The Truth About Farmboys

by justanothername

Admittance and Advice

“No, no, the sweat you get used to, it’s the smell that drives you crazy.”
That was Rainbow Dash, talking to Rarity. Rarity was working on a new design, dressed in a plain white and designer black pants, while Rainbow Dash lounged in a dark blue sports bra and shorts.
Rarity was about to reply to Rainbow Dash when the door to her boutique burst open and Twilight appeared. The two ponies gawked at her, shocked.
“I need your help.” Twilight said frantically.
“About what?” The shaken Rarity asked.
“I’ve had this constant presence buzzing in my mind. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t study, can’t concentrate, can’t relax…!” Twilight babbled as she paced back and forth. “It’s driving me crazy!”
“So what else is new?” Dash muttered.
Rarity grabbed Twilight’s shoulders, making her stop pacing.
“What is it that’s got you in such a state, Twilight?” Rarity asked.
“It’s Big Macintosh!” Twilight cried. “I can’t get him out of my head! I think about him all the time! With his shirt off, with his clothes off, holding me still as he does steamy things to me in the back of his truck! And every time I do, I get all hot and excited…all over my body! I need help.”
Dash and Rarity stared at her blankly.
“Oh, my dear Twilight.” Rarity said. “You’ve got a crush on Macintosh.”
“Say what now?”
“I don’t blame ya.” Dash said, grinning lecherously. “Mac’s the sexiest guy in town. Definitely wouldn’t mind going a few rounds with him, if you know what I mean.”
“Rainbow Dash, please.” Rarity scolded.
Rarity led Twilight to a chair and sat her down.
“Now, Twilight, while I definitely agree that Macintosh is the definition of dreamboat, I’m afraid you will have a little trouble in getting his attention.”
“Getting his attention? But I barely know him! All I know is that he’s Applejack’s brother!” Twilight protested.
“I’ll get to that, Twilight.” Rarity said, patting her shoulder. “But you should know that Big Macintosh is the most sought after man in Ponyville.”
“Oh yeah.” Rainbow Dash said. “Practically every straight single mare isn’t legally allowed within a mile of Sweet Apple Acres. Though I gotta say, it’s really funny when Granny Smith starts shooting at ponies and Applejack throws them over the fence, especially when the girls they’re kicking out are naked.”
“So you’re saying I shouldn’t even try?”
“Oh no, Twilight. You’re Applejack’s friend and you’ve never sexually harassed Macintosh in any way. I’m certain she’ll allow you to pursue him.”
“But like I said, I barely know him.”
“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take a chance. He may surprise you.”
Twilight looked down at the floor
“But I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never even had a crush before.” She said softly.
“There’s a first time for everything, darling.” Rarity said reassuringly. “You never know, he might be the one you never knew you were looking for.”
“So what do I do now?”
“Well, I suppose the first thing to do is talk to Applejack. You’ll have to let her know how you’ve been…erm, feeling.”
After Twilight left, Rainbow Dash got up and stretched.
“Man, all this talk about Mac has really gotten me hot. I’m gonna go look for Thunderlane, he’s always ready and willing a ‘private training’ session.”
“How classy.” Rarity said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “I can’t imagine what you see in each other.”
“Well, he likes to spank me-“
“Don’t tell me that! Don’t tell me!”
A half hour later, after Twilight had managed to calm herself, she knocked on the door of the Apple home.
“Ah, howdy, Twilight!” Applejack said when she answered. “What brings you back here?”
“I need to talk to you, AJ.”
“Sure thing. Come on in.”
Applejack led Twilight through the humble halls of the house, decorated with pictures of various Apple family members until they got to the kitchen.
“Thanks again for bringing those books up.” Applejack said. “Apple Bloom can’t get enough of those Daring Do’s, Granny really loves those old romance novels, and Big Mac’s plowing through those really thick ones you gave him.”
“You mean the Dickens and the Twain books?” Twilight asked, surprised and a little intrigued.
“I think so. They’re a bit too old for my tastes. Hang on.”
Applejack cleared a bunch of papers from the kitchen table and set them on a countertop.
“Sorry. Paperwork for a restraining order.”
“Restraining order?”
“Carrot Top snuck in and tried to pull a naked apron on Mac. And with my apron!” Applejack snorted angrily as she poured some cider. “I swear to Celestia, what is wrong with these mares? Mac ain’t the only stallion in Ponyville, yet they throw themselves at him like he’s the last creature on the planet with a dick! And people think he’s weird for letting me put these orders out. How’d they like it if random strangers broke into their homes to seduce one of their siblings? And don’t even get me started on what this could do to Apple Bloom. If Mac was a mare, everyone would agree that what’s happening is disgusting, but no, he’s a guy so he’s gotta love porking random mares that disregard his family’s privacy! Ugh! So anyway, what brings you here, Twilight?”
“I came to talk about Macintosh, Applejack.” Twilight said.
“What about him?”
“Well…how can I say this? Lately I’ve been having…thoughts about him.”
“What kind of thoughts?” Applejack asked, eyebrows raised.
“Well, it’s the kind of thoughts that make one…excited…down there. Now, AJ, before you say anything, I know Mac and I barely know each other, but maybe we could give it a try?”
Applejack stared at Twilight for a while and sighed.
“All right, Twilight, I spent a good few minutes talking about how my family is constantly bothered by a bunch of horny mares who want Mac to get between their legs. I do believe that you do want to go steady with Macintosh; I’ve known you for a while now and this is probably the first time you’ve ever had feelings for a guy?”
“Mac’s a nice guy and he’s a lot smarter than he looks, and despite what you may have heard, he’s as much of a virgin as you are. He’ll be good to you and he’ll try his hardest to do right by you, so try not to worry a whole lot, alright?”
Deep in the orchard, so deep that the Apples barely ventured there anymore, Mac was jerking off furiously. It was the safest place he could think of, not in the house or barn and deep enough so that hopefully no one saw him there. Macintosh may have been chivalrous but that didn’t mean he had no sexual drive and this was the best way to relieve it. He’d be lying if he said he was never once tempted by any of the mares who seduced him. The truth was, he was always tempted to succumb to his baser desires and please those mares to their fullest extent. But the better part of him always won out; his family did not treat sex frivolously and frankly, he was not willing to go to the altar with a shotgun at his back.
In the midst of his relief, he heard the faint sound of Applejack’s voice calling him. Fortunately, he was done by now which was good because Applejack would definitely raise all kinds of hell if she caught him doing this (not that she’d done similar; Mac knew what she did with those magazine pictures of her Wonderbolt boyfriend and she was not as quiet as she thought she was). He wiped off his hand, pulled his pants up, and walked towards Applejack’s voice.
“What in tarnation were you doing all the way out there?” Applejack asked him when he was close enough.
“Timberwolf. I was able to chase him off.” Mac lied smoothly.
Applejack shot him a disbelieving look, but didn’t press the issue.
“Mac, you remember Twilight, right?” Applejack beckoned at Twilight, who was blushing furiously as her eyes darted over Mac’s chiseled torso.
“Eeyup, I do.”
“Well, Twilight wants to get to know ya better.”
Mac did a double take.
“Say what now?”
Applejack cast a look at the still-blushing Twilight and dragged Mac aside, pulling his head down so she could whisper.
“Look, Mac, Twilight’s a nice girl.” Applejack said. “She’s high-strung, wound too tight, and more than a little anal-retentive, but she’s also smart, she’s kind, and she likes a lot of the stuff you do, only she doesn’t know it yet.”
“I believe that’s all true.” Macintosh whispered back. “But why make us get together like this?”
“For one thing, Twilight’s one of the very few mares who haven’t tried to molest you, she’s got me and the girls for friends but she’s still stressed and jumpy a lot of the time and I think a nice guy might help her a bit, and you have practically no friends due to all the mare craziness around you. It’ll be good for both of you!”
Mac scratched the back of his head.
“Well, if you think so…”
“I know so.”
With that, Applejack pulled Big Mac back over to Twilight, who was still blushing.
“All right, Twilight, I cleared everything up with Big Mac. He’d be more than happy to spend time with ya.”
Twilight shook her head as if to clear it, swallowed hard, and extended her hand.
“It’s very nice to officially make your acquaintance, Big Macintosh.” She said formally.
“Likewise, Miss Twilight.” He replied, taking her hand and shaking it. As he did, he again marveled at how soft and delicate her hands were while she noted how powerful and gentle his were.
The handshaking went for a long minute until Applejack finally cut it off.
“Well! Now that that’s settled, how about Big Mac shows ya his books, Twilight?” Applejack suggested.
“Books? I like books.” Twilight said, mentally slapping herself for saying something so stupid.
“Follow me.” Big Mac said, leading Twilight back to the farmhouse. Twilight’s eyes remained fixed on Mac’s denim clad buttocks the whole way.
“And for Pete’s sake, Mac, put a shirt on when ya get there!” Applejack yelled after him.