• Member Since 18th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 24 minutes ago

justanothername


Just your average run-of-the-mill pony fan.

T
Source

Big Macintosh is the sexiest stallion in town...and he hates it. Endless mares harass him and his family; he becomes convinced he'll never find the one. Or maybe he will in the last mare he expected. Meanwhile, Twilight tries to open up to a relationship while struggling with the stress of being Celestia's student and the consequences of her decisions.
Rating may change in the future
Cover image by KittehKatBar of DA

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 145 )

*puts shovel up in the shed*
Excellent start

I like where this is going . Keep it up:rainbowkiss:

I was waiting for this to come. Great start and you got me tracking this. Now to wait for the next chapter.

Me likey... Me likey a lot!

Liking and following! ...I got weirdest sense of déjà vú at the start there; the bit about restraining orders and all.

:moustache: Hey, Mac me an Rares are goin out to a show want to come along? You can hang with Twilight no big deal . Wasup wit that?

:eeyup: I don't know.

:moustache: Aw It'll be no big deal come on ,I'll buy.

:eeyup: Ya payin? Eeyep.

:raritywink: My work begins :twilightsheepish::heart::eeyup: :moustache::duck: sneaky sneaky sneaky

I'm more of a VinylMac fan, but I liked this.

u should continue!!! this is really good!!!

It's well written... hope you're good at writing sex scenes. Lol! :trollestia:

Well, there's good things and ... things I'd like to discuss.

First, the good things. Your sense of world-building sets up the characters, setting, and conflict nicely. You also did a good job spreading out the setting so that, even though this chapter was just over a thousand words, it didn't feel like you were trying to force-feed us information about this world. It helped that you took the time to establish that McIntosh's problems have been ongoing for a while before the start of the story. Your English grammar/syntax/spelling/etc. are also good; nothing jumped out as an obvious error in that regard. :twilightsmile:

Now for some of the issues I encountered. Even though you set up the story nicely and at a good pace, the bit about McIntosh's reading habits and tastes felt a little rushed. Instead of having the narrator tell us about his tastes, you might have shown us the bookshelves in his room, or the book under his pillow; something that might allow the reader to draw this conclusion rather than having it spelled out for us.

I'm also a little confused. Why does this need to be anthro? So far, only two scenes were actually affected by the anthro tag, and both had to do with descriptions of clothing (or lack thereof, in one case). Besides that, it's no big stretch to imagine these characters as their normal pony selves. In my opinion, the scenes in question can easily be re-written so that the same basic impact of their attire stays intact, without the need to dwell on their choice of wardrobe. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to suggest that you re-write the chapter, but consider whether the story truly needs these characters to be anthro. So far, I'm just not convinced. :unsuresweetie:

Holding off on rating this story up or down for now, pending future installments.

5849025
You're right, I should've been more subtle about Mac's literary tastes.

As for why it's anthro, I'd probably do a better job at describing a human or human-esque body in a way that's sexy than regular pony bodies.

A lot of people associated the ‘big’ in his name as the size of a certain part of him

Great, now I'll associate McDonald's Big Mac with horse genitals.

Weeeell, I didn't technically proofread this。
You just asked if I liked it and for any tips. =P
Now I know I need to read for that stuff, nary a problem!

5860316
Well, I had to give you some kind of credit.

5860635
Don't worry about it, you're just thumping ideas off me.
Now I need to actually proofread it

Please update! It looks sooo good X3

This is great. I can't wait to read what happens when other Mares treat Twilight badly. Will Mac confort Twi, or will the mares try even hard to get Mac, or try to ruin his and Twi's relationship. Great chapter.

Anal what now?!?!!!

5900046
Anal Retentiveness.
It is where one consistently and stubbornly gets hung up on certain, often mundane things which bother them on a personal level, often leading them becoming high strung and often unpleasant to be around. They are prone to mild psychosis if the issue upon which they've become fixated is not cleared up quick enough.
Basically an insatiable nitpicking worrywart.

Talk about spilling your heart out Twi.

and, rumor had it, legendary equipment.

He can beat a sword into a plowshare with his bare hooves. And the implied equipment: All the Apples have the best in town, regardless of it being inside or outside.

a couple times, even tried to yank down his pants (this resulted in more than a few sexual assault charges).

Grow up Rainbow Dash.

he was not the kind of guy who treated sex frivolously, and having lived with three women for most of his life, he had a deep respect for females.

He knows how crazy women can be, and these happen to be the three women in town who do not harass him.

who swarmed the orchard to watch Mac work without his shirt off,

Ladies want to see him with his shirt on? Either get rid of without or off.

“What would you like for lunch?” A voice asked.
“Aw, just surprise m-“
Mac stopped dead as he lowered the towel from his face and saw Carrot Top standing at the oven, wearing an apron and nothing else.

That is surprising.

“After lunch, I’m gonna call up the sheriff.” Applejack sighed. “Gonna hafta add Carrot Top to the list.

How long is this list exactly?

“Aw, fer cryin’ out-!” Granny griped. “We might as well build a gosh-darn moat around this place! Back in my day, fillies had the decency to lust over menfolk in private. It was the stallions who did the crazy, stupid things to get their attention.”

Granny was young and hot once, I'm sure she's got stories to tell.

Heck, Mac could probably write a book of his own if he had the time.

He wrote Advanced Calculus for Today's Agricultural Farmers Practices. He was also a heavy contributor to a recent book about flour, the kind read by chemists at big baker companies.

until his red hand, the size of a catcher’s mitt with orange hair all over it,

My inner twelve year-old wants to know if that's something women typically go for, or if those are just typical signs of masculinity.

Rainbow Dash lounged in a dark blue sports bra and shorts.

Mmm...That looks good.

And every time I do, I get all hot and excited…all over my body! I need help.”

When was the last tie she clopped? I think that's all she needs.

“I don’t blame ya.” Dash said, grinning lecherously. “Mac’s the sexiest guy in town. Definitely wouldn’t mind going a few rounds with him, if you know what I mean.”
“Rainbow Dash, please.” Rarity scolded.

:raritywink:Stop saying what all of us are thinking.

“Well, it’s the kind of thoughts that make one…excited…down there.

That's blunt.

Mac’s a nice guy and he’s a lot smarter than he looks, and despite what you may have heard, he’s as much of a virgin as you are.

That's not saying much from a few stories I've read.

He’d be lying if he said he was never once tempted by any of the mares who seduced him.

<cough>Celestia<cough>

Fortunately, he was done by now which was good because Applejack would definitely raise all kinds of hell if she caught him doing this (not that she’d done similar; Mac knew what she did with those magazine pictures of her Wonderbolt boyfriend and she was not as quiet as she thought she was).

:rainbowlaugh:

Twilight’s one of the very few mares who haven’t tried to molest you,

She's looking right at you Bon-Bon! You and Lyra keep him out of your silly contests.

“And for Pete’s sake, Mac, put a shirt on when ya get there!” Applejack yelled after him.

I hope that line becomes a reoccurring thing in every chapter.

Not bad,the romance is coming uo:raritywink:

I love this next chapter. Great job. I can't wait to see what is going to happen when the mares find out about Mac and Twilight getting together. This is great. Good job.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Braeburn got laid before Big Mac did!!!!

Great to see this continue. Far too little Twimac gets written nowadays. One recommendation though. You good grammar and I actually like your pacing but could you add some kind of scene breaks to the story. It helps readers to now when the scene or location changes. Just
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would already be enough. In this chapter you could use them when you jumped from Mac and Twi to AJ and AB to Braeburn and back. Just a little jarring to have the scene change so suddenly without any warning. Expecting to read more about one scene only to find yourself reading about someone completely different nowhere near the previous characters.

5960322
Thank you, I'll remember to do that.

sitting on Big Mac’s very soft bed. She felt her face burning as all kinds of thoughts began racing through her head about what these circumstances could lead to.

Ninety-nine ponies jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped her head.

but his train came in two hours ago! Where in tarnation is he?”

Waist deep in the bitches restrained from Big Mac.

Lotus leaned in and gently kissed him, Braeburn immediately giving into her velvet lifts and lotus perfume. Aloe crawled on top of him and began kissing his chest.

That was an easy one, but who called it?

Mac looked behind him and saw Braeburn limping up the dirt path, his hat askew, his hair messed up, a stupid smile on his face, and, strangely, pink and blue smears on his face.

Lucky bastard.

May try to put in peeks at other couples in the future. As for Braeburn, let's just say his visit in Ponyville is going to be one he won't soon forget. :raritywink:

Son of a-

Dang, Braeburn made me jelly. I thought that was supposed to be Mac's job in this story. :eeyup:

That is so Sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A bit fast, but Twilight had a rough experience and Mac wanted to comfort her. Great chapter. Good luck with the next chapter.

Yeah,Macintosh is a boss.:eeyup:
And those two elites.Do they really think than they can insult their Princess student(the personnal one) and walk away like that.

First choice Big Mac who kick their flank.Second choice it's Celestia who do it.

Loving this chapt.:pinkiehappy:

6027910
Well, they were right; going crazy and ruining high society events do not make her look good, neither does siccing friends on people who point this out. Just because you're the princess' student does not mean you get a free pass whenever you mess something up.

6028436 Humm yeah you're right didn't think about that.

Can you belive that im more intrigued to know how Thunderlane and Rainbow got together than the rest of the story (Wich is really good BTW).

6028772
It's sort of a 'friends with benefits' thing at the moment.

6028436 Yeah, but the thing is, as revealed at the end of the gala episode, Celestia kind of planned/hoped they would do something like that, cause, in her words:
"That was the best grand galloping gala ever!"
"Oh Twilight, the grand galloping gala is always awful."
"That is why I was thrilled you and your friends were attending, I was hoping you'd liven things up a bit."

Clearly, the only ones who thought it was ruined, were the snooty, jerky elite of canterlot.

But, in the case of the want it, need it incident, they are a bit right...

6028986
So it's permissible to act disruptive, cause destruction, bother people, and let animals run wild in a party as long as the host says it's okay (without taking the other guests' feelings into consideration because they're not the main characters)?

From TvTropes' Strawman has a Point: The Canterlot Elite in "Sweet and Elite" are depicted as smug elitists for treating the ponies from Ponyville as boorish hicks. In addition to their assorted bad behaviours at the Grand Galloping Gala (the highest profile national annual party), Rarity's friends crash and trash the Canterlot Garden Party (the second highest profile national annual party), making one wonder if the reputation for being boorish hicks is at least somewhat deserved. Indeed, for the Gala, Celestia deliberately invited the main characters in hopes of "livening up" the party, and afterwards claims it was the best one in a long time because the Mane Cast engaged in disruptive behavior, culminating in Fluttershy screwing up a party which is, for her, exceedingly boring, further adding fuel to the fire.

6028868 Do you plan to make them something more...? :duck:

6029323
Perhaps. Not sure if it'll happen in this story, though.

“Aw yeah…aw yeah…aw yeah…aw yeah…YEAH BABY!”

Thunderlane talks too much.

“Heck, who doesn’t? Mares wanna bang him, stallions wanna be him, some stallions wanna kill him, some stallions wanna bang him…”

Sounds about right.

“You know, this has got to be the weirdest pillow talk I’ve ever had.” Thunderlane finally said.

I would not be surprised if it was the longest pillow talk Rainbow's had.

“That’s exactly it.” The first said. “You’re Celestia’s student, but your history is very…spotty.”

Smarty-Pants anyone? Hiiii girrls...<ear twitch>

“According to this, you were responsible in placing a ‘want-it, need-it’ spell on a doll, driving the whole town into a frenzy. Is this not correct?”

Called it!

“And you and your friends were responsible for trashing not just one, but two of the biggest events in all of Canterlot?”

She had nothing to do with the Gala, but if she left Celestia she would have.

Twilight stood there, her clothes rumpled, her hair a mess, her eyes red and cheeks looking sore.

Looks fine to me.

It was at this point that Twilight realized she was rambling loud enough for all of Equestria to hear her. Mac stared at her in shock, trying to process everything she’d said.

Don't stop a woman from rambling. I don't. I like it when she talks and all I have to do is listen.

There was a pregnant pause as Twilight turned her back to Macintosh.

Quiet the baby boom of pauses. Speaking of which, is Thunderlane more than a piece of meat to Rainbow? She did spill her guts...

6052129
1. Actually, that was RD talking.

9. RD's neither that cold or heartless.

Also, I'm surprised you didn't comment on Twilight's rant or Thunderlane's spanking fetish.

6056629 My thinking is "If she's upset at something besides you, let her vent." It can be cute in it's own scary way.
I guess by her talking about something as fragile as someone else's love life I should have seen that. I have never been involved in a 'friends-with-benefits' relationship so I do not know how he or she see it.

The second pulled a newspaper out of his briefcase and showed it to her.
“According to this, you were responsible in placing a ‘want-it, need-it’ spell on a doll, driving the whole town into a frenzy. Is this not correct?”
“Yes, it’s true.” Twilight forced herself to say. “But I’m not proud of…”
“And you and your friends were responsible for trashing not just one, but two of the biggest events in all of Canterlot?” He further pressed, pulling two other newspapers.
“Well, yes, but…”
“No buts!” The second said, standing up. “It’s clear to us that you’ve failed to act as a proper representative and example of Canterlot and the princess herself! You should be ashamed, acting like an immature, irresponsible filly!”

... Thank you for affirming that I'm not the only one who thinks this...

But Twilight has good points too. The speed of things is just right, by the way.

6065170
Thank you very much.
Next chapter, Twilight is called into Trixie's trial for what happened in Magic Duel and more people will call out her actions there.

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