• Published 23rd May 2012
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Epic Rap Battles of MLP - enigmaMystere

a silly little thing the ponies in my head persuaded me to do.

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Rap Battle #2

The battle between Rainbow and Twilight soon became well known. Other ponies considered the possibility of using them to settle disagreements.

It wasn't long before Vinyl found herself facing an upset Pinkie at the local cafe. She raised an eyebrow at the magenta mare, confused. "Wait, so you want to have a rap battle with Rarity ... Rarity ... because she refused to come to your party?"

"Well, yeah! But it wasn't just that she refused!" Pinkie slammed a hoof against the table, growling. "She said that it was uncouth and filthy! Can you believe it? My 'Beach Party', uncouth and filthy? The nerve!" She leaped to her hooves, pacing back and forth in front of the white unicorn, upset. "There's going to be a sand castle building contest, not to mention beach volleyball and a muffin-eating contest! I can't believe she's going to pass all that up because she's afraid of getting a little sand in her fur or being exposed to warm air!"

Vinyl sighed, shaking her head at Pinkie. "Fine. Just let me finish my meal, okay?"

Pinkie grinned, bouncing in joy. "Oki doki loki!" She quickly headed towards the square, leaving the DJ to finish her hay fries in peace.

Soon enough, Vinyl had her equipment set up, ready to begin the rap battle. Pinkie stood there, sternly glaring at a mortified Rarity. Vinyl checked to make sure her microphone was ready and the illusory backgrounds were up before she started the music.




My name is Pinkie Pie and I am here to say
That I'm the best pony and that's how it'll stay!
You really think you can beat me, Miss Aloof?
Hard to imagine when you hardly ever lift a floofy-hoof!
Element of Generosity? I doubt that's true!
You never do a thing that doesn't somehow help you!
I vow to shoot your marshmallow flank into the sky -
Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!

Oh, it ... is ... on!
This will end worse than your party of one!
A lady never stoops to violent acts.
She also never lets herself get so fat!
If you got any bigger, you might just explode,
Or maybe get a personal ZIP code!
Rarity is always in high demand;
More so than a mare who eats as much sugar as she can!

You say that sugary goodness is something super-duper bad,
But it's the energy from those sweets that lets me rap so fast!
Besides, didn't you eat half the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness?
Everypony in town agrees that I'm the one who is the baddest!

"Baddest" isn't a real word, you foal!
It's ponies like you who wreck other's souls!
Not only are you portly - you're a huge tart!
How many ponies have you given private parties?

You think I'm bad? That last one didn't even rhyme!
I could beat you at any given time!
You weren't thinking when you opened your store.
No one in Ponyville wears clothes for the glamour!

My designs have made quite the splash in Canterlot.
Tell me, Pinkie, just how is Lints-a-lot?
Everypony in town runs when you begin to sing,
Because it is the ... worst ... possible ... thing!

Watch it, Rare, Pinkamena's on the case!
Why don't we put a smile on that face?
Challenging me like this is a huge mistake -
Leave! Before I feel like making cupcakes.

There was a long, awkward pause. Nopony there understood what Pinkie had said, but the tone of her voice worried them greatly.

Vinyl cleared her throat, breaking the awkward silence. "Okay. I think it's best if we stop for now." She turned to the magenta mare nervously. "Please put that away. Who knows what harm it can do?"



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