• Member Since 29th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen February 4th

Flutterfan457


T

This story is a sequel to Chaos is my Business, and Business...Could be better...


Discord's wish scheme has had one major success in his eyes. However, what was intended as little more than a fun pass time may become something more for Big Macintosh and Spike. Will they work out the new feelings forming and make something special?

This is a sequel to Chaos is my Business, and Business...Could be better...written with permission from Blood Brandy. Please read that first since this picks up right where the original ends.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/164610/chaos-is-my-business-and-businesscould-be-better

Big thanks to Pinkiepiefox for rediting the last chapter.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 78 )

Discord smiled smugly and fluttered his eyes. Applejack stayed silent while her mind processed what she learned. She wanted to question Big Mac further, but felt the whole family should know. Not to mention Discord had put her in a foul mood.

Shouldn't that be FOAL mood? :ajsmug:

Please sir, can we have more?

A good start and not automatically a hook-up, which is good. This is going to take a fair amount of getting used to for a lot of folks, but right now most especially Spike. And even he admits he feels awkward. even if it's just a physical attraction (Which, at the moment, it mostly seems to be, much like his initial attraction to Rarity)

3910398

Oh, don't be so foalish :trixieshiftright:

I had hoped someone would do more on this story... I'd have also loved it if the writer that first made the Discord story would wright more... I'm sure there is quite a lot that he could do with that, that would be amusing! All the same thank you for wrighting this story and getting permission to write it. Its entertaining.... :pinkiehappy:

3910430
You earn bonus points for the veiled Oliver Twist reference!

I somehow want more of this slightly more then Kung Fury.

You really need to get a proof-reader. I noticed more than a few words stuck together, and messed up grammar. It's nice you wanted to get this out, but you shouldn't let the quality be compromised in the process.

"Let's see. We got the ink wells, an order of quills, the-"

Technically, a period marks the end of a quotation line; ideally, you should either switch the punctuation mark or split it completely into two seperate thoughts. Overall this is a minor gripe, something that would make a grammar nazi twitch, but most people aren't going to bat an eye. Feel free to ignore it completely.

Applejack gritted her teeth furiously and looked like she was ready to charge and strangle Discord.

Personally I think just "grit" sounds better, a minor gripe.

"Well, since you asked so nicely. I had an idea to put my talents to good use."

See first suggestion.

Applejack pulled her hoof back, ready to punch Discord in the face, but she was stopped by Big Mac who pulled her sister back.

Comma after Mac, if you feel you have to many commas in that sentence already you might want to switch up that sentence a bit.

"Also, she's had a little crush on scales here.

Add quotation marks after the period.

Discord' grip

Discord's grip.

"Big Mac. We...we need to get home. I think the family needs to be told about this."

See first suggestion.

"Enjoy,my dear!"

Space between the comma and "my".

"It's okay Spike. You don't have to if you're not ready. When you want to talk, I'll listen."

See first suggestion.

"It only got worse with puberty. Ma and Pa said that I would start to notice girls , but...I never...I noticed other colts more, and I felt like I should be different. I never really felt right with my own body."

Remove the space between "girls" and the comma, see first suggestion, I'm fairly certain that something is wrong with those ellipses, but I don't know enough about them to make a judgement call.

"What in the hay could I say?! That I didn't want to be a stallion and change my whole body? That's not something anypony can do, Applebloom. until Discord started his wish tent, I...it was just something I had to deal with."

See first suggestion.

Big Mac looked over herself, thinking if she really did feel better as a woman. After a moment, she smiled slightly.

Are you sure you don't mean "mare"? Woman is just a little confusing is all.

"Honestly, yes. I mean, it hasn't been long enough to really know for sure, but I really do feel more comfortable with myself. I...I understand if it doesn't seem right to y'all, but this...I need this."

See first suggestion.

"Yeah. You're still Big Mac, just a little different."

See first suggestion.

Granny Smith wanted to answer, but honestly didn't have any. Pinkie continued.

Remove one of the spaces between "Pinkie" and "continued".

Applebloom gave Big Mac a big hug which she happily returned.Applejack and Granny Smith joined in a second later and Big Mac wrapped her huge forelegs around her family in group hug. After they broke the hug, everyone settled into a pleasant conversation.

Space needed between the period and "Applejack".

"Not quite. Apparently, Big Mac has a soft spot for little Spike and gave him a big kiss."

See first suggestion.

"I understand being excited and getting caught up in the moment when there's a good looking fella about, but you can't just toss yourself at him. Ponies will think you're a hussy and take advantage of you."

Too many spaces between the period and Ponies, see first suggestion.

"I'll teach you how to handle boys like a proper mare. Make sure you do it right."

See first suggestion.

"Might wanna wait before you try anything though. I think you scared the dickens out of the poor boy."

See first suggestion.

PHEW! *wipes off sweat with a rag* I have a whole new respect for my Beta now, that was a lot harder than it looked. Okay, so... things to say, I'm glad you've decided to "pick up the torch" as it were, and look forward to see where you're going with this. I sincerely hope this helps you out.

The story LIVES :yay:

Riz

So correct me if I'm wrong.

Discord turns Big Mac to a mare in the 1st fic and here she(he?) has a crush on Spike ?

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just what I wanted a sequel!!!!

3913201 You are frigging awesome to go through that so thoroughly. I tried to double check this before posting but obviously some things I still am not certain of in writing. Thank you.

3910481 That's a problem I see with a lot of Spike ship fics. They just have him in love with someone without any explanation of what happened with Rarity and how he got together with someone else.


3910481
3910398
Pun-ishment! Oh the Hu-mane-ity! :trollestia:

3910578 Thank you. Though I understand the original author's reluctance. Sometimes when something turns out really good, it's hard to follow it up with a worthy result. Like trying to catch thunder twice.

3911292 This is more fun than a movie about Swedish martial arts, time travel and a kung fu Adolf Hitler. Holy hell, I musta done good.

I am conflicted but mostly curious. Definitely gotta see how this goes! fav'd

3914526 *nods* Mmhm... That does make since...

3914522 Oh please. It's a Rarity to find such a (Twillight) Sparkling pun. :raritywink: :twilightsmile:

3914517
It was no trouble at all, I'm glad I could help. :twilightsmile:

This has peaked my interest please do update more.

I typically avoid stories with transgendered characters. On the other hand, this and its source address a legitimate difficulty in a manner that isn't immediately cringeworthy.
I'm keeping an eye on this, so do update soon.

Good chapter, hope to see more soonish. Or later. Whichever ends up better.

Adorable chapter, and lol to the reference to Simple Ways. XD

Epic but still take your own advise dude Big mac needs a Name change for the new gender

3986463
Eh, I don't feel that she needs a new name. She's still the same pony, just with different parts.

3986507 y abut how it sound if you were having sex with a ex guy who still kept the name Jim in my perspective that would be weird as fuck. And besides 90% of all sex changes = new name to mach

3986544
I just felt linke Big Mac was his/her nickname to begin with. So referring to her as Big Mac changes nothing.

I hope we can see more wish-granting shenanigans soon.

3986760 Not sure about that, but I will have a little joke at the end involving Discord.

3986772
Aww, the shenanigans were kinda why I started watching this. after all, if the title is 'Business is Booming', then it makes sense that it's a continuation of the previous, not a spin-off.

3986808
That would be fine. I thought you meant a name change for his nickname. I'm perfectly fine with Big Macerana.

The only thing that bothered me was the very last paragraph....

Twilight left Spike and went upstairs to bed. Spike continued to think about Big Mac as he finished the dishes. Spike finished his work and went upstairs to bed. Spike saw Twilight was fast asleep as he crawled into his basket. For a short while, Spike layed back and let his mind wander, still going to Big Mac. It was odd. A few hours ago, Spike felt very awkward about her. Now, after a hug and a look in the eye, Spike wanted her more than anything.

Spike, Spike Spike, Spike, Spike! That word has no meaning to me now... I recemend changing a few SPIKE's inthe middle to things such as... He. His, The Baby Dragon... Just my thought though... Other then that the chapter was lovely...:heart:

:pinkiehappy:

3988415 That's a bad habit I have. If it's not overusing the name, it's overusing he/she. :derpytongue2:

3988421 *nods* Its easy to do... But its only in the last paragraph and does not seam to happen thoughout the rest of the story... I just thought i'd point it out is all... :pinkiehappy:

"N-no offense Rarity, but I don't look good in overalls and a straw hat."

Well, I don't know about that. To me, Rarity looked hot.

"I wish I could be like you, Big Mac."

What? Fluttershy wants to be a guy?

Speaking of Big Mac, shouldn't she get a new name? Big Mac just doesn't have that feminine ring to it. However, it should still be apple related.

3988449 Everyone seemed to get a kick out of Rarity trying to be rural, so Big Mac was just teasing her. Fluttershy meant she wished she could have the courage to speak out her feelings like Big Mac is now. I don't know about a name change. That idea was brought up in the original story.

Fluttershy smiled and looked at Big Mac with eyes full of admiration.
"I wish I could be like you, Big Mac."
"Nah, I ain't some big hero, Fluttershy. I...I just got a lucky break, thanks to Discord."

Chapter 3: Fluttershy gets a sex-change from her pal.

4065631 technically that's already happened in the show with Flutterguy.

This actually really interesting. Good sequel.

4066110 But this time it will actually be changing genders and not just her voice. That would make for an interesting chapter. Flutters likes Big Mac but is afraid to tell him but now that Big Mac is Red Gala or Big Maccarina Flutters asks Discord to change her into a stallion. Oh and one more thing. *Clears throat* MOOOOAAAARRRR!!!!!!

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