Rap Battle #28
The black alicorn watched the whole event play out through a black crystal ball. She nodded in acknowledgement, turning to her captive with a sneer of contempt. “How does it feel, to know that the mare you care about the most has abandoned you?” She ran a hoof over the pegasus’s cheek, tracing the streaks of lighter red on his darker fur. “To know that you can be so easily replaced?”
He didn’t answer, his breaths too shallow to allow any verbal communication. All he could do was sit there, helpless to free himself. He focused one eye on the scrying crystal, seeing his love in the embrace of another pony - a clone of himself. “...I won’t let you win...”
The dark conqueror frowned, leaning closer. “Speak up, mare! You shall address royalty properly!” She tilted the pony’s head up and froze, caught in the gaze.
The dark red pegasus glared at her, frowning deeply. His crimson eyes shined with defiance, his left eye sporting a symbol in the shape of a bird. “Would you kindly keep away from me?” He smirked as she did so, despite her visibly straining against the order. He stood, coughing softly. He shook off the ropes that had previously bound him. “As I said, I won’t let you win.”
The alicorn watched in horror, slowly backing away. “It’s not possible! How did you escape?”
“Physics.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I figured out where the bindings were weakest and applied just enough force for it to come undone.” He held up a hoof, brandishing a bracelet with the exact symbol as was on his eye. “The Geass Bracelet helped, too. I made sure you and your friend wouldn’t realize what I was doing. Kinda sad, considering that she was trying to masquerade as me.” He gathered up his saddlebag, tightening it around his middle. He moved towards a window but paused, raising a hoof to his chin. “...did I forget anything?” After thinking for a moment, he shrugged, waving to his former-captor. “See ya, Nightmare Woon!”
The pitch-black pony growled, her reptilian eyes narrowing in anger. “It’s Nightmare Moon!”
“Yeah, and I’m not a mare. Now, would you kindly smack yourself in the face?”
Before she could even register what he’d asked of her, one of her own hooves flew up and smacked her across the snout. She yelped in shock, tenderly holding her nose.
“Thanks. Oh, and one more thing.” He held a hoof straight up, his elbow bent at a ninety degree angle. He placed his other hoof on top of the bend. “You should know what this means!” With that, he flew off, taking the artifacts with him.
The alicorn roared in anger, calling out after the dark red pegasus. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS SOMEDAY, ENIGMA!”
A gray mare sat in a cafe, playing with a small metal star she found in her daughter’s room. “I thought stars had six points?” She sighed, looking around for her newest friend. “I wonder if he’s okay.”
As she said that a voice came from behind her, “Well, I’m glad to know you care.” She turned around quickly to see a green unicorn smiling at her as he made his way to the seat opposite her.
“Oh, Rhino, I’m so glad you could make it.” She smiled back, carefully grabbing one of the menus with a hoof. “What would you like to eat? I’ll pay for it. After all, you’re a guest in our dimension.”
“Oh, you don’t need to do that...”
“Oh, but I insist! I want to be sure that you’re comfortable while you’re here.” She glanced down at the menu, blinking in surprise. “...I...I don’t see any muffins on here...” She placed the menu back down, resting her head on the table. “I’m suddenly not hungry.”
The stallion tilted his head to one side, concerned, “We could go somewhere else if you want, I don’t mind.”
“Well...” She closed one eye, focusing the other on his face. “...we could go to my place. Dinky heard of you from Pinch, and she really wants to meet you.”
He smiled, “That sounds fun. Any friend of Pinchy’s is probably just as endearing. Is this ‘Dinky’ your daughter?”
“Yes, she is.” She giggled, jumping to her hooves and starting to walk off in one direction. “This way, Rhino!”
He chuckled as he tailed the happy mare, “Onward indeed.”
They walked through town, discussing minor things, such as the weather and what types of music they listen to. Soon enough, they were approaching a house with a muffin mailbox.
Rhino stopped to look at the box, “Huh, never thought about getting a custom mailbox...” He shook his head before following Ditzy to the door, where he held it open for her once she unlocked it, “Ladies first.”
She giggled, walking inside and towards the kitchen. She stopped in the hallway, staring at an interesting sight in front of her.
A purple filly was currently laying on her back, gawking up at a fuchsia filly. The second pony was currently standing upside down on the ceiling, beaming down at her friend. “Come on, Dinky! You can do it!”
The blonde filly looked at her hooves, pouting a little. “...I don’t know, Bewy...yew awe always so good at picking up spells...I just...” Her voice trailed off as she saw the two adults standing nearby. “...hi?”
“It’s Rhino!” The unicorn on the ceiling leaped down, tackle-hugging the stallion happily.
“Oof!” Rhino gasped as the filly crashed into him. He laughed once he got his breath back. “Good to see you too, Pinchy!”
She giggled, nuzzling his cheek a little before letting go. “What brings you here? Are you here to teach that circle to Dinky?”
The filly held up a hoof, a little hesitant. “...I’m fine...weally...”
The stallion looked at the filly’s curious position, “Oh dear, she didn’t fall from the ceiling did she?”
“...I fell when I stepped onto the wall...”
“Oh, my poor muffin!” Ditzy rushed forward, wrapping her daughter in a loving embrace. “Don’t worry, I know just what will help you feel better!”
To be honest, Dinky wasn’t even hurting. The offer was too good to resist, though. “Muffins!”
The pony nodded, smiling brightly at her. “Yep! I’ll even make your favorite - chocolate chip!”
“Yay!” She followed her mother, happily beaming.
This left Berry with Rhino. The little filly looked up at him, a question on the tip of her tongue. Being a young pony, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Can you teach my friend magic? Please?” She raised herself up with her forehooves on his chest, her eyes large and pleading - her patented doe eyes.
Rhino lasted about two seconds before he had to shut his eyes. “Gah! I was gonna say yes anyway!” He peeked a moment to make sure she turned off the eyes, “Just make sure it’s okay with her mom.”
She beamed brightly once more. “Thank you!” She wrapped her forelegs around him, giggling happily.
The stallion mumbles to himself as he returns the hug, “Here’s hoping your friend can’t do that too, or I’m in trouble...”
Pinch pulled away for a moment, thinking about that thought. “...I don’t think she knows how to do that.” She glanced towards the kitchen doorway, curious. “Do you smell that?”
Rhino gave a few sniffs. “Chocolate.” He grinned at the filly. “Bet I can get there before you.”
“You’re on!” She raced towards the doorway, happily giggling as she slid through it and across the tiles. “I win!”
“Oh no!” Rhino said in mock distress. “How will I ever get a tasty muffin if all three of you get there before me?”
“Don’t wowy, Mistew Whino, thewe’s plenty fow evewypony!” Dinky smiled kindly, holding one out for him, carefully balanced on one hoof.
“Well thank you, Dinky.” He levitated the muffin over to himself and took a bite, his eyes glazing over slightly as he does so.
“They’re really good, Miss Ditzy!” Berry took another bite and swallowed, remembering something. “Oh, that’s right! Rhino said he’d be willing to teach Dinky magic!”
Rhino stopped eating long enough to utter one word, “If...” He immediately went back to the muffin with a smile.
The filly in question looked up at him, her eyes wide in wonder. “...if what, Mistew?”
He licked his lips after he finished the muffin. “If it’s okay with your mom. You’re her muffin after all.”
“It’s perfectly fine, Rhino.” Ditzy pulled out another rack of muffins and set them on the cooling rack, smiling brightly. “You see, her father and I aren’t unicorns, and every other adult unicorn in town is too busy to teach her. This could be the only time we can get a teacher without moving to Canterlot or another big city.”
He bowed his head towards the mother, “Well then, it’ll be my honor to teach her.”
“Thank yew!” The purple filly rushed over and hugged one of his forelegs, beaming brightly.
“Dinky! I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that!” Berry leaped forward, wrapping herself around his other foreleg, playfully sticking her tongue out at her friend.
Rhino grinned and rolled his eyes, “Anypony else I should know about who wants in on this hugfest?”
Ditzy giggled, shrugging a bit. “I would, but I think the Doctor would be a bit jealous if he found out.”
He shrugged, “Oh well,” he glanced down to the two fillies, “guess I belong to you two then.” He stopped and thought for a moment. “I’ll have to introduce you to Specter then, he is my teaching aid.”
They both looked up at him in curiosity. The pink one spoke up for the both of them. “Specter?”
Rhino flicked one of his ears repeatedly, “You awake up there, Specs?”
A tiny yawn comes from his mane. “Well, I am now.” The small furry head of the black flying squirrel pops up with his headset on and peers down curiously at the scene. “Umm, what did I miss?”
The stallion nods at the fillies attached to his forelegs. “Meet the students.”
“SO CUTE!” A magical aura wrapped around the squirrel and pulled him into the embrace of an excitable fuchsia unicorn. “And he can talk, too! That’s so amazing!~”
Specter looked back at his owner as affection was piled onto him. “I think I can live with this arrangement.”
Meanwhile, Dinky had quietly snuck onto the taller unicorn’s back. It was really comfortable there, and it had been a long day. I suppose I can close my eyes for a bit... Before long, she’d fallen asleep, her hooves gripping the stallion’s back softly.
Smiling at Pinchy playing with Specter, Rhino turned to where he last saw Dinky, only to find her missing. He looked around the kitchen for her until a telltale breathing registered on his back. He craned his neck around to see the little filly snoring lightly. He simply smiled as he let her sleep.
Vinyl sighed, resting her head against her stallion’s shoulder, gently stroking his sides. She gently nipped his neck, her hoof slowly trailing lower and lower.
She stopped when her hoof bumped against something, frowning deeply. ...that’s odd... She rubbed the obstacle, her brow furrowing with each passing second, even as the pegasus next to her groaned softly. The disk jockey looked down and immediately leaped away, eyes wide in horror. “...y-you’re not E...”
The red pegasus frowned, standing up and calmly approaching the unicorn, maroon eyes filled with pain. “...how can you say that, Vi?”
Vinyl growled, smacking the other pony across the face. “Don’t call me Vi! And I know you’re not E because he’s been genderbent!”
The pony blinked in shock, their dumbstruck expression slowly shifting to a devious smirk. “...so, you finally figured it out...” The impostor stepped forward, a green flame slowly moving over their body, shifting dark red fur to a black carapace as it went. “...but I fear that your Enigma is nowhere to be found.”
Vinyl scowled at the pony, poking a hoof against her chest. “Do you have any idea what I am gonna do to you if I find one itty, bitty scratch on him?”
Chrysalis laughed, grinning down at her. “Let me guess. You’re gonna pound my face. Break every bone in my body. Then you’re gonna drag me across a gravel road and feed my remains to a warthog.” She leans down, practically sneering at her. “Is that about right?”
The disk jockey just stared at her, a confused expression on her face. “What are you, nuts? This is Equestria.” She grinned, grabbing her shades and putting them on. “I’m gonna beat your flank in a rap battle.”
The insect-pony huffed, rolling her eyes. “Oh, I doubt that. Besides, your little loser of a lover is nowhere to be seen.”
“Leeroy...”
They both paused, curious about the random voice. The taller of the two looked out a window, noticing a dark red speck, which was slowly growing larger. “...what the f-”
“JENKINS!”
A pegasus flew through the open window, colliding hindleg-first against the changeling queen. She fell down, knocked over more from the surprise than the actual force of the attack. He stood there, glaring down at the shocked pony for a few seconds before lifting his left hindleg, wincing slightly. “...ow...what was I thinking, doing that?”
The dark pony stood up, staring down at the pony that struck her. “This is an...unexpected turn of events.” She glanced at the pegasus’s cheek, noticing a small scar. “...oh, buck me.”
Vinyl cracked her neck, eyes narrowed in anger. “You know what this means, Chrysi.”
Soon enough, the three ponies were on the stage in the middle of town square. The white mare glared at the Queen standing in front of her, trembling slightly.
Enigma walked up to her, gently placing a hoof on her shoulder. “...is something wrong, Vi?”
She turned to him, nodding almost imperceptibly. “...I...I’m drawing a blank on this one, E...I mean, how do I rap against a pony I know nothing about?”
The burgundy pegasus tapped his chin, looking at the smug changeling and then the crowd. “Maybe somepony else can rap for you?”
The disk jockey scoffed, shaking her head. “Who else is there? I can’t think of anypony else who’d have a grudge against this...insect.”
“Pardon me, but I believe I may be able to help in this regard.”
The couple turned and stared, surprised at the pink mare that flit in from above. Enigma snapped out of it first, his words filled with awe. “...Princess?”
Princess Cadence nodded to the pegasus and his marefriend in greeting, then glared at the changeling on the other side of the stage. “I never got to have proper words with you after your invasion so long ago,” she announced in a surprisingly threatening manner.
Chrysalis laughed, shaking her head. “I should have expected as much - the pathetic princess, upset at me taking her stallion from her.” She sneered, eyes narrowed. “I’m going to enjoy this.”
Cadence’s glare didn’t falter. “Miss Scratch? Be a dear and start the music, will you?”
With a shaky nod, Vinyl rushed behind the turntables. Hastily conjuring up her patented illusion spell, she started up the music and shouted out to the crowd.
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!
VS.
BEGIN!
Let’s get this battle over with, you wannabe queen
I may have the magic of love, but I’m not afraid to get mean
My rhymes will blow more holes in you than you already have
You feed on love, Chrissy, so why are you getting mad?
You say you rule the Changelings? Well, I pity your species
I’ll take you down like I did Sombra, blow you into pieces
Maybe I’ll cast a love spell on you as a prank
While my cutie mark is turned to you, so you can kiss my flank!
Please, as if I'd ever touch you; I might get a disease.
My brand of hard rhymes will force you onto your knees.
Not that you need any more incentive to do just that -
You’d bang anypony at the drop of a hat!
Speaking of Sombra, you never finish the job.
Then again, that’s to be expected of a pink slob!
I’m better than you - that, everypony can see.
If you're not sorry by now, Cadenza, you will be.
Oh, I’m the one who can never get anything completed?
Do I have to remind you who was thrown out of Canterlot defeated?
Here’s a hint: she thinks she’s a master of disguise
But her illusions can be seen through by anypony with two working eyes
When you look at me, your magic isn’t all that’s green
It’s obvious you’re jealous of the attention I receive
But I’m afraid that this battle has come down to the wire
So surrender to the ruler of the Crystal Empire!
As if! You’re a sad, two-dimensional mare.
So thinly spread, I can rip you apart without care!
Your personality is so cliched it kills others’ joy.
The only reason you exist is to sell some toys!
And tell me, nympho, if I’m bad at hiding my face,
How did only one pony think something was out of place?
You say I’m jealous, but you’re the one who’s hurt.
After all, I was your precious husband’s first!
WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF MLP!
Special thanks to RLYoshi for helping with the rap battle, and to Rhino for allowing me to use his OC in this chapter!
I’m sorry for how long this chapter took. I was trying really hard to make a matchup work that would never have worked. 
And now, I’m not entirely sure whether or not my make-up class will take up even more time...I guess we’ll come across that when it happens? 
Have a nice day!
Enigma out.~
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Cadance ripped her a new one! Cadance owned that from the beginning!
That wasn't even a fair fight! It was a complete rout! Just like the Battle of Canterlot...Chrysalis's Waterloo anyone?
Silver out!
I was waiting for this one.
Chrysalis was right on the money with that line about Cadance being created just to sell toys.
Chrysalis won.
These lines have convinced me so.
I'd say Chryssy won, and HYES! NIGHTMARE MOON RETURNS!!!
Chrysalis' won with those finale lines:
Cadence.
I thought that Cadance would've won it, but Chrysalis' final verse absolutely crushed her. Chrysalis wins this, hands down, for me.
Cadance won.
Chrysalis' line about banging any pony only describes herself. Instant queen fail.
Cadence won.
Cadence won
I vote in a completely unbiased manner for Cadence.
Sorry, but Chryssy wins this round. You came close Princess, so close...
Chrysalis won, sorry cadence but she sold her lines like flank at the store.
..."What?"
NOTHING!
Don't you mean Ruby Pinch? Nice work, though, E.
Freaking Geass
"I wish to make a contract with you..."
"Done deal!"
"...I didn't explain the terms yet."
"Do I get superpowers?"
"Yes."
"Done deal!"
Was gonna say Cadence won, until Chrysalis brought up her closing lines. After reading the battle once again, I realize now that Chrysalis has indeed won this battle. Go figure
Tough choice, but Chryssy won with that last line.
Chrysalis
This one's a tough one. I personally thought Cadance had the better overall rap, but Chrysalis did have the luxury of having that great last verse. And usually, the last verses are the best and leave the most lasting impression.
Hmm...I think I'll vote for Cadenza here. Yeah, yeah, Crystal Empire represent!
"I wish to make a contract with you..."
"Done deal!"
"...I didn't explain the terms yet."
"Do I get superpowers?"
"Yes."
"Done deal!"
CodeMENT for the win!
That last line.
Chrysalis won!
Cadence was owning there at the beginning, but then green and receive don't rhyme.
And then Chrysalis's last stanza clinched it.
Chrysalis.
Chrysalis. The last verse completely crushed Cadence.
Cadance. Totally voting for Cadance.
Chrysalis won; hooves down thanks to that last verse. Sorry pink, pointy-headed, pegasus pony princess.
I vote Chrsyalis.
Why?
Well, it's because I know she won't win. Odd, ain't it? With the way these battles work, I have... severe doubts that she'll win. I mean, what if she does? The story can't continue. And frankly, I feel bad for her because I know that feel. Of being put into a situation you can't win. Or having few votes (but better than four. Besides, I don't think she'd be trumped in votes by a mare who didn't even enter.
)
Also,
That was bloody badass. So that works too.
Needs more royalty. But if this was an attempt at something like Rasputin vs Stalin, then I can understand the problems with writing it. Not sure who won though.
I can't decide, so I vote for...
LEEROY JEENKINNNSS!!!!!
Cadence.
It's been a while since I had to lay down the law,
But goddess bless you E, you give it to me raw!
Two royal mares, trying to act like they matter,
Well guess what holy fiend, I'm gonna make you splatter!
Cadence is a saint, a goddess of love.
Every guy that touches you always asks for the 'Glove.'
Callin her a ho, that was your last hope,
But all you did was give yourself way too much rope.
Whats wrong little change face? Starting to have doubts.
No body here wants you around, you worthless lout!
But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you gave it your all.
Yeah, that's what they all say, right before the fall!
2654282 Oh hi there
Cadance.
That last verse from Chryssy was a pretty bad burn, but Cadance tore her a new plothole beforehand. Cadance wins, hooves down.
SLENDERMANE SLENDERMANE SLENDERMANE VS ?????
Cadence
2654639 yo.
Cady won that battle. No doubt.
Cadence won but chrysalis had the best line
Chrysalis.
Cadence won the slam battle, but I felt Chryssy's were more on beat. they flowed better as well.
I finally get to vote on this and I'm forced to vote for the bad guy. Cadance's rhyme scheme was off at times and Chrysalis just owned her.
Close, but I think Chrysalis got it in the end.
Oh god, Chrysalis took the win by a landslide with that last line!
I vote for Chrysalis.
...I think Chrysalis won by a hair's breadth.
They were both good.
2656277
"No, Twi accidentally turned E into a mare a few chapters back. I suppose it was a bit too subtle of a thing to notice..."
Chrysalis wins. That last line about Cadence's husband, just made me laugh. Chrysalis for the win!
And I wanna see you Enigma rap against Nightmare Moon! and I want Trixie and Fleur de Lis team up with either one of you, Trixie with Nightmare, and Fleur with you! If not that, than just you and Nightmare!
2654382
"The story can still continue. It'll just take on an adventure element for a couple chapters. And, fyi, Chrysi is winning 23 to 16, right now."
Cadence. chrisy was good, but Cadance took the thing
Cadence won
Chrysalis wins.