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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Chapter 28: go go go!
You've got me on tenterhooks. I can't wait for the next chapter.
That surprised me. I can't wait for the next chapter
Dangit Twilight, you were doing so good too!
Ah, I love that moment. That dawning realization of 'oh shit I fucked up. I am the goddamn goddess of fucking up' is what I live for.
I wonder if Twilight remembers that Spike's home too.
I'm very unsure who I want to win this. Also Twilight better have a plan to stop Celestia from fighting back the same way she did or this could be going in circles for a while. Although that honestly doesn't sound like too bad an ending.
Hmmm. I'm trying to remember if Twilight scrubbed herself from Celestia's last commands...
Or is her plan to go to Celestia complaining that the artist had a "reasonable request" for her.
I'm wondering at what point, Twilight will stop trying to justify what she's doing as a good thing. At some point she has to just accept she's become a slave master and is controlling all her friends.
God I love this story! Now, if I could only remember who Inked Quill is...
The possibility of a (morally) good ending is getting pretty close to nil. That both terrifies me, and excites me.
This story...... I feel this is what junkies in withdraw feel for more.
6785166
This is a wonderful turn of phrase.
Another great Chapter
A Tattoo artist... Trying to think of reasons as to why a tattoo artist would be useful to have on one's side and the only things I can think of would be to slightly alter how a cutie mark looks or to tattoo runes onto the body as a form of protection/enhancement.
6785423 What can I say? I'm a bit of a sadist when it comes to dawning moments of realization.
... I wonder what she needs Inked Quill for.
This is THE BEST NEW YEARS PRESENT EVAR!!!
This is amazing! Finally the loose ends are getting tied, such as Spike who was (thankfully) mostly absent in this story, as well as Zecora and Rarity, and what do you know I was right! I'm so glad that Zecora is finally back, even more than Rarity, she's my favorite slave in this one. But this also highlights and brought to Twilight's attention even more as to what could happen if she ever were to be under Celestia's control once more, she will end up in the same position as Zecora and Rarity were which is well and truly game over, but like any oldschool videogame, Twilight is at the last level but on her last life. Lets just hope she won't screw up as badly this time.
I can't wait for the next chapter!! The anticipation is killing me!!
...
Yes, that really was out of desperation, not a slow methodical thing to cover all her bases.
I can imagine.
None of you ever will.
This feels like something out of a particularly well done musical in a play, and it's glorious!
Almost eh?
Power is addictive.
What are you planning?
Aww!
Really now?
Small? That things's a freaking mansion!
Heh. I do love Snark to Snark combat.
What are you planning?
This is fun.
It is alluring, I can admit that.
Oh yeah. That's why I like Darth Vader so much as a villain, he has no patience for fucking around and gloating, he's like Julius Caesar. "Vini, vidi, vici.", "I came, I saw, I conquered." You can gloated after you've won.
Well, it's something.
Quite.
Heh.
All jokes aside, this is pretty clever, she's clearly spent a lot of time on this.
Under her spell huh? Adagio, do the thing.
No! Not that thing, the OTHER thing.
Thank you.
You and me both.
I suppose.
Oh really?
What are you thinking?
Oh yeah, being one of Discord's playthings for however long he wants sounds like hell.
Clever girl.
You are the kind who's not gonna rest until the plan's perfect, especially with these stakes.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah, if Celestia so much as SUSPECTS that you're planning something, you've lost, you can't afford to leave ANY loose ends.
You've never HAD a pupil.
Good memory.
Poor kid...
It has to be done with utmost secrecy, thing is, if even a single thing goes wrong, she loses, badly.
Technically, Shining Armor and Cadence beat Chrysalis. I just realized though, much like Aria, Chrysalis never says her name in the entire 2 parter.
Hoo boy.
No, and no.
Well, she's not...
This is most amusing.
Very.
It's like sacrificing say, a knight in chess, to put the King in Checkmate.
Yep. Play your cards well Twilight, this is a risky gamble.
And if she's NOT... game over.
Good.
You realize that won't be easy.
I think you mean altered, not adulterated.
What is it they want I wonder.
OK then.
No pony is.
Very well, so be it.
To be honest Rarity, you can get jealous sometimes.
Of course.
I just hoepe Spike's not around.
What for I wonder?
To war we go.
I demand the queen of changlings to be added to The empresses sex slaves. But make it sweet as fuck like when the queen tries to change Into another pony twilight stops her saying "no. I want you an no other pony. I want to look you in your own eyes as I plow that Pussy with this dildo rarity made for me"
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Merry Christmas!
YES! YES! SO MUCH YES! Rarity is back! ...Oh, Spike is going to be pissed...
Woo, best New Years present ever!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/1/2/28.jpg
Here's to a great 2016!
Oh shit, I'd totally forgotten that Rainbow accepted all commands, including the one not to care about who gets focused.
I always loved that command.
data.desustorage.org/mlp/image/1437/87/1437871054755.jpg
"Lotta loyalty for charmed ponies!"
"Was lying to your lover part of your plan?" Of course!
There's just something extremely hot about this scene. That flip in allegiance is beautiful, and there's a sick thrill in knowing that they know they're under a spell, and it simply doesn't matter. Wonderful.
The Wonderbolts are a powerful force to control, I will enjoy watching them get shit done as we enter the final showdown. Spitfire's fiery color scheme and athleticism are also pretty hot, so that's great too.
You tell her, Rainbow!
[KEIKAKU INTENSIFIES]
Oh you've done it now, Twilight. You've gone and fucking done it. Applejack would be ashamed of you!
This whole chapter is so tense. Every moment, the terror of Celestia's presence hangs like a suffocating blanket, meanwhile Twilight continues to lose moral ground as she prepares for the ultimate confrontation. By the time she stands eye to eye with Celestia, if she comes out victorious, I don't see there being much left of that resolve to do better.
Am I the only one who had this playing in their head, while watching Twilight give Luna those commands?
If I were to use one sentence to summarize this fic, it would be "Death Note, but with anthro sex". It's seriously that good.
6785738
Seriously, dude? This comment is fucking ridiculous. It's not funny, its not clever. Hell the first comment of yours is literally NOTHING. Other people are commenting on this story, and they shouldn't have to spend five seconds scrolling past your bloated mess of a comment just to get to comments that actually have something to say.
58 quotes.
5 videos
Most of the time you're just stating the joke.
Stop it.
6787368
OK, let's see, you are the, I believe third person in total who's told me to stop doing my running commentaries, sorry, just like to keep track of these things, second, there are other people doing the same thing I'm doing, third, there IS a button that lets you skip all the comment and just post a new comment, or you can just use Find function, type in "Post comment" and just write the comment directly. Point I'm trying to get at being, my comment is easily skippable, there are worse things to do that write a running commentary, the author seems to enjoy them, or at least not mind them, and I have fun making them. You're actually the first person to tell me directly that you want me to stop in, 28 chapters, meaning other people enjoy it, or don't mind it.
Bottom Line: No.
6785544
I suspect she's going to get the magic circle tattooed. That's the easiest way to sneak it into the castle.
Though that's not taking into account the healing time of a tattoo, but, magic.
6787836
Crap, that's a pretty brilliant idea if that's what is going on.
Actually tattoo-ing the charm-nullification rune onto her body, pretty damn clever.
Better hope it works correctly.
6787806
First of all, the fact that apparently other people have called you out on your bullshit, and this argument is the best you've managed to come up with speaks leagues of the surety of your position.
Secondly, I don't have a problem with the idea of running commentaries, on the proviso that they are as short as the writer can make them, and also in some way funny or insightful. You know, like actual commentaries are supposed to be. Like I've told you before, nothing you say is in any way, shape or form an actual joke, or an insightful comment on what was written. At best they are just a reiteration of whatever you're quoting but written way worse. Also, since when in you're entire life has 'but other people are doing it' ever been an appropriate justification for a shitty action? What are you, nine?
Thirdly, my problem isn't that you make it harder to make comments. It never was. You would have realized that if you had even a speck of self awareness. Then again, if you did, this conversation would be irrelevant. It's the fact that your stupid, inane, comments make it harder for others to find good, worth while comments. A comment section isn't just a blank slate for you to vomit out whatever half formed, barely cogent thoughts happen to bubble up through the witless soup you call a brain. They're for all of us who enjoy the story to have conversations with the author and each other. Think of it this way, never do something in a thread you wouldn't do in real life. You're comment is the equivalent of walking into a room where a bunch of people are happily chatting and screaming for half an hour before leaving. I don't care if you find that enjoyable, nobody else does.
6788174
I've has 3 people including you complain about this, but I've also had about a dozen, or at least 5 that I can name off the top of my head who DO like these things.
6788178
And your point is? A couple people liking it doesn't make it a good thing to do. That is such an ad populum. Regardless I think I'll take the bunch of down votes your comments are getting over the random people you claim totally justify your bullshit.
There are only a few people actively telling you you're being a douche bag, but that doesn't automatically mean everyone else agrees with you. At best, you get apathy, then a weary acceptance that people like you are just an accepted part of comment threads. Then there are people like me who get sick of your shit.
6788185
Not saying they justify my commentaries. I'm just saying that there are people who enjoy reading them, I enjoy making them, and I'm not stopping these. I mean if Wintermist asks me to stop, I'll stop, his story after all.
I really, really, really hope Zecora and Rarity won't go crawling back to Twilight. Or if they do, she at least has the guts to refuse them. They're right, it's her fault. All of it.
And this may sound weird, but for all of Celestia's abuse of the charm, it seems like she leaves less of a permanent impact on her victims. They at least function normally outside of her playtime.
Now that's something Twilight should think about at some point.
6788212
You shouldn't need each individual author of a story to tell you to stop for you to actually stop. Most people are capable of figuring out if what they're doing is annoying those around them and stop. Children can't. I need you to understand that I didn't call you nine before to be insulting, I did it because your behavior is literally that of a child. Childish arguments, no sense of self awareness or self regulation.
If you enjoy making these so much, why not just make them yourself separate of the stories. Write them down in a word document. Message it to the people you know who enjoy it. Make a group about doing commentaries on stories, or join one if it already exists. If your personal enjoyment is really the only reason you're doing this, then what possible justification can you have for doing it in a public place, the sole purpose of which is conversation. Even if someone does enjoy what you do, its not as if it is any way conducive to a conversation. At best someone who enjoys it can give you a 'good job' but they could just as easily pm that. What are you contributing?
6788225
I don't suppose you'll buy "My wit and charm"?
6788227
You're a fan of quoting right? Quote me some of your 'wit and charm'. Maybe I'm just unlucky and managed to miss it all.
6788232
... Seriously?
6788237
No, not seriously. I've been very vocal from the beginning that I find your comments not only unfunny, but completely lacking in even the basic understanding of the structure of humor. I'd almost assume this was all deliberate anti-humor if it wouldn't be giving you seriously unearned credit.
6788244
In my admittedly meager defense, I never claimed I was a GOOD comedian. Or a comedian at all, because if I WAS,
Yeah, Galvatron sums it up in a nutshell.
6788215 Twilight started out trying the whole "functioning normally the rest of the time" thing but it didn't exactly work out - ponies have dreams and other spillover that affect their future behaviour.
Celestia's approach may reduce the side-effects when not charmed, though we only see less than a chapter of totally oblivious Twilight, and even there her feelings toward Celestia seem like they could be showing side effects.
It's also worth considering the reason for the difference between Twilight's and Celestia's slaves' reactions after being freed with (potentially) full memory - Twilight's slaves feel they've lost something precious and argue that it's impossible for Twilight to ever set one of her slaves free with full memory, while Celestia's slaves not only choose to be free from her control, they work as hard as possible to keep her from retaking control... Twilight's slaves are happier and more fulfilled while they're hers than Celestia's are, with the trade-off for that being that it's much harder for Twilight to release someone...
6787260 As far as the erosion of Twilight's morals goes, it's generally accepted that in life-and-death situations, the usual moral considerations can take a back seat. The question is whether, having crossed lines through necessity, she'll apologise to Luna later, or go on to cross those same lines again through mere desire.
One promising thing is her resisting the temptation to get an orgy going with the Wonderbolts - partly just the fact she resisted the urge, and partly that she looks forward to the actual seduction of getting them to agree to her full control - as long as the seduction is more fun than a quick zap, that's going to give her a reason to make sure her recruits are, more-or-less, volunteers. Her reprogramming Rainbow also points in a good direction.
Had it been me I would have gone a much longer route with the take down of Celestia, I could go into excessive detail about it all but the short and long of it is to charm Twilight's brother aka the Captain of the Guard! Also he's got that insanely powerful shield spell he can use, what if Celestia uses him against her or something like that, I'd have taken him down first with the charm then worked on taking her down. Again longer version would make more sense but it's also long lol. Awesome chapter loved every bit of it especially the ending as it was one I did not anticipate, really eager for the next chapter though I certainly hope it won't be anywhere near the last
6788275
We don't see many side-effects of what Celestia does. That's exactly the problem. Twilight's use of the charm binds her victims far more than her initial control. We don't see the same with Celestia. Neither can be trusted with it, but from all we can see, Celestia still leaves less long-term damages.
Also, the "happiness" Twilight's victims feel doesn't make her victims truly happy. Zecora and Rarity don't want to be her slaves. What they experience is more akin to an addiction. One that Twilight brought on them. And one for whom she should not get off easily.
Addendum: Goddammit, how did I miss the entire last part of the chapter? I thought I read through everything. Well, that changes some things.
Okay, after that... I seriously want to see Twilight suffer. This is getting ridiculous. Even when she should be in despair, she gets everything handed to her. It's honestly getting frustrating. At this point, I'm more inclined to wish Celestia wins. If Twilight truly wishes to make amends, someone should have the option of doing more than just ranting at her for a bit; anything less is cowardly.
6788351 We don't have the opportunity to see side effects from Celestia's control - we have most of a chapter with Twilight oblivious, and then another chapter or so with her knowing something's up, but not what, while we have twenty-something chapters of the effects of Twilight's controls.
Zecora and Rarity had more options than just staying as they were or getting Twilight to turn them back into slaves - rather than trying to come up with commands that would let them stay free while resolving their problems with their memories of their actions, or otherwise clear up Twilight's mess, they decided that their best option was to negotiate the conditions of their slavery instead. Okay, it's still choosing the lesser evil, but, consciously or otherwise, they dismissed the options that could have let them live with being free.
And if you try to argue that Rainbow isn't really happy getting to have kinky sex with all her friends, or Pinky isn't happy getting to add sex parties to the repertoire, or that Applejack isn't really happy being in love with Twilight, then we're never going to agree...
6788386
I missed the last part of the chapter. No idea why. That must've been an issue with the browser when I downloaded the whole thing in text format. So yeah, Rarity and Zecora chose to become slaves again. Something I'm very unhappy with. It feels like letting Twilight off the hook, again, when she should finally be forced to do some real penance, lest any improvement on her part feels hollow and Twilight comes across as a coward.
6785738 There's doing a Running Comment and trying to Critique the entire chapter, Your attempting to do both, and failing. If your going to do it, Knock out what really is just you saying "MMhmm yea it's good." and leave in the ones that state why the section is good, like "Its a good plan that Twilight created, needing Luna to fail her for the critical moments, Sometimes you need to give false information in order to set the winning stakes in a battle."
6788457
Whoa wait, time out, I'm not a critic, I wasn't doing critique, I was just pointing out how I REALLY liked certain elements mixed in with reaction videos, snarking, and, whatever else I had.
6787368 I liked their comment actually...
6788460 Critiquing isn't always Negative, some can be positive. however riposting the parts then commenting on them, not only extends a comment which should in all honesty remain small. Making a comment with riposted content, brings onto many a writer of the commented chapter a fear that you are bringing forth corrections to their content, and telling them some things they did wrong or could have done better. Maybe instead of Posting a single long comment it would work better if you did a series of smaller comments, With detailed reasons for why your pulling content from the writers story and what your thoughts are on the content. It's more digestible, and less of a headache.
If I wanted to read through the story again, I'd just go back to the top of the chapter and read from there, there is no need for the content to be put in the comments, except for corrections and or to point out a few canonically established facts in a running conversation.
6788657
I wasn't critiquing. Positive or negative.
Beautiful new chapter. I do have a couple of questions.
1. When did Twilight cast the new charm on Zecora? I couldn't find it. She gives the command word and both Zecora and Rarity go under, but I can't see when she cast the upgraded charm on Zecora.
2. Nopony has described yet the aftermath of Twilight's failed attempt on Celestia, even though their memories are now returned. Twilight compelled them to wait by the door, but did they put up any kind of resistance beyond that when Celestia went to deal with them? No one seems to have recalled those events. They might be important, like say if Celestia can mass charm a number at once.
6789397
1) Two paragraphs before saying the keyphrase.
2) We don't actually see Celestia's cleanup, not even the parts Twilight was around for - the narrative stops after Twilight persuades Celestia to make her forget immediately, without even the commands to forget, let alone the details of anything else Twilight was involved in that day - and the next we know is Twilight's next visit to Canterlot.
It's possible that Celestia simply used Twilight to focus the others and make them accept Celestia casting the charm upon them rather than trying to charm them all without being commanded to accept it...