YeetingHunter
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Love it! I am waiting for the next chapters bro :D
P.S. Chapter two, I believe it is 'foals' not 'fouls'... or actually they are kind of fouls... getting inside the Everfree for their cutie-marks... those three are the spaws of tartarus! I swear! nothing can be that cute and chaotic!.
P.S.S. Or your character calls foals, fouls cause... he knows shit about equines *shrug*
5988805 Thanks for pointing that out.
Yeah, yeah I like it, and from all the excitement it happen its normal he is tired and want a little power nap, I imagine AJ will tell Twilight about a 5 alicorn while he sleep and ask if she knows anything about it. Anyway I hope the next chapter come up soon
P.S: Does he has a cutie mark? because if he doesn't AJ should had notices that
5988979 Yes, but David didn't notice it
5989442
I see, so that is up for next chapter then? also he is most likely be the god thunder now right?
5989535 Something like that, but not exactly
5989575
I see, well anyway I can't wait to read more, and know if alicorn made him royal immediately or would he became the first alicorn commoner.
Oh and when the 'ghost limp' effect kicks in and made him form a human body around him by mistake when his magic act up
I love the story, hope to get more soon!
I like, have a fave
5989575 MOAR!!!
5991438 thanks!
5990334 Oh, thanks for pointing out the cutie mark thing, I changed the story pic, so now he has one. Thanks!
5991589 *Holds ears* Jesus! Are you the dragon born to?
5992339 FUS RO DA!!!!!!
5990666 Thanks!
I'm loving the story so far, but watch out when spelling "heard" multiple times in the story, you say "herd" instead.
I hope because she is a goddess he didn't just take one of her eyes, yeah I think that will be very gruesome, can you instead say he rose her but didn't actually damage her eye and she surprise him by not even leaving a scar?
Also I only had one complain, why he keep using 'gay' as in insult when he meets weird ponies or just when he see them? Is he homophobic? or he just has a foul mind and simple doesn't know a lot of insults?
This story seems really rushed. Not bad...just rushed with a real lack of personality coming from the oc.
I am not sure if he has the normal Alicorn strength right there, but i hope he doesn´t get to OP.
Till now the story is okay, i hope yout don´t rush it in later chapters.
I like the idea of the story, but the OC seems to be to strong right now, i actually enjoy it more if such creatures like him, still have to learn a bit, and doesn´t have all their strength from the start.
I was a bit confued at why Applejack just told Twilight, and the wo other Alicorns about him, i mean yeah they just know four Alicorns, but she maybe put him in an uncomfortable situation against hi own will. It is a bit like she thought he could be a treat.
I think that he hardly felt anything was a bit to much, i mean that already sounds like he could just blow at them, and hey would have to go to the hospital. I don´t have anything against awesome powers he maybe get in the end, but he should not be to strong for anything, at least not in his defense. I mean he don´t need tobe super Horse.
You should not rush anything to much, guess you could let the scene play out a bit more, and hey coudl have at least asked him about the princesses. I don´t know, i just think there could have been much more to read.
I guess i said everything i wanted to say. Don´t rush the things, maybe don´t make him to OP, and i think everything should be fine.
5993627 No, she was cringing because David had hit her side with his scythe.
5994088 Yeah, I know what you mean. After finishing the chapter, it kept nagging me in the back of the head that it was to rushed, but in later chapters, I will slow it down.
5993568 I am going to go back and edit chapters after about ever 6-7 chapters.
5993627 second one
5994609
Ah so that is why, well I hope he start to get a bit more matured as time goes on, maybe some of Celestia rub off on him
Also thanks for not rushing the romance and make all the mares fall for him without any apparent reason, I hate when authors jump that shark
5995505 yeah, I hate it when people do that, unless its for pure comedy.
5994088 As for the op thing, who said Luna was using full strength? And the hydra thing will be explained later
5999877
Je is a 'test' in a more than a way, Luna is not actually going for blood she is only testing his reflects right? well that and for what Celly told us she likes sparings
The real fear I had is when his magic goes haywire, I mean he doesn't even know what is happening, its a matter of time that his instincts kicks in and shoot magic everywhere, like when Twilight did
6000129 You are half right and half wrong. Will his magic go haywire? yes. will he have no control over his magic burst? No, he will have a lot of control, but not all of the control. Just wait and get ready to read!
6000635
Yes madam Pinkie Pie I will wait, and I'm glad to hear it, that way you are not going into 'perfect' I learn everything in 5 seconds, and neither, I'm a talking walking timing bomb waiting to blow up territory either, oh right! is perfectly balance, perfectly plan, I love it!
5999877 okay, you have a point, but then i want to ask myself why she let him beat her up, if she noticed, that he is stronger than he looks like. but maybe i missunderstood the situation there.
6001170 it was more of a surprise that she wasn't ready for when David hit her, it was like a Pinkie party, but more deadly.
6001876 well....okay, i can´t really say anything against this, i guess it is possible the way you have written it.
I'm so confused almost all alicorn oc stories have like thirty dislikes ether I'm drunk or I'm not on fimfiction
6002863 is that a compliment, insult, or just a statement?
6002999
I think it was a troll attempt that got the opposite effect, be proud dude, you made a very good story that a lot of people think it will be crash and fail
6003127 Thanks for the support!
6002999 a compliment and a statement although a badly worded one
, love the story by the way
6004825 Oh, that's alright, man. And I'm glad you like the story
Great fight scene.
6009762 Thanks!
I admit the fight scenes are not bad, right now i can actually believe it easier how strong they are, or he.
For what I can see he has a short temper, its kinds of worries me because that is not the same thing that made 'Sombra' go into a rampage?…and also attract Windigoes? I just hope he is still there, because how things are going, he will soon lost his own body.
Also 'coughing blood' and having injuries all over them, this test isn't going a bit overboard already?
I imagine Celly will had stop it before someone ends up death
6009893 She knows Luna is not at full strength. Its not till the very end that Luna even goes full power.
6009899
ah, and all the wounds will banish I suppose
If any of the readers have spare time, could you give me some ways to improve the story? Its doing very well, as you can see from the like/dislike ratio. I want to keep it that way, but I want to know what you, the readers, think I should implement into the story to make it better.
6013589 have David and Luna become a love interest and have them sire the ultrAlicorn.
6018569 I will consider this, but romance will most likely not happen for some time.
6013589
Some things to think about: What will he do for a living? How will he make money? Where will he live? Does he become royalty? If so, will his role involve leadership/ a position of power? Could his presence and actions cause a change in Equestria? Will it cause any political ramifications, maybe internal political issues or foreign ones with other nations? Would he have any knowledge from Earth(tech, ideas, methods, etc) that could impact Equestria? Will he effect the canon story? What does the God of Death do? What are his duties? Was the previous God of Death a known figure or not? What abilities does he have as an Alicorn and as the God of Death? Maybe the old God of Death has some baggage left over(namely enemies). Maybe the presence of a new and fresh God of Death will incite some new enemies or groups(friend OR foe) to emerge.
These are just some possible avenues that you could explore and expand on. Also, that 'ultra Alicorn' thing from a few comments below was stupid, don't do that.
Ok one…why it say he felt pain if it didn't hurt? Aren't those basically the same thing?
and 2…free of charge? Luna RAM at him with white weapons and no explanation whatsoever of how the fight works if anything HE should be forgiving them but attempt murder (Ironic I know but if the scythe wouldn't come up, he will had die)