• Member Since 31st Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Mystic Mind

The greatest storyteller of our time, or just another smuck brony on the internet? YOU decide! (Also I do episode analysis sometimes.)



Oh, ye great mysterious - Thousand leagues of blue
No one knows which mysteries are hidden
Beneath your surface

Your awful stirrings seem to speak of some
hidden soul beneath

- Ahab: The Pacific

The ocean holds many secrets, hidden away in the deepest expansion, far away from prying pony eyes. With Rarity becoming a reluctant explorer, whisked away in a magical bubble that plunges her beneath the waves, not even in her wildest nightmares could she imagine what awaits her all the way down there...

Inspired by the works of H.P Lovecraft and the Funeral Doom Metal album: "Call of the Wretched Sea" by Ahab.

Now with an audio reading by Illya Leonov: https://youtu.be/-ZkgeyAmsn0

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

I love the idea, but your formatting really needs some touching up. Try to separate your dialogue and text a bit more so it doesn't look so compressed and hard on the reader

It was difficult to find my place in the story, I agree.


Comment posted by Mystic Mind deleted Nov 2nd, 2016

7688824 Oh, it looks like something went wrong and it didn't indent properly. Didn't notice that, I'll fix it!

7688824 Indenting is fixed now. Let me know if you still have a problem! Thanks for the feedback.

Is that a subnautica titlecard?

7689690 I don't think so. I just found it on google images :P.

I really like how well detail this story goes with the Night mare. Just a word of advice, you might have to space out the paragraphs as its hard to stay on track when they are so close together.

7727473 I usually intent my paragraphs, but I will double space if it continues to be a problem~.

I was immediately reminded of Uncharted 3 after the twist at the end.

Some good description. Liked the ambiance. Perhaps a sequel?

7842836 I doubt I will make a sequel to this, as I think the mystery at the end is what makes it creepy. But I will absolutely revisit this kind of atmospheric doom metal inspired fantasy/horror in future.

Up til the end I kept waiting for Rarity to bolt awake having fallen asleep during a lecture Twilight was giving on undersea life.

8056084 Haha I've watched plenty of David Attenborough Documentaries, can't you tell? XD

Oh, the atmosphere here is on point!

I can certainly respect your opinion about the mysterious ambience that this story has . That being said, what about a story about Saddle Arabia in general that way you could leave this story to our imaginations while still fleshing out the world it wouldn't be a sequel per se but a related work sort of thing.

It's something I'm still thinking about, so I appreciate the suggestion!

Comment posted by FarmFreshAppleTarts deleted 16 minutes ago

I interept it as the memory of an ocean.

Not a true eldritch abyss with some lovecraftian beast at the very bottom....

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