The Race to End it All...
Celestia sat in the noon sun accompanied by her sister, Luna, plus Twilight and her friends. They sat on a picnic blanket covered with plates that were previously piled high with food.
“Thank you all for inviting me and Luna. It's nice to get out of the Castle every now and then.” Celestia lowered her tea with her horn.
“Yes, sister, it is nice.” Luna agreed.
“Thank you princesses. It was nice of you to drop by” Twilight said with an appreciative smile. Celestia looked to her sun and sighed.
“You know, it's hard to appreciate the finer things in life when you are tasked with so much responsibility, right, Twilight?” Twilight shook her head and agreed nervously.
“Yeah, got all these responsibilities. Honestly I don’t know how I have time for anything.” Celestia giggled at her former student.
“It's nice to see that the pressures of the crown haven't changed you at all.” Blissful silence soon fell upon the group as they bathed in the warmth of the sun.
Rainbow Dash jumped to her hooves. “I'm boooored,” she shot into the air “c'mon, let's play a game or something."
“Can't... too full...” Pinkie Pie groaned.
“Aww, but Pinkie, you never get full," whined Rainbow Dash.
“Ugh, let me go walk it off." The pink pony rose slowly to her hooves and walked off.
“Doesn't anypony want to do something other than lounge all day?”
“Ah thought that your whole thing was eat, sleep, fly, and be awesome.” Applejack kicked back on Fluttershy, tilting her hat down.
“I've eaten, and I've slept. I wanna fly and be awesome right now!”
“Rainbow, please. Today is such a beautiful day. Come down and enjoy it,” Rarity pleaded.
“I'm back!” They all turned their attention to a mountain of outdoor toys and activities. In an instant the cumbersome heap was neatly organized.
“Alrighty. What do you guys wanna play? Soccer, tag, ooh, ooh. What about hide and seek?”
“Settle down, you two,” Celestia lightly giggled. “Like Rarity said, today is a beautiful day. Please relax." She stretched her massive wings and settled down on the quilt. As she did so Rainbow Dash examined her wings, developing a deviously clever plan.
“Princess Celestia?”
“Yes?" She lifted her head curiously.
“Do you ever fly?” Rainbow Dash landed, nearly stepping on a sleeping Spike.
“Yes, why do you ask?”
Rainbow Dash approached her. “I've noticed your wings are bigger than mine,” she pointed a hoof to Celestia's folded wing.
Celestia looked to her wing and unfurled it, revealing the bright white feathers that lay hidden beneath. “That they are."
“They must be really heavy."
Celestia flexed her wing some. “I suppose they look quite heavy to you. I've had these all my life."
“Bet they don't get you much speed...” Rainbow Dash mumbled.
“What was that now?”
“I said that I bet they slow you down,” Rainbow spoke up.
“Oh no, not in the least."
“Would you like to prove that?”
“Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?” Twilight peeked up at her.
“What I’m doing is challenging the princess to a race." All who weren’t napping gasped.
“Huh, wha-” Spike groggily lifted his head.
“Rainbow Dash, I don’t think you can do that.” Rarity turned to Twilight “can she do that?”
“I-I don’t know-" Twilight turned to Celestia- "can she?”
Celestia rose to her hooves. “She can, but it was not a wise decision."
“Are you going to banish her?!” Pinkie Pie hugged her sky-blue friend tightly.
“What? No, no, not at all."
“Then why did you say it wasn’t a wise decision?” Rainbow Dash freed herself from Pinkie’s grasp.
“Who do you think did the first sonic rainboom?" Rainbow Dash stared at her, mouth agape. “I’ll accept your challenge, just know that you will not win.”
“We’ll see about that." Rainbow Dash crouched, readying herself for takeoff while Celestia elegantly stretched her wings.
“Wait, are you two going to do this now becau-” Twilight was cut short by Rainbow Dash rocketing into the sky, becoming nothing but a blur. She looked to Celestia who stood with her wings outstretched.
“Uuh, princess?” Then with one powerful downbeat of her massive wings Celestia was gone in a flash.
Luna stood besides Twilight. “My sister has never been one to shy away from a challenge. I do hope that your friend will walk away unharmed."
Rainbow Dash took the lead, soaring through the skies cockily. “Ha, beating her will be a breeze." Confident that Celestia was lumbering behind her, she decided to slow down and practice one of her favourite tricks: flying backwards. “No worries,” sighed an arrogant Rainbow Dash. Cutting her eyes open for less than a second, she noticed a small glint of bright light approaching her. “What the-” There Celestia appeared.
“Hello,” she smiled smugly.
“What! Wait, how did you ju-”
“We never discussed where we were racing to,” Celestia poked, copying Rainbow Dash’s previous trick.
“I- I, uh…”
“How about Canterlot? We’re already a considerable distance from Ponyville.”
Rainbow Dash blinked some more and shook her head with a scowl. “You’re on!”
“May the best pony win.”
They readied themselves. “How did she fly so fast? She must’ve done at least three sonic rainbooms before catching up with me! There's no way I'm gonna be able to beat her!” She shook her head. “No! She is not going to beat me. I'm the fastest ever!”
“Are you ready?”
Rainbow Dash nodded.
“... Go!”
Silence filled the thick air, gravity seemed to fail, and every second felt like an eternity as two of the fastest beings in Equestria shot off in twin spectral trails on route to the royal city.
Back in Ponyville, everyone was conversing where the two speedsters left them. Well, everyone except for Spike.
“Everypony, everypony!” A twitchy Pinkie Pie came bounding around in circles.
“Oh, what now?” Spike buried his face in the quilt.
“We need to find somewhere to hide!”
Twilight looked at her hyperactive friend with confusion. “Why-”
“Because-" There was a low thunder-like rumble.
“That's odd, the pegasi said that the weather would be clear today,” Rarity stated.
“That's no storm. It's-"
“Look,” Spike mumbled, pointing a stubby claw to the sky, following two rapidly moving streams of light.
“Everypony hide!” Pinkie burrowed into the ground. The duo sped by in an instant. Silence followed their passing, but that didn't last. Seconds later, a powerful shockwave ripped through the land tossing everything about like toys. Luna fought against the wave, encasing Twilight and her friends in a protective shield. She lowered the shield once the worst of the shock passed.
“Is everypony unharmed?” A mismatched cacophony of whines and groans followed.
“We're okay, princess.” Twilight sighed.
“Thank the stars.”
“Was that them?”
“I'm afraid so.” she opened her wings. “Excuse me, Twilight Sparkle, I have business with my sister." With that, she took to the sky, leaving Twilight with her friends.
Pinkie Pie sprouted up from the ground. “Told ya so!"
Rainbow Dash and Celestia were neck and neck, constantly trading positions. Celestia looked to Rainbow Dash, a malicious grin growing across her face.
“Thank you for the challenge, but I believe it is time for me to take my leave!”
“W- what?!"
Celestia, with one powerful stroke of her wings, disappeared in a blur, as Rainbow Dash's face went from strained to pure horror. Seeing her chances for winning slipping away, she began to rapidly gain altitude. Fighting the air pressure and gravity, she pressed on until she was above the clouds, looking down over a curving Equestria.
“It's now or never...”
She closed her eyes and focused on her heart-beat. Slowly, she began falling faster and faster, cutting through the air like a knife. Moments later, her signature shock cone appeared in front of her. Then boom! An explosion of rainbow erupted behind her as she left a blazing spectral trail across the sky. Canterlot was nearing and so was Celestia. Growing a devious smirk of her own she swooped down, trailing the princess.
“Bye, Princess Slow-poke!” she taunted as she began to overtake Celestia.
“Rainbow Dash! Please, don't overexert yourself!”
“What's that? I don't speak second place!”
Rainbow Dash pushed ahead, finally gaining lead over Celestia, which didn't last long. From the initial sprint to now, Rainbow Dash had been losing a lot of strength. Now, in the final stretch, her worn-out body couldn't take much more. Her wings stiffened, spots dominated her vision, and her breaths grew shallow and faint.
Then, just like that, she lost consciousness. Celestia noticed that her trail was slowly dropping to the ground.
“Oh no!” In one final burst of speed, Celestia caught Rainbow Dash before it was too late, but she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. Unable to come to a sudden halt in fear of harming Rainbow Dash, she came crashing through her own bedroom window. She slid on her back across the glass strewn floor, stopping at her door.
“Oh... my... me,” she gasped, sprawled out with Rainbow Dash on her belly. Suddenly the door flew open, striking her in the head.
“Sister, there thou are! We need to talk!”
Rainbow Dash woke up in a daze. She was in a white room, lying on her back. The moment her vision focused, she knew exactly where she lay. Sitting up she looked around the room finding her bed crowded by all her friends.
“Oh, what happened?” she looked around the room.
“You're in the hospital," Twilight started.
“I know that much.”
“Celestia told us that you pushed yourself too hard."
“Ah hope it was worth it...” Applejack crossed her hooves.
“Why do you say that?”
“Well...” Twilight paused, “you and Celestia kinda caused extensive damage over fifty square miles of land.”
“Including some parts of mah orchard...”
“Sorry guys, I guess I got carried away...”
“We both did.” Celestia stood in the doorway.
“Princess, what're you doin' here?”
“I'm overseeing and helping out with any repairs. It’s a form of punishment from Luna. "She walked up to Rainbow Dash. “I'm sorry. I let my competitive edge get the better of me, and I shouldn't have made you push past your limit."
“No problem, Princess."
“If it's any consolation, you are the fastest mare I've seen in centuries. Not many can hold their own against me."
“Did you guys hear that? I'm awesome enough to go hoof to hoof against Princess Celestia!”
Celestia warmly smiled. “Well, I best be off; there's a lot of work to be done.” She left the room.
“You're fixin' mah orchard,” Applejack frowned, causing her friends to burst into laughter.
“I'm serious."
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I like it. Nice concept, well written, no obvious errors. Could have used a little more description and words aside from dialogue, but that's just my personal preference, it's fine without it. Overall, I really liked it.
Seriously, awesome concept for a story. All the props to you!
Well written and a good story. Pretty good fic I say.
Heh, nice though I had been hoping you'd do something with the implication that Luna beat the two of them to Canterlot. She was waiting behind the door after Celestia crashed. Yeah, you got teleportation magic, blah, blah. But where's the fun in that?
WHAT? IMPOSSIBLU.
new2.fjcdn.com/comments/1+ponies+are+real+2+mlp+fan+or+_c06da4315d9f30abc371f0126f06c7c7.jpg
Light speed : 299 792 458 m/s
Speed of Sound : 340.29 m/s
At best, according to death battle (Which I will use with impunity) It says Rainbow Dash at best goes to Mach 10 which is 3 402.9 m/s.
5767991
5767991 Thank you for beating me to this.
5767998
IF THIS DOESN'T CONVINCE YOU. THIS WILL
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/189/f/4/dora_demotivational_by_crazyguy225-d6cm62b.jpg
WAIT WHAT? I WIN!!
5768002
Well, someone had to be the thick-headed idiot who couldn't understand that this was a joke. Or it was not to be taken literally.
5768005 Yup! And thanks for not letting it be me :P
~ Neon Lights
Hello. My name is Matthew DePointe, founder of the review group The Fimfiction Bureau of Imaginationists . Here is the review that you requested:
1.)
. Castle shouldn't be capitalized.
2.) The story is actually really well written. It just has some minor grammar issues, like missing a comma or period, and maybe some verb-conjugation issues. I love the character development, the dialogue between the characters, and the general mood of the story. Not only do I understand what Rainbow Dash is feeling when she is bored, I can understand the involvement of the other characters in her race. You did a good job of describing the scene.
3.) Barring the minor grammar issues, I'd rate this 7.5/10 based on the above description. Congradulations.
A billion bits to you,
Matthew DePointe
I liked it!
There's the odd grammar error here and there, but they're probably imperceptible to anyone who isn't a grammar nerd such as myself.
I would suggest a tag change though, I'd say this fic leans more towards "Slice of Life" than "Adventure".
Imagine if Celestia really did travel at the speed of light... She would experience linear time as 0. Essentially meaning she exists at all points of time at the same time. One trillion years in the future? Haven't aged a second. The Big Bang? Pfff. Best anti-aging method ever. She also wouldn't be conscious, but eh, details.
-But Light's faster
Well, this is nice enough one-shot. Nice idea, no real technical problems with the writing etc. But especially the racing bit felt awfully tell-y. Prime example being Rainbow flying along just fine, and then suddenly passing out from exhaustion. Would have really benefited from descriptions of burning wings, gasping breaths etc. before that happened. And no, I don't mean just in the previous paragraph.
Am I grossly misunderstanding something... or did Luna go from Ponyville to Canterlot after giving the other two a massive head start and only arriving shortly after the race is over?
... is... is Luna the fastest?
5805223
I see that you are reviewing my little one-shot. Send me the link when you are finished.
5805321 Finished. I decided to accept it into the bin. Decision is you-know-where.
5805223 I'm sure Luna simply teleported ahead. After all, she wasn't racing.
I usually don't like dialogue heavy fics... But this one one out!
5888161
Tank you, I know that the descriptive sentences could've been more... Meatier , in a sense, but you still enjoyed it. That's all that counts to me
This does not need to be capitalized.
Missing commas.
Missing comma.
Missing comma or period. If you go for a period, capitalize "c'mon".
Either you accidentally hit enter when you meant to hit space or you did not hit enter enough.
Missing comma.
Missing comma or period. If you go for a period, capitalize "can".
1.) Extra space.
2AB.) This: —, is an Em Dash. It is what is supposed to be used to end sentences in this fashion. It does several other things, but you can follow the link to find out what those are. To make one, all you need to do is hold down the Alt key and, using the numerical keypad to the right of your keyboard type 0151. Or, conversely, if you cannot do that, copy and paste the one provided.
Em dash.
Period should be a comma.
Extra space.
There seems to be a word or two missing here.
Well, that was interesting. Sound and light do not follow the same rules in Equestria that they do here on Earth. If you remember The Cutie Mark Chronicles, the Rainboom that gives all the ponies their cutie marks, they each heard the boom before they saw the light that followed it. Which means, in Equestria, sound is faster than light.
~KBO.
5888575
I'm glad that you enjoyed this enough to add to your favorites. Oh, are you an editor cause I may need to call on you for future projects...
5888799 I do try my best...
So you want a reading sins?
I'll think about it if it hasn't been taken
5952637
Thank you, I just wanna see how many holes can be poked through this one.
5952982 I'll try it. :D
Done with extra TF2.
quite a good read. very interesting. cant anyone beat celestia...at anything?
5956793
That's Exactly how this started out. I was watching Wonderbolts Academy when it hit me, Celestia is usually calm and reserved, but what if her and RD had a race. And thus this was born.
6252429
So true my friend
6348382
You're actually right. I never thought about that.
Full review here, but in brief: a nice touch about rainbooms and "Oh... my... me" was funny. A bit too stretched out to story length, though.
8682188
Thank you. I had not a shred of an idea that this was going to happen, but I’m glad you took some enjoyment from this