• Member Since 7th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 27th, 2015

Twilight Nightmare


Kind of new to Pony Fanfiction and though I originally made this account for reading, I really want to try writing some.

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The wedding was a disaster, but the changelings were defeated. The only real price paid was a mare's trust in her friends and family. Now she will seek out a new path in life, teaming up with an exile and a music loving DJ, the group will forge a new destiny in life.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 209 )

this is good continue it

'We have a winner' sounds about right with this.

Great story, I loved the way it was written, though I kept trying to find some error (Damn my literature and it's great writing, however will I find something to actually poke at? :applecry: ) But very well writting and I love it so far. Keep it up! :twilightsmile:

Well this certainly looks like it will be a very good story, i am very interested in seeing were you will take this, by the way is the parring here "Twilight X Sunset", i ask because of the romance tag, and if so then i know of a group that would be happy to accept this and any other "Sunset X Twilight" fan-fiction that you might of made.

I have noticed that even though i left a review i never stated why i like this, first off i should note that the way you set of the flow of the chapter is rather nice, i should also note that i genuinely like stories were Twilight and Sunset team up, i don't care if they are parred or just friends either is fine with me really, i also like how your planning to add Vinyl to the mix since she is not the first pony i would think of when i think of teaming up with Sunset and Twilight, then again there is the second movie...

Anyways i also found the reasons for both Twilight and Sunset to be at that bar to be very interesting, i wonder how Twilight leaving Canterlot before the wedding will effect things latter in the story, especially with how those that were close to her will react, as well as how they will meet Vinyl or react to finding out about the other's past as Celestia's student.

Also i would like to note that i like the rather unique way you had them meet, both wanting to get the last slot for the bar's karaoke night and agreeing to work together to win the prize, very nice, it also gave us a chance to find out what event's changed from the original show, overall this seems like a very good start to what i hope will be a great story, and has already made me very interested in seeing were it will go, overall you did a great job.

I wish you luck with this story, i hope it ends up being a great one. :twilightsmile:

5579574 Thanks, I'm actually working on a new chapter now. I was going to work on Sunrise, but my GF keeps pressuring me to do another chapter of this first lol. :twilightsmile:

5579683 Twilight and Sunset, yep a pairing. :twilightsmile:

5580335 Thanks :twilightsmile:

5584339 Thanks :twilightsmile:

5590680 Thanks, I'm glad it came out so well. Some chapters will have music in them, and a few won't, so hope that goes well to. Happy that you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

5605982 Thanks, I'm really glad that you think it will be a good story. And yep, Twilight and Sunset pairing for this story. Would be great if it's added to a group. :twilightsmile:

5610026 Thanks, I'll easily admit story flow is one of my greatest weaknesses lol. I do love Sunset and Twilight stories, pairings or just teaming up, but I do have some plans for the story that I really hope won't turn people off to the story. It will involve how they get their fourth member, though that member won't be paired with anyone and if Vinyl gets paired with anyone, it will likely be Octavia. Not that I am a huge fan of Octavia, but she might make an appearance or two as will a few of my other favorites...and non favorites. There may be a fifth member of the group, but I am kind of leaning towards four being enough.

Thanks, I was trying to make a somewhat more original way of them meeting while at the same time being a little like an episode of the cartoon I am taking inspiration from for this story. (Having to watch it with your GF and have her wanting you to work it into MLP kind of has the effect of the story getting done lol) Chapter two will have the two learning more about each other as they make plans and Vinyl will probably come in Chapter 3 or 4 at the latest.

I really hope that you enjoy where this goes and like the ideas that gets incorporated into the story. Just hope that one of the big important bits of the story is believeable and works out lol. :twilightsmile:

I really do like the premise of this story. Twilight just leaving after the whole of her friends would rather trust the word of a pony they just met (and was being a huge jerk to all of them they entire time they've known her) over the word of their friend that they've known for much longer (and has helped them with the many, many problems they run into on an almost daily basis) makes a lot of sense.
Sure she might have gone a bit overboard with the 'she's actually evil, get away from her' thing, but still, you'd expect at least one of them (especially Celestia, Shining is mostly excusable due to being mind controlled) to ask a follow up question instead of instantly disowning her. You'd think Celestia, what with her however many millenia of wisdom, would see something is wrong with her niece/fellow princess.

Also Sunset just giving up and going back to Equestria after being stuck without friends/money/a decent place to live in the EG world is a pretty neat idea. although I do wonder how she made it back through the mirror and snuck out of the castle without anyone noticing

Really enjoying this so far, but I think Sunset might be hopping on the SunLight train a little fast, considering it looks like she's only known Twilight for a few days. (at least it seems like its only been that long in story)

Also caught this at the start of paragraph two of Twilight saying why she left

Yeah, their queen trapped me in caves under the castle and I cold have died

I think there should be a 'the' between 'in' and 'caves'. And you spelled 'could' as 'cold'.

Is this supposed to a sort of MLP version of Jem and the Holograms?

5612405 Sorry, I'm not really the best at pacing but I'll try to slow it down. Glad you like it so far. :twilightsmile:

5612480 Thanks, glad you like the idea so far. :twilightsmile: I never really liked how they all treated Twilight during the whole wedding fiasco, and really think they all deserve a tongue lashing at the very least. And Sunset, I can very easily picture this happening to her if things went the opposite was that they did in the movies. If she went after the wrong people she could have very easily ended up in an even worse situation, she kind of got off very lucky in the movies. Still, I loved the movies and Sunset in them, though I have to admit the Rainbow Rocks one I liked better as I like thinking of her as a good bad girl lol. As for how she made it back, it was actually lucky that she came through in the middle of the invasion so she escaped through the chaos of everything happening and made it out of town earlier than Twilight so had some extra time in the village before Twilight ended up there. Sorry if she seemed to develope feelings for Twilight too quick, she's not really in love in love, more of a very intense attraction. They share a similar past in someways so have that connection already and Sunset pretty much just finds Twilight, well...hot lol. :twilightsmile:

5612493 Thanks, I'm fixing that now. :twilightsmile:

5612609 You are correct sir. This is like Twilight taking Jem's place though Sunset will also be hiding behind an illusion. There won't likely be Misfits or anything though. :twilightsmile:

5612786 Okay, I kinda figured her sneaking through the castle had something to with the changelings, and thanks for clearing up the whole 'Sunset has feelings for Twilight already' thing, when you put it that way it makes much more sense considering Twilight is probably the first reasonably attractive mare she's met in the past three years.

Ditto on the movies. I liked the first one (it took several viewing however, I had a lot of trouble getting over how cringe worthy it could be at times) and I loved Rainbow Rocks from the get go. Sunset however, I was indifferent to in the first one as she was admittedly kinda generic. Then came Rainbow Rocks, and now she's my favorite non-background pony, and third favorite pony overall. (Sorry Sunset, but nopony can dethrone Octavia from her rightful spot as #1, and as long as Tavi's first, Vinyl isn't moving from second either.)

Awesome story you have im now hooked and ready for more :pinkiehappy: keep up the good work even if there is a few mistakes, this was an epic chapter

5612749 Thanks, any tips would be greatly appreciated. I just find it hard to pace stuff as I tend to move too fast or too slow, it's so hard finding a good pacing.:twilightsmile:

5612881 Thanks, I want to show that Sunset is attracted to Twilight but afraid to try and get together with her or try to have a deeper relationship. At the same time I want Twilight to be kind of naive in those things like she was with first having friends. I do like Vinyl, and I may have her paired up with Octavia in the story, but Octavia won't play a big part like Vinyl will. Though maybe she could help then out some. :twilightsmile:

5612890 Sorry about the mistakes but it's great that you are enjoying the story. :twilightsmile:

5612968 Heh heh, to be honest I kinda forgot Vinyl was going to be in this story when I said that in my last comment.:twilightblush:
It's fine if Tavi doesn't play a big part here, I was just saying the reason why Sunset isn't my favorite pony, is all.

Well this was a very good, and interesting chapter, i am rather surprised that Sunset and Twilight were both being taught by Celestia around the same time, i don't normally see that in stories, and it is a nice change to see, though both the fact that she kept them from seeing each other and Twilight's reasoning that she was just a weapon for Celestia, both facts together does kind of put's Celestia in a bad light.
Sunset and Twilight's idea to create new identities is rather good since starting a band would attract attention, and at this point that is something they don't need, and i will say that the Celestial Gems do sound like a interesting concept, i wonder what there other uses are.

I also really like how there pretty much using the second half of each others name for there stage names, finally i will say that i am very happy that the parring is Sunset and Twilight :twilightsmile:, just be careful with not going too fast with it, though it is somewhat understandable for Sunset to already start feeling attached to Twilight since she has been basically alone for years and Twilight is probably the first one to show true kindness to her since she left... other then the guy who just wanted to get into Sunset's pants.

Overall i will say that i really liked this chapter, you did a good job on it as well, and i hope you don't mind if i add this story to a group or two that should enjoy it, but if you say no then i won't.

I like this story. The premise is interesting and I can't wait to see how this plays out. The Sunlight, while moving a little quickly, is well done. Can't wait for the next chapter.
On a side note, I had to look up Jem and the Holograms to remember what it was.

5613011 lol thats ok, we all have our favorites and reasons for it. Hope you keep enjoying the story :twilightsmile:

5613049 Thanks, I'll try and see if I can make the pace go a little smoother :twilightsmile:

5613749 Thanks :twilightsmile:

5613907 Thanks, my personal head canons always has Sunset and Twilight studying at the same time because they are the same age in the movies it seems, or close to it. I know she is supposed to be older, but my head canons won't listen lol. My most common head canon for it is Celestia is protecting both of them and giving Twilight more attention to help get her magic under control and keeps them seperated so Twilight doesn't have another powerful surge that could hurt them. As for Celestia using Twilight as a weapon, I'm not sure if that's what she really means, sometimes I think it is and sometimes I think she doesn't mean to but circumstances causes it. Either way I can easily see Twilight getting fed up with it at some point. There's actually a few other uses that they will have, including involving a character that will be an OC yet not an OC at the same time. I just need to work out what kind of personality to give them, I'm thinking kind of like Sonata's but maybe one a little more serious similar to Twilight and Sunset.

Thanks, glad you liked their stage names. I know I wanted Twilight to use Jem, but I was having trouble deciding what to use as the other part. In the end thought this would be kind of cute lol. It will be a few chapters at the very least before they even get closer, but there will probably be some cute waffy moments here and there until then. As for the guy, I can easily see Flash being that type and actually have a head canon based around it that explains while Sunset becomes like she is after coming to the human world and it is largely his fault.

And thank you so much, I'd be happy if you added it to any groups you wanted. :twilightsmile:

5614776 Glad you are enjoying it so far and glad that you like the pairing, even if it does seem a little fast in a way. lol I have to watch Jem with my gf so I kind of learned about it pretty fast lol. :twilightsmile:

5618221 If the story keeps going the way it is, I'll definitely enjoy reading more of it.
Also, since I blanked on mentioning it earlier due to lack of sleep, I think it's really cute how Twi and Sunset use each other's last names as part of their stage names.

5618221 Yeah i can see that happening, so Celestia keeps them separated so there isn't a accident were either of them get's hurt and keep them focus on there studies, and yeah i could see Twilight getting fed up with being sent to deal with each new threat to Equestria, heck i even found a Fanfiction on this site were Twilight voices her opinion of Celestia's plan to send her to the crystal empire, which turn's into a chapter long rant.

I wish you luck with the OC, having someone like Sonata but not actually the same around might be fun, and it is impossible to use the original in the story, so i really hope your OC is not only good but is well accepted by the fans.
Yeah the names did come off as cute, and the cute waffy moments sounds good for now before you start any romance between them.

As for Flash, i am very interested in seeing what your plain for him is, since i can see him as that type of guy as well... which i guess is another drawback of him being a Gary-stu that was only put into the movie so Twilight would have a guy to dance with at the dance.
And thanks i hope the groups help your story become even more popular. :twilightsmile:

5618918 I'll do my best to keep it going this good. And glad you liked them using each others names. :twilightsmile:

5620117 It's so easy to see these things happening when you think about them. Celestia as old is she is is far from perfect so can likely mess up like them pushing both Twilight and Sunset away in different ways without meaning to. I don't really doubt that deep down that she really loves them, I'm sure she does, but she's a princess and between all of her other duties as a ruler it can easily make her even more prone to mistakes. The OC is going to be kind of hard and I have a feeling some may love her while many others will hate her, especially because of what she is going to be. I'm trying to think of ways to later on actually do more with her in the story and...well give her more of a life than she will start out with. Maybe a short encounter with Discord...And as for Flash, he really won't have to do with in this story except maybe flash backs or Sunset talking about him. My GF keeps wanting me to write out my head canon combined with some of her ideas as a story between when Susnet comes to the human world and the first movie. That won't be happening though until I finish some of the stuff I'm already working on lol Thank you very much for adding it to the groups. :twilightsmile:

5622206

Yeah, her duties would be able to distract her and lead to mistakes being made with her two students, It could be interesting to see Celestia's reaction when she finds out about the Twilight and Sunset's current mind set about her.
Well hopefully your character goes over well, i have hope for her as long as you don't make a
Mary Sue type character... though i have faith that you won't.

Discord would be interesting, though i wonder how they would meet him without him being freed, and it is good to hear that we won't be hearing much from Flash in this.
Well i wish you and you GF luck with whatever you two are planning, hope you can make your plans for the story work.

Well in truth i was surprised that you updated this so soon since you had already said that your other two stories take priority, and you welcome, i hope the groups help this story become popular. :twilightsmile:

Love this story. You write the best stories Twilight Nightmare hope more soon :heart::pinkiesmile::twilightsmile:

5624365 I'll be updating this story more often for the next few weeks. :twilightsmile: I won't be making the OC mary sue for sure, in fact she will be pretty naive about some things. She won't be a total OC though, her name will actually be a character already in Jem, but I will be completely remaking her personality and what role she plays. So I guess it will be half an OC and half a character already around. Discord might be a huge help in my plans for the character though. Thanks :twilightsmile:

5627996 Thanks, hope you keep enjoying :twilightsmile:

5648309 Wow thank you so much :twilightsmile:

Put the music in where you choose the song, that way it can be played throughout the chapter

Ahh! This is my favorite episode of Jem!

5715415 Some maybe :twilightsmile:

5715508 Thanks, I went back and added it just before each song :twilightsmile:

5715537 I'm not sure which is my favorite yet lol, been watching it with my GF and have to admit I kind of love a lot of the music so far :twilightsmile:

I'm not a fan of Accusation Fics, or at least variations that has no redemption for the ones in the wrong. It just seems to go against the theme of the series based on one incident (that we know of for Celestia at least) and is kinda tragic.

That said the premise of this story is interesting enough (a neutral Sunset Shimmer?! Starting a band in Equestria as ponies over their shared ire of their mentor?) that I'd like to see more of it. Vinyl being added in should be interesting, even if it promises drama ahead.

5715561 no prob. If appropriate music is played throughout the chapter, then the story becomes that much more enjoyable

:D

An update! This chapter is nice, and introduces Vinyl :3

First off, Sunset is super adorable when she gets excited about something like finding out about the unfortunately fake convention in Bitsbe, which also leads into how being stuck in the human world for 21/2 years has made her extremely gullible towards things involving social interaction. (And that really doesn't help with the fact that she's starting to lose it because she doesn't know how to tell Twi about her feelings for her.)

Also, I like the thing about how Sunset's magical abilities kinda suck because she hasn't used them in a couple years, the fact that she could do anything magically inclined in the first EGs movie while she was in Equestra has always bugged me. (Okay, I'll give her levitation, but teleporting while galloping at full speed and keeping stride afterwards is kinda ridiculous.)

It was really sweet of Twilight to dump that mug of what I assume was beer on the inkeeper for lying to Sunset just because she's her best friend.

And I think you did a good job with Vinyl, as I usually see her as the type to offer help anytime she sees that somepony needs it. While she might have had her own reason for doing so, (which, if your Vinyl doesn't write her own music, does make a lot of sense to me) the fact that she just walked upt to Melody and Jem, two ponies she's never even met before, and offered to let them use her probably very expensive music equipment and musical expertise, just so they could so that they could enter the battle of the bands, was an extremely kind thing to do. (or foolish/insane, take your pick.)

Great chapter can not wait to see the sunlight keep up the great writing hope more soon:heart::pinkiesmile::twilightsmile:
TwilightXLuna Out

5715291 Well that's good to hear about you being able to update this more often for the next few weeks :twilightsmile:, and as for this OC/ not OC, i will say i am rather interested in seeing what you come up with, good luck with her, and i hope that Discord helps with your plan's for her, also your welcome. :twilightsmile:

5715581 I personally love Accusation fics, at least based around the Canterlot Wedding, but I do prefer ones where everyone learns their lessons and in the end has a happy ending as everything gets worked out for the better. :twilightsmile: (And yep, they will work things out in this story for the most part) I'm glad you think the story is interesting so far. Sunset Shimmer I could see being like this depending how things went, and seeing how she was good with a guitar n Rainbow Rocks I thought she would be good for that. And Twilight seems to be great at singing such as when she sung for Cadence and her brother. So I thought they would be good at it, and added Vinyl as she seems top be really good at DJ'ing and have a feeling she could be good with more than just that being a music lover. There will be some drama ahead for sure, though Vinyl may just end up helping Sunset a as much as annoying her. I really hope that you enjoy where this story goes. :twilightsmile:

5715648 Thanks, I never really thought about adding it before the songe before like you suggested, but makes a lot of sense. :twilightsmile:

5716272 Thanks, they will be 3 of the 4 main characters for the band and hope you keep enjoying. :twilightsmile:

5716274 Thank, I'm really trying to make Sunset naive to some things like how things work in the pony world after being stuck in the human world for so long and only being sheltered in the palace for a good portion of her life when at the castle and concentrating on her studies of magic and not how things outside went. I would kind of think, despite her natural power levels, that after so long in the human world her control over her power would be shot making it somewhat difficult for some spell casting as well as having very low stamina with it. And thanks, I really wanted to show that Twilight does care about Sunset and deep down really wants to protect her after learning about some of the things she experienced in the human world. And Vinyl in my story can play a lot of instruments or program whatever she needs in her equipment to play stuff that's missing while playing the keyboard and taking care of all the technical stuff. She did have an ulterior motive, but I kind of see her wanting to help new musicians if she can as she loves music and has a soft spot for other ponies who love it just as much...even when that music is vastly different that what she normally enjoys...*cough*Octavia*cough* :twilightsmile:

5716637 Thanks, it may be a couple chapters before they admit any feelings, but shouldn't be too long. Happy that you like the story :twilightsmile:

5720171 It will be a few chapters at least before she shows up, and later in the story Discord may actually help her while at the same time causing some problems for the group because of what he does. (If he does it, I have an alternate plan as well on how to do it if Discord doesn't, though Discord's may be the best path for it.) Hope you enjoy it :twilightsmile:

5723522 Thanks, I'm honestly liking Jem more and more lol. It's actually a pretty good show, though my GF is past being just a little mad about what they did to it for the live action movie...not that I can blame her. I really hope that whoever worked on it doesn't get a hold of MLP because that would be a nightmare...no offense Luna...:twilightsmile:

5725509 Well i hope the character goes over well with everyone, and it will be interesting to see what Discord does when you have him show up. :twilightsmile:

Well i got to say that the inn keeper was a real jerk, i wonder how many down on there luck ponies he sent away to help that pink pony with a light blue mane, i have a feeling that the pink mare will be there first big obstacle on there way to stardom, good thing Vinyl has appeared, i am sure she will be a big help, good thing you got the part where Vinyl finds out who they really are out of the way.
Anyways you did a great job with this chapter. :twilightsmile:

Will we be seeing what has happened with the others in canterlôt?

As a fan of BOTH Sunset and watching the ponies realize how much of ******* idiots they were for abandoning Twilight for Bridezilla, I see this story has a lot of potienal :twilightsmile:

In fact, I see Jem songs for the issues in the story

-Twilight Being Left Alone: The song would be Alone Again, which was sung by Laura, one of the Starlight Girls
-Twilight's anger towards Celestia and her friends: Jack Take a Hike
-And if they make up: All is RIght in the World

..Say, what song would suit the left behind ones when they realize what they have done and what they lost..And I wonder what excuse they have this time for choosing to focus on the wedding after all was said and done, INSTEAD of apoglizing

Wow this is great I love these kind if story's, a brand new life. Wonder how Celestia feels if she would find out

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