• Published 7th May 2012
  • 38,885 Views, 583 Comments

Pinkie Pie learns a new word - Kickass222urmom



Pinkie Pie learns a new word that starts with 'F' and ends with 'K'. No, it's not firetruck.

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The word

The word

Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under Creative Commons 3.0 Attribution (see http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/).

"Order up!" Pinkie Pie screamed as she pulled a large tray of baked goods out of oven and tossed them towards the counter. And, somehow, they all land perfectly in a straight line.

Pinkie Pie happily trotted up to the counter and slammed her hoof against the bell several times.

"ORDER UP!"

After a few seconds of no pony coming and claiming the order, she poked her head out of the kitchen and yelled out the same thing.

This time, a large stallion stood up in the back and began to make his way to the counter. His desperado pushed down over his eyes.

When he stepped up to the counter, he pushed his hat up slightly and stared down at Pinkie Pie.

"Mah order done?" He asked in a rough voice.

Pinkie Pie smiled happily and cast a hoof over the line of cupcakes, muffins, and loafs of bread.

"Yep! It's all done! I put a little extra sugar in each one! Even the bread! Mmm, sugar bread... Have you ever tried sugar bread?! You should! It taste so mmmmmmm!"

He exhaled and looked over his order, "Ah think Ah also ordered four short cakes."

Pinkie Pie frowned, "Well shoot! I though I got everything... Oh! I know what happened! When you were ordering, I was playing with my spoon! Do you have a spoon friend?! Wait! Do you...."

He held up a hoof and sighed, "Please ma'am, be quiet. Can ya just bake the shortcakes real fast?"

Pinkie Pie tapped her hoof against her chin and looked skyward, "Hmmm, can I? Of course I can!" She then looked back at the stallion and began to hop up and down happily, "I know! I can make you the super duper shortcakes! They are packed full of all kinds of strawberries, jams, and anything I can force into them! I'll have them done lickity split!"

As she began to spin around to do her job, the stallion cleared his throat.

"Nah, just forget em, Ah don't need em that bad." He then sighed and pulled his desperado over his eyes, "Well fuck, Ah hope they don't mind they won't be getting those shortcakes."

Pinkie Pie turned and smiled, "Oh no! Don't worry, I can do it super fast! I can have them done before you can say shortcakes!"

"Shortcakes." He said in a bored voice.

Pinkie Pie laughed and jumped up a few times, "No, you got to say it slow! Like this!" She moved her lips around and said in a slow motion type voice, "S-h-o-r-t-c-a-k-e-s."

The stallion facehoofed and picked up a brown bag, "Listen, Ah don't fuckin' need em, okay? They can live with out em."

Pinkie Pie jumped up on the counter and kicked all the deserts into the stallion's paper bag, "Alrighty then!"

"Ah hope your hooves are clean..." He said, putting the bag on his back.

Pinkie Pie giggled and held up all four of her hooves, "They're all clean! See?! I wash them every chance I get! It's rule one of the kitchen: Always wash your hooves. If you don't, bad things will happen to the ponies who eat your food! That would be bad! Well, its already happened once, but I didn't know I stepped in that pile of sewage. What was I doing in the sewer anyway?! Oh yeah! Gummy wanted me to find him a friend! And wow, there were so many new friends to pick from! I almost..."

The stallion facehoofed hard, "Listen ma'am. Ah would just love to stay here and hear your life story. But Ah have a place to be, and can't waste all mah fuckin' time here."

Pinkie Pie cocked her head, "What does 'fuck' mean? You've been saying it a lot." She then smiled excitedly, "Does it mean something good?! Or something very good?! Or! Or is it something bad?! Like a large monster that hides in your closet while you sleep! That reminds me! I haven't monster proofed my room today?!"

"Ma'am, you're getting off track..." The stallion said, annoyance in his voice.

"Oops!" Pinkie Pie said as she stopped her over excited voice and got back on topic, "So, fuck, what does it mean? Does it mean..."

He quickly held up a hoof, "Listen, it's just a word we commonly use in Appleloosa. As fer the meaning, it means whatever ya want Ah guess."

"What ever I want?" Pinkie Pie said, a smile forming on her face.

He looked at her with a worried face and began to back out of the shop, "Er... yeah, whatever ya want... just don't say it ta others."

As luck would have it, Pinkie Pie only heard the first part before she began to laugh in delight at the idea of having a multipurpose word at her disposal.

The stallion, already slightly worried about the mental state of this pink mare, quickly pushed open the doors and exited the bakery.

Pinkie Pie turned back to the kitchen and cheerfully trotted up to the sink, where the dishes were piled high. She stuck her hooves into the water and began to wash the dirty plates.

Two hours later

Pinkie Pie hopped out of the bakery and proceeded to happily bounce down the street, humming a new tune she just made up.

She passed by one of her friends, Rose, and gave her a happy wave, "Hey Rose!"

Rose looked up from her flowers and waved back, "Hey Pinkie! How you doing?"

Pinkie Pie bounced in place, "What I always do! Bringing a smile to everyone's face!" She then looked at Rose's flowers and smiled, "Ohhh! Rose, your flowers are so fuck!"

Rose's eyes widened as her mouth dropped, "Wh-wha?"

"Your flowers. You know, they're so fuck? Fuck can mean beautiful! Like, I'm fuck, you're fuck. This whole town is fuck! Ohh! Fuck can also mean hug! Oh goodie!"

Rose shook the shock off her face and looked at Pinkie Pie with a worried expression, "Umm, Pinkie... I don't think that's the real meaning of... that word."

"Well duh." Pinkie Pie said as if Rose should already know this, "It can mean anything! That's what the stallion at Sugar Cube Corner told me."

Rose scratched the back of her neck as she glanced around, "Pinkie, I think you should stop..."

Pinkie Pie jumped into the air and let out a squeal of delight. She then shot off, leaving Rose as confused as ever.

"Nothing good can come of this..." She muttered as she went back to tending her flowers.

Pinkie Pie galloped down the street, barreling her way to her good friend, Twilight Sparkle.

"TWILIGHT!" Pinkie Pie yelled out, startling the lavender mare and causing her to look up from her book, which she was currently reading on a bench.

"Pinkie? What are you doing?!" She yelled back, watching as her friend galloped towards her.

Pinkie Pie smiled happily and jumped into the air, soaring towards her friend, "I'm going to fuck you!"

Twilight's eyes widened and her hooves came in front of her, "WHAT?!"

Pinkie Pie slammed into Twilight and instantly lifted her up in a large, awkward, hug.

"Pinkie?! What the hay are you doing?!" Twilight screamed out, still worried about what Pinkie had said before hugging her.

Pinkie Pie giggled and shook Twilight side to side, "Duh, I'm fucking you silly!"

Twilight gasped, "Pinkie?! Why are you using that word?!"

Pinkie Pie laughed and dropped Twilight back on the bench.

"Why am I using what word, Twi?"

Twilight rolled off the bench and landed on all fours, "Pinkie, why did you say you were going to... F me?"

Pinkie Pie just giggled and slapped Twilight on the back, "Silly goose, I said I was going to hug you, and I did!"

"I-I don't follow..." Twilight said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh Twilight, I though you would know about this." Pinkie Pie stated, snickering at her friends expression, "Fuck can mean anything! Like, I just fucked you! Which means I hugged you! It can even mean very happy! Like right now, I'm so fuck!"

Twilight rubbed her face, "Pinkie, I don't think you fully understand the meaning of the 'F' word. It does have many meanings. But it's mainly used for..."

Pinkie Pie put her hoof on Twilight's mouth and giggled, "I already know all of this Twilight. The nice stallion at Sugar Cube Corner already explained it all to me!"

"Stallion? Who was he?" Twilight questioned, wanting to get to the bottom of this.

Pinkie Pie shrugged, "I dunno, he was just a customer..." She then looked past Twilight and smiled brightly. "Gotta go Twi! I'll talk to you later!"

"Pinkie wait!..." Twilight yelled out, but Pinkie Pie was already half way down the street.

Twilight exhaled loudly and brought her hooves to her face, "Why do I even put up with her?"

Pinkie Pie rocketed down the street, a large smile on her face. Her eyes were locked on two of her friends. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.

The two pegasi were standing next to a cart, which sold small bars of soap.

"Girls!" Pinkie Pie yelled as she came to a screeching halt behind them.

Fluttershy yelped in surprise and dropped to the ground, while Rainbow Dash spun around to face her pink friend.

"Pinkie? What's with the yelling?"

Pinkie Pie laughed and began to bounce in place, "Hey Rainbow Dash! Hey Fluttershy! What are you girls doing here?! Are you buying soap?! Ohh! Does one of Fluttershy's animals need a bath! Or! Do you need a bath Rainbow Dash?! Wait! What if it's me that needs a bath?! When was the last time I took a bath?! Oh that's right! When...."

Rainbow Dash, to stop her friends rambling, stuck a bar of soap in Pinkie Pie's mouth and laughed.

"Calm down, Pinkie." Rainbow Dash said, chuckling, "Fluttershy just needs more soap for her animals... So I guess you go it right on the first try."

Pinkie Pie swallowed the bar of soap, followed by her jumping into the air and striking a victory pose, "YAY!"

When she landed she laughed and started her bouncing again, "You girls are so fuck!"

Rainbow Dash did a double take at hearing this, and Fluttershy let out a small gasp.

"Pinkie... why did you say that to us?" Fluttershy asked quietly.

Pinkie Pie giggled, "Say what? Fuck?"

"Yeah! That word!" Rainbow Dash said, a sound of slight anger in her voice.

Pinkie Pie just smiled at her two friends, "Come on girls! You have to know that fuck can mean anything! I just say you two were funny! Ohh! Like Fluttershy fucks her animals on a daily basis! And Rainbow Dash, you want to fuck Applejack at everything!"

"PINKIE!" Rainbow Dash yelled, face red hot.

"What? I just said Fluttershy feeds her animals on a daily bases, and that you want to beat Applejack at everything. I just told you that fuck can mean anything. Didn't I?"

Fluttershy slowly stood and gulped, "I don't... do that to my animals. That's... that's just wrong."

Pinkie Pie stared at her friend with a worried look, "You don't feed your animals?! Then it's up to me to get those poor creatures some food!"

"No Pinkie! Listen, that word means..." Rainbow Dash began to say, but before she could finish, Pinkie Pie was already running off in the opposite direction.

"Ugh! She's so random!"

Fluttershy looked around and bit her hoof, "I don't mate with my animals... do I?"

Rainbow Dash sighed and put a hoof on her shoulder, "No, you don't... wait, do you?"

*Eep*

After a few minutes of running, Pinkie Pie finally saw her target. Applejack and her apple cart.

As she neared, she saw Apple Bloom, who looked to be helping today.

When Pinkie Pie came to a stop a few feet from the cart, she instantly jumped forward and put her front hooves on the carts edge.

"Quickly Applejack! I need as many apples as you can spare! Fluttershy isn't fucking her animals anymore!"

Applejack, after hearing this, fell back on her haunches, "What?! She's doing what to her animals?!"

"What does fuck mean?" Apple Bloom asked innocently.

"Nothin' ya should be concerned with!" Applejack responded.

Pinkie Pie smiled and went back to all fours in front of the small filly.

"It can mean anything! Like what I just said. Fluttershy isn't feeding her animals anymore.... OHMYGOSH! I almost forgot! I have to go fuck her animals since she's no longer doing it! Applejack! Give me all your apples! Before the poor creatures starve from not being fucked!"

"Pinkie Pie! There's a filly here!" Applejack yelled, beginning to shove Apple Bloom away. "Listen Apple Bloom, why don't you go play with the others today."

Apple Bloom smiled happily and began to gallop off, "Thanks sis'! I can't wait to tell them the new word I learned!"

"Wait WHAT?!" Applejack yelled out as she began to gallop off after her younger sister.

"Applejack? Wait! I need... what did I need again?" Pinkie Pie said, looking around confused. She had come here for something, but what?

She turned and saw all the apples on the cart, "Oh, that's right! I was going to eat a fuck!"

She plucked one of the apples off the cart and quickly gobbled it down.

As soon as she finished, she heard a mare's distressed scream, which could only be Rarity.

When Pinkie Pie turned around, she saw Rarity, her dress covered in fresh mud.

"You barbarian! How dare you splash mud on my brand new dress!" She screamed as a stallion ran away from her.

"Rarity!" Pinkie Pie yelled, hopping over to her friend.

Rarity looked over at her and sighed, "Oh, hello there Pinkie Pie. How's your day going?"

Pinkie Pie smiled widely, "It's been great! I baked deserts all morning! I talked to rose! I had a chat with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash! Oh! And I fucked Twilight!"

Rarity's eyes widened, and her hoof came up to cover her mouth, "You... did that to Twilight? Did she... let you?"

"Yep!" Pinkie Pie said excitedly, "She just stood there and let me fuck her! It was one of the best fucks I've given in a long time!"

Rarity began to sway side to side, "You.... Twilight... How.... mate.... Wha..."

*Thud*

Pinkie Pie looked at Rarity's unconscious body, which had just fallen in a large pile of mud.

"Wow, it's like she's never heard of a pony hugging another..." Pinkie Pie then looked around, looking for someone to help.

When see spotted Lyra, she started waving at her, "Lyra! I need your help with something super duper important!"

Lyra smiled and began to trot towards her, "What is it.... why is Rarity on the ground?"

Pinkie Pie shrugged and waved a hoof over Rarity, "I don't know. I just said I fucked Twilight and she did this!"

Lyra's eyes widened, "You... really?"

Pinkie Pie nodded happily, "Yep! I think it was one of my best fucks ever!"

Lyra looked around nervously, "She goes that way, huh?"

"Goes what way?" Pinkie Pie asked, a smile still on her face.

"You know, ummm, fucking mares?" Lyra said hesitantly.

Pinkie Pie waved a hoof and giggled, "Well duh. Who doesn't love fucking others! I even fuck myself from time to time!"

Lyra raised an eyebrow, "Huh... so, what did you need me for?"

"Oh!" Pinkie Pie said, facehoofing, "I wanted you to take Rarity home. I don't think it's a good idea for her to be out here. Some weirdo may try and give her a fuck! Or worst! They may give her a fuck and tell her about fuck!"

"I see... Pinkie, do you take medicine?" Lyra asked worriedly.

Pinkie Pie tapped her chin, "Do sugar pills count?"

"... No.... *Sigh* Just, don't hurt yourself trying to get home." Lyra said, levitating Rarity up and began to trot off towards the boutique.

"What? Am I suppose to go home? Wait, am I?! Yes! I have to give the foals their afternoon fuck!"

And with that, she took off for Sugar Cube Corner.

As soon as she burst through the front doors, she yelled out, "Where's the bottles?! I've got some babies to fuck!"

Everyone in the bakery gasped, two mares in the back fainted, while another up front passed out.

"What? We all have to fuck to survive!" She said as she looked at everyone's shocked faces.

"SO TRUE!" A stallion off to the side said, but received a slap upside the head from the mare next to him.

Pinkie Pie forced herself to focus and galloped into the back part of the bakery. Once there, she smiled at the two foals, who were currently playing with some blocks.

"Hey! You two ready to be fucked?"

The two foals looked at her and laughed crazily.

Pinkie Pie smiled and quickly got two bottles of milk. She then gave the two foals a bottle and sat back to watch them drink.

"Awwww, you like being fucked, don't you?" She said, proud that she had remembered to feed the two foals.

Wait... feed.

"Oh no! I forgot to fuck Fluttershy's animals!" She then shrugged, "Oh well, she'll come to her senses and feed the poor creatures."

After a few minutes, she was back in the kitchen, resuming her kitchen duties.

"I wonder when the Cakes are going to come back from lunch? They should have already fucked all their food by now." She wondered aloud.

"Umm, service please?" Said a familiar voice.

"Coming!" Pinkie Pie yelled out.

She swiftly ran up to the counter and smiled at her customer. But, the second she saw him, she laughed.

"Hey! You're back already?! Why did you come back so soon?! Did you need more food?! Or, did you forget to..."

The stallion wearing the desperado held up a hoof and sighed, "Oh no... It's the crazy bitch again... Look, it turns out Ah need those shortcakes. Could ya please hurry and make em?"

Pinkie Pie saluted, "I sure can! I can have them done within the hour! I..."

"Please, hurry." He urged.

Pinkie Pie ran off and quickly baked the shortcakes, which took only thirty minutes.

Once they were done, she ran back and dropped them on the counter, "There you go! Four fucks!"

He raised an eyebrow and picked up the bag they were in, "Huh, thanks?"

As he turned, Pinkie Pie reached out and spun him back to face her, "One more thing!"

He sighed loudly, "Yes?"

Pinkie Pie smiled happily and asked, "What does bitch mean?"

And that's how Equestria... was thrown into complete disorder.

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Comments ( 580 )

AHAHAHAHAHA:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: 26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3c6dzhv0D1r60onao1_500.gif

One of your best work man. I expect this to be featured by tomorrow or something.

Oh Celestia... Why? Why this story, and why do I find this so funny? I feel :pinkiesick: and also :rainbowlaugh:, and I don't know which feeling is stronger.

dear god what have you done, its amazingly funny and i almost woke up everyone in my house laughing at times well done sir

Title has certainly grabbed my interest....will read tomorrow...

I give it 5 rubber chickens eating cake through bendy straws out of 3

Anypony know how to add a story to your "read later" list?

Um, seems like this was oddly made right after the fic by Samsara >.> :rainbowhuh:

I laughed several times throughout this......good on ya mate:rainbowlaugh:

"Pinkie? What are you doing?!" She yelled back, watching as her friend galloped towards her.

Pinkie Pie smiled happily and jumped into the air, soaring towards her friend, "I'm going to fuck you!"

It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything.

Well! What a random, vulgar little story we have here... and quite hilarious. I'd say this one was a much better "Pony Learns the F Word" fic than that one CMC story that got featured - Pinkie's innocence and happy-go-luck nature make a much better combination with it.

I spotted a lot of spelling errors, but eh, not like it's meant to be serious. Good work; it's been awhile since I literally "laughed out loud".

555897
This story had me and Annabel laughing to no ends. Silly Pinkie. She's just too innocent for her own good. I mean, if fluttershy knows the meaning of it, she's just too innocent to know it.

Welp, there's that. And for you, 555895 , I rarely ever get the chance to do so, it's usually Vinetion who grabs first so let me have my fun, besides, its a rubber duck of first!
:ajsmug:

555991 I lost it when Pinkie said FlutterShy fucked the animals :rainbowlaugh: I didn't laugh out loud because people were asleep but I did giggle and choked on air and clap like a retarded seal

Pinkie Pie smiled happily and jumped into the air, soaring towards her friend, "I'm going to fuck you!"
I lol'd. Hard.

555963
there should be a picture of a book with an alarm clock next to it click that and it is added to your read it later list

556018
I just couldn't help but have a good hearty laugh at when pinkie hope the cakes were done fucking their food.

That was priceless! And the random colt in the back going "so true!" I just couldn't help to say that that had to be Greg. Well, either Greg or Ice really. Both Greg and Ice share one thing in common: Pinkie Pie.

:rainbowlaugh: You need to write more of these

Haha another ine shot where CMC uses the new word will be priceless

I think I woke up everyone in my house, and cracked a rib. Still a highly entertaining read, I hope it cured your writer's block.

I am speechless... AND BREATHLESS! :rainbowlaugh: THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!! I liked the part where Pinkie said fuck.:pinkiehappy:

I don't even know what to say to that... Dude... This has got to be the weirdest thing I've ever seen... And I've seen August Underground! Seriously, how is a girl getting her head beaten to a pulp with a claw hammer a LIGHT scene?

This is fucking hilarious!

I enjoy all these new 'learning bad word' stories!

They've all made my crappy day better :twilightsmile:

This one was awesome!

555911 Another Reel Big Fish fan? *Brohoof*

HOLY GOD AND A HALF was this funny!

A favourite and an upvote for you!

Ah, the great word of Folbyk.

I read a bit, and then skipped the entire thing because I was afraid missiles would come.

Mother. Of. God. This is hilarious. Though I wonder, what is it with the recent number of fanfics centered around that word?

This is so wrong in so many ways...but still a halarious story lol

And with that
The universe was unmade!

How is it possible to contain so much comedy in one fic? I think I woke up the whole neighborhood, as well as crack every bone in my body from the pure, unadulterated humor.

555978 ...Unfortunately, I was drinking something when I got to that point. And damned near fucking choked on it. Literally, the fucking thing wouldn't fucking come out of my fucking pie-hole. For a few fucking minutes there, I fucking thought I was going to fuck-off and kick the fucking basket.

Odd. My mouth doesn't seem to give a fuck what fucking fucks it fucks out today. o.o Very fucking odd...

[img]file:///C:/Users/My%20Antagonist/Pictures/Shi%20Long%20Awesome.jpg[/img]

You pretty much own me at this point. Do what you will, but I beg you please be gentle with my nubile soul.

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!:heart::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::twilightsheepish::pinkiegasp: AMAMAMAMAMAZING! And hilarious! And since its 3 n the morning my poor family has to put up with my laughing at odd hours. they dont say anything though... i guess they expect this weirdness outta me...

you bastard.... you made me smash my keyboard! i fell off my chair, ended up pulling it down, monitor fell along with keyboard, keyboard smashes.....im using my laptop bu still...you BASTARD!
YOU AMAZINGLY FUNNY BASTARD!

Now that was "fucking" funny as hell good job:rainbowlaugh:

Fluttershy mates with her animals?
This was good. Great even. It was fucking:pinkiehappy:(meaning it was more than great)

This is pure genius :rainbowlaugh:

What the... How did this story get so many likes/favorites in such a little time :pinkiegasp:

The ironic thing? I literally said "OH F**K" on each encounter.
Cleverly thought out story: :pinkiesmile:

that was a funny story:rainbowlaugh:

so many view and likes because of the
The magic of fans or something, comedy i dont know

This is quite literally the only story in which I have laughed more than once. Fuck man, you're good.

As soon as I saw the title, I knew, and i was like:
:rainbowlaugh:

Yup, sixth story in popular list. A.K.A FEATURED!

You didn't per chance read this, did you? Very similar, but both very funny.

and thats how Eqiuestria was made.

Sir, I'm afraid I will be suing you for attempted murder through depriving me of oxygen.

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