• Published 6th Jul 2015
  • 2,294 Views, 88 Comments

Twiley takes Shining Armor to LineCon - ocalhoun



A little filly Twilight Sparkle takes her brother to visit one of her favorite conventions. He might not survive.

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Out of Line

“Hurry up, Shining!” I drug my brother along. “The registration line is about to begin, and that's the best one!”

It already stretched out in front of us. Long, glorious, and orderly as only a LineCon® line could be. The beauty of it was breathtaking, stretching around the corner of the hotel like a hungry python trying to strangle it.

“Uh, Sis?”

I smiled back at him.

“Why is this one the best?”

“Just look at it!” I shuddered with glee. “Come on!”

He let me drag him farther... and farther... and farther... and farther... and farther... until we came to rest at the ultimate end.

“Aah.”

Shining glanced at me. “So, how long is this going to last?”

I held up my copy of the schedule – neatly annotated, of course. It said only 'Registration'.

“Registration? All day?”

“Oh, the registration line usually doesn't die down until day two.”

His jaw dropped.

* * *

Five Hours Later...

For the first time, the line stepped forward, a slow shuffle rippling back to us from the line's mystical origin. We joined in the shuffle with consummate joy.

Shining groaned, also with consummate joy.

“Isn't this great?”

He looked down at me. “You're going to get the most boring cutie mark ever, and you're going to adore it, aren't you?”

“I hope it's a table of contents!”

“Ugh. How did you rope me into this?”

I giggled. “Blackmail, remember?”

The line shuffled again.

“Twiley, I'm never doing this again.”

I smirked at him. “So you say...”

“Hey, she's just the babysitter, and I didn't even touch her.”

“The pictures say otherwise!” I winked at him.

A pony with an enormously frizzy mane walked down the queue, stopping near us. “How's everypony doing?” she half-sang. “Enjoying the line?”

“Oh, very much!” I gushed. “You guys always have the very best lines.”

“We try.” Her eyes flickered to the side. “Sir... Sir! No, please stay within the taped-off section.” She trotted off, waving a hoof at somepony further down the line.

I smiled up at my brother. “Isn't this wonderful?”

He groaned happily again. “I just want to go home.”

“Silly, the line to go home doesn't start until the third day!”

His mouth moved, but no words came out. His eyes twitched. He's so cute when he gets excited!

* * *

Convention Log, Day 1, Entry 73: 4:23pm

The weather is fair, slightly cloudy, light breeze from the east. Still in registration line. We have made it to the first corner. More line, of course. Twiley still seems to think I'm enjoying this. We have exhausted the conversational capacity of the ponies in front of and behind us, which was limited.

No end in sight.

* * *

“Finally. We're almost there,” Shining mumbled contentedly.

“I know, I know!” I could hardly believe it myself. I loved watching the ponies – slowly – passing one by one through the end of the registration line. It was like watching a checklist being checked off perfectly in order. Orderly. Precise. Beautiful.

After approaching and answering a couple of questions, I finally received my badge. It had only 'Twilight Sparkle' and 'LineCon®' on it, both – appropriately enough – written with lines.

Of course, all words are written with lines, but in this case it was special.

“So, Twiley, what do we do now?” Shining put his own badge around his neck.

“Let's do the registration line again!”

He stared at me, cringing and scrunching his nose. “Seriously?”

“Well, I guess it is a lot shorter now, but it's still one of the best lines in the whole con!”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 1, Entry 141: 9:10pm

Weather has grown colder now after nightfall. Thankfully, the registration line barely stretches out of the front door now, so I rarely need to endure it. We have now begun our eleventh pass through the registration line. Goddess have mercy.

* * *

“Ready to call it a night, BBBFF?”

He sighed in contentment. “Am I ever.”

“Great! Let's head for the guest rooms line!”

What?” He shook his head. “What?”

I loved seeing him so excited.

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 159: 6:52am

Daybreak. I didn't expect to have a 'getting out of bed line', but I should have. Twiley insisted on it. “In the spirit of the convention” and all that. Not to mention the 'teeth brushing line' (even though we had two sinks in our suite) and the 'going through the door' line (which we had to do three times, since Twiley forgot her badge), and even the 'hallway line' (this last moved mercifully quickly, as it was basically just Twiley insisting that we walk to the lobby in single file).

* * *

“We're almost there, Shining!”

His stomach grumbled again, echoed by a grumble of his own: “I should have known there would be a line for breakfast.”

“Of course,” I chimed. “It wouldn't be LineCon without lines!”

“Of course.”

An invigorating wait later, we both made it to the counter at the hotel's restaurant. I danced in place a little. “Oh... I want to do the breakfast line again, but I'm so hungry now! What should I do?”

Shining winced excitedly. “Um... let's order some food, and we'll eat it while we're in line.”

I jumped for joy. “Perfect!”

* * *

By our second pass through the breakfast line, we had both finished our line-shaped haycakes and orange juice. “So, Shining, what should we do first?”

He gave an entirely authentic smile. “What is there to do?”

Whipping out my schedule again, I showed it to him. “Well, there's a few good panels I want to go to today, but I can't decide between 'The Don'ts and Don'ts of Clumping' and 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?' They both sound so good, but they're scheduled at the same time, so we can only go to one!” I winced. “What if I pick the wrong one?”

Shining shook his head and patted mine. “How about you go to one, and I'll go to the other?”

“Split up? No way!”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 197: 8:19am

Waiting in line (of course) for the 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?' panel. My attempt at subterfuge has failed. Twiley will not allow separation, so there is no escape, not even momentarily. I will attempt it again later, using a visit to the little colt's room as a cover.

* * *

I listened contentedly as the panelists continued to debate about whom a line really belongs to. The two amateur line-experts present were insisting that it truly belonged to the ponies in the line, but the one veteran organizer on the panel argued just as fervently that it truly belonged to whoever was at the end of the line – whoever the ponies were lining up for. The remaining panelist – more of an abstract theorist – claimed that the line truly belonged to itself, that it was a “self-deserving construct”... but nopony was really listening to him.

“Hey, Twiley,” Shining whispered into my ear.

I didn't spare him much attention. “Uh-huh?”

“I'm going to step out for a bit to use the restroom.”

“Uh-huh.”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 218: 8:39am

Success! My plan to excuse myself worked flawlessly, and now I have freedom. Freedom! I could do anything, I could even... Now that I think of it, I actually could use a restroom break. I'll do that first, then decide what to do next. Maybe I'll take a few moments to get away from this crazy place!

* * *

After the panel, I found my brother waiting in line for the bathroom. “Hi, BBBFF!”

His head drooped and his shoulders slumped. “Hi, Twiley.”

“Enjoying the bathroom line?”

He sighed happily.

“I know! Just between you and me – because some ponies here might think I'm weird – the bathroom line is one of my favorites.”

The line shuffled forward, and he raised his head to stare at the door imploringly.

“Of all the lines here, this one takes the most discipline from ponies, I think. That's why it's one of the best!” One of the ponies ahead, finally making it to the front, cycled around to the back of the line. “See,” I told Shining, “I'm not the only one who enjoys this line!”

Sadly, the next few ponies in line were also just there for the enjoyment of it, and once they returned to the back, Shining was next, and he hurried inside. Still, no need for worry. He'd be out soon. What to do in the meantime...?

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 221: 9:20am

My concern for my sister's sanity continues to grow. When I returned from the colt's room, I found her waiting in line, which was par for the course... but I found her waiting in the line for the colt's room!

She insisted that she had no desire to go in, that she was only there for the line... and all the colts in the line seemed to entirely understand. But she's only a little filly, after all. I begin to worry that she may be confused. All these lines could confuse anypony.

Maybe it's my own sanity I should be worried about.

* * *

A flurry of panels and events flowed by, punctuated by the ever-satisfying, ever-orderly LineCon lines. 'Lineplay and Costume', 'Line Theory 101', 'The Importance of Straightness', 'Butting in and Saving Spots, When is it acceptable?'

They were all superbly entertaining and informative, and I was pretty happy with my choices, even though I had to miss 'The Bottom Line: Finances of Queuing' in order to get an autograph from Day Clock, the current Equestria record holder for longest time spent in a line.

But now, we were in one of the last lines of the day: the line for the concert!

It was also one of the longest, and – along with the registration line – a recurring crowd favorite.

Shining hadn't spoken in hours, not since the concert line began. His eyes looked glassed over, and when the line shuffled forward, I had to tug him along, or he'd just stand there. Yeah... LineCon® does that to ponies sometimes. It's all in good fun.

“Aren't you excited? All the best line musicians are going to be playing!”

No response.

Well, if he wanted to try his hoof at a Line Zombie cosplay, that was his prerogative, but I did wish he would break character every once in a while to keep me company. I wasn't about to be concerned, though. LineCon only comes once a year, and I wasn't about to let him spoil the experience!

* * *

Convention Log, Day 2, Entry 466: 6:41pm

Line dances. Conga lines. Why do I continually underestimate the capacity of this convention to be corny and pedantic? I'm not certain I will survive the next day and a half. There is a small but terrifying chance that one of these ponies (probably Twiley) will say something to me that just breaks my brain, and I'll fall over dead.

As a note to anypony who may be reading this after the event of my death: Twiley is not to have my collection of military history books, nor my reading light. Donate them to charity. Please make sure she knows that all this is entirely her fault.

* * *

I jumped on top of the lump in the sheets that marked my brother's sleeping body. “Wake up, Shining! It's time for the 'getting out of bed line'!”

He groaned lovingly, then rolled over.

“No! You're clumping! You have to get up and get in line properly!”

* * *

Convention Log, Day 3, entry 715: 3:04pm

The natives are becoming restless. Supplies are low. The outlook is bleak.

LineCon ends in just a few hours, but it seems days away. I hear drums, and I don't know why. I get the strangest sensation that everypony in every line is staring at me, waiting for me to... to do something. I don't know what it is. There are lines. There are always lines. There will always be lines. The world is lines, nothing but lines.

Goddess, I think I'm going mad. Maybe I'll enjoy it. Can't be much worse than this.

Cadance, if you're reading this, I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I love you. (And please tell Twiley what an insufferable brat she is.) (And please make sure my funeral doesn't include any lines. Tell Twiley that if my funeral has any lines, I'm going to haunt her.)

* * *

I looked ahead and spotted the end of the line: the exit door of the hotel's convention center.

It was a moment of both enormous anticipation and immense dread. That doorway was the end of the last line, the ultimate goal, and reaching it would be the ultimate satisfaction. But it also marked the very end of LineCon, and ever since the debacle three years ago when the last line went on for three weeks, ponies weren't allowed to cycle back to the beginning of the line. No, this would be it: the very end.

There were plenty of doors, of course. This one exit had eight, and it wasn't the only exit the building had. But LineCon® tradition had it that only one exit door could be used... otherwise the line wouldn't be as satisfyingly long.

Shining stared at the door ahead as if he couldn't see anything else.

I knew how he felt. I couldn't wait either... and yet, I didn't want it to end! But there was nothing for it – LineCon only lasted for three days, and the three days were up. There would be no more until next year.

It took almost an hour more, but we finally shuffled our way to the very front of the line.

Shining skipped in front of me! He ran right around and darted through the door, trailed by the sound of hundreds of ponies gasping in horror. Skipping was not done at LineCon! If he'd done it in any other line, he'd been thrown to the back – at the very least. There was no telling what this orderly mob of infuriated ponies might do! But since this was the last line, it led out of the convention entirely, and outside, he was no longer subject to its rules. He had escaped justice.

I hurried after him, which made me miss my usual slow reverence of crossing the last threshold. “Shining! What were you thinking? You can't skip! That's rule number one!” I held my schedule up at him, showing him the back of it. “See, 'Rule 1: No skipping.'”

He ignored me, and just ran in silly circles, staring at the sky. He yelled, “I'm free!” Then he flopped to the ground rolling happily.

Cadance stopped in front of him, looking down at him. “Did you have a good time at LineCon, Shiny?”

He froze, then grimaced in abject horror. “It was awful!”

This made me pout. And here I'd thought he was having a great time! How could he not enjoy LineCon? It was the best line convention in all of Equestria™!

“Well then...” Cadance smiled cheerfully. “I'd better not find any more of that mare's tail-hairs snagged in your armor, or I'll have Twilight taking you to Checklist Con, too.”

He stared up at her, blinking. “You... you left the door cracked on purpose?”

“Of course not.” She laughed. “Just like how you've never seen that mare before.”

He cringed, then covered his face with his hooves.

Cadance kissed his hooves, coaxing them away from his face. “Come on up, we're even now. How about we head to my place, and I'll help you forget about your ordeal?”

Blushing, he nodded vigorously and stood up.

I watched them trot off together and smiled to myself. Cadance might not force him to go to Checklist Con, but I had my own ways.

The End

Author's Note:

I'm now on Patreon, in order to keep myself focused and motivated on bringing you new stories. If you liked this one, please consider becoming my patron and supporting future works.

Thanks for reading!

Comments ( 88 )

This story (or at least the first half of it) was written on paper while waiting in lines at Everfree NW! :twilightsmile:
Because more about lines is definitely what this story needs. :facehoof:

I will now hate lines forever! This is a great story, BTW. I loved the Checklist Con bit! :rainbowlaugh:

"When do we get to the ride?"
"This is the ride!":twilightsheepish:
...
I read the entire story just to make that joke.:pinkiecrazy:

Georg #4 · Jul 6th, 2015 · · ·

Well, the plot seemed fairly linear ...

6174641
Thanks! Glad you liked it!

6174646
Heh, I wrote this whole story for the sake of a similar joke.

6174655
Naturally.

I have had the undeniable joy of attending conventions with someone who seems to enjoy LineCon as much as Twiley does here. I have never empathised with Shining as much as in this moment.

6174655
:heart:

6174677
I think everyone who has been to a con can sympathize a little.
Heck, I wrote a lot of this while in lines at Everfree NW. ^.^

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6174710
I really should have written the whole story that way.

Hilarious, really enjoyed this. “Silly, the line to go home doesn't start until the third day!” - really made me laugh out loud.

not sure it needed that twist at the end though. Is the implication supposed to be that shining Armour cheated on cadence and she left the door cracked to spy on him / found weirdly identifiable tail hairs ? I mean the punishment was hilarious but what ?

6174818
Well, Cadance suspected cheating because of some tail hairs, so the next time the two of them got frisky, she left the door cracked and gave Twiley a camera. She knew Twiley would use it to blackmail him into something awful.

6174948

Right! shining said to twilight

“Hey, she's just the babysitter, and I didn't even touch her.” [...then twilight replies...] “The pictures say otherwise!” I winked at him.

I thought the babysitter was Cadence , that was her job after all , It seemed like Twilight was blackmailing him with pictures of him and cadence. So there was another babysitter?

6175071

So there was another babysitter?

Why wouldn't there be?

6175097

Haha , well yeah, there is no reason there shouldn't be other babysitters. But if Shining mentions a baby sitter its not that weird for me to think he's referring to Twilight's in cannon actual babysitter Cadence right?

I think it needed a little more set up, like some detail from the "babysitter" that doesn't match with Cadence ?

Up next: AttendanceCon!

Where you go into various rooms and we taken attendance in different ways! Riveting!

Poor Shining, I don't wish that torture to anyone.

I really liked lined this.

Thanks for the torture ideas!

This story...didn't quite fit right with me. I like the whole "Shining is blackmailed into attending an extremely boring convention with Twilight" thing, that's pretty funny. But if that truly was the case, why on Earth would she think Shining was actually enjoying LineCon? If he enjoyed himself there, it wouldn't be much of a punishment/blackmail, would it?

6176838
Make sense? What fun is there in making sense?

6176601
Use them responsibly. :twilightsmile:

6175988
That's a very pertinent correction.
It lines up well with the spirit of the story.

6175640
I'm sure there's a few who deserve it. :raritywink:

6175416
Unfortunately, that one's scheduled on the same week as ChecklistCon.

This LineCon is TORTURE! But then it reminds me of ComicCon... I've always wanted to go to a convention, especially if it's either anime or brony.

6177204
If you go to one, you'll see it's much like this.

6177232 So any conventions = LineCon?

I feel his pain. Pain of boredom!

6177294
Well, not quite as bad as LineCon... but lines do tend to feature prominently.

6177879
:raritydespair:
Hopefully that doesn't mean my story has bored you!

6178414 I heard in a video that you spend more time waiting than meeting the VA's and getting autographs in ComicCon.

6178483
Oh yes. If you want autographs, those lines are almost always very long... for only a few moments with the person you came to see.

But overall, it's not so bad. You meet interesting people in the lines, and you get to watch the cosplayers and other interesting people walking by.

6178498 This fic is surprisingly informative about the events during a convention.

6083013 You know, I made this exact same joke to Foals Errand while at EFNW... Oh well, missed my chance~

6178415 This was a very good story. I was just saying how I've been as bored as Shining before.

Amusing story. Reminds me of Bronycon 2014. While pre-registration on thursday wasn't bad, the autograph room lines on day 2 and 3 were terrible. So glad I got all my autographs done first thing.

Here's hoping we have the same sort of fun one month from now!

6179308
Heh. Can't beat the Registration Line of Doom at the first Everfree. ^.^ And no, there was no pre-reg for that one.
(About halfway through the first day of the registration system not working, they went ahead and said badges were optional for the first day, and ever since then, Everfree has been very good.)

6179243
It's entirely possible that I overheard it and it became the basis of this story. :rainbowwild: I do recall coming up with the idea in response to hearing somebody talking about LineCon.

6179679 That could be it. While waiting for opening ceremonies and having our line moves like eight times I just went "When do we get to the con?" And before anyone could answer, I did jazz hands and shouted "This is the con!!!!"

When you can get the con staff laughing, you know you've won.

This is the first story that I'm gonna put in both my comedy and horror bookshelves. It both made me laugh and cringe in terror.

6180887
:rainbowlaugh:
Now that's how you know it was a good one!

I wrote a review of this story.

It can be found here.

6183335
It's hard to get a recommendation from you! :raritydespair: Then again, I suppose this is hardly my best work.

Well, it looks like those lines were...

Conventional.
YEEEAAAAAAAAH!

6189845
That's the best line you could come up with?

But... why?

6190570
You should probably not bother asking that question for about half of my stories.

6191149
:twilightoops: You want MORE of this?

6191457 Of course >:D (why is there no matching ponymoji for that)

At first I thought this to be rather boring, because the concept, though funny doesn't offer much variety and "out of line" thinking. pun intended

However, you had me floored at:

The remaining panelist – more of an abstract theorist – claimed that the line truly belonged to itself, that it was a “self-deserving construct”... but nopony was really listening to him.

Thus I approve.

6245549
Glad I could make it worth your while. ^.^

10/10 would attend this kind of convention.

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