• Published 9th Apr 2015
  • 3,595 Views, 145 Comments

The Truth About Farmboys - justanothername

Continually harassed by mares, Big Mac thinks he'll never find the one.

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Unwelcome Visitor

Big Macintosh stared up the cloudless sky and wiped his brow. The position of the sun told him it was almost lunchtime, something he was looking forward to. He’d been working hard in the orchard all morning and sweat glistened on his muscular frame. Years of farm work had turned him into the tallest stallion in town with bulging muscles ranging from six-pack abs, melon sized biceps, legs strong enough to knock down trees if he wasn’t careful, and, rumor had it, legendary equipment.

Yes, Big Macintosh certainly lived up to his name, which made him quite the recognizable person in Ponyville. Unfortunately, it had its drawbacks. A lot of people associated the ‘big’ in his name as the size of a certain part of him (Freud was right all along, it seemed). That embarrassed Mac to no end, since he couldn’t believe the town was that obsessed with his genitals and he’d been confronted by many a mare, who’d ranged from asking him to grabbing his crotch and a couple times, even tried to yank down his pants (this resulted in more than a few sexual assault charges).

But the rumor Mac really hated was that he was a lothario who had banged every mare in town. One, not only was that blatantly untrue, he was not the kind of guy who treated sex frivolously, and having lived with three women for most of his life, he had a deep respect for females. And even though there were plenty of mares who threw themselves at his hooves, Mac just stepped over them.

Not to mention, despite what the other guys thought, having so many female admirers was severely overrated. Applejack and Granny Smith would have to chase off mares who swarmed the orchard to watch Mac work without his shirt off, Applejack had to forcibly remove ladies who were more interested in him than buying apples in market, and there were several birthdays when mares tried present themselves as presents. Sweet Apple Acres had put out more restraining orders than the rest of the town combined.

Honestly, it was extremely harrowing, a real headache, and made him paranoid whenever a mare approached him. His late father had told him when he was young that pretty faces were a dime a dozen and that the most desirable woman was a smart one. So if Mac met a woman who was both pretty and smart, he’d best snap her up before anyone else did. But Mac felt he might never meet a mare like that in Ponyville or anywhere else for that matter.

Macintosh put those thoughts away and headed up the farmhouse. As he walked in, he grabbed a towel from the bathroom and began wiping himself off.

“What would you like for lunch?” A voice asked.

“Aw, just surprise m-“

Mac stopped dead as he lowered the towel from his face and saw Carrot Top standing at the oven, wearing an apron and nothing else.

“How about some carrots?” She asked seductively.

Mac froze right up, his only thought being ‘Not again.’ Fortunately, help arrived.

“What the-HEY! What in the damn hell do you think you’re doing?” Applejack yelled, having returned from the orchard herself, shoving Big Mac out of the way with fire in her eyes.

Carrot Top’s seduction changed to pure fear.

“A-Applejack! What are you doing-“

“This MY house too, ya damn floozy! Or did ya forget that? And that’s MY apron you’re wearing! Give it!”

Applejack pounced on Carrot Top and began wrestling the apron off of her. Mac looked away, having the decency to be embarrassed.

The fight didn’t take long. Once Applejack got the apron off, she grabbed Carrot Top’s ear and threw out the front door.

“And stay out!” AJ snapped.

“Couldn’t I have my clothes back?” Carrot Top whimpered, covering herself and looking like she’d realized how bad an idea this was.

“Sure. In tomorrow’s mail with the restraining order!”

Applejack slammed the door and stormed back into the kitchen, grumbling fiercely.

“Sorry, AJ.” Big Mac muttered.

“Ah, it ain’t your fault, Big Macintosh. Just please put a shirt on.”

Big Mac sheepishly grabbed the white T-shirt draped over the back of his chair and put it on. As he did, Granny Smith and Apple Bloom came in.

“Why was there a naked lady in the orchard?” Apple Bloom innocently asked.

“Don’t tell me another one got in!” Granny complained. “Shoot, at this rate, we’re gonna hafta start locking the windows too.”

“After lunch, I’m gonna call up the sheriff.” Applejack sighed. “Gonna hafta add Carrot Top to the list.

“Aw, fer cryin’ out-!” Granny griped. “We might as well build a gosh-darn moat around this place! Back in my day, fillies had the decency to lust over menfolk in private. It was the stallions who did the crazy, stupid things to get their attention.”

“Times have changed, Granny.” Big Mac sighed.

The family sat down and ate their lunch of apple-themed foodstuff quietly until Applejack broke the silence.

"Twilight will be coming over to drop off some books she thought we’d like.”

“Well, that’s right nice of her.” Granny smiled.

Big Mac smiled in agreement. He was quite the fan of the written word and had various high quality tastes, such as Dickens, Hawthorne, Shakespeare, Poe, and Hemingway, to name a few. Not that anyone knew, of course, nor did they bother to ask. Heck, Mac could probably write a book of his own if he had the time.
Books got him thinking of Twilight Sparkle. The Canterlot protégé of Princess Celestia, a most enigmatic figure of whom he had only the barest of knowledge. But honestly, Mac didn’t really know too much about Twilight Sparkle, aside from being a very intelligent and leader-type of pony and her background. Was she pretty? He definitely thought so. Could she be the one his pa told him about so long ago? Maybe, maybe not. Mac really doubted he had anything he could offer her and he didn’t think she was interested in him at all. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

“That must be her.” AJ said.

“I’ll get it.” Macintosh said.

When he answered the door, he saw that Twilight, dressed in a pleated skirt, white stockings, sensible shoes, white shirt and purple sweater vest, was obscured behind a very tall mound of books carried by magic. Twilight looked past the books and saw him, promptly dropping the books in shock, blushing slightly. She clearly hadn’t expected him to answer.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Big Mac. Forgive me.” She chirped as she began quickly picking up the books frantically.

Big Mac quietly began to pick up the books with her until his red hand, the size of a catcher’s mitt with orange hair all over it, reached for the last one and met her petite purple hand, soft and delicate. The two stopped dead and then quickly pulled away.

“Is Applejack in?” Twilight asked, blushing harder.

“Eeyup.” He managed to say, blushing just as hard.

“Well then…I’ll just give her these.” She said, hurrying in with the books.

Mac stood there dumbly for a minute, wondering what the hell just happened between the two of them. He headed back out to the orchard to return to work and clear his head.

Author's Note:

First chapter of the first story I've actually published on this site. Hope the guys at the Twimac group like this.