Twilight has been conflicted about being a princess while her friends support it she worries about the responsibility it brings Princess Celestia has made a new holiday celebration in dedication to the magic of friendship. However not all have been catering to the reign of the Alicorns. Some begin to question how fit Celestia is to rule Equestria. When an old student of Celestia returns to the land after years of self exile bent on usurping the throne of the mare he view as his mother the flames of despair, hunger, and doubt are fanned into a ravenous fire that seeks to consume Equestria whole. When the the rebels declare themselves an independent nation and annex eastern Equestrian conflict erupts and Twilight finds herself in a war she's utterly unprepared for. As their situation grows dire the world begins to back and question Equestrias new leader bringing the conflict on a global scale leaving Equis to decide whether to remain loyal to Equestrian crown or aid the rebellious UGER in their so-called fight for unity and equality
PS If you didn't like it say why. same goes as if you do like it
(takes place after season three before season four)
Artist who generously made the cover art
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Doukzor100
I'll bite.
5518716
You made this comment awhile back my sincerest apologies for not responding. Were you confused if so about what.
PS thanks for taking the time to read my story.
5738115
Sheesh, talk about a Update and this is the long chapter I ever seen!
5738205
I suppose I should have made it shorter But each time I should have reached a stopping point I just kept going refusing to take my own advice. Chapter 3 won't be as long and is already halfway done. My proof reader took 2 weeks to check all of this.
5738404 Oh?
great chapter, but could use some proof reading a some edits to really top it off, but great chapter nonetheless, also nice to see a shorter chapter this time around, keep up the good work, i mean the stalliongrad reference im getting, thats sumthing
5849657
Stalliongrad is the location where the chapter leaves of on. The Stalliongrad Gulag
5850798 no wt i meant ws stalliongrad in reference to stalingrad, tht place known to have the bloodiest battle of ww2 prob the bloodiest of all the world wars
5850835
That's the place my friend
This is a nice story, IMO. I really like the setting and plot, but maybe a bit more details? I mean, you just speak about the location but didn't provide details for me (not sure about others) to visualize.
P.S.
I'm new here, so really sorry if I sound overly critical. But I really like your story.
6207591
Thank you my friend
Also I can take criticism so long as its valid and not just heinous bashing.
As for location. There are many locations which one did you want me to elaborate on?
PS if you like it there's a small button you can click near the top that shows you did.
Good story to add to Night Fall.
6669016
thank you my friend
AHH!!! I'm sorry I haven't gotten to commenting!
I missed it in meh feeds XD
I'm hooked!
This is awesome!!!
6863001
Hello my friend, I see you got 'Looped' into this as well
Thanks my friend. How have you been
6863084 no prob! I've been fine, just vent drawing and writing and such :3
... I hath been looped.
6863172
That sounds nice
6863218 Nice, how about you? :3
We are Punny. Extremel-
*Dies*
*Is murdered by Puppet*
I DON'T WANT YOUR PUNS!!! (get it? No? K)
6863296
good.
Don't get that last part
6863315 Going into explaining it would make things just really awkward, so... I'll save you the time and say it came from an FNaF Puppet comic o3o
6864118
Alright
I like how the beginning of this chapter reminded me of that mission from CoD WaW, fond memories playing that
7498678
Glad you liked it
Hi! Remember over a year ago when I said I would look this over? I bet you thought I forgot! (I kinda did...) But here I am! Unfortunately, I don't have time to start reading this beast of a first chapter (19k words? Good Lord!), but I did want to point out a couple of things I saw in the description. After all, the description is the single most important variable in a reader's decision as to if they are going to spend their time on your story.
Okay, I've read this sentence many times and cannot figure out what you are saying. Twilight is worried about the responsibility that her being a princess brings to Celestia? Huh? I don't think Celestia has to make a new holiday for Twi, she's just doing it as a celebration, not out of responsibility. So, yeah...that's confusing.
Comma after however.
*self-exile
comma after mother.
Remove one *the* and add a comma after Equestrain.
And this is as confusing as the first sentence. Also, with everything you've said up to this point, I feel this final sentence is completely unnecessary and does nothing but lengthens the description. Removing it will have no negative impact once-so-ever.
There you are! I'll start reading this very soon, but I doubt I'll be running a fine tooth comb through it like I did this description, the chapters are just too long for that. But I will point out any big issues that may jump out at me. Talk to you again soon!
9602398
I should put a period after brings. And the celebration was more for the importance of friendship.
got it
got it
once more got it
thank you for the feedback.
I also want to say that while i appreciate you reading this, I am planning to do a big revision of this story as a lot of what I had done before was when I was a very green writer. I would request that if you were to give this story a serious read, that you hold off until the revision is made as many things are in need of change.
This is my version of this chapter:
Celestia almost got stabbed, but used her magic to stop it and stabbed him instead.