
Muhtar frowned. "Send them away, I'm not seeing anyone else today."
"I've tried sir. She's been quite, uh, insistent." The secretary replied.
"Security?"
"She turned them into dolls, sir." He answered nervously. "Huh? Oh, sorry. Action figures."
Muhtar frowned. What kind of silliness was this? "Fine, send her in. I'll deal with it myself."
"Right away sir."
Moments later the door was thrown open, and in walked, of all things, a giant horse. It wasn't just a horse though, no it was fully equipped with a long sharp horn and large wings. The horse's mane and tail were a ridiculous pastel rainbow that billowed in an unseen wind, while her hair was an immaculate white that only weeks of bleaching and pampering could ever hope to attain.
By the large mare's side, don't ask him how he decided it was a she, it just seemed right, was another smaller horse, this one a unicorn with a saddle strapped to its back. The brown maned and pink haired unicorn was following with a paper and quill floating about her, nickering quietly to the larger horse.
To the CEO's surprise, the horse trotted right up to his desk, glared at him with the utmost hate, and snorted at him. Her horn glowed like the unicorns, and from one of the unicorns bags floated a grey bottle of coke. The mare slammed the bottle onto his desk before she spoke in a soft, furious voice.
"Mr. Muhtar, what in the name of all that is good is this?" The horse asked him.
He could only stare. It was speaking to him now? When did reality decide to take a vacation?
"I asked you a question, human. You find this funny?" She said, turning the bottle to display the name. In the same flowing script that the company had used for its logo for years, was written the name 'Tia'. He looked back at the mare, then back at the bottle.
"I, I'm sorry, miss, uh..." He said leadingly.
"Princess Celestia of Equestria. My friends call me Tia." The mare answered.
"I, I'm afraid I don't see what your issue is, ma'am." He said, sweat beginning to drip down his face. When did it get so warm in his office?
"You don't? Well, then. Let me enlighten you. I've drank your product for years. I stuck with the company through thick and thin, even after your damnable 'new coke' fiasco. When I first heard about the names on them, I thought it was a cute little thing to do. Then I started seeing this name around. Tia on Diet Coke's Tia on Coke Zeros." Her eyes narrowed on him. "Tell me, Mr Muhtar, is there something you're trying to tell me?"
"Ma'am, I'm afraid that the, uh, names are completely randomly selected. I promise you, I didn't do this purposefully!" He said, his suit now looking quite damp.
"Is that so? Because do you know what I find this to be?" she asked, before swinging her body around, aiming her giant butt at him. "You see this, Mr. Muhtar? Stallions across my country cry as I walk by, awed by the beauty contained in my buttocks. Mares weep in envy knowing that no matter what they do, their flanks will never be so supple, yet wondrously soft. Gods both young and old have visited me, just for the chance to see me walk, to watch my flank sway with my natural gait. And you, little human, have made a direct attack on an Equestrian treasure. You and your company have dared to insinuate that I should go on a diet." She fumed, her humongous butt shoved over his desk.
"Your lucky I'm forgiving" she said, turning back around. "I could see your company burned to the ground for what you did. Instead, I'm going to let the world know, I'm going to let your customers punish you. And do you know what else?"
The mare turned around, head held high in dismissal of the CEO. "I'm going to change my orders from Coke to the Pepsi company. I'm sure they'll be much kinder to me. Besides, I've heard it tastes better." With that the mare departed, the unicorn giving the man one last scowl before departing. Muhtar Kent sat in his chair for a few moments, the sweat dripping into a puddle on the floor, allowing the shock of the event to pass. Shakily, he reached over to the phone and buzzed his secretary.
"Sir? Are you alright? She just walked by. Turned the security back before she left, too." the slightly nervous man told him.
"I, I'm fine. I want you to clear the next week from my schedule. I'm going to take a vacation. I think by the end of it I should stop shaking."
<-(0)->
Nearby, sitting on a lawn chair that was floating in the air, Discord quietly sipped at his own drink, surprisingly drinking the contents, not the container. He chuckled as he watched the mare strut out of the office, barely withholding a wolf whistle at the sight of her exit. Truly he was blessed, originating in the same world as Her Royal Hindquarters. He didn't have to go far to see them, and it was always so kind of her to take walks in the garden during his imprisonment. The God of Chaos chuckled as he watched the human get up out of his seat and shakily walk out the door, certainly trailing a fairly large line of perspiration after the encounter.
"Poor Tia," he muttered, tossing the can over his shoulder and pulling a second from a nearby case. "still so far from true happiness. After all, everypony knows that Dr. Pepper is the superior drink."
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There is no superior soda.
inb4 heated discussion on who is best soda
Man, Celestia's attitude in the entire story was hilarious.
6347664
Princess luna is best soda
6348184
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/9/21/726832__safe_princess+luna_photo_toy_drink_russian_soda_figurine_can_coca-dash-cola.jpg
Can't argue with Discord at the end there.
I agree with this. Except for the last line.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/10/18/126331/full.png
Pepsi pone is best pone.
Ah, awesome! It feels like one of my own fan fiction.
Celestia seems a little sensitive about her weight, doesn't she? XD
And yeah, I think pepsi is better.
I'm glad my stories of Sunbutt had inspired you to write this.
6348322
Nice
.
I have always wanted to use this video but have never found a proper place to use it, thank you for the perfect opportunity
6347664 it's clear by carbon dating that mountain dew is the best soda ever made
JULMUSTbraxonfood.se/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/julmust460.jpg
celestia should know then that drinkng cola makes your bones weaker and bthe big amount of sugar is actually deadly they just putted something in the cola which i against the strong taste of sugar but still cola is dangerous i wih this stuff whould be illegal
>45 likes
>no dislikes
6348437 I wholeheartedly agree.
6350695
MOTHERF---!
6347664 There is no best soda, only the opinion on best soda by best pony.
6348322 I actually thought of doing an entire thing where Tia mentions Luna being pissed about seeing caffeine free cokes with her name on it, but I forgot about it while at work.
6348980 As soon as the idea hit me, your fics came to mind.
6350697 Thanks a lot, asshole! Everyone knows the moment you say something about that, someone's going to dislike it just to be 'that guy'
6351256
Hey, there's no need to be rude about it.
6351262 I'm not trying to be nasty. It's a silly fic, and besides, do you really think I'm going to blame your comment for the downvotes? I'm a big boy.
I know it's all Knighty's fault
6351417
Yeah, he doesn't have his big boy pants.
Well Discord has just won my support, Dr. pepper is awesome.
Sorry, Dissy, Dr. Pepper has to play second fiddle to root beer.
Sorry Discord, but it's Dr Pepper without a period now. I can understand you being behind on the times, what with being sealed away for a thousand years
Let's not argue about best drink, though.
It's pop, not soda. It's fizzy drink, not pop. It's Coke, not fizzy drink. It's carbonated beverage, not Coke.
Bleh, I hate Dr Pepper, the first time I tried it I couldn't drink it and nearly threw up. It's vile. Anything else, even the more obscure limited edition versions of Coca Cola and Pepsi are better than Dr Pepper by a long shot.
6391667 Heresy!
*sits back, drinking a ginger beer* Ah, the cola wars. How quaint.
Ahhh... a warm cola made with actual sugar. That and I should probably start drinking RC before it completely goes off the radar.
XD I found Lulu on a coke bottle XD
6391667 ...Discord.
6391667 It's n my top 3...of course...I only LIKE three. Diet Coke, (that oneI can't remember the name of) and Dr. Pepper/Dr.Pibb.
Needs work, spelling and grammar-wise, but a good chuckle. Worth a fave.
(Edit) AAAAAAAND I mis-spell "spelling"...damn tiny touch screen...
Though when compared to Sarsaparilla, it's only second ra~ate!
Man, I hate Mountain Dew ever since it gave me hives. Turns out they put stuff that's in gasoline inside the drink. What the fuck, Mountain Dew?
Dr Pepper tastes like watery shit.
Don't ask.
Everyone knows A&W is the best.
6392329 I concur HERASY. For the Emperor of Drinkind!
All of you clearly haven't tasted Mountain Dew!
>Story is tagged with "sex."
>Story contains no sex aside from Celestia boasting about her lovely ass.
Aww man. What a bait-and-switch
7143693
>Story is rated T
>Story can't HAVE sex in it, just innuendo and a pony shaking its butt at someone.
Dr. Pepper? Nah, I'll stick with TaB, thank you.
i like both cola and pepis i mix them!
lol this video i watch a few min earlier !
6612785
On Mountain Dew, for your edification.
This was glorious. All praise and glory be to the Royal White Flanks! May their plush girth never dwindle!
8757201
The taste is not worth the agony.
I'm not sure what to take out of that. Mountain Dew gave me hives twice, and the only thing I could think of that might have caused it was BVO. Both times were isolated incidents, where I hadn't been drinking the stuff, but it was offered so I drank it, so the article mentioning that problems arose more prominently when consumed heavily in one day (kind of a no-brainer) doesn't really apply there. I'd like to make certain of what caused it so I can avoid products like that in the future (hence why I stay away from BVO), but at the very least I know I can't drink Mountain Dew.
Thanks for the article, anyways - though I'd warn against replying to comments several years old for something like this - the right kind of information may have been happened upon by then, or circumstances may have changed.
6612785
They also put stuff that's in gasoline in beer, wine, vodka... ever heard of ethanol? Known colloquially as alcohol.
What's next? Tia on Diet Water bottles?