Sometimes you have to lose it all to gain it all. A young, injured pegasus wakes up outside Ponyville to the harsh reality that her memory, cutie mark and everything that would identify who she is completely gone. Nopony can identify her and not even the element of magic can figure out the cause let alone the cure. Living with that reality she finds not to be so bad until it turns out that somepony out there does know who she is and they want her dead.
A strange unicorn, a group trying to spread equality and ponies with evil intent all links back to her.
This story takes place in the middle of the fourth season and was written before the end of the fifth season.)
Chapters (29)
Wow, that escalated quickly
6074877 I was aiming for the surprise factor. Did I nail it?
6075225 Yes you did!
P.S:
found a typo there
6075382 Thank you. I wanted the reader to suspect that something was up but be surprised or shocked when it was revealed.
And thanks for letting me know about the typo. I'll correct it.
"Thou my rise."
may, me thinks
6115140 Yep thank you.
I need a proof reader.
6115140 Over all though, what do you think of the story so far? I dream of being a writer because of how much I love stories but I know that I need much practice. Jane Pony is my first long story. I tried to capture the personality of the characters from the show as well as make likeable characters of my own and of course an interesting story. What do you think?
She yelped and did a barrow roll to dodge
a barrow is a grave hill
I think you mean barrel
This is sooo good (squee!)
6431387 Oops! Thank you. I'll fix that! Darn auto correct. It makes me say things that I didn't Nintendo.
6431419 Ohh! Thank you!
I've finally gotten around to reading this, and I have to admit: it's taken me by surprise.
It's not the best I've ever seen, but it has a lot of potential.
For example, the part where Miss Jane Pony explains Cutie Marks is very intriguing. I have yet to see such an interpretation from any other person in this fandom. This definitely shows that you know how to interpret a given medium in a new and intriguing way.
There haven't been any grammar related errors; most mistakes are in the form of formatting and sentence structure. (Oh, wait, that's grammar. Well, grammar in terms of run-ons, fragments, clause breaks, and all that.) Remember that, if you have a dialogue tag following a dialogue, so long as you don't use exclamation marks or a question mark, you have to end with a comma.
Instead of:
It should be:
I'm also fairly sure that Applejack is one word name; however, as I have seen Apple Bloom both as two words and one, I have yet to find any concrete proof of this.
Overall, I'm liking this story very much. And, as it turns out, we have similar goals in regards to fanfiction writing. We both practice writing using fanfiction.
Upvote, tracking, and a follow is your prize!
6520655 Thank you very much for your feedback. I am glad you like it. I am overjoyed.
I know that I do have to work on grammar. I recently discovered that Applejack is one word, I guess I got the misconception from the cereal. I have only one more chapter and will then go back and fix it.
Cutie marks have been a subject of much thought for me. Another aspect of cutie marks are explored again near of the story but I can't tell you or I'll spoil it.
Thanks for the complements and comment. Without feedback I'll never improve.
Haven't started yet, but this looks like a good read.
:)
7047450 Thank you. I hope that you enjoy it.
Aww Fluttershy...
Princess Twilight to the rescue!
Rarity is still going after fashion even though "Jane Pony" clearly has more problems to deal with right now that are
more important than her appearance.
That is a really sweet ending.
(\
/)
WHY ISN'T ANYONE ELSE COMMENTING ON THIS?!
YES!
7391528 Thank so much you. I'm glad that you enjoy my stories.
I am in the process of correcting mistakes and editing this one but don't have much time right now, hopefully that won't be too distracting.
Don't worry about it. It is a long story and people have to take time out of their day to read it, though I appreciate those who do.
I don't trust these guards...
Ooooooh horseapples. Ha I bet you expected a swear word or something. Well no.
That was awesome. Heh and he does have a cutie mark! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE COMMENTING ON ALL OF THESE CHAPTERS?
The guards are frauds!
Yes. Yes she has.
Those are petty cool CM stories. Damn Valentine's CM is so symbolic.
Wait! Can't she use her special talent and make a bunch of lighting clouds explode a bright light and sound to signal the ponies of Ponyville?
Gosh that ending.
Together again!
PRINCESS LUNA TO THE RESCUE!!!
Also:
Dayum Shiny sure knows his stuff
She's afraid of the guards finding her. Lightning Jolt wants to turn herself in to Twilight only since she still doesn't know what is going on.
I decided to make Shining Armor actually be competent, unlike he seems in the show sometimes. He would have to be the leader of the royal Guard for a good reason right?
I hope you enjoy the rest. The plot will take a turn in a few chapters.
I NEED QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!
More. More. More. More. More. Mo-
We get it. Shut up.
EVERBODY SHUT THE BUCK UP SO THE AUTHOR CAN CONTINUE WRITING!
Maybe you should shut up!
You little...Why I oughta...
EVERYONE SHUT UP! JUST LET ME HIT THE GOD DAMN NEXT BUTTON ALREADY OKAY?!
...
...
Thank you!
God I hate all these riddles and clues. The typos are really getting on my nerves now. Every now and then in a few chapters; I wouldn't mind. However in this case; you need an editor ASAP. This story has good potential, don't get me wrong ; it just needs help. I'd like to see this story reach its greatest peak, but right now it hasn't reached it.
Shut up Rainbow. The big ponies are talking.
Humph.
Wow. I'm impressed Lightning Jolt managed to keep her cool that long with crazy Starlight. I wouldn't even last that long and would have just bucked her in the face causing her to fly and crash land to the palace. Good job LJ!
WHAT IS IT?! WHAT IS IT?!
7399250 Sorry about all the typos. I have been unable to find a proofreader, probably because the story is so long. I'm working through it myself as best I can but because of college and other issues I barely have time to log in right now. I think that I'll have some free time soon, hopefully.
That's a kinda sad childhood...
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
I hope that in this chaotic war, that those two Canterlot snobs get a good beating they deserve.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Fimfiction. It knows what I want.
I...I...I...What?
Daw. HUGS!
Awkward fandom hug? Sincere fandom hug.
Everytime Smog's name gets brought up I always end up thinking of a fierce dragon that stole a large portion of riches from a castle up in the mountains. Anybody got the same feeling?
Sweet ending. Good job.
7401269
Well the story is still good. I guess that's all that matters?
7397494
Smart.
7392070
Well your story's plot are pretty good. I really liked the Lily-Mare-Do-Well stuff you are doing. Those are pretty cool. When do you think it will be completed?