Epic Rap Battles of MLP

by enigmaMystere

Rap Battle #1

This time, she'd gone too far. Rainbow hated when Twilight overreacted to one of her pranks. So what if she'd rubbed poison joke on her horn again? They had the cure; it wasn't permanent. Twilight didn't have to steal her property and show those pictures to the whole town!

So, in a fit of anger and desperation, Dash did what she saw as the only thing that would get it through that thick skull of hers.

She invited the librarian to the town square, where she had set up a stage. Sitting at the back was a white unicorn with a blue mane and magenta sunglasses, bobbing her head to an unheard rhythm. Rainbow sat off to the side, waiting for Twilight to appear.

Soon enough, the purple unicorn showed up, a confused look on her face. "Rainbow, what's going on here?"

Rainbow tossed her a microphone, grinning widely. "Just a little thing Vinyl told me about, to help settle this once and for all!" She faced the slowly growing crowd of ponies, bringing a mic of her own to her mouth. "Hope you enjoy this!" She pointed a hoof at the white unicorn, her excitement clearly showing. "HIT IT!"

Vinyl nodded, putting on a record. Her horn flared with a blue magic aura, generating a background for each of the ponies in front of her. Almost as soon as the music began, she raised her hooves in the air, yelling over the track to make sure she could be heard.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!

VS.

BEGIN!

Well lookie here, if it isn't the egg head!
Tell me does it hurt that Big Mac never joined you in your bed?
For a colt to adore you, he'd have ta be mad as a hatter,
Or maybe the type who likes his mares to be fatter.
I mean, really, Twi, why don't you lay off the Twinkies?
I swear, you probably eat more sweets than Pinkie!
Everypony who hears my name knows I'm a sight to see;
Yours makes them remember that awful movie series!

You have to cheat in order to win a simple race.
Back off before I'm forced to put you in your place!
I could shove your skinny flank into a cardboard box,
Toss it off a cliff and see how long it takes to hit the rocks.
Stallions come to my library to check out my plot.
They'd prefer my cushions to whatever you got.
Though, from what I heard, you prefer fillies over colts -
Makes me wonder why you really wanna join the Wonderbolts!

I'm as straight as an arrow and can pick from all my fans.
Your only company at night are books hidden in your bed stand!
Just like on the train, you'd better get a clue -
Even your "want it need it" spell can't make anypony love you!

I'm twenty percent cooler than a double rainbow.
You gained half of your fans due to your special "private shows."
So I'm a virgin. Big deal! It doesn't matter to me.
I'm not the one that has to worry about STD's.

---

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!

Rainbow turned to the white unicorn, confused. " ... Vinyl, who are you talking to?"

She just grinned, readjusting her shades. "Nopony you'd know, Dash."

Comments

[Dead_Account_0]

Dat ending. Yep, this is good. Cainiam likie. Cainiam likie a lot.

Going to have to side with RD on this one. Twilight almost had it, but that "Want it, need it" line cinched it for Rainbow.

[Cloud_Surfer]

RD had that in the bag. The Wonderbolts line just didn't do anything, and then the "want it need it" just ended it.

[kbrony]

I guess I will be the first one to give it to Twilight, It was a close one though.

[Pickle]

Meh. No offense, but this wasn't as great as i was hoping it to be. I didn't understand why RD said Big Mac liked fat mares, and then called Twilight fat. That would mean that he likes her, right?

[enigmaMystere]

634242
...RD never said big mac liked fat mares. where did you get that from?

[spikethed]

Im going with twilight

[Pickle]

634278 LOL I read that wrong, but either way, it still seemed lacking.

[Uncreative]

i side with Rainbow Dash on this one for some reason.

[stinker mcpinkerton]

Twi me reckons

[Warren Peace]

LOL when I saw the title I was like "Oh sht this has gotta be good!" You don't disappoint.

I dunno, both had good stuff but I feel as if RD got this one.

[varilla111]

thats awsome dude!

[CrimsonQuake]

Dash owned this one, Twi had some good ones but Dash brought it home.

[RedvsBlue327]

Twilight nuked the round with that last line! Twilights the winner in my book.

[Monochromation]

RD, for sure...dear lord! I just had an idea! Someone should totally skim through as many OC stories as they can find, and do this for OCs! I think that would just be awesome.

[enigmaMystere]

634706
...are you implying something, dear sir?
though, to be honest, that's not a bad idea. i might go along with that...
...later on, if at all.

[enigmaMystere]

634295
keep in mind, it was my first attempt. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Rainbow_Dash.png
the others get better (at least, i hope so).
...maybe it's the lack of cursing?

[TundraStanza]

Owned by sex-education facts.
Twilight Sparkle wins.

[Luna-Eclipse]

Gotta vote for Twilight

[Craterfist]

634780
Wow. First you send these to me to rap and record them (sorry about that. I have been busy making gobs of money) and then you put them to a story. Nice work, man!

[Professor Donger]

I CAN"T CHOOSE!!

[CrazedWhiteDude]

Twilight. That last bit with her killed RD.

[Bronyzilla61]

lolz

[GAPDashie]

"want it need it" line

flawless victory

[Darkvolt]

Someone needs to make a video of this NOW!!

[NovaStar_SkyDancer]

Twilight all the way

[RamboPilot]

RD won.

[Silverness]

Rainbow Dash for the last bit and also because she's awesome

[infinite scratch]

I'm gonna go with twilight

[Book644]

RD rainbow-nuked it, definite win

[Arcanist Ascendant]

Starting to read:
adaptershack.com/m/files/www.gifsforum.com_images_gif_dis_20gon_20be_20good_grand_this_gon_b_gud_gif.gif

Post-Read:
scottdwinter.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/exceed-expectation.jpg

Dammit, Vinyl! Fourth walls are really expensive, i'd appreciate it if you didn't make me pay for'm all the time!

Also, Twi won.

[Steel Accord]

Don't even need to see the rest of them (going to anyway!) I love it!

[Sarkastik Menace]

twi kinda lost when she tried to defend her virginity....

[xXmentracksXx]

hells to the double raindows yeah!!!! love it love it

[mau5!]

who wants to have a rap battle?

im desprate at ma desk
if I could just get rid of the shit on ma chest

[MrWhatnow]

The unnaturally colored pony won

[War brony]

Damn

[CeresBane]

twi's virgin line was weak. its the classic ok I admit I suck kinda come back.

RD wins hoofs down. and she's my least best pony of the mane 6

[Sebastian1314]

Ouch. That's harsh! XD

[MrSpartan]

t.qkme.me/359xla.jpg

[ImRaidAccount]

Quick somepony defictionalize this now.

[enigmaMystere]

680387
...what does that even mean? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

[ImRaidAccount]

680403 It means to make this an actual rap battle.

[Octavio the Umbreon]

RAINBOW YOU GOT PWNED!!!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE FOR THE WIn!!!!!!

[AFadingPony]

That was pretty epic.
Twilight won.
On a completely related note, I hate typing upside down.

[Burritoburger]

680403
I believe he means take the story down...
anyways, TWILIGHT WON!
I AM GOING TO LOVE THIS SERIES!

[8loodyrain]

this needs to happen.... quick tell i bring da lulz and micthemicrophonezero to do these. they might do it... it could happen....really

[Paladin Redflare]

Twilight is uglier than a donkey's ass!

[UnovaBrony]

Twi got this. Hands down!

[Ibaconatmidnight]

YES
TWILIGHT

[bloodwolf432]

I actually did find a Epic Rap Battle MLP style on youtube once. It was between Twilight and Trixie