Epic Rap Battles of MLP

by enigmaMystere

Rap Battle #20: Results and Aftermath

Vinyl was seated in the den, talking on her phone. “I see. No, it’s perfectly fine, we can hold a fundraiser here. I don’t know what we’ll do to draw attention for it, but we’ll do it.” There was a knock on the door. “Talk to you later, dad. Love you!” She hung up, trotting over to the door and opening it. “Yes?”

A mare fell through the doorway, almost unrecognizable due to the scorch marks all over her body. She looked up, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “ ... Dinky ... is safe ... ” The pony slowly closed her violet eyes, sighing contentedly.

Vinyl froze, her eyes wide in horror at what she’d just witnessed. “ ...Tavi?” She carefully turned her over, noticing the faintest trace of the treble clef on her friend’s flank. She hugged her close, tears falling freely. “TAVI!!”

“Stop yelling, Vinyl.” The black-covered pony rubbed an ear, frowning at her roommate. “I’m not dead. I’m just tired.” She stood up, making her way up the stairs to her room. “Wake me up when September ends.”

Vinyl just stood there, watching her friend leave the room. She felt as though her mind had just melted. She staggered over to the couch, laying down on it until the world started making sense again.

---

“Well that was abrupt.” A white stallion placed the phone his daughter gave her back on the dialer. He turned to the pink-maned mare nearby, smiling playfully. “I see you’re having fun there, Fleur.”

The tall, flirty mare was almost too busy to respond, rapidly pressing the buttons on her controller. She went through wave after wave of mechanical ponies, three other ponies watching her back. Taking one more glance around the playing field, she rushed over to the pegasus, shooting the bot about to stab him in the back. “Keep an eye on your six, Mystere!”

“Sorry, sorry! This is the first time I’ve played this!” He turned and shot the wall on accident. “It’s not easy playing with just hooves and feathers!”

“Noob.” The one playing as a sniper scoffed at him, peering through her scope and shooting a bot through the head. “We are ashamed thou talked us into letting thou join.” She shot three more bots before speaking again. “What kind of username is ‘enigmaMystere’, anyways?”

“What’s wrong with it? It’s not like ‘WeAreYourNightmare’ is a better one!” He smashed two bots with a bat, rushing past them as quickly as possible. “ ... okay, so it is. But still!”

“Will you two stop bickering and destroy that tank!?” A medic shouted, focusing her machine on Fleur’s character. “Prenchy, I’m about to ubercharge you. Get ready!”

Fleur rolled her eyes, turning back to the massive wave approaching. “How many times must I tell you? My username is ‘PardonMyPrench’, not ‘Prenchy’!” She began to mow down the bots, eyes narrowing slightly. “I swear, SweetestTune, you have the mind of a foal!”

“Do you want me to ubercharge you or not?”

“ ... I’ll be quiet.” She continued to shoot down the enemies, biting her lip to keep herself from completely shouting out obscenities.

“I say, Fleur, is that ‘Mystere’ fellow who I think it is?” She nodded, not even bothering to look away from the screen. “Can I borrow your headset for a bit?” Another nod, and the headset floated off her head, placing itself on the stallion’s head, instead. “Enigma, my boy, how are you doing?”

“F-Fancy Pants!?” The scout suddenly ran into a wall, he was so surprised at the voice. “What are you doing here?”

“What, a gentlecolt can’t watch his wife play a game?” He chuckled momentarily, but his voice soon took on a more serious tone. “You’re keeping my daughter happy, I hope?”

“ ... well, for the most part, yeah ... she keeps saying these odd things, and when I respond honestly to them, she ... well, she looks sad.”

“Are you dating her?” A coy smile grew on his lips.

“W-WHAT!?” The scout completely stopped moving, the user’s shock audible through the chat. “N-no! You told me not to, so I’m not! Besides, I think of her as my best friend, and I’m fairly certain she doesn’t feel that way about me!” The scout began to move again, but the movements were jerky and his timing was off. "Besides, I think she's dating that Neon Lights fellow."

Fancy gave the headset back to Fleur, walking away and shaking his head. “Poor, naive lad. Can’t tell when I’m making a joke.”

---

The timid yellow pegasus sat at Sugarcube Corner, wistfully staring at the picture of her crush, blushing softly. The scene was enough to cause others watching to audibly d’aww.

The tall mare sitting across from her, however, wasn’t amused. “Will you tell us who won, already?”

Fluttershy snapped out of her trance, sheepishly putting the picture away. “O-oh. Right away.” She pulled Vinyl’s phone out of her saddlebag, manipulating the touch-arcano-screen with her feathers. I sure hope she’s alright. She seemed rather shaken, earlier … Eventually she pulled the vote screen up, her eyes widening significantly at the votes. “ ... w-wow ... it’s almost unanimous ... ”

“Don’t keep us waiting.”

She shrank in her seat, hiding behind her mane. “ ... t-the Doctor won ...”

“I told you, Nightmare Moon.” The stallion spoke up from behind the pony, a disarming smile on his face. “Now, tell me something - have the inhabitants of this world broken any of your laws?” She just stared at him, her face completely expressionless. “Come on, you and your comrades likely have the whole world under surveillance. Have they broken any laws?”

The mare frowned at him, her eyes glowing white for a moment. “No.”

“Excellent. One more question, just one more.” He walked away, looking at a lamppost like it was the most interesting thing in the universe. “Is this world protected?” Images flashed through her mind - aliens, beings of different shapes, threat levels, even strategies. “You’re not the first, nor will you be the last, or even the strongest. So you have to ask ... what happened to them?”

Immediately, she saw multiple ponies, each of them different, yet, at the same time, remarkably the same. The blue unicorn mare with the toothpaste-colored mane. The top hat wearing gentlecolt from Canterlot. The clumsy yet charming pegasus from Cloudsdale who wore his scarf everywhere except the Young Flyer's Competition. It didn’t matter that their appearances were different, their drive to protect Equis was unbreakable. And that hourglass, that accursed hourglass always appeared, always stayed.

Her breath caught in her throat, her attention back on the stallion in front of her. Every inch of her body betrayed the utter horror she felt.

He smiled up at her, a twinkle in his eyes. “You already knew, but it hadn’t sunk in before, so I’ll say it again. I’m the Doctor.” He ran a hoof through his messy mane, his eyes never breaking contact with hers. “Basically? Run.”

Nightmare Moon wasted no time, turning into a cloud and racing off, leaving behind the two ponies. They stared at each other for a few moments before the Doctor awkwardly coughed. “That stallion in your picture? Bad news. You might not want to pursue a relationship with him. Especially considering Torchwood. Maybe a stallion in town, instead?” He gave her a wave, turning to leave. “I have to leave. Got a whole lot of running to do!” He raced off, leaving a confused, and somewhat hurt, Fluttershy sitting alone at the cafe.

She glanced over at the stage, where the two stone pegasi still stood. She shuddered, trying to focus on the vanilla milkshake in front of her, instead.

---

Enigma, after playing the game and, ultimately, defeating the last wave, decided that he should rest. He went to the spare bedroom, moving onto his bed and cuddling his white plushie. Slowly, his eyes closed and he started to drift off to sleep.

The plush was suddenly pulled away. Not bothering to open his eyes, he reached out and grabbed the closest soft mass, pulling it close. So soft and warm. He sighed, snuggling into the sea of hair. ... wait, warm?

Enigma’s eyes snapped open, and he looked down at the white unicorn up against his body. He was unsure what to think of this, but her small smile convinced him to not move away. She really does like hugs as much as I do. Why else would she do this three times or so? With that thought, he closed his eyes once more. “ ... thank you, Vi ... ” He let himself be taken away to dreamland, where he played all day with his best friend.

Vinyl cracked open an eye, seeing the pegasus’ chest rise and fall evenly. With a smile, she cuddled a little closer. “ ... soon ... I can tell you ... ” She yawned slightly, nuzzling his chest, beginning to drift off to sleep as well.

“ ... I love you, E ... ”

---

Thanks to gordobraveheart for helping me with ideas for this chapter! Even though he helped with that, he wasn't able to stay up and help with pre-reading. Since I don't know anyone who's up this late, this wasn't really pre-read...hope all the references are understandable.[/olive]

The Doctor won, though I haven’t taken the time to count the exact votes yet. Needless to say, it was a landslide victory, one where you could count the votes for Nightmare Moon on one hand.

This is the last call for the bonus chapter. I want to make sure your characters are in character, so I want you to do a little collab with your character in the GDoc. If you do not do this, you might not get to be in the bonus chapter! Which is the next chapter. So, yeah, PM me so I can make sure you aren't missed, mkay?

I hope you enjoy the bit of VinylxEnigma in this chapter!

Yes, I realize I used the ‘Atraxi speech’ almost verbatim, but, honestly, it seemed appropriate to me. And, as of this chapter, I have established just who the pony ‘Shy is/was crushing on. And yes, I count Colgate/Minuette/Romana as one of the Doctors.

Random GIF of adorableness!

SHE'S SO CUTE, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! ...yet I can't take my eyes off her... Sadly, I'll have to. I need to make a video for my persuasive speech, which is due Tuesday... ...wish me luck.

Have a nice day, and I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving!

Enigma out.~

Comments

[CaptainSanchez]

Um... The top-hatted stallion is Raggedy Doctor, the ponified Eleventh Doctor. Thought you should know.

[TundraStanza]

GURAH! That GIF is too cute!
*Heart attack*
*Random CPR performance to revive me*
...
Good luck with your persuasive speech!

[CaptainSanchez]

Cheerilee vs. Rarity Rainbow Dash Twilight Sparkle Princess Celestia! Epic Face-off of the Teachers!

[Starscape]

Epic VinylxEnigma

[notMurphy]

Baker Pony reference ftw!

[Dirty Bit]

T'was a bit of a Green Day for Octavia, wasn't it?

Also, I see that even Fleur is a fan of the Mare vs. Machine installment on TF2

Moreso, major kudos on the fanon concept of Fancy Pants being Vinyl's father! Very original!

On a final note, I saw an episode of Doctor Who involving Torchwood; basically the one with the void ship, Cybermen, and Daleks.

[cicakterbang91]

Zecora vs Sombra

[enigmaMystere]

1686174
...i don't get it. sorry...

[Chaotic Mind]

A white stallion placed the phone his daughter gave her back on the dialer.

Think you meant "him"?
I'm not one to nit pick but I thought you might appreciate the help.

[notMurphy]

1686273 Thomas Baker was the actor who played the Doctor with the Ridiculously Long Scarf and fondness for jellybabies.
He's my favorite Doctor.

...oh, and he also had that shapeless hat. Pure awesomeness.

[Colbalt White]

This needs more adorable GIFs and more VinyllxEnigma
ummm…if that's ok with you

[enigmaMystere]

1686327
oh. didn't know the actor's name.

[notMurphy]

1686349 Ah.
Sorry, I made an assumption
you know what they say about assumptions.
... something about umption, I think?

[BronyInvestigator]

Hmm....sounds promising......MUST....READ!.....(But I gots school stuff, so I will READ.....[later])

[Pen Brush]

i love how you took the doctors words from the eleventh hour and ponified them

[meerkat8472]

Actually your atraxi speech wasn't worded quite right and missed significant portions. Still it was very cool, scaring Nightmare moon off ^-^.

[Biker]

I want to hear these recorded so badly.

[dj-pon-3]

GO DOCTORS! THERE MUST BE MORE JELLYBELLIES

DJ-Pon-3 approved

[Willow Arqueiro]

1686349
Waaaaaiiiittttt, I'm doing a persuasive project in English. We were given various methods to do it, I chose the first hand journal option but another option was....

Doing a video....

[Lazypoisonfl]

Greenday

[Yuki Harima]

1686187 define green day...because the first thing that comes into my mind is the band as I was just listening to them
Anyway...man vs. Machine stared the characters of E, Sweetie Belle, Luna, and Fleur.
The doctor is a jerk and broke Fluttershy''s heart...look forward to next chapter

[runforever101]

good Luck with your video!

[GentlemanPirate]

1686187 Interesting coincidence. I happened to watch that episode just yesterday! Crazy little world. Also, Enigma: GOOD LUCK!

[enigmaMystere]

1687113
to be fair, he saved her from the master.

[enigmaMystere]

1686782
i didn't want to completely rip off the speech. besides, they do consider the world a threat, so that part of the speech wouldn't be a good part to use.

[enigmaMystere]

1686365
that phrase actually uses the word 'assume', not 'assumption'.
"It goes 'when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me'. No offense."
"None taken."

[Yuki Harima]

1687185 you got me there...

[notMurphy]

1687203 It's possible to learn something new every day
But seriously, that guy must have a superpower or something
(hmm... 'Inappropriate Timing Donkey' doesn't exactly roll off the tongue)

[Ace Booksworth]

1686273do have you decided yet numbnuts?

[The Libertarian Brony]

1686974 You mean Jelly Babies? I'm fairly certain that it was Jelly Babies that that one Doctor alway carried around.

[q97randomguy]

“Wake me up when September ends.” I see what you did there and I approve!
"Besides, I think she's dating that Neon Lights fellow." I don't remember if anything like that was in the story and I don't feel like checking, so I'll just assume it's a reference to this.
[youtube=rFV2riYeglA]

[Spot Light]

So your defiantly using Fancy soon?

[Starr Struck]

Damnit, man, write a damn Enigma/Vinyl clopfic already. The romantic tension is KILLING ME!

[JellyMyst]

That stallion in your picture? Bad news. You might not want to pursue a relationship with him.

That's a reference to captain Jack Harkness, I assume. Very nice.

[enigmaMystere]

1687921
i'm sorry, but i refuse to write a clopfic. i can't bring myself to do that. again, my apologies. maybe you should ask somepony else to do that.

[distortedtruth92]

1687113 reference to wake me up when september ends
1687676 neon light is the pony that ShadyVOx plays when singing Ponyrock anthem, along with vinyl, voiced by nowacking

[Pen Brush]

1688039
only complaint i have with the doctor doing this is that the pony this doctor represents is actually the tenth doctor, and not the 11th doctor, other than that i find it funny, if only it was the right doctor...

[q97randomguy]

1688390
Now, I don't want to be rude here or anything, but I could have (and did) just read that off the video. If those two are editors or something for this story (I don't know if they are or not) then I would like to know. I just don't know where that particular line came from 'cuz I read this mostly for the raps, not the plot.

[distortedtruth92]

1688473 sorry the video wasnt shown when i first read the comments sorry for any offense given

[metallusionsismagic]

I wonder if Equestria's TF2 has human mods, and if they are as awesome as our pony mods.
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/200H/i/2012/002/5/9/these_are_what_the_tf2_pony_skins_should_be__by_gallademeister-d4l4s57.png

[q97randomguy]

1688520
No offense was taken I was merely confused as to why you would tell me something that was right there.

[Pen Brush]

1688039
i found what the 11th doctor would look like ponified and what the 10 looks like, the 10th is the pony that everyone sees with derpy that you are using, but the 10th is using the 11th doctors words from the first season he appears
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2011/12/6/f0e677e8-e5f5-4571-8e0a-a5910f2842ab.jpg
thats what the 10th and 11th doctor's look like...with 2 other doctors that noone will probably care about

[Damien Phoenix]

1688963 I care about the 3rd and 5th doctor lol

[TLSpark]

I loved the Doctor references! even though I only know of Matt smith and SOME of the 10th doctor (forget his name) I still like the references.

Also: Colgate as a doctor? Interesting...

[Divine Path]

1689662
...what are you talking about?

[infinite scratch]

Down with juice boxes up with milkshakes!

[meerkat8472]

1687188 Right. I was wondering why you left that bit out, it seemed almost too short without it. Although who is the 'they' that consider the world a threat? That's what I don't get.

[munomana]

I demand more VinylxEnigma. Too adorable.

Rather splendid job today once again, Enigma! I must bid you adieu.

[Page Flipper]

1672820 Doctor Who Season 2: "The Satan Pit"

Badass episode.

Also, Nightmare Moon was really good, but The Doctor won.

[kooarbiter]

1691667

indeed, but i hate when a canon pony falls head over hooves for an OC wothout any provocation and automatically know whther or not they have a crush on them, unless i missed an OC story, and if that is the case, please direct me to the local fiction observatory page wetherin i can find this literary composition

#Ducreaux