I'm a fairly skilled hermetic wizard, and I could teach you the esoteric arts, if you can prove that you are worthy of my instruction.
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A carved wooden box, resting on a nightstand.
tap tap tap
Resting inside a lone gem, crumbling away into dust. The powers of life fading with it.
Just a short work. I was feeling like writing horror, so I did. It isn't particularly special, just something I felt like doing. I found the artwork on google images, then added some colour to it.
Seriously, this started just as me experimenting with atmosphere, and it just kinda happened.
ForgottenDreams did a reading: Link
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6210576 What did you think of it? Good? Bad? Iffy? I would like to know.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Alright. This is outright creepypasta material. Making matters all the worse is that I found this while there's stormy weather outside, so now I've got unease outside and inside the house.
I doubt that I could do creepy like this. And I doubt I'm going to sleep well tonight. So help me, there'd better not be a tapping at my basement door tonight!
6210584 I don't really read dark stories. Which was new for me and I REALLY like it.
6210659 Well, I'm glad that you liked my fic. It was my first foray into truly dark writing, and I feel that I did a fairly decent job, even though I am never satisfied with my works...
6210655 tap tap tap
But in all seriousness, your response was exactly what I needed to hear. The fact that it stirred those emotions in you means my experiment with the psychological aspects of horror worked out well. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
6210698
See if you can get Mr. Creepypasta to do a reading of this.
6210732 Sadly (or not so sadly?), I do not know anyone by the name of "Mr. Creepypasta"...
If you could give me a link, I wouldn't mind.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
6210745
https://www.youtube.com/user/MrCreepyPasta
It seems more a form of assassination I'd put into one of my story's, create a soul jar with a sleep enchantment, the jar being a wooden box, and the enchantment rendering the victim helpless while a third enchantment takes the victims life essence . if the jar is opened prematurely the soul within is destroyed or released depending on how strong or weak it is. Though the connection to the body is permanently severed.
All in all it was good but, I didn't really feel scared when reading it.
Hm, thoughts on this? Don't mind if I do!
I normally don't enjoy horror, but I've started making an effort to try things I normally don't enjoy. Homoerotic joke goes here. And as such, I didn't shy away when I noticed this being marked a 'horror' story.
Now, did it scare me? No, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it. The atmosphere is well crafted, the descriptions are colorful which is always something I enjoy, and the story has a neat little idea. The tapping and the box are both mysterious, and I do believe that it's always what you don't see that ultimately scares you more than what you do see. A crying fetus in a sink is unnerving, but a shaking fridge dripping blood, that's fucking terrifying because what the hell caused that? The implications are far worse than anything we could see. The real horror here comes from what we conjurer up in our minds to explain what we don't for a fact know.
So, overall, this is a nice bit of dark atmosphere.
Score:
/5
Favorite Line: The wind blows through the branches of the Golden Oaks, whispering its lone song, as the boughs creak and scrape in the night.
Final Thoughts: Tap, tap, tap
Eh, rather bland.
I've just seen 'strange artifact kills Twilight Sparkle' as a basis for horror shorts too many times and this really didn't bring anything new to the table.
Not badly written, mind you, just really average, cookie cutter premise that kills any enjoyment for me personally. Also a giant missed opurtunity that the strongest arch-mage in generations didn't as much as scream let alone resist.
Would have made more sense with near any of the other M6. Heck, if you really wanted it to be a gut-punch you could have reversed Spike and Twilight for a one-two punch of it making more sense a kid not being able to resist and the added tragedy of him being so young.
6210840 6211650 I was trying to go for the more psychological aspect of the horror genre, versus just trying to scare the reader. Think Call of Cthulhu by HP Lovecraft, it wasn't scary by itself, but the psychological implications made it pretty scary to think about.
6211167 I'm glad you liked it. I'm fairly new to writing, so the opinions of any accomplished writer on this site is quite a lot for me. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Not bad. Pretty well-written, and only a few errors. Present tense was a bold choice. However, it was quite short and I wasn't really certain what was going on. At all.
Sadly, subtle horror writing is an art that is rarely practiced. You have done well to add to the genre.
6211650
In my opinion, a story (or any work of art) should be judged by its own merits. Saying you don't like something because you have seen something that was along the same lines is silly. With thousands of years of recorded history, and over 7,000,000 people alive today, do you really think that there are any easy completely original ideas left? What is created today are variations of themes. And there is really no way to see for certain if your idea is original, the body of My Little Pony fan fiction alone is greater than anyone could read in a single lifetime. Not that will keep me from trying.
TL;DR : Simpsons Already Did It
South Park: Season 6, Episode 8
8432059
Isn't it kinda missing the point to use the 'on its own merits' excuse for ignoring flaws, when this fan-fiction story is 100% pulling your heart-strings with the emotional connection you've built up from the source material?
There's nothing wrong with that, of course. There's some fine stories out there as original as drinking water to hydrate yourself whose whole point is to make you feel a single emotion.
Heck, My Little Pony itself needed five versions to get good enough before most of us on this site started giving a damn! Five!
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/sig-4826609.full.png
But that's the problem I talked about with using Twilight Sparkle as... well, the victim in this horror story. She's a once in ten life-times magical prodigy, facing a magical threat she was forewarned about by her trusted mentor figure, has faced at least one ancient horror in the background material since she's living in the library (Luna), and...
Well, she bites it quicker and with less fuss in this story, then a Red Skirt in Star Trek on an away mission.
And... well, that's too blatant heart-strings pulling. Bending the characters backwards, making them hold an idiot ball, so that the story can force the conclusion that Twilight suffers.
Again, flaws that could have been avoided with nearly any other pony in the show, and for me, that AND the bland premise just broke my enjoyment of the tale.
TL: DR — My main gripe was with the choice of main character having no impact on the plot and that's Twilight was used as a clue-less victim against a magical threat, but those flaws AND the too old-school premise made each other worse.
IE, the lack of originality didn't help, but it wasn't my main problem with the story.
8432240
Your original post of
Is what I was responding to, and since i have seen similar comments many times before, I took the opportunity to rant a bit.
Your response to me was much clearer, and brought up legitimate issues.