• Published 23rd May 2012
  • 31,575 Views, 7,518 Comments

Epic Rap Battles of MLP - enigmaMystere

a silly little thing the ponies in my head persuaded me to do.

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Rap Battle #3

Vinyl groaned, watching as twin earth ponies walked up to her. " ... I can't believe this ... " She sighed, standing up to greet who she could only assume were her next customers. "Let me guess: somepony forgot a birthday?"

They looked at her, confused and curious. "No ... who would do something like that and ask for a rap battle?"

The white unicorn almost swore she heard "forever" drifting in on the breeze. She shivered slightly, putting on a smile. "Nopony. So, what can I help you with?"

The blue-furred one stared at the ground, crestfallen. " ... Flim and Flam are back ... and this time ... they have ... " She began to tremble, unable to finish the sentence.

Her pink sister gently patted her back, trying to calm her. She looked at the DJ seriously. "They have a machine that could replace us. We want to have a rap battle for the safety of our customers, not to mention our livelihood!"

Vinyl stared blankly at them for a few moments. " ... so ... you win, you keep your jobs ... they win, you have to quit?" When they nodded to her, she sighed softly. "I'll do it."

Vinyl quickly found herself at her turntables again, preparing to start yet another rap battle. She looked at the pair of rival siblings uneasily, hoping they wouldn't go to blows. This was her first time DJ'ing for four ponies at once, after all. She glanced at the crowd in surprise; it was much larger than before. She quickly turned on her headset and started the music.




Well, look here, brother of mine, it's the same as before.
Another group for us to beat? Oh, what a chore!
We are the best of the best. Nopony else compares.
Certainly not this pair of nymphomanic mares!
We have the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy! Patent pending.
You're the ones best known for giving "happy endings"!
I wouldn't want so much as a massage, you rakes.
We have plenty of mares which we can choose to take!

We got bored and hit the spa. It was simply luxurious!
Now you'd best be prepared. It's time to get serious!
We want the best for our clients. We strive ever higher.
Your raps are tainted. Just like your cider!
When it comes to serving others, we are no strangers.
Everypony knows all about your machine's dangers!
We have many loyal customers, to which we give many thanks.
Oh, and you don't think we noticed when you checked out our flanks?

Well, you see, dear mares, we can't help who you attract.
You won't get us, though. As it is, you're too flat!
We aren't talking about your rumps. Though it might make you sore.
We mean that on the show, we're the ones that spoke more!

You two really think we'll lose due to lack of screen time?
You forget, we aren't the ones who tried to sell slime!
We know you dislike the cards you've been dealt by fate.
It's clear your big machine is how you compensate!



Vinyl turned to see a yellow pegasus sitting next to her, staring up into the sky intently. " ... Fluttershy, why are you back here?"

She jumped, turning to the DJ with a sheepish smile. " ... oh ... um ... I wanted to see who you were talking to ... I'm sorry ... "

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