The Truth About Farmboys

by justanothername

First published

Continually harassed by mares, Big Mac thinks he'll never find the one.

Big Macintosh is the sexiest stallion in town...and he hates it. Endless mares harass him and his family; he becomes convinced he'll never find the one. Or maybe he will in the last mare he expected. Meanwhile, Twilight tries to open up to a relationship while struggling with the stress of being Celestia's student and the consequences of her decisions.
Rating may change in the future
Cover image by KittehKatBar of DA

Unwelcome Visitor

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Big Macintosh stared up the cloudless sky and wiped his brow. The position of the sun told him it was almost lunchtime, something he was looking forward to. He’d been working hard in the orchard all morning and sweat glistened on his muscular frame. Years of farm work had turned him into the tallest stallion in town with bulging muscles ranging from six-pack abs, melon sized biceps, legs strong enough to knock down trees if he wasn’t careful, and, rumor had it, legendary equipment.

Yes, Big Macintosh certainly lived up to his name, which made him quite the recognizable person in Ponyville. Unfortunately, it had its drawbacks. A lot of people associated the ‘big’ in his name as the size of a certain part of him (Freud was right all along, it seemed). That embarrassed Mac to no end, since he couldn’t believe the town was that obsessed with his genitals and he’d been confronted by many a mare, who’d ranged from asking him to grabbing his crotch and a couple times, even tried to yank down his pants (this resulted in more than a few sexual assault charges).

But the rumor Mac really hated was that he was a lothario who had banged every mare in town. One, not only was that blatantly untrue, he was not the kind of guy who treated sex frivolously, and having lived with three women for most of his life, he had a deep respect for females. And even though there were plenty of mares who threw themselves at his hooves, Mac just stepped over them.

Not to mention, despite what the other guys thought, having so many female admirers was severely overrated. Applejack and Granny Smith would have to chase off mares who swarmed the orchard to watch Mac work without his shirt off, Applejack had to forcibly remove ladies who were more interested in him than buying apples in market, and there were several birthdays when mares tried present themselves as presents. Sweet Apple Acres had put out more restraining orders than the rest of the town combined.

Honestly, it was extremely harrowing, a real headache, and made him paranoid whenever a mare approached him. His late father had told him when he was young that pretty faces were a dime a dozen and that the most desirable woman was a smart one. So if Mac met a woman who was both pretty and smart, he’d best snap her up before anyone else did. But Mac felt he might never meet a mare like that in Ponyville or anywhere else for that matter.

Macintosh put those thoughts away and headed up the farmhouse. As he walked in, he grabbed a towel from the bathroom and began wiping himself off.

“What would you like for lunch?” A voice asked.

“Aw, just surprise m-“

Mac stopped dead as he lowered the towel from his face and saw Carrot Top standing at the oven, wearing an apron and nothing else.

“How about some carrots?” She asked seductively.

Mac froze right up, his only thought being ‘Not again.’ Fortunately, help arrived.

“What the-HEY! What in the damn hell do you think you’re doing?” Applejack yelled, having returned from the orchard herself, shoving Big Mac out of the way with fire in her eyes.

Carrot Top’s seduction changed to pure fear.

“A-Applejack! What are you doing-“

“This MY house too, ya damn floozy! Or did ya forget that? And that’s MY apron you’re wearing! Give it!”

Applejack pounced on Carrot Top and began wrestling the apron off of her. Mac looked away, having the decency to be embarrassed.

The fight didn’t take long. Once Applejack got the apron off, she grabbed Carrot Top’s ear and threw out the front door.

“And stay out!” AJ snapped.

“Couldn’t I have my clothes back?” Carrot Top whimpered, covering herself and looking like she’d realized how bad an idea this was.

“Sure. In tomorrow’s mail with the restraining order!”

Applejack slammed the door and stormed back into the kitchen, grumbling fiercely.

“Sorry, AJ.” Big Mac muttered.

“Ah, it ain’t your fault, Big Macintosh. Just please put a shirt on.”

Big Mac sheepishly grabbed the white T-shirt draped over the back of his chair and put it on. As he did, Granny Smith and Apple Bloom came in.

“Why was there a naked lady in the orchard?” Apple Bloom innocently asked.

“Don’t tell me another one got in!” Granny complained. “Shoot, at this rate, we’re gonna hafta start locking the windows too.”

“After lunch, I’m gonna call up the sheriff.” Applejack sighed. “Gonna hafta add Carrot Top to the list.

“Aw, fer cryin’ out-!” Granny griped. “We might as well build a gosh-darn moat around this place! Back in my day, fillies had the decency to lust over menfolk in private. It was the stallions who did the crazy, stupid things to get their attention.”

“Times have changed, Granny.” Big Mac sighed.

The family sat down and ate their lunch of apple-themed foodstuff quietly until Applejack broke the silence.

"Twilight will be coming over to drop off some books she thought we’d like.”

“Well, that’s right nice of her.” Granny smiled.

Big Mac smiled in agreement. He was quite the fan of the written word and had various high quality tastes, such as Dickens, Hawthorne, Shakespeare, Poe, and Hemingway, to name a few. Not that anyone knew, of course, nor did they bother to ask. Heck, Mac could probably write a book of his own if he had the time.
Books got him thinking of Twilight Sparkle. The Canterlot protégé of Princess Celestia, a most enigmatic figure of whom he had only the barest of knowledge. But honestly, Mac didn’t really know too much about Twilight Sparkle, aside from being a very intelligent and leader-type of pony and her background. Was she pretty? He definitely thought so. Could she be the one his pa told him about so long ago? Maybe, maybe not. Mac really doubted he had anything he could offer her and he didn’t think she was interested in him at all. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

“That must be her.” AJ said.

“I’ll get it.” Macintosh said.

When he answered the door, he saw that Twilight, dressed in a pleated skirt, white stockings, sensible shoes, white shirt and purple sweater vest, was obscured behind a very tall mound of books carried by magic. Twilight looked past the books and saw him, promptly dropping the books in shock, blushing slightly. She clearly hadn’t expected him to answer.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Big Mac. Forgive me.” She chirped as she began quickly picking up the books frantically.

Big Mac quietly began to pick up the books with her until his red hand, the size of a catcher’s mitt with orange hair all over it, reached for the last one and met her petite purple hand, soft and delicate. The two stopped dead and then quickly pulled away.

“Is Applejack in?” Twilight asked, blushing harder.

“Eeyup.” He managed to say, blushing just as hard.

“Well then…I’ll just give her these.” She said, hurrying in with the books.

Mac stood there dumbly for a minute, wondering what the hell just happened between the two of them. He headed back out to the orchard to return to work and clear his head.

Admittance and Advice

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“No, no, the sweat you get used to, it’s the smell that drives you crazy.”

That was Rainbow Dash, talking to Rarity. Rarity was working on a new design, dressed in a plain white and designer black pants, while Rainbow Dash lounged in a dark blue sports bra and shorts.
Rarity was about to reply to Rainbow Dash when the door to her boutique burst open and Twilight appeared. The two ponies gawked at her, shocked.

“I need your help.” Twilight said frantically.

“About what?” The shaken Rarity asked.

“I’ve had this constant presence buzzing in my mind. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t study, can’t concentrate, can’t relax…!” Twilight babbled as she paced back and forth. “It’s driving me crazy!”

“So what else is new?” Dash muttered.

Rarity grabbed Twilight’s shoulders, making her stop pacing.

“What is it that’s got you in such a state, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“It’s Big Macintosh!” Twilight cried. “I can’t get him out of my head! I think about him all the time! With his shirt off, with his clothes off, holding me still as he does steamy things to me in the back of his truck! And every time I do, I get all hot and excited…all over my body! I need help.”
Dash and Rarity stared at her blankly.

“Oh, my dear Twilight.” Rarity said. “You’ve got a crush on Macintosh.”

“Say what now?”

“I don’t blame ya.” Dash said, grinning lecherously. “Mac’s the sexiest guy in town. Definitely wouldn’t mind going a few rounds with him, if you know what I mean.”

“Rainbow Dash, please.” Rarity scolded.

Rarity led Twilight to a chair and sat her down.

“Now, Twilight, while I definitely agree that Macintosh is the definition of dreamboat, I’m afraid you will have a little trouble in getting his attention.”

“Getting his attention? But I barely know him! All I know is that he’s Applejack’s brother!” Twilight protested.

“I’ll get to that, Twilight.” Rarity said, patting her shoulder. “But you should know that Big Macintosh is the most sought after man in Ponyville.”


“Oh yeah.” Rainbow Dash said. “Practically every straight single mare isn’t legally allowed within a mile of Sweet Apple Acres. Though I gotta say, it’s really funny when Granny Smith starts shooting at ponies and Applejack throws them over the fence, especially when the girls they’re kicking out are naked.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t even try?”

“Oh no, Twilight. You’re Applejack’s friend and you’ve never sexually harassed Macintosh in any way. I’m certain she’ll allow you to pursue him.”

“But like I said, I barely know him.”

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a chance. He may surprise you.”

Twilight looked down at the floor

“But I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never even had a crush before.” She said softly.

“There’s a first time for everything, darling.” Rarity said reassuringly. “You never know, he might be the one you never knew you were looking for.”

“So what do I do now?”

“Well, I suppose the first thing to do is talk to Applejack. You’ll have to let her know how you’ve been…erm, feeling.”

After Twilight left, Rainbow Dash got up and stretched.

“Man, all this talk about Mac has really gotten me hot. I’m gonna go look for Thunderlane, he’s always ready and willing a ‘private training’ session.”

“How classy.” Rarity said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “I can’t imagine what you see in each other.”

“Well, he likes to spank me-“

“Don’t tell me that! Don’t tell me!”

A half hour later, after Twilight had managed to calm herself, she knocked on the door of the Apple home.

“Ah, howdy, Twilight!” Applejack said when she answered. “What brings you back here?”

“I need to talk to you, AJ.”

“Sure thing. Come on in.”

Applejack led Twilight through the humble halls of the house, decorated with pictures of various Apple family members until they got to the kitchen.

“Thanks again for bringing those books up.” Applejack said. “Apple Bloom can’t get enough of those Daring Do’s, Granny really loves those old romance novels, and Big Mac’s plowing through those really thick ones you gave him.”

“You mean the Dickens and the Twain books?” Twilight asked, surprised and a little intrigued.

“I think so. They’re a bit too old for my tastes. Hang on.”

Applejack cleared a bunch of papers from the kitchen table and set them on a countertop.

“Sorry. Paperwork for a restraining order.”

“Restraining order?”

“Carrot Top snuck in and tried to pull a naked apron on Mac. And with my apron!” Applejack snorted angrily as she poured some cider. “I swear to Celestia, what is wrong with these mares? Mac ain’t the only stallion in Ponyville, yet they throw themselves at him like he’s the last creature on the planet with a dick! And people think he’s weird for letting me put these orders out. How’d they like it if random strangers broke into their homes to seduce one of their siblings? And don’t even get me started on what this could do to Apple Bloom. If Mac was a mare, everyone would agree that what’s happening is disgusting, but no, he’s a guy so he’s gotta love porking random mares that disregard his family’s privacy! Ugh! So anyway, what brings you here, Twilight?”

“I came to talk about Macintosh, Applejack.” Twilight said.

“What about him?”

“Well…how can I say this? Lately I’ve been having…thoughts about him.”

“What kind of thoughts?” Applejack asked, eyebrows raised.

“Well, it’s the kind of thoughts that make one…excited…down there. Now, AJ, before you say anything, I know Mac and I barely know each other, but maybe we could give it a try?”
Applejack stared at Twilight for a while and sighed.

“All right, Twilight, I spent a good few minutes talking about how my family is constantly bothered by a bunch of horny mares who want Mac to get between their legs. I do believe that you do want to go steady with Macintosh; I’ve known you for a while now and this is probably the first time you’ve ever had feelings for a guy?”


“Mac’s a nice guy and he’s a lot smarter than he looks, and despite what you may have heard, he’s as much of a virgin as you are. He’ll be good to you and he’ll try his hardest to do right by you, so try not to worry a whole lot, alright?”

Deep in the orchard, so deep that the Apples barely ventured there anymore, Mac was jerking off furiously. It was the safest place he could think of, not in the house or barn and deep enough so that hopefully no one saw him there. Macintosh may have been chivalrous but that didn’t mean he had no sexual drive and this was the best way to relieve it. He’d be lying if he said he was never once tempted by any of the mares who seduced him. The truth was, he was always tempted to succumb to his baser desires and please those mares to their fullest extent. But the better part of him always won out; his family did not treat sex frivolously and frankly, he was not willing to go to the altar with a shotgun at his back.

In the midst of his relief, he heard the faint sound of Applejack’s voice calling him. Fortunately, he was done by now which was good because Applejack would definitely raise all kinds of hell if she caught him doing this (not that she’d done similar; Mac knew what she did with those magazine pictures of her Wonderbolt boyfriend and she was not as quiet as she thought she was). He wiped off his hand, pulled his pants up, and walked towards Applejack’s voice.

“What in tarnation were you doing all the way out there?” Applejack asked him when he was close enough.

“Timberwolf. I was able to chase him off.” Mac lied smoothly.

Applejack shot him a disbelieving look, but didn’t press the issue.

“Mac, you remember Twilight, right?” Applejack beckoned at Twilight, who was blushing furiously as her eyes darted over Mac’s chiseled torso.

“Eeyup, I do.”

“Well, Twilight wants to get to know ya better.”

Mac did a double take.

“Say what now?”

Applejack cast a look at the still-blushing Twilight and dragged Mac aside, pulling his head down so she could whisper.

“Look, Mac, Twilight’s a nice girl.” Applejack said. “She’s high-strung, wound too tight, and more than a little anal-retentive, but she’s also smart, she’s kind, and she likes a lot of the stuff you do, only she doesn’t know it yet.”

“I believe that’s all true.” Macintosh whispered back. “But why make us get together like this?”

“For one thing, Twilight’s one of the very few mares who haven’t tried to molest you, she’s got me and the girls for friends but she’s still stressed and jumpy a lot of the time and I think a nice guy might help her a bit, and you have practically no friends due to all the mare craziness around you. It’ll be good for both of you!”
Mac scratched the back of his head.

“Well, if you think so…”

“I know so.”

With that, Applejack pulled Big Mac back over to Twilight, who was still blushing.

“All right, Twilight, I cleared everything up with Big Mac. He’d be more than happy to spend time with ya.”
Twilight shook her head as if to clear it, swallowed hard, and extended her hand.

“It’s very nice to officially make your acquaintance, Big Macintosh.” She said formally.

“Likewise, Miss Twilight.” He replied, taking her hand and shaking it. As he did, he again marveled at how soft and delicate her hands were while she noted how powerful and gentle his were.

The handshaking went for a long minute until Applejack finally cut it off.

“Well! Now that that’s settled, how about Big Mac shows ya his books, Twilight?” Applejack suggested.

“Books? I like books.” Twilight said, mentally slapping herself for saying something so stupid.

“Follow me.” Big Mac said, leading Twilight back to the farmhouse. Twilight’s eyes remained fixed on Mac’s denim clad buttocks the whole way.

“And for Pete’s sake, Mac, put a shirt on when ya get there!” Applejack yelled after him.

The Ice Broken

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Once they got back to the house, Big Mac put on a shirt, a tight black T-shirt that showed off his muscles. As he pulled out a chair for Twilight to sit at the kitchen table, Twilight silently prayed that she could resist feeling him up. The two sat at the table in awkward silence.

“So…” Twilight attempted to say.

“Yes?” Macintosh asked.

“I understand that you’ve requested various novels in the past from the library.”

“Eeyup. I mean, yes.”

“May I ask why?”

“I find that the written word is extraordinary. It has the ability to tell stories, teach lessons, and invoke thoughts of all kinds. For me, one that can do all that is the best kind of book there is. Those novels usually meet that criteria.”

Twilight was dumbstruck. She had no idea Mac had such eloquent thoughts about books. Still, she saw the opening and grabbed it.

“How fascinating. Please go on.”

“Well, I admire Orwell for his scathing criticisms of society, Twain for paving the foundation of the great novel, Dickens for his commentary on the plight of the poor…”

Twilight was amazed. Not only was Mac a lot more distinguished than she’d realized, but his thoughts of those famous authors were eerily similar to her own.

“And Wells for starting science fiction and commenting on lower middle-class life.” She put in.

“Yes, exactly!” Mac said, looking more excited than Twilight had ever seen him. “Here, I’ll show you!”

Macintosh took Twilight by the hand and led her upstairs. As they went, Twilight blushed at the sight of his giant hand gently holding on to her much smaller hand. They ventured into his bedroom which contained a very large bed, a large bookcase filled with books almost exactly like the one Twilight had, a record player with albums of all kind, a majority being Bruce Springsteen, and a large poster of the movie Apocalypse Now.

“Just have a seat here.” Mac said, sitting Twilight down on his bed.

As he began searching through his bookcase, Twilight began internally shrieking once it completely sank in that she was in Big Mac’s bedroom and sitting on Big Mac’s very soft bed. She felt her face burning as all kinds of thoughts began racing through her head about what these circumstances could lead to.

“Now, this here’s one of my favorites.” Mac said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Big Mac sat down next to her and showed her the book: Nicholas Nickleby by Dickens.

“A lot of people only recognize Oliver Twist as Dickens’ best example of the poor protagonist rising above his dismal beginnings, and yes, this one came before Nicholas, but I personally prefer this one, as Nicholas reminds me of me. His father dies, leaving him to care for his mother and sister, having to work in hard conditions…”

Although Twilight had read Nicholas Nickleby before, but she suddenly found it so much more engrossing with Macintosh’s baritone voice describing it.

Outside, Applejack was bucking apples when Apple Bloom came over.

“Applejack, Big Mac and Twilight are in Mac’s room. And they’re talking about books!”

Applejack smiled as she looked up at Mac’s window.

“Ah knew they’d find a common ground. Now that Mac’s broken the ice, Twilight will open right up to him.”

“But don’t you think he’ll-“

“Hold yer tongue, Apple Bloom. You know Mac better than that. He won’t do nothing to Twilight at all. Now, make yourself useful and go look for Braeburn. He was supposed to spend a few days here helping out, but his train came in two hours ago! Where in tarnation is he?”

The truth was that the long train ride had left Braeburn feeling very stiff and he’d decided to visit the Ponyville spa, having heard that they were magicians at getting rid of aches and pains. The minute he walked in the door, Aloe and Lotus were instantly smitten. Braeburn may not have been musclebound like Macintosh, but he was still a charming, handsome, decently built cowboy with gorgeous green eyes, an infectious smile, and beautiful golden hair.

As Lotus led Braeburn to the back of the spa to their ‘special’ room, Aloe quietly changed the spa sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’ and followed them. Now, Braeburn was lying in a lounge chair in pure bliss, with a towel around his waist, with Lotus massaging his shoulders and Aloe massaging his feet, their magic fingers doing wonders.

“Enjoying the treatment, Mr. Braeburn?” Lotus asked.

“Oh, yeah.” Braeburn moaned rapturously.

“Your muscles are so tight.” Aloe cooed. “You must be a hard worker.”

“I am indeed, ma’am.” Braeburn grinned, his eyes flitting back and forth between the beautiful sisters, their bosoms straining against their skin-tight strapless dresses. “Although, I’m nothing compared to the work you’re doing right here.”

“Why, thank you.” Lotus purred, tugging at the top of her dress. “Is it too hot in here for you, Mr. Braeburn?”

“Must be coming from you two ladies.”

“Well, aren’t you sweet?” Lotus said, pulling his head to look up so he could see the hungry look in her eyes. Lotus leaned in and gently kissed him, Braeburn immediately giving into her velvet lifts and lotus perfume. Aloe crawled on top of him and began kissing his chest.

“Careful there, tiger, Ah’m ticklish.” Braeburn warned.

“Oh, you are?” Aloe said wickedly.



Aloe yanked Braeburn off the chair and began tickling him like crazy. Lotus quickly jumped in.

When the sun hung low in the sky, Twilight and Big Mac exited his room, having spent the past several hours discussing Dickens and all of his novels to great detail. Both were surprised at how fast the time had gone and even more surprised that they felt a little disappointment in having to separate.

“I had a really nice time talking with you, Mac.” Twilight said as Mac walked her to the door.

“I’m glad. I did too.” He said.

“Do you think…maybe…we could do something like this again…sometime?” Twilight managed to say, blushing furiously.

“Of course. Ah mean, if you really want to.” Mac mumbled.

“Well, I would, so…uh, of course, I’d have to see what my schedule looks like, of course.”

“Of course.”

The awkward silence that followed made the hallway stretch for miles. When they got to the door, they stood there trying to think of what to do. Finally, they shook hands.

“Well, I’ll check my schedule and see when we can…uh, see each other again.” Twilight said.

“Eeyup. Do you want me to see you home?”

“No thank you, I’ll be fine. Goodbye, Macintosh.”

Twilight headed down the dirt road towards home, feeling like her head was going to burst. The afternoon with Big Macintosh had been nice, but now she had a fluttering in her chest and she felt like her feet weren’t touching the ground as she walked. She was clearly going to have to do some more reading and void everything on her schedule tomorrow.

Big Mac stood on the porch, watching Twilight leave with a wistful look on his face.

“So, you two have a good time?” Applejack asked from behind, spooking him.

“Huh? Uh-yeah!”

“You gonna see her again?”

“Well, we want to but that all depends on our schedules…”

“You’ll take her to dinner tomorrow.”


“You heard me.”

“But AJ, I thought we’d take this slow…”

“Mac, there’s slow and then there’s glacial which is the rate you’ll be going on your terms. Ah’m not saying jump in bed with her, but this’ll let her know you’re really interested.”

Mac sighed. AJ wasn’t right all the time, but when she was…

Applejack looked behind Mac and her expression darkened.

“Well, look who decided to show up!”

Mac looked behind him and saw Braeburn limping up the dirt path, his hat askew, his hair messed up, a stupid smile on his face, and, strangely, pink and blue smears on his face.

“And just where in the heck have you been?” Applejack snapped. “You promised you’d come to help do some extra work on the farm and you show up hours late, looking some drunk reprobate!”

Braeburn didn’t even seem to notice Applejack’s anger. He just stumbled past his cousins and into the house.

“Don’t worry, cousin, I’ll do double tomorrow.” He muttered as he tried and failed to hang his vest up on a hat rack.

“Yer darn tootin’ you well!” Applejack said as he headed upstairs for the guest room.

Big Mac was confused. Braeburn never missed work and he never went back on a promise. He also didn’t smell like he was drunk, he smelled like he’d been swimming in a field of flowers.

Applejack picked up Braeburn’s vest when she noticed something in the pocket. She and Macintosh looked to see what it was. It was a business card for the Ponyville spa, marked with two kisses, one pink, one blue, and a note: ‘Come back anytime, cowboy! XXXOOO, Aloe and Vera.’ The dots were replaced with hearts.

Big Macintosh and Applejack groaned.

First Date

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“Aw yeah…aw yeah…aw yeah…aw yeah…YEAH BABY!”

Thunderlane got off of Rainbow Dash and lay next to her, panting.

“For Pete’s sake, Dash, I’ve been here since yesterday afternoon! I love having sex with you, but even I can only run for so long!”

“Ah, quit whining, ya big baby. I let you spank me, didn’t I?”

Thunderlane’s hand began quivering at the thought of smacking against Dash’s perfectly toned blue buttocks. Rainbow Dash shifted a bit.

“Hey, can you get serious for a bit?”

“Uh, sure, why?” Thunderlane asked as he shoved his shaking hand under his back.

“You know Big Macintosh, right?”

“Heck, who doesn’t? Mares wanna bang him, stallions wanna be him, some stallions wanna kill him, some stallions wanna bang him…”

“And you know my friend Twilight, right?”


“Well, she’s trying to start something with him.”

Thunderlane looked at Rainbow in surprise.


“Yup. She told me and Rarity about having the hots for him. Cripes, you never saw a mare acting so virginal.”

“Yeesh, plenty of mares are going to be royally pissed.”

“Yeah. They are.”

The two lay in silence for a while, staring up at the ceiling.

“So, why are you telling me this?” Thunderlane finally asked.

“I’m worried about Twilight.”


Rainbow scowled at him.

“Er…I mean…how come?”

“I joke about how wound up and stressed Twilight gets, but the truth it gets really worrisome. I mean, Twilight is Celestia’s number one student, she’s the Element of Magic, she’s from Canterlot, she’s our unofficial leader…I can’t begin to imagine how much pressure that puts on her. I mean, when we first met her, Twilight did a lot for us, paying for meals, organizing stuff for us to do, apologizing profusely when she did something wrong…it’s like she thought she had to prove to us that she was a good friend and genuinely thought we’d kick her to the curb if she didn’t meet our so-called ‘standards’. She’s gotten better, but stuff like that isn’t cured easily.”

“Since when were you into psychology?”

“Hey, I’m not THAT stupid.”

There was another pregnant pause.

“You know, this has got to be the weirdest pillow talk I’ve ever had.” Thunderlane finally said.

“Hey, feel honored.” Rainbow said. “I really trust you and like you to spill my guts the way I just did.”

Thunderlane looked at her in surprise.


“Sure. I let you spank me because I know you like it, not just because it helps you get off.”

Thunderlane sat up eagerly.

“Speaking of which…”

Rainbow Dash rolled over so her back was facing him.

“Sorry, pal. One, we just talked about something serious. Two, the last time you spanked me more than once, I couldn’t sit down for nearly a week. Three, I’m tired, so shut up and go to sleep.”

With a disappointed look, Thunderlane slunk under the covers, muttering about blue balls.

“And if you start jerking off, I’m gonna kick you outta my bed.”

Over at the library, Twilight was sitting with a pair of Canterlot elite, trying to get them to invest in some of Ponyville’s businesses, one of the few things on her list of events she couldn’t ignore today.

“…This town is very prosperous.” Twilight said. “It has a farm which is part of a very successful produce business, a dress shop that has done work for several big names, and that’s not even getting into all the phenomena that has gone on in recent months.”

The two unicorns exchanged glances.

“Is there a problem?” Twilight asked.

“Well, the proposition sounds very good…” The first said.

“But…?” Twilight pressed.

“It’s you we don’t like.” The second said.

“Bu…But why?” Twilight asked, visibly flinching. “I’m Celestia’s student! I’m the one who brought this town to your attention!”

“That’s exactly it.” The first said. “You’re Celestia’s student, but your history is very…spotty.”

Twilight’s insides froze.

“What exactly do you mean by ‘spotty’?”

The second pulled a newspaper out of his briefcase and showed it to her.

“According to this, you were responsible in placing a ‘want-it, need-it’ spell on a doll, driving the whole town into a frenzy. Is this not correct?”

“Yes, it’s true.” Twilight forced herself to say. “But I’m not proud of…”

“And you and your friends were responsible for trashing not just one, but two of the biggest events in all of Canterlot?” He further pressed, pulling two other newspapers.

“Well, yes, but…”

“No buts!” The second said, standing up. “It’s clear to us that you’ve failed to act as a proper representative and example of Canterlot and the princess herself! You should be ashamed, acting like an immature, irresponsible filly!”

“We’ll need some time to consider this proposition. Thank you for having us.” The first said, leading his partner away.

“I knew we should’ve met with the mayor…” The second muttered as the door closed behind them.

Twilight remained her chair, frozen in shock and embarrassment. The events the two men had recounted played back in her head, filling her with shame, disgust, and remorse. She slowly got up, drew the blinds on all the windows, and walked down to the basement, closing the door behind her. Once she was in the basement’s furthest corner, she began to cry. Tears running down her face, Twilight’s sobs filled the basement. Suddenly, her hand shot up and slapped her in the face.

“Stop it!” She yelled at herself. “Stop it! You baby! Why do you do these things? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right?”

Twilight sank to the floor, sobbing quietly. She stayed there for a very long time.

At around five o’ clock, Big Macintosh walked towards the library. He was freshly showered and shaved, he wore a clean T-shirt and jeans, and he held a bouquet of apple blossoms. Taking Applejack’s advice, he was going to take Twilight out. He pressed the doorbell, which sounded all throughout the library. There was the sound of footsteps coming up from somewhere and to the door.

“We’re closed.” A miserable voice said.

“It’s me, Twilight.”


The door unlocked and flew open. Twilight stood there, her clothes rumpled, her hair a mess, her eyes red and cheeks looking sore. Mac was shocked.

“Twilight! What happened to you?”

“Wha-oh no!” Twilight cried as she felt her face.

She ran back upstairs and into her room, slamming the door behind her. Frantically, she tore off her clothes and threw on the birthday dress Rarity had made. She tore a brush through her hair, washed her face, and looked in her mirror.

“You can do this, you can do this.” Twilight said to herself.

Finally, she went back down to the doorway where Big Mac was still standing.

“Thank you for waiting, Big Macintosh. I’m sorry for how I looked.” She said as she took the bouquet.

“S’all right.”

“Thank you for the flowers, they’re lovely.” Twilight said as she put them in a vase.

“Would ya mind talking about what was bugging ya?”

“Yes, I would mind.” She said sharply.

Mac flinched and let it drop. Twilight sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry…”

“No, no, I shouldn’t have pried.”

“You were just concerned.”

“But still…”

The conservation turned to awkward silence, both embarrassed and unsure of where to go from there. Finally, Twilight spoke.

“So! What did you have planned for us?”

“Well, I have a little something put out for us on the farm.”

“Sounds great.”

The two took a discreet path out of town, both knowing that if anyone saw them, word would travel very fast. They eventually ended up on the fields of Sweet Apple Acres where a lavish picnic waited, filled with apple-themed foods of all kinds. Twilight and Big Mac settled down and started eating.

As Big Mac ate, he couldn’t help but think about the state Twilight had been in when he arrived at the library. He knew Twilight could get very stressed, but what he saw was more than that. She’d looked like she was on the verge of a total breakdown and he suspected those marks on her face were self-inflicted. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he knew she most likely would avoid the question and he doubted he had the guts to ask, anyway.

“So, what’s it like being Celestia’s student?” Macintosh asked, figuring he’d start small and work his way up.

Twilight paused in mid-chew. The meeting with the elite was still fresh in her mind and she definitely did not want to open that particular wound. AS she finished chewing, she carefully chose her words.

“It’s…great! Studying under our very own princess, learning all of the greatest spells, being a bearer of one of the foundations of magic, making sure that everything you do lives up to standards that are expected of the princess’ students, dealing with snooty know-it-alls who think they know everything about what they’re doing, when they actually have a point when criticizing you, having your role in society define every part of who you are, throwing yourself into work in a vain attempt to fill a void inside you that you have no idea how to get rid of, having to deal with every little damn thing that threatens the land from sleeping dragons to evil spirits, having stuff dropped on you at the last minute and your mentor figures you’ll be ‘cool’ with it and you’re not and you want to say something but you can’t because you’re afraid you’ll step out of line and that’ll lead to all sorts of nasty repercussions and…!”

It was at this point that Twilight realized she was rambling loud enough for all of Equestria to hear her. Mac stared at her in shock, trying to process everything she’d said.

“I-I’m sorry.” Twilight stammered, turning away. “I shouldn’t have said all that.”

“Twilight,” Mac said. “Are you unhappy?”

“Huh? What? Me, unhappy? No, no I’m perfectly fine! Everything’s great!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Forget about what I said, I tend to exaggerate things.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive! I just had a bad meeting with some Canterlot elite who were thinking about investing in some of the businesses here and they brought up some very embarrassing events my friends and I were responsible for and I kind of…lost it.”

Macintosh was getting really concerned now. It was pretty clear that Twilight had some bottled up feelings that went far beyond getting occasionally stressed over her work. He was no psychologist, but keeping feelings like these inside were not healthy. Especially for a mare like Twilight.

“Twilight,” He said gently. “If anything’s wrong, you can talk to me…”

“I said nothing’s wrong! So lay off!” Twilight yelled, causing Mac to flinch.

There was a pregnant pause as Twilight turned her back to Macintosh. Mac was unsure what to do now until he noticed Twilight shuddering. He carefully inched closer and saw that she was weeping.

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed. “I just get so…so…”

Mac didn’t say anything. He reached out and took her in his arms, wrapping her in a powerful tender embrace. Twilight stopped crying, marveling at his massive arms held her so carefully, wrapped around her so protectively. She slowly buried her face into his shirt, feeling his pectorals, his body heat, his heart beating. Macintosh gently ran a hand through her purple and pink hair, thinking how her hair had to be the most beautiful he’d ever seen, even better than Rarity’s. He gently held her like a little bird, her tears staining his shirt. They stayed that way long after the sun went down.

The Trial

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“Twilight? Twilight? Hey, Twilight…TWILIGHT!”

Spike’s yell snapped Twilight out of her daze. For half an hour, she’d been trying to shelve a sideways book, bumping ineffectually against the other books.

“Huh? What is it, Spike?”

“The fact you were on a whole other planet. What’s up with you today?”

Twilight couldn’t tell him what was up with her. She was still reeling from yesterday evening and spending hours in Big Mac’s arms. She didn’t even remember how she got home. All she could think about was being in his arms again…

Her thoughts were interrupted by a newspaper flying in her face.

“Hey!” She snapped at Spike.

“Sorry.” Spike said with a semi-apologetic shrug. “Just you’d want to see the front page.”

Twilight looked and her eyes widened in shock. It was a picture of Trixie being arrested by two royal guards. ‘TINPOT MAGICIAN DICTATOR ARRESTED!’ The headline declared. Twilight read the article.

‘Traveling magician Trixie Lulamoon was arrested after a month of searching while performing at Trottingham. Trixie was reported to the army of Canterlot of having used the artifact known as the Alicorn Amulet to defeat the Elements of Harmony and take over Ponyville. Although the Elements were able to take the amulet from Trixie, both it and she vanished shortly after.’

Twilight’s insides turned to ice again. She remembered that event all too well; Trixie wanting revenge for her humiliation, defeating her in a magic duel, kicking her out, enslaving the town, Twilight tricking her into giving up the Alicorn Amulet, Trixie secretly helping out with the show for the delegates from Saddle Arabia and apologizing…

Only now she remembered that quite a few ponies, including some of Twilight’s friends, had organized a manhunt for Trixie, turning the whole town and a section of the Everfree upside down in order to bring Trixie to justice. Twilight hadn’t said anything because, one, Trixie had been long gone by that point, two, she had hated to think what the mob might have done to Trixie if they found her, and three, Trixie was repentant, so there was no need to punish her. Eventually, the whole thing had died down and that was the end of that, but apparently someone had complained to the royal guards themselves. And now they had found her.

Twilight stood in the middle of the library, staring at the article and feeling very sick, not noticing that Spike had received the mail from the postman until he held an important looking letter in front of her face. Twilight opened it.

‘Twilight Sparkle, you have been summoned to appear at the trial of Trixie Lulamoon’

The sick feeling in Twilight’s stomach intensified.

A week later, Twilight was sitting in the fanciest courthouse in Canterlot where Trixie’s trial was taking place. Trixie was dressed in a prison jumpsuit, her hands were cuffed, she was flanked by two guards, and she looked very scared. Twilight couldn’t help but feel bad for her. The judge entered the courtroom and the trial began.

“Now begins the case of the town of Ponyville vs. Trixie Lulamoon.” The judge said. “Ms. Lulamoon, you are accused of using a dangerous magical artifact to get revenge on someone who allegedly wronged you and take over a town of innocent people and force them to serve you. How do you plead?”

“Guilty, Your Honor.” Trixie said, all brashness and bravado gone from her voice.

“Your Honor, I would like to begin by calling to the stand Miss Twilight Sparkle.” The prosecutor said.

Twilight took the stand, took the oath, and sat, hoping she could help Trixie in some way.

“Miss Sparkle, is it true that Miss Lulamoon purchased the Alicorn Amulet in order to get revenge on you?” The prosecutor asked.

“Yes.” Twilight admitted.

“And when she beat you, she kicked you out of town, sealed it off from the outside world, and enslaved the populace?”


“Did you attempt to contact any other authorities in any other town?”

“No.” Twilight admitted, answering a question she’d been afraid to hear.

There were several gasps and surprised mutters.

“Why, may I ask, did not do so?” The prosecutor asked. “Are you not the princess’ student? Surely she would’ve helped you.”

“Princess Celestia was away at the time preparing for the delegates from Saddle Arabia.”

“Yet there was no one else you could ask for help? Princess Luna? Anyone?”

“I was able to stop her!” Twilight protested. “I was able to trick her into removing the amulet and everything was returned to normal.”

“And you let her go?”

“She apologized! She learned her lesson!”

“Miss Sparkle, Miss Lulamoon’s crime is not a case of wrecking someone’s belongings out of petty spite, it is a case of using a powerful and dangerous artifact to get revenge and forcing innocent ponies to be her slaves! These are very serious crimes, Miss Sparkle, and saying you’re sorry does not cut it. Also, whatever became of the Alicorn Amulet?”

“I gave it to my friend, Zecora, to hide it away so it could never be used again.”

“So, instead of turning this dangerous artifact over to the authorities or your mentor, you gave it to a friend of yours so she could hide it away. How do you she wouldn’t abuse its power?”

“She’s a zebra, not a unicorn!”

“Be that as it may, all ponies have some form of magic inside them and the Amulet has the power to augment magic and corrupt anyone who wears it. Let’s recap, shall we? You let a mare who kicked you out of your home and enslaved innocent townspeople get off scot-free because she said she was sorry, gave the amulet to a friend of yours instead of the authorities, and told no one about this incident at all, without ever considering the anguish the other ponies of Ponyville may have gone through?”

Twilight couldn’t answer. Her mouth opened and shut stupidly, feeling all the eyes burning into her.

“No further questions, Your Honor.” The prosecutor said.

The rest of the trial was a blur for Twilight. Trixie’s lawyer argued that Trixie was a victim of the corrupting nature of the Alicorn Amulet but the prosecution pointed out that Trixie had bought the amulet willingly. Several citizens of Ponyville recapped Trixie’s deeds, such as imprisoning the mayor, forcing Snips and Snails to pull a wheel less wagon, and forcing ponies to decorate Ponyville in her honor. When Trixie came up to speak, she told about how she lost everything in Ponyville due to the Ursa Minor and the actions of the ponies there. She’d become a laughingstock and forced to work on a rock farm because of them. She’d wanted to get back at the town that ruined her; Twilight was just a particular target.

Eventually, the jury brought in the verdict: guilty on all charges. The judge sentenced Trixie to 20 years in prison, 10 for good behavior, and when she got out, she would be forbidden to practice magic. As the court adjourned, Twilight watched from the courthouse steps as Trixie hid her face from the reporters as she was taken to the paddy wagon. In spite of all she’d done, Twilight couldn’t help but feel awful for Trixie. Her dreams were destroyed, partially due to herself but also due to Ponyville and Twilight.

But what also hurt was the way the other ponies who’d been to the trial were looking at her and whispering to each other. Twilight knew what they were talking about: how could Celestia’s student let a vengeance-seeking pony with a dangerous artifact off without so much as a slap on the wrist and not tell anyone? This was worse than that meeting.

Twilight numbly made her way back to the train station, planning to hide under the covers for the rest of the day.

The next morning, Applejack, Macintosh, and Braeburn had just finished breakfast. Applejack was reading the news, Trixie’s trial on the front page. Applejack was glad that Trixie had gotten what she deserved for what she did to the town, heck, AJ had been part of the mob that had searched for Trixie after Twilight beat her! But then Applejack found an editorial talking about Twilight’s actions in the whole thing.

“…so, Twilight Sparkle, Celestia’s student and the Element of Magic, let’s a vengeance-seeking magician who enslaved an entire town with an infamous artifact off the hook with nary a word to anyone else and dumps said artifact on someone else and just hopes they’ll get rid of it and not, you know, use it or sell it to another seedy character? I don’t know about you folks, but there is definitely something wrong with this picture! Does Twilight really think that major crimes can be fixed just because the perpetrator says that they’re sorry? Does sorry fix murders? Arson? Grand theft? No! And while we’re on that, did Trixie ever say she was ‘sorry’ to everyone else in Ponyville? Was she even sorry at all or did she say that to Twilight so she wouldn’t tell the princesses? I don’t know about you, Equestria, but I think Celestia needs to re-evaluate her choice in students…”

“The nerve of some people.” Applejack sighed.

“How’s that, cuz?” Braeburn asked from the sink where he was washing dishes.

“This guy talking crap about Twilight in the paper about how she handled that Trixie takeover.” Applejack explained as Mac took the paper from her and began reading it himself.

“Oh, yeah, I remember you told me about that. Half the family wanted that Trixie gal’s skin for what she did to you guys. Uncle Wolf Apple even wanted to break out the noose.” Braeburn chuckled.

“I admit that I wanted to whoop Trixie’s hide for what she did to Ponyville and I even want to whoop Twilight a little for just letting her go, but this…this is gonna destroy her. Being Celestia’s student means everything to her, and if ponies start saying she’s not good enough, I don’t know what she’ll do.”

“Well, I don’t know Miss Twilight all that much, but I do know that she didn’t want anything bad to happen.” Braeburn said, adjusting his hat and causing something inside it begin to slip out. “I’m not saying she should’ve let that Trixie gal go the way she did, but she probably thought it was best for everybody to just move on. You best check on her, though, if she is gonna take this news as bad as you say.”

A picture fell out of Braeburn’s hat. Applejack grabbed it before Braeburn could snatch it up and looked at it. It was a picture of Fleur de Lis, Equestria’s most famous model, lounging on a bed in very revealing red lingerie. A hint of perfume lingered on the picture and written on it was a phone number and ‘Call me, loverboy! XXXOOO’. Applejack turned to the sheepish Braeburn.

“She was passin’ through Appleloosa, her limo broke down, and I offered her a place to stay until it was fixed. I gave her my bed and took the couch, but she said it was inhospitable to make her sleep alone.” He explained.

“Oh, really?” Applejack said skeptically.

“Aw, come on, AJ! The hottest model in Equestria dropped right in my lap! How could I say no?”

“And that justifies you leaping on every hussy that opens her legs?”

“Hey, I was a gentleman with her! She enjoyed the town, made a few generous purchases from the businesses, and paid to replace all the furniture we broke!”


“She was, uh, quite the animal, if you know what I mean.”


Macintosh missed out on the discovery of this particular lover of Braeburn’s. Once he’d read the article, he had immediately left the house and headed for the library.


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Big Macintosh got to the library in almost record time. He immediately noticed the darkened windows and the closed sign. Regardless, he pounded on the door.

“We’re closed. Read the sign.” A voice from inside said.

Undaunted, Big Mac pounded on the door harder and harder until it came right off. Spike was able to jump out of the way just in time.

“Aw, come on!” He whined. “Now I’m gonna have to fix that!”

“I’ll fix it myself if you let me see Twilight.” Macintosh told him.

“Look, yesterday was a really bad day for her, so she just needs to be left alone, okay?”

Mac sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Look, just give me five minutes with her, okay?”

“I know Twilight better than anyone; what makes you think you can snap her out of it?”

“I just want to talk to her.”

Spike and Mac stared at each other for a long minute until Spike sighed and headed up the stairs to Twilight’s room. There was the sound of a door opening, some mumbled words, and Spike came back down.

“All right, she’ll see ya.”

Mac gave an appreciative nod and went up into Twilight’s room. The curtains were closed, the lights were out, and Twilight was in bed with the blankets over her.

“What do you want?” She mumbled.

“I just came to talk.”

Twilight rolled away from him.

“Leave me alone to die.” She said.

Big Mac sat down on the bed and tried to think of what to say.

“Twilight, I…uh, I know this whole trial thing was quite a blow to you.”

“Really? Whatever gave you that idea?” Twilight said with withering sarcasm.

“Look, I’m gonna try not to say what you’re probably already thinking. Yes, you shouldn’t have let Trixie run off the way you did, but you were right in some ways. If Trixie was detained in Ponyville, there’s no doubt quite a few people here would’ve tried to hurt her.”

“Yeah, a fat lot of good that did.” Twilight said bitterly. “Just another one of Celestia’s student’s screw-ups flaunted in front of all Equestria for all to see.”

“Twilight, I know how you feel…”

“NO! DON’T SAY THAT!” Twilight yelled as she angrily threw off her blankets and jumped out of bed.

Macintosh recoiled, surprised at the sudden reaction and Twilight’s messed-up coat, mane, and the old extra-large T-shirt she was wearing, an odd combination that she still managed to look fierce in.

“Don’t you ever say that!” Twilight snarled. “You have absolutely no idea how I feel! You think I wanted any of this? Do you? All I wanted to do was learn magic! I never asked to become Celestia’s student! I never asked to become an Element of Harmony! I never asked to become a warrior of Equestria, life saver, chosen one or whatever! Do you have any idea what that’s like? No, you don’t! Every single somebody in Canterlot judged me when I was growing up! If I didn’t act like I was taking my position as student seriously or didn’t do a spell correctly right away, they’d talk among themselves whether or not Celestia made a mistake. I barely saw my family because of my training and studying. I hardly ever left the castle and if I wanted to, I needed an escort! Sure, I wasn’t all that social when I was a kid, but being cooped up in the castle and learning magic day in and day out didn’t help! But you know what the worst part is?”

Big Macintosh was afraid to say anything.

“I’m always supposed to go along with these things because I’m expected to! ‘Twilight, stop worrying about Nightmare Moon coming back and make friends!’ ‘Twilight, go fight Discord without any help!’ ‘Twilight, your brother’s getting married in the middle of a crisis and his fiancé is totally not an imposter!’ ‘Twilight, you need to save a kingdom without any help at all as a test!’ Doesn’t anyone ever consider what I want, what I think? Don’t they think I get scared when I go up against these sort of things? Don’t they think I’m afraid my friends or I could get hurt or worse? Don’t they think I ever want to say ‘I don’t want to do this! Find someone else!’? Don’t they think I ever think about putting a bullet in my skull to stop the screaming in my head?”

Twilight slumped to her knees in defeat, tears already streaming down her face.

“Nobody cares about Twilight. All they care about is what she can do.”

“Twilight, that’s not true.” Big Mac said getting to his knees next to her. “Your friends care about you, Spike cares, your family, Celestia…”

“Celestia?” Twilight scoffed. “All Celestia sees is that cute little girl who was so happy to become her student. She has no idea how I really feel.”

“Have you told her?”


“Don’t you think you should?”

“Maybe. I guess. Probably. I don’t know.”

“Twilight, she’s your teacher. Of course she’ll listen to you.”

Twilight looked away and didn’t reply.

“Look, how about you clean yourself up and get dressed and I’ll take you out, okay?”


Big Mac patted her hand and began to rise.

“Wait.” Twilight said, grabbing his hand.

She slowly raised his hand to her lips and kissed his fingertips.

“Thank you.” She said.

Spike, who’d been waiting downstairs, heard Big Mac coming and jumped up to meet him.

“Well, how’d it go?” He asked.

Big Mac didn’t respond. He was staring at his hand like it had turned to gold.

Back at the farm, Applejack was in the barn working on her father’s old car, dressed in jean shorts and her shirt tied up at the bottom. Bent over the engine, she was so focused on her work, she didn’t notice a winged figure dropping down from the sky and sneaking up behind her, arms eagerly extended.

“Hello, daisy dukes!” An enthusiastic voice said, followed by a pair of hands giving Applejack’s rear a firm squeeze.

Applejack straightened up in surprise, nearly hitting her head on the opened hood. A pair of lean arms wrapped themselves around Applejack’s waist and a blue muzzle buried itself in her neck.

“Soarin, you…oh! Mmm…oh, you horny little pervert…mmm…” Applejack moaned as she melted into the embrace.

“Come on, cowgirl.” Soarin said. “You know I can’t resist those daisy dukes.”

Applejack broke free of the embrace and whipped around to look at the grinning Wonderbolt. He was clad in his uniform which clung to his body, showing off his athletic form, comparable to that of a Grecian marble statue. It also showed a certain part of his anatomy standing proudly at attention.

“What’re you doing here?” Applejack asked, trying not to stare at his Wonderbolt. “I thought you said training was gonna run for another month.”

“Yeah, it was, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you, so Spitfire let me go early.”

“Really?” AJ asked, folding her arms and making a face that was a combination of skeptic and amused, one of many faces Soarin loved. “That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“Well…there was an…incident.” Soarin admitted sheepishly.


“I, uh, I was in the showers for some, you know, private time and I had that picture of you in my locker with me, and these new recruits were being shown around and when they were brought into the locker rooms…”

“So, they caught you jerking off to my picture and Spitfire told you to get laid before you did anything else embarrassing?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s pretty much it.”

“You are such an idiot.”

“But I’m your idiot.” Soarin said, embracing her again.

“Yeah, you are.” Applejack smiled as they kissed.

The kiss started out gentle and tender but then quickly elevated to an all-out game of tonsil hockey and Soarin pinning Applejack to hood of the car.

“Whoa, whoa there, cowboy.” Applejack breathed pushing him off. “Mama ain’t planning on riding bareback.”

“Hey, don’t worry, I got the stuff.” Soarin said, unzipping his suit and pulling the protection out.

“Well, in that case…” Applejack grinned, pulling Soarin over to the nearest pile of hay.


“Yes, Apple Bloom?”

“I heard weird noises in the barn.”

“What kind of noises, sugar?”

“Groaning and moaning and slapping and panting and gasping, and shrieking…”

“Uh, Apple Bloom, wasn’t Applejack working in the barn?”

“I think so.”

“Hmm, that Wonderbolt fella must be back.”

“How do you know?”

“Never you mind. Go play with your friends and stay away from the barn for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Are they wrestling? Cause Braeburn said that’s what he was doing when he took Lily to see the barn.”

“I said git!”


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At Ponyville’s nicest restaurant, Big Macintosh and Twilight were sitting opposite one another. Macintosh was telling Twilight the story of how Granny Smith discovered the zap apples and how Sweet Apple Acres and Ponyville was founded, Twilight hanging on to every word. Both remained blissfully unaware of how several of the diner patrons were looking at them. Twilight and Big Mac were both well-known figures, Twilight the librarian, student of Celestia, hero of Equestria and Big Mac the male of Sweet Apple Acres, the biggest guy in town, and most sought after guy in town.

Of course, there were no share of detractors: many thought Twilight was a cute sweet gal but she had a tendency to go crazy at the drop of a hat, making just as many problems as she solved and her connection to the princess could get her out of anything. Mac was more or less spotless, save for a few idiots who believed the lothario rumors and accused him of sleeping with some female relative or another which the Apple family would have to prove were untrue. One particular mare, offended by Mac turning her down, accused him of raping her which brought down the wrath of nearly the whole Apple clan on her head for such an accusation. Rumor had it that said mare was hiding with dragons where there were absolutely no Apples.

At the moment, however, ponies were marveling at how the neurotic librarian was apparently on a date with Ponyville’s most eligible bachelor. Already a few were leaving their meals early to spread the gossip like wildfire. Quite a few mares looked on in jealously. Twilight had only been in town for months and she had succeeded where the rest of them failed all their lives? This would require investigation and even confrontation.

It was late when Big Mac took Twilight home; they’d walked for quite a while without even realizing it. When Twilight said goodbye to him, she sat in one of the library’s chairs, thinking about what Mac had said to her earlier when she snapped at him and how she wanted so much to see him again. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Lyra and Bon Bon entering the library.

“Can I help you?” Twilight asked.

“Actually, yes. We saw you eating out with Big Macintosh.” Lyra said.

‘Huh boy.’ Twilight thought.

“And why is that important?” Twilight asked aloud.

“So, is it true you’ve been seeing Big Macintosh?” Lyra asked.

“What if I am?” Twilight cautiously returned.

“Well, we were just wondering how it, you know, happened.”

“I don’t know, it just…happened. We’re not even an official couple which, by the way, I don’t think is any of your business!”

“Aw, come on, Twilight.” Bon Bon pressed. “Pretty much every mare in town has tried to snare Mac!

“Can you at least tell us if his ‘apple tree’ is as big as they say it is?” Lyra asked. “Or that it’s like sitting on a fire hose at full blast?”

Twilight blushed furiously.

“Wuh? Buh…no! Look, if you two are just going to bug me about my personal affairs, then you can just leave!”

“Okay, sorry!” Bon Bon said. “We just wanted to know what was going on in your life.”

“Why do you care so much about Mac? Aren’t you two gay?” Spike asked, having suddenly entered the room.

“Why does everyone think we’re gay?” Bon Bon groaned in disgust.

“So we spend a lot of time together! How does that make us gay?” Lyra snapped.

“It’s just as bad as the rumors saying you’re obsessed with some hue-man species, whatever those are.”

“I sat on the bench like that ONE TIME!”

“Thank you, girls, we’ve established that the people in this town have far too much time on their hands.” Twilight said as she shoved Lyra and Bon Bon out the door. “Now please, get out!”

“So, how’d it go? The date, I mean. ” Spike asked as Twilight locked the doors and closed the curtains.

“Hmm? Oh, it was all right. He told all about his family helped found Ponyville.”

“People saw you, right?”

“Well, of course, Spike. It was a public restaurant.”

“Then a lot more people are gonna try to pry into this, Twilight. Rumors fly wildly in a town like this, as you’ll remember.”

“Yes, I know, Gabby Gums. But Diamond Tiara was punished for blackmailing the girls, Featherweight was punished for taking the photos, and Cheerilee apologized for not keeping a closer eye on the paper.”

“This isn’t like Gabby Gums, this is something that’s really happening.”

“I really don’t want to talk about this now, Spike.” Twilight said, rubbing her forehead. “I’m tired and I’ve got to take a trip tomorrow.”

“A trip? What kind of trip?”

“I need to talk to Princess Celestia about something.”

“And that something is…?”

“Please, Spike, it’s been a hard day for me.”

“All right, fine.”

As Twilight headed upstairs, Spike watched her go, contemplative. He knew Twilight better than anyone, even her older brother, and what he was seeing was throwing up a lot of warning signs. Twilight was becoming more and more stressed as time had gone on, a clear sign that all these adventures and missions were taking a significant toll on her. He didn’t think Twilight was crazy, but anyone would snap under all that, even without the pressure Twilight was under with her titles of Element of Magic and Princess’ Student. Twilight did all she could to hide all that and reassure him she was fine, but he knew better. Only he didn’t have the courage to actually confront her about that.

Spike sighed and headed up to bed. He just hoped Twilight could keep a handle on her stress. Who knows what would happen if she didn’t.

Over at the farm, Big Macintosh lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, clad only in pajama bottoms. He too was thinking of the time he’d spent with Twilight today. She was an eager listener, a pleasure to talk to, a pleasure to be with, hell, the fact that he’d unconsciously spent a large chunk of the day with her was proof enough of that. But still, Mac couldn’t stopped thinking of her episode in her bed. She had said that she felt like she was under a constant amount of pressure being who she was. He’d given her the best advice he could and hoped that’d be enough, for now anyway. That still wouldn’t fix her problems, however. Mental and emotional scars ran deep and usually they cut enough to destroy a pony’s life, shattered beyond repair. Could he help Twilight with this? Could she improve herself?

Could he love someone with her kinds of problems?

Mac’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a lasso snapping in Applejack’s room next door.

“Ah hear someone’s been a bad boy…” Applejack said seductively.

“Oh, yeah. Bust me, baby!” Soarin replied.

“Oh, fer cryin’ out loud…” Mac moaned, pressing his pillow over his face.

As Applejack’s bed began groaning furiously, all Mac could do was pray they finished quickly.

Two hours later, they were still going strong. Macintosh couldn’t sleep a wink with all the noise and the knowledge that his sister was getting plowed like a cornfield next door. Finally, he got up, left his room, and entered Applejack’s. He went over to the window and opened it. The two didn’t even notice he was there until he grabbed them and neatly chucked them out the window into the backyard.

“Macintosh! Have you lost your stinking marbles?” A livid Applejack yelled.

“You two wanna screw like a pair of horny rabbits, do it in the barn with the other animals!” Mac yelled back. “And you, flyboy, if you wanna keep ruttin’ mah sister, you better put a ring on her finger and take her to the altar!”

With that, Mac slammed the window shut and went back to bed.

“Yeesh.” Soarin said. “I haven’t seen anyone get that pissed about sex since Spitfire found out Fleetfoot was sneaking her boyfriend into the camp.”

“Aw, shut up.” Applejack growled as she stormed off toward the barn.

“Hey! What’d I say? What’d I say?”

The next day, Twilight was riding the train to Canterlot, hoping that she’d be able to tell Celestia even a little bit about how she really felt. Twilight idly flipped through a cheap tabloid she’d bought, the Ludicrous Lookout ‘Nightmare Moon resurrected as sweet, innocent filly!’ “Author A.K. Yearling leads double life as adventurer!’ ‘Studies show mares outnumber stallions ten to one!’ ‘Baker snaps, turns ponies into cupcakes!’ ‘Rainbow factory secretly murders foals!’ ‘Princess Celestia secretly nymphomanic rapist!’ ‘Famed cello player and DJ secretly in torrid love affair!’ ‘Secret agency in Equestria?’ ‘Mysterious time traveler in our midst?’

‘What garbage.’ She thought to herself, tossing it aside.

Twilight tried to think of what she’d say to Celestia when she got there. ‘Excuse me, Celestia, but do you think I could not get any kind of missions for a while? I’m getting kind of burned out.’ No, no, that was way too informal. ‘Celestia, I don’t want to do this anymore. Find someone else to be your patsy.’ Definitely not. ‘Celestia, all this constant pressure on me since foalhood has grown to the point that I become a nervous wreck if something even goes slightly wrong. I really think I need help before I go off the brink.’

No, not that either. If she said anything like that, Celestia would want to pry more into her mental health and Twilight really didn’t want to open that door.

When the train arrived, Twilight headed straight to the castle. She got to the gates and looked up at the glimmering palace. All she had to do was go inside and ask for the princess’ audience, which she would surely get. All she had to do was tell Celestia was sick and tired of the whole hero/student title and wanted to cut it all out of her life.

She couldn’t do it. What would Celestia say? What would she do? How would parents react if they found out? They’d been so proud that Twilight became Celestia’s student, it would destroy them. And what about Equestria? What would happen if she refused to act when the next disaster occurred? Unable to think of it, Twilight ran until she reached the cliff of Canterlot.

Twilight looked the fence on the edge of Canterlot. She marveled at how far down the ground was and how small everything was. Her hands gripped the metal bars, the wind roaring in her ears. She couldn’t help but wonder how fast a body would fall from this height. Would the person black out? Would there be much pain at the sudden stop? How long would it take to get to the bottom? The wind in Twilight’s ears roared louder. The ground below seemed so enticing. A voice in the back of her mind told her to climb up on the fence and jump, just to satisfy it all.

With a sudden burst of fright, Twilight turned and ran for the train station.


View Online

The sun burned a dull red in the smoky gold sky. Twilight lay in what appeared to be Canterlot, the buildings fallen into ruin and sand covering the street. A voice began singing, waking her up.

“This is the end, beautiful friend/this the end, my only friend, the end/of our elaborate plans, the end/of everything that stands, the end/no safety or surprise, the end/I’ll never look into your eyes, again.”

Twilight got up and opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. The wind suddenly picked, blowing up a huge sandstorm as the voice continued to sing.

“Can you picture what will be, so limitless and free/desperately in need, of some, stranger’s hand, in a, desperate land.”

When the storm died down, Twilight found herself in what appeared to be the wreckage of Ponyville, barely recognizable with the sand and ruined buildings. Curiously, statues could be seen poking out of the sand too; Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and someone else whose statues were too weathered and damaged. Twilight wandered briefly and bumped into Apple Bloom. She was staring up at the sky, her face a black, dressed in colonial-era clothing that was covered with what looked like dried blood. She held a sickle in her hand, likewise covered in dried blood. Shocked, Twilight stepped back and bumped into Scootaloo, dressed the same way and staring up with a blank expression, only she was holding an ax. Twilight looked up too, but could only see empty sky. When she looked back down, all of Ponyville’s children were there: Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Twist, Rumble, Snips, Snails, Lickety Split, Pip, Dinky, Berry Pinch, Truffle, Featherweight, Shady Daze, Button Mash, and others, all wearing old time clothing, covered in dried blood, wielding farm tools like scythes, saws, knives, wrenches, chains, and the like, and staring up at the sky like they were waiting for something. The voice started singing again.

“Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain/And all the children are insane, all the children are insane/Waiting for the summer rain, yeah.”

The wind blew again, revealing a large dead tree, bodies hanging from the limbs like rotten fruit. Carved into the bark were the words ‘For the glory of the centaur god of death and destruction.’ Panicked, Twilight began to run down a long path leading out of Ponyville as the voice continued singing.

“There's danger on the edge of town/Ride the King's highway, baby/Weird scenes inside the gold mine/Ride the highway west, baby/Ride the snake, ride the snake/To the lake, the ancient lake, baby/The snake is long, seven miles.”

As Twilight ran, the pathway suddenly transformed into a serpentine body covered with brown fur. Up at the end rose the head of Discord, his eyes glowing with power, his mouth turned up in an evil grin, all devoid of jokes and mockery, instead brimming with malice. Twilight stopped running and backed away in horror, staring at Discord. Around her, more figures took shape; Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Sombra. They hovered ahead glaring hatefully and grinning sadistically. Twilight wanted to run again but her feet were frozen in fear. Out of nowhere, a bus pulled up in front of her.

“Ride the snake, he's old, and his skin is cold/The west is the best, the west is the best/Get here, and we'll do the rest/The blue bus is callin' us, the blue bus is callin' us/Driver, where you taken us…”

The door of the bus slowly opened. Twilight looked inside. In the driver’s seat was a black cloaked figure. He slowly turned to face her, revealing the bleached skull face of death, a scythe blade for a horn and fires raging in his sockets. Again, Twilight wanted to run but couldn’t, the eyes of fire were drawing her in, pulling her in. She found herself falling in deep, deep, until she landed into a black abyss. A spotlight clicked on, making shadows dance in front of her until they took shape.

“The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on/He took a face from the ancient gallery/And he walked on down the hall…”

A winged and horned silhouette appeared, a knife in its hand. It walked across the wall to where three other winged and horned silhouettes were. The knife-wielder went to the first two silhouettes and stabbed them both.

“He went into the room where his sister lived, and, then he/Paid a visit to his brother, and then he/He walked on down the hall, and/And he came to a door, and he looked inside/Father, yes son, I want to kill you/Mother, I want to...”

Eventually, the knife wielder came to last figure and began stabbing it, only this one put up a fight, struggling fiercely under its assailant, only to eventually fall still. The spotlight then went out.

“C'mon baby, take a chance with us/C'mon baby, take a chance with us/C'mon baby, take a chance with us.”

Twilight wanted to scream. Obviously, this was a dream, but what did it mean? What was all this insanity? The darkness around her melted away and she found herself in the ruins of the castle, the roof caved in, the halls flooded with sand, and portraits clawed up.

“And meet me at the back of the blue bus/Doin' a blue rock, on a blue bus/Doin' a blue rock, c'mon, yeah/Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill/This is the end, beautiful friend.”

Twilight ran through the ruined halls towards the throne room, praying she’d be able to find some answer to this madness. She eventually came to the throne room door and threw it open, discovering the walls gone and Celestia’s throne turned away from the door, looking out at the blighted Equestria. Twilight sensed that someone was sitting on the throne. She slowly approached, dreading at who she’d find as the occupant. Soon she was close enough to see a spindly arm clutching the arm of the throne with nails that would’ve made Rarity faint. Twilight slowly moved to a point where she could see who was sitting there.

“This is the end, my only friend, the end/It hurts to set you free/But you'll never follow me/The end of laughter and soft lies/The end of nights we tried to die/This is the end.”

The figure slowly turned around to face Twilight, revealing a weathered old face, empty eyes emitting a thousand yard stare, a cracked and rusted Element of Magic on her unkempt snow white mane, with a broken horn poking through the bangs. Ragged weathers dangled from useless dead wings on the back of figure. Despite all this, Twilight immediately knew who it was.

“Where are your friends now, Twilight?” The older alicorn Twilight asked her younger self.

Twilight catapulted up in bed, eyes wide, coat soaked in sweat, and gasping for breath. She ran into the bathroom and began washing her face. Looking in her mirror at her frightened and haggard face, the look of her older self was still fresh in her mind.

‘What in the name of Tartarus was that?’ She asked herself.

She passed the still sleeping Spike and went out onto the balcony for fresh air. Panting slightly, she tried to make sense of the dream. All Twilight could figure was that song…The End by the Doors. Other than that, she had no idea; Equestria in ruin, foals in a cult, centaur god, Death on a bus, winged figures killing each other, herself some ragged old Ozymandias…what in the name of Equus did it mean?

Twilight spent the next few minutes calming herself down. It was nothing, it was just a dream, she kept telling herself. When she went back to bed, she couldn’t find the courage to close her eyes again.

Mac was up early, as per usual, and getting his coffee ready when Soarin and Applejack came back in from the barn and headed back up to AJ’s room to get their clothes. Applejack shot Mac a murderous look as she went by. He ignored her.

It wasn’t that Soarin was a bad guy; he was friendly, hard-working, polite, great with kids, but he and Applejack had a bad habit of jumping each other’s bones if they felt they could get away with it and Mac did not need to know about his sister’s sex life, healthy or otherwise. Also, given the fact that Applejack and Soarin had been seeing each other for over a year now and had slept together quite frequently, the elders of the Apple clan believed that if they were going to act like a married couple, they might as well make it official. Of course, they’d be even more imposing if AJ got pregnant, to the point that they’d be bringing shotguns to the ceremony. That’s why Applejack always made sure they had protection: Apples were notoriously fertile and she wasn’t planning on becoming a mother just yet.

Speaking of Soarin, his first day back had not ended well. Mac had thrown him and AJ out while they were in the middle of things, putting Applejack in a horrible mood for the rest of the night. And an angry mare made for a horrible bedmate. Once he’d dressed, Soarin went downstairs to find AJ complaining to Granny Smith about what Mac had done.

“I may run this place, but Big Mac is still the man of the house. And frankly, I agree with him. If you two are gonna keep rolling in the hay the way you do, well, in my day that was a sure sign a couple was gonna marry.”

“Well, uh, heh-heh, I just don’t know if-“Soarin began.

“You sayin’ my granddaughter is good enough to lay but not good enough to marry?” Granny accused.

“No! No! It’s just that I don’t know if we’re ready for that kind of commitment yet!”

“Poppycock. Married couples have just as much sex as those who aren’t. Believe me, I should know.”

Soarin could not remember the last time he was this uncomfortable talking about sex. Hell, his own parents weren’t this pushy about marriage!

Big Macintosh was in no mood to discuss this now. He got up and left, hoping to find Twilight and that AJ would be in a better mood later.

Twilight was still on edge from her dream. She moved tentatively around the library, looking like she expected something to jump out and knife her. Spike noticed this, but Twilight kept dodging his questions, blaming it all on nerves from a bad dream, which was technically true. She began secretly hunting for any books about dream interpretation and toyed with the notion of taking up drinking. However, she hadn’t disqualified the notion that some evil force may be targeting her and was currently reading a book on Equestria’s most notorious rogues: Catrina, a cat witch who had once enslaved a town and forced the inhabitants to make witchweed potion, the source of her powers, Grogar, ram wizard king of the city of Tambelon, Squirk, giant octopus who tried to conquer Equestria by flooding it with a gem known as the Flashstone, penguin King Charlatan, who had tried to freeze all of Equestria…

A knock on the door interrupted her readings. She opened the door and, to her surprise, was delighted to find Big Mac standing there with a straw in his mouth and a bouquet in his hand. Twilight took the flowers and let him in.

“What’s all this you’re looking at?” Mac asked, picking up the book she’d been looking at.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just research.” She told him.

“Is it important?”

“No, not really.”

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

“I’d like that.”

The two of them set off through Ponyville together, some looking at them with amazement, others looking at Twilight with jealousy and rage. Once they’d gotten out of town, Mac finally felt safe enough to take Twilight’s hand in his. Both tried to hide their shyness by discussing the other races and their relationships with ponies.

“Ah’m not sayin’ what was the changelings did was right, Ah’m just saying we shouldn’t automatically think they’re completely evil.”

“I see where you’re coming from; after all, no one had heard of them before then and for all we know, they could’ve been starving! Yes, Chrysalis didn’t need to try to conquer Equestria and she deserved what she got, but no race is 100% evil. For all we know, they might think we’re evil.”

“Ah think Ah remember seeing some old posters…’Crush the Bugs!’ ‘Eliminate the Threat to our Love!’ Ah mean, ponies have done bad things too.”

“Yes, I’ve also heard that the griffons live in pretty bad poverty, yet no one’s tried to do anything about it.”

“Speaking of the changelings

“Ugh, please don’t mention the wedding. I don’t know how my brother was put under that spell nor how Cadence was captured, but it was still stupid how the wedding wasn’t postponed due to the threat of invasion, my brother more or less embarrassed himself what with how quickly his soldiers were defeated (not to mention some people said the only reason Celestia made him captain was because he’s my brother), I still can’t believe Celestia was too busy to not realize something was wrong with ‘Cadence’ and it still kind of hurts that no one even tried to listen to me. Yes, I wasn’t very tactful, but…”

Twilight suddenly stopped. She and Mac had come to the graveyard and she was standing right in front of an open grave.

“Twilight?” Mac asked, confused at how intently she stared into the grave.

“Mac,” She finally said. “Do you ever think about dying?”

“Not really.” Mac replied, unsure where that came from.

“Like, do you ever think that life is just too much for you? That it’s too confusing and demanding and whatever people do to fix it, just end up making it worse?” Twilight could hear the singing in her ears again; “Come on, baby, take a chance with us…”

“Twilight, where’s this all coming from?”

“I had a dream…it was so horrid…so vivid…”

“About what?”

“I don’t…really know.” Twilight said, envisioning a coffin in the grave, covered with a shroud emblazoned with her cutie mark.

Mac had no idea how to respond. He just looked at Twilight as she stood over the grave. Finally, she took his hand.

“Let’s just go, all right?” She said as she led him back to Ponyville.

You’re certain about this, Celestia?

Of course. She’s been preparing for it her whole life.

Does she know?

Well, no, but I’m certain she’ll accept.

How certain?

Luna, I know Twilight better than anyone.

Celestia, Twilight had a very disturbing dream recently. I only got a glimpse but I sensed a lot of fear and anger…

Being a hero isn’t easy, Luna.

Neither is being a ruler.

Twilight will be fine! She’s smart, friendly, loving…a perfect princess!

But do you think our subjects will accept it? There was quite an outcry when Cadence reappeared.

Admittedly, keeping Cadence under wraps wasn’t the smartest idea. But our subjects know all about Twilight and all she’s done! They’ll love her!

Are you absolutely certain she and they will accept all of this with no problem at all?

Luna, this is the way we’ve always done it. We’ve always done what’s best for Equestria and I see no reason why we should change now after all this time.

Well, I have been out of the loop for quite some time now, so I suppose you’re right. Don’t fix what isn’t broken, after all.

That’s the spirit. We’ll send her Starswirl’s journal soon.

The Date

View Online

Ever since that fateful meeting in Canterlot, Rarity had been courted by Fancypants, one of the richest men in the entire city. He’d been the first genuinely kind and down to earth stallion Rarity had met in a very long time and she was the first fresh face and personality he’d seen in a long time. The most controversial thing was that Fancy was at least a decade older than Rarity. Rarity’s parents had been skeptical too…until they learned what he was worth and their opinions quickly changed.

Twilight was being informed of this by Rarity, who was attempting to convince her to a double date.

“You’re certain about this, Rarity?” Twilight asked.

“Of course I am, darling. The two of you deserve a good night out on the town and Fancypants is such a generous spirit. You three will get along splendidly.”

“If you say so.”

Twilight soon found herself knocking at the Apple family door, unsure of what she was getting herself into. Granny Smith answered the door.

“Well, howdy-do, Twilight.”

“Hi, Granny. Is Mac home?”

“Upstairs. Applejack beat him to the shower and since her Soarin fella’s here, she ain’t gonna be getting out anytime soon.”

Twilight’s face flushed at the thought of Applejack and her Wonderbolt Adonis partaking in shower sex and hurried in and upstairs.

She saw that his door was open and headed towards it. Peeking in, Macintosh had his back to her and he was naked. Twilight’s mind went blank at the sight of Mac’s perfectly toned red buttocks, branded with a green apple cutie mark, and his bulging calves. He didn’t notice her at all, pulling his pants back on while grumbling about how Applejack was going to hog all the hot water with her humping. Twilight immediately shot away from the door, praying fervently that the burning in her cheeks would stop. While rubbing them, she also realized that she was drooling too.

“Big Mac, it’s me, can I come in?” Twilight managed to say.

“Eeyup.” Mac said. Twilight walked in and sat down on Macintosh’s bed, trying not to focus on his shirtless torso.

“Don’t mind me, Applejack and Soarin got in the shower first and they won’t be leaving anytime soon.”

“They’re that bad?”

“Eeyup. They’re lucky Soarin does his part to help out whenever he comes down. As if Ah’d let him stay if all he did was eat and bang AJ like an old screen door.”

“I, uh, see. Anyway, Mac, I’m here because Rarity wants the two of us to double date with her in Canterlot tonight. Can you make it?”

There was a pause as Mac mentally ran through his options.

“Sure I can…” He finally said.

“Okay, then, I’ll see you tonight.”

As Twilight left, Mac was none too sure about what he’d gotten himself into.

“A date up in Canterlot, huh?” Granny said as she shuffled in. “Well, lucky you.”

“Ah don’t know if it’s a good idea…”

“Poppycock. You’re more than good enough for Canterlot.”

“Aw, shucks, Granny, Ah don’t know anythin’ bout them fancy folk.”

“Quit yer bellyachin’ and jist focus on yer girl, that’s why yer goin’ anyway.”

Macintosh was too busy dealing with his anticipation and dread to correct Granny on her views of his and Twilight’s relationship. As he worked through the day, his thoughts were plagued by all that he had heard about how those who lived in Canterlot absolutely abhorred anything that was different than them. When his work was finished by the end of the day, he went to his closet to find something at least halfway decent, only to find Granny already had something for him.

“Your daddy’s tux. It’s the only thing you’ve got that’s fit to get inta Canterlot.”

“Granny, Ah couldn’t…”

“Ya can and ya will. Remember, those who don’t take advantage of something good risk havin’ it taken away from them.”

Afterwards, Big Macintosh went to the library to collect Twilight. She was waiting for him with her gala dress. The two went to the train station and rode to Canterlot with little conversation. Once they got off, they flagged down a cab.

“Fancy Estate, please.” Twilight said as they got in.

“Got it.” The driver said in a disinterested voice.

The taxi shot off down the road like it was fired from a cannon. It weaved dangerously past other cars, ran several red lights, and nearly mowed down several pedestrians.

“Are you out of your mind?” Twilight shrieked as she and Macintosh were thrown from side to side in the back.

“Mm-hmm, sit tight.” The driver said, neither his expression nor tone changing.

Suddenly, an orange Pegasus guard splattered over the windshield of the taxi. He stuck for a few moments before being blown off, leaving the windshield cracked and bloodied.

“You just hit someone!” Twilight screamed in horror.

“Mm-hmm, don’t worry, he’s fine.” The driver said.

Two guards on the street watched the taxi roar off and then looked at the mangled guard.

“Hey, isn’t that Flash Sentry?” One of them asked.

“I believe it is.” The other said.

“The one who was turned to stone by a cockatrice last week?”


“And was nearly eaten by a hydra the week before that?”


“And got the snot beaten out of him by changelings the week before that?”


“Boy, someone must really have it in for this guy.”


After two minor heart attacks, the taxi dropped the two of them off at the gate of a large opulent mansion. The traumatized couple gave the driver his fare and he roared off. Upon taking a few moments to compose themselves, Twilight pressed the button to open the gates. They walked down a brick road lined with fountains and topiaries until they reached the mansion door. Mac rang the bell and a butler answered.

“May I ask who is calling?” The butler asked.

“We’re here for Fancypants and Rarity.”

“Ah, yes. Right this way, please.”

The butler led them down long hallways, all decked out in furniture and artwork, servants attending to everything. Macintosh was very overwhelmed.

“Twilight! Macintosh! You’re here!” Rarity cried as she came down a large set of marble stairs, followed by a white unicorn with a blue mane and mustache and a build almost like Mac’s.

“Fancy, darling, this Macintosh, Twilight’s date and brother of one of my best friends.” Rarity said once they’d gotten close enough to make introductions.

“A pleasure to meet you, old boy!” Fancypants said jubilantly, shaking Macintosh’s hand.

“Likewise.” Macintosh replied.

“Take any of the rooms upstairs to change. Our dinner reservations are in an hour.”

Big Mac and Twilight went upstairs and went into separate rooms. Mac removed his working clothes and put on his father’s tux. He also combed his mane and even shaved a bit before looking at himself in a full-body mirror. The resemblance to his father was stunning. Mac quickly exited the room, hoping he looked the slightest bit presentable when Twilight came out as well in her gala finery.

“You look amazing, Twilight.” He said meaningfully.

“So do you.” Twilight said, blushing.

The two of them hurried down to the front door where Rarity and Fancy were waiting, Rarity in her gala dress and Fancy in his usual wear. Fancy led them to his limo and they were off.

Soon, the four of them were in one of the best restaurants in all of Canterlot, in full view of the palace.

“Fancypants, party of four.” Fancypants told the maître‘d.

“Right this way, sir.” The maître’d said.

He led the four of them into the dining room which was full of rich folks eating and talking. One of them spotted Twilight and Rarity.

“EEEEEKKKKKK! IT’S THEM!” She screamed in pure horror.

Everyone else turned and saw Twilight and Rarity and their eyes widened in horror. They all fled the restaurant, diving through windows and running through the kitchen, screaming all the while. The four stood in shock.

“Um…your table, sirs, and madams.” The maître’d said awkwardly, giving them the closest table which still had abandoned food on it.

“What just happened?” Twilight asked as she sat down. Fancypants suddenly looked incredibly embarrassed.

“Um…well…let’s just say you have a bit of a…reputation at establishments such as these.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Erm…well, you’ll recall the Grand Galloping Gala? How there was a massive stampede of the animals from the gardens? The Gala ended early because of that and a few ponies were injured, either by trampling or being attacked by frightened animals.”

Twilight got the feeling of her insides freezing.

“The partygoers were quite angry, as I remember.” Fancy continued, despite Rarity’s frantic motions for him to stop. “Quite a few of them went directly to Celestia demanding that you and your friends be punished but Celestia reimbursed them on their tickets as compensation.”

“Oh.” Twilight felt like sinking into the floor.

“And there was also the Garden Party, the guests there were very upset that you and your friends crashed it. They also complained to Celestia for justice and she reimbursed them as well. It’s started a lot of nasty rumors and you and your friends’ relationship with the princess.”

Twilight looked utterly mortified, Macintosh’s eyes flittered back and forth between her and Fancy with an awkward look on his face, and Rarity’s face was in her hands in disbelief that Fancy was still talking.

“Twilight, I know the ponies here have very low opinions of ponies who aren’t as rich as they are and I know that those ponies think that Canterlot is filled with snobs and they are not wrong. But that doesn’t mean you can just disregard their feelings and act however you want because you think they’re snobby. Surely you’d act the same way if someone did the same to you. And I’m not just picking on you, I’d say the same thing to your friends too. If you want to improve relations between different social classes, you should treat others with respect and they’ll see that you’re someone worth respecting. I’m not saying they’ll change their ways immediately, but-”

“Thank you, Fancy!” Rarity interrupted. “That was quite informative! Now, who wants to order? Ooo, this soup looks divine!”

The waiter took their orders, despite being spooked by the evacuation of the restaurant, and the four sat in awkward silence for a bit after he left.

“Fancy, Macintosh’s family are the leading producers of apples in all of Equestria and he’s in charge of the business in Ponyville!” Rarity said, desperately trying to revive conversation.

“Is that right?” Fancypants said. “Respectable occupation, Mr. Macintosh. I have a finger in almost every company in Canterlot.”

“Thank ya kindly, Fancy. We’ve been a cornerstone of Apple production for as long as I can remember.”

“So how did you and Rarity meet?”

“Oh, I happened to be doing so design work in Canterlot, that’s when we met, although he didn’t formally ask me until the…” Rarity stopped and looked at Twilight. “Well, in any case, it was when I was in Canterlot…”

After dinner, the four went to Canterlot Park where they walked down the dirt paths until they reached a large hill where they sat to view the glowing moon. Once there, Fancy and Rarity began kissing passionately. Macintosh and Twilight looked at them awkwardly and then turned towards each other. Frightened and unsure, the two slowly leaned in. Twilight could smell the musk of the fields and the orchard and Macintosh could smell old books and violets. Their lips briefly touched before finally connecting. Nothing in the world could’ve prepared them for this. Twilight felt a strange surge go through her like when she awakened the Element of Magic along with the taste of apples on his full lips. Macintosh felt something similar, only he had no words to describe it or the taste.

They parted, looking absolutely amazed. Fancypants and Rarity looked at the two, bemusedly.

“You never forget your first.” Fancypants chuckled, nudging Macintosh.

It was after midnight when the four returned to Fancypants’ estate.”

“It’s awfully late; you’re more than welcome to stay the night.” He offered.

“We couldn’t impose…” Mac said.

“Nonsense! I’d never dream of sending you out to the station at this hour! The guest bedroom is upstairs and right across from mine. Or rooms if that’s what you would prefer. Just call the staff if you need anything.”

With that, Fancypants escorted the giggling Rarity into the master bedroom, shutting the door behind them. Once they were gone, Twilight let out an audible sigh and went into one of the rooms. Mac followed, sensing she’d entered another funk.

“Well, another instance of my awful mistakes being thrown back in my face.” Twilight groaned, throwing herself on the bed. “What in the name of all that is good and decent is my problem.”

“Now, Twilight, don’t start with that. If anything, those snobs deserved to have their fancy parties crashed.” Mac said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Really? Even if it reinforced their belief that anyone who isn’t from Canterlot is an uncivilized boorish hick?” Twilight said dryly, rolling over to look up at him.

“…okay, ya have a point there. But that still doesn’t excuse them for bein’ so snobby an…aw, let’s just forget about it, all right?”

Macintosh undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He took it off before stopping and thinking.

“Uh, look, Ah’m gonna go ta the other room…”

Twilight just gawked at him. She had seen Big Mac shirtless before, but to see him actually remove it in her presence…something in her mind caught fire. She ripped her dress off, tearing it in several places in her haste, and launched herself at him. Twilight buried her face in his chest, rubbing against the carpet of orange hair and his massive pectorals, her mind making a dim connection to plateaus. She let herself slide southward and began kissing all six of his rock hard abdominals.

Macintosh figured this would happen eventually. Twilight had repressed her sexuality for quite some time and to be with a man like him, well, the dam was sure to burst sooner or later. Nevertheless, he was still shocked, as Twilight was acting like a totally different person, sitting up and planting her back against his chest and then wrapping his arms around her, stroking them and kissing them, making them flex so she could enjoy his biceps. There was also the fact that his pants were becoming tighter by the second…

Then, Twilight suddenly stopped and ducked out his grip. She moved over to a corner of the bed.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” She said dully.

“No, no, it was mah fault, Ah…uh…” Mac said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “Ah’m gonna go. Good night now.”

He quickly ducked out of the room, leaving Twilight alone. She was extremely embarrassed by what she’d done but still wished they had kissed goodnight if nothing else. The evening had been lovely and her first ever kiss had been all she’d imagined and more but the way the elite had fled in abject terror of her still weighed heavily on mind. Twilight opened the minibar and began pulling out the contents. She’d never drank before but she’d have to start somewhere.

Meanwhile, Mac was in bed, jerking off furiously to a fantasy of Twilight dressed like a sexy librarian who had accidentally cast a spell that was making her bust grow at an astonishing rate.

The Descent

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Twilight lay in the library’s basement, feeling like her head was going to explode. Celestia had brought the petrified Discord to her and her friends, asking them to help redeem Discord. Twilight hadn’t believed it: reform Discord? The Spirit of Chaos? The being who had messed with Equestria and the minds of her and her friends, all for a laugh? Twilight’s first impulse was to scream ‘Are you crazy?’ but she quickly beat that thought back, telling herself that the princess had to know what she was doing. There was no way she’d release Discord without any kind of backup plan.

But then there was Celestia’s reason for this: she had a feeling Discord would be useful to them. Really? A feeling? That was it? No impending crisis that would require magic as powerful as Discord’s to combat? Not even Celestia considering that Discord deserved a chance to prove if he was truly evil or not? Just a feeling that he’d be useful for some vague event that Celestia didn’t bother to further elaborate on and may not even happen?

Again, Twilight had bitten back these questions, once again telling herself that Celestia knew what she was doing, but her doubts continued to plague her. Fluttershy had volunteered to keep Discord in her home and who knew what he was doing to her.

It was all too much. Twilight pried up the loose floorboards and grabbed the first bottle she could reach. It had been difficult, learning to drink; so many had burned in her throat, she got dizzy, she threw up, she fainted…

But slowly and surely she got more and more used to it. It actually grew to be comforting, the way the alcohol seemed to just wash everything away. Twilight just prayed Spike never found out…

Spike had known Twilight all his life and he had learned to pick up on when Twilight was freaking out. But now, things seemed to be escalating ever since the Crystal Empire and Twilight seemed to be getting worse and worse. Spike had no idea how he could help Twilight which was not at all helped by her constant denial that anything was wrong. Speaking of which, he hadn’t seen her for hours. Spike got up to look for her and saw light coming from the basement door. Slowly, he approached it and looked inside.

Twilight had stripped to her underwear and was doing something that looked like a combination of dancing and karate moves, like she was listening to some strange music. Suddenly, she whipped around and punched the wall. Twilight collapsed to the ground and looked at her bleeding hand like she had no idea what it was doing. She rubbed the bloody hand over her face, grabbed a nearby bottle and poured its contents over her open mouth before lying down, sobbing.

Spike slowly and quietly closed the basement door and went up to their room. He climbed into his basket and stared at the wall for a long time. It was even longer before he finally fell asleep.

After Spike left, Twilight began crawling around on the floor, trying to find a bottle that wasn’t empty.

“My, my, my, Twilight. Just look at yourself.”

Twilight blinked and turned around. There was Discord, the smuggest of looks on his face.

“What do you want?” was what she wanted to say but what came out was “Vah duh fug duh yuu won?”

“Oh, nothing. Just wanted to chat with everyone’s favorite unicorn.” Discord said. “Although I must say, I’m shocked. Half naked, blood on your face, blind drunk-my goodness, Twilight, what would your loved ones say if they could see you?”

Twilight wanted to argue, but the liquor was making it so hard to think.

“Ah…Ah kin quit enny time Ah wan.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Luhk, shut up! Yuu haff no ahdea vat itsh like ta be me.”

“I’m certain. But as much I’d love to decipher your drunk ramblings, I’ll just get right to the heart of the matter.”

Discord reached down and his hand went inside Twilight’s skull. His face bunched up in concentration as he looked through Twilight’s thoughts.

“Hmm…my, my, my, you have been through quite the mental hell, haven’t you, Twilight? No wonder you’ve taken to drinking, trying to silence the screaming in your head.”

Twilight roughly pulled away from him.

“Get out ma head! Yur not gonna du any uh yer mind thingies…” She angrily slurred.

“At this rate, Twilight, I won’t have to do anything. You and Celestia will have completely destroyed you, mind and body.” Discord said with an evil smirk.

Twilight wanted to say or do something but it was then that she finally blacked out.

The next morning, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Rarity were at Twilight’s door, waiting for her. Applejack was knocking for a third time.

“This ain’t like them to take this long to answer.” She said. The others nodded.

Finally, the door opened a crack and Spike peeked out.

“Oh, it’s you guys.”

“Hey, Spike. Where’s Twilight?” Rainbow asked.

“Oh, uh…I’ll go get her.” Spike said uncomfortably.

He ducked back inside and came back, leading her to the door.

Everyone reeled back in shock. Twilight’s mane was barely combed, her eyes were red with deep bags, her clothes were dirty and wrinkled and she only looked partially aware of her surroundings.

“Whoa, Twilight, are you okay?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“I’m fine.” She muttered.

“Twilight, you look like death warmed over.” Rainbow Dash commented.

“I’m fine.” Twilight repeated as she stumbled out her door. Her feet hit each other and she crashed into Applejack, who got a good whiff of her.

“Land sakes, Twilight! Ya smell like an open bar and worse! Have ya bathed recently?”

“Dunno. Maybe. I dunno. Let’s go. Gotta make sure Discord hasn’t eaten Fluttershy or anything…” Twilight monotoned as she tried to keep walking.

“Fluttershy can handle herself.” Applejack said as she pushed Twilight back inside and into a chair while Dash and Pinkie carried in Rarity, who’d fainted upon seeing Twilight. “Right now, you seem to be the one with a bigger problem.”

As Rainbow set Rarity on the couch, her hoof struck an empty bottle. She picked it up and looked at the label, identifying it as whiskey.

"Twilight, when did you start drinking this stuff?"

"It's nothing, just a little drinking."

“Twilight, this isn’t just drinking! This is heavy stuff! Like the kind you drink at parties, not every single day!” She exclaimed.

“I told you, it’s nothing! I’m fine!”

“No, it’s not nothing and you’re not fine! What’s going on, Twilight? You prided yourself on looking studious but now you’re becoming…this! And we are not leaving until you tell us what’s going on!” Dash said stubbornly.

“It’s…it’s just that…things have been getting really hard lately…” Twilight reluctantly admitted. “And I just thought…this could help me…forget for a little while.”

“Is this about the Crystal Empire and Discord?” Applejack asked. “Twilight, if these things are driving you to drink like this, we’ve got to tell the princess and let her know…”

“No! Don’t tell her! Not her! Anyone but her! Please!” Twilight shrieked, falling to her knees and clinging to Applejack, her screams turning into sobs.

Shocked, Applejack, Dash and Pinkie turned to Spike, who’d been standing in the corner.

“Spike…?” Pinkie asked.

“It’s…it’s like she’s a different person.” Spike said, running his hand over his head. “She barely does anything except hiding herself away and drinking incessantly. I don’t know what to do.”

The three looked at each other grimly.

“Okay, okay, not her, but we’ve got to tell somebody, Twilight! We’re not going to let you do this to yourself.” Applejack said, helping Twilight to her feet.

“You two stay with Rarity and Spike and then go over to Fluttershy’s. I’ll handle Twilight.”

Applejack placed several of the empty bottles on the table in front of Mac and Granny. She had given the library a thorough search and found Twilight’s secret liquor supply. There’d been enough to supply New Year’s parties for the entire town hidden in the basement. After that, she’d taken Twilight and Spike home with her, put Twilight to bed, left Spike with Apple Bloom and called in Big Macintosh and Granny Smith to talk with them about Twilight.

“These were just a few that Ah found.” Applejack said, indicating the bottles. “She’s been livin’ in her basement, judging by how many of those were down there. It’s…it’s astoundin’. Ah know Twilight has a lot on her plate but this? Who in Equestria would do this to themselves?”

Granny took one of the bottles and looked at it somberly.

“This brand here was mah pappy’s favorite, even though it ended up killin’ him. When we buried him, the stuff had turned his liver into a pickled herring. And a cousin of mine, his orchard was hit by a locust swarm. It never recovered and his farm was seized by the bank. Crawled into a bottle and only came out long enough to leave himself swingin’ from the rafters of his barn. Mah point is this stuff is pure poison if ya let it control ya and Ah’m sorry ta say that yer friend is already headin’ down that path. Ya gotta do somethin’, AJ, before it’s too late.”

“Don’t worry, Granny, Ah intend to do somethin’ about it. We’ll keep Twilight here for a while and make sure she sobers up. Ah gotta remind her that she’s got friends here and that she can talk ta us instead of trying to get herself blind drunk.”

Big Macintosh just sat there in quiet disbelief. He couldn’t believe that Twilight would go to such extremes. He knew she had problems but he had clearly underestimated them. The only way to help her was to get to the root of her problems, which he knew would take time, not to mention helping her kick her growing alcohol addiction. It tortured him inside at the thought of Twilight doing such things to herself. Didn’t she know there were those who loved her? Didn’t she know that he…

His thoughts were interrupted by Applejack looking out the window and yelling “What in Sam Hill is that flood out there?”

Author's Note

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I have to come clean with you guys, I've just lost my spark with story. I'm sure I've disappointed you but I figured it would be better to tell you than keep you hanging. I'm thinking it was a bad idea to start putting Twilight into the whole mental anguish crud and flogging the dead horse that is twilicorn drama. If anyone wants to adopt this story, they're welcome to it.