• Published 23rd May 2012
  • 31,573 Views, 7,518 Comments

Epic Rap Battles of MLP - enigmaMystere

a silly little thing the ponies in my head persuaded me to do.

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Rap Battle #1

This time, she'd gone too far. Rainbow hated when Twilight overreacted to one of her pranks. So what if she'd rubbed poison joke on her horn again? They had the cure; it wasn't permanent. Twilight didn't have to steal her property and show those pictures to the whole town!

So, in a fit of anger and desperation, Dash did what she saw as the only thing that would get it through that thick skull of hers.

She invited the librarian to the town square, where she had set up a stage. Sitting at the back was a white unicorn with a blue mane and magenta sunglasses, bobbing her head to an unheard rhythm. Rainbow sat off to the side, waiting for Twilight to appear.

Soon enough, the purple unicorn showed up, a confused look on her face. "Rainbow, what's going on here?"

Rainbow tossed her a microphone, grinning widely. "Just a little thing Vinyl told me about, to help settle this once and for all!" She faced the slowly growing crowd of ponies, bringing a mic of her own to her mouth. "Hope you enjoy this!" She pointed a hoof at the white unicorn, her excitement clearly showing. "HIT IT!"

Vinyl nodded, putting on a record. Her horn flared with a blue magic aura, generating a background for each of the ponies in front of her. Almost as soon as the music began, she raised her hooves in the air, yelling over the track to make sure she could be heard.




Well lookie here, if it isn't the egg head!
Tell me does it hurt that Big Mac never joined you in your bed?
For a colt to adore you, he'd have ta be mad as a hatter,
Or maybe the type who likes his mares to be fatter.
I mean, really, Twi, why don't you lay off the Twinkies?
I swear, you probably eat more sweets than Pinkie!
Everypony who hears my name knows I'm a sight to see;
Yours makes them remember that awful movie series!

You have to cheat in order to win a simple race.
Back off before I'm forced to put you in your place!
I could shove your skinny flank into a cardboard box,
Toss it off a cliff and see how long it takes to hit the rocks.
Stallions come to my library to check out my plot.
They'd prefer my cushions to whatever you got.
Though, from what I heard, you prefer fillies over colts -
Makes me wonder why you really wanna join the Wonderbolts!

I'm as straight as an arrow and can pick from all my fans.
Your only company at night are books hidden in your bed stand!
Just like on the train, you'd better get a clue -
Even your "want it need it" spell can't make anypony love you!

I'm twenty percent cooler than a double rainbow.
You gained half of your fans due to your special "private shows."
So I'm a virgin. Big deal! It doesn't matter to me.
I'm not the one that has to worry about STD's.



Rainbow turned to the white unicorn, confused. " ... Vinyl, who are you talking to?"

She just grinned, readjusting her shades. "Nopony you'd know, Dash."

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