A Princess Without her Knight

nightmare mist pony

nightmare mist pony #1 · Jul 21st, 2015 · · 1 ·

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YAY I LOVED IT

Final fantasy forever

Final fantasy forever #2 · Jul 21st, 2015 · · 1 ·

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6227974

Wonderful to hear.
So is it ready for submission or were there errors.

nightmare mist pony

nightmare mist pony #3 · Jul 21st, 2015 · · 1 ·

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6227976 ok time for two give you the errors

jamessavacu

jamessavacu #4 · Jul 23rd, 2015 · · ·

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Ok so let me make this clear i really enjoyed this story and you show promise as a writer but i had some issues with this so on to business first of all this was very rushed the transition from being closed off and rude to being a gentilcolt in triple p s character was too fast also the whole cadance and him hooking up should have takin longer in the future i whould say stick to chapter fics as opposed to long one shots when you work with chapters it becomes simpler to set the pace remember theres no rush take your time and put things in a real life perspective and if you find yourself needing help or someone to bounce ideas off i work as a prereader but thats enough of that on to what i liked your have real talent writing songs that musical number about bein evil was amazing and your style is very easy to read so i always felt i new exactly where the characters were and what was happening so awsome job there all in all i rank this about a 3.5 out of 5 but its still like and fav worthy also you get a watch good luck with future fics

Comment posted by Zane Wolfe deleted Aug 7th, 2015

Final fantasy forever

Final fantasy forever #6 · Jul 23rd, 2015 · · ·

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6235906

Before I even begin to respond Here's the first thing I need to address. THANK YOU. Your the first person to read my story 'well one of them anyway' and give good valuable input and criticism. Sure my other stories have comments and a little advice but nobody has given a well structured thesis that's true and not completely rude. Thank you. You clearly took the time to read the story before judging it. I had gained five down votes and I didn't see the number of reads increase by one so I felt rather...well hurt.

His swift and rapid change from closed off into a gentlecolt is due to that he never felt 'safe' with being around others because of him being an Alicorn even around other Alicorns. The closed off rude personality is meant to drive others away so he doesn't risk exposing what he is. Perfect way to explain this is 'showing his true colors.'

Second. Cadence falling in love to fast. Yes that is completely true so true in fact that Triple P says so in the story. "w...wow I thought these things took time" The reason for it was another quote in the story. "If you care for someone or someone cares for you look into their eyes Cadence to see if its sincere. The body can be taught to lie with a smile but the eyes can hold no secrets." It was a sort of love at first sight thing. Cadence knew he loved her and was forming feeling for him as well.

Chapters. Good sir read my other story you'll find I write VERY long chapters.

Thank you. I do like music. I sing in a choir but I dream of composing. The second chapter of my other story has four songs. and just about every chapter in it hosts at least one.

I hope this has covered everything and THANK YOU.

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