• Member Since 14th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

FolkloreBrony


Feed me, Seymour.

T

How can a pony, overshadowed by a dark past, taunted by her own self-conflict and doubt, ever hope to be able to shed the burden of being Nightmare Moon?

Nyx isn't sleeping well. For weeks, her dreams have been visited by a strange specter that haunts her, each dream growing more horrible than the last, her fears gaining a greater hold on her. As time passes the phantom draws closer, forcing Nyx to face the realm of the supernatural. Soon, the filly will be thrust into a world of wonder and imagination, where light and shadow are made into one, and everyone, and everything, deserves a second glance.


Author's Notes:

On Hiatus Until Fall 2020

This story was proof-read and edited by EverfreePony, Scaramouch, and Salty Alty.

Test read by Blackyoshi and Lucondrix.

Nyx belongs to Pen Stroke, and I take no credit in the creation of her character.

Cover art drawn by Folklore17 and colored by 0ndshok.

This story is an unofficial but spiritual sequel to Past Sins and Scarred Hearts. Reading them is recommended, but not necessarily required.

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 155 )

is 1 of the ponies in the cover from nightmare nightmare?

9774958 No, but I WOULD like to ask: what is Nightmare, Nightmare?

9775007 its the 3rd installment of the nightmare series, check it out on this link
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/248900/nightmare-nightmare

9775007
but i recommend reading the 1st story then the 2nd then finally the 3rd

9775169
Okay cool!

looks up the stories

oh, it's a human transplanted in a character's body, isn't it? Ohhhh...

“What about Mrs. Sauerkraut? You’ve got her right in the middle of our route,” Sweetie Belle asked, pointing out the mean old mare’s house. Mrs. Sauerkraut was notorious among the town’s children for being a rotten old hag, taking every opportunity she could to make them miserable, whether it be taking away toys that fell on her property to just straight up screaming at them. No one knew exactly why she was so cruel, but many of them theorized that she was from the depths of Tartarus itself.

May I introduce her to the business side of the Krautmower? Even she doesn't like it I'm sure everyone else will.

9775600
I'll have that show with a side of wienerschnitzel and brown beer

9775618
Do you even know what the Krautmower is?

9775626
The M45 Quad mount to be exact, sorry no beer but there is some Cream Soda.

A storm is brewing in the form of a conspiracy in the shadows,

9786812
Conspiracy is the bedfellow of the shadows

Lookin' good so far. I mean not the situation, the story itself :twilightsheepish:

9801938
*sees your comment*

*squeals in girly*

(Also expect more in the coming weeks!)

This is a very nice story! It reminds me of a more somber version of “Nightmare Night and Nyx,” right down to the cult trying to perform magic transfers on Nyx. She can’t catch a break!

The writing is mostly good, and I saw only a few errors, such as “technic” when you meant “technique.” I see a tendency to overwrite, which results in redundancies of thought. Like this:

Unknown to them from their quiet setting under the tree, a shadow watched them from the dark, staring at them with calculated interest. There the specter stood for a brief moment, observing the girl with his own eyes. He had waited for this moment for so many years, yet now that he was here, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

You don’t actually need that second sentence there, since you already said that the figure was staring at them. I noticed a lot of fragments like this throughout the story. Don’t be too alarmed, I see this in a lot of fanfictions, and it isn’t as bad here. Your pacing and character realizations are really good!

I look forward to your next update!

9811209
I actually wasn't aware of 'Nightmare Night and Nyx' until about a month AFTER I wrote this particular chapter. I'll admit there are slight similarities but they quickly part ways as this story goes along. My goal is to finish this story(I'm currently working on the 12th chapter and have 9 more to write) and then go back and do some extra cleaning up with my editors over things we might have missed

As to the second sentence, that is actually there to distinguish that he has left his host's body for a brief moment to look at Nyx with his own eyes, instead of seeing her through the mirrored version of the vessel. This was a point I was SUPPOSED to add, but when you're working on 7-9 thousand word chapters for 8 months straight I guess some details get lost. I'm glad you caught this.

That being said I thank you for your comment! I appreciate everyone who leaves one, but I hold fond the people who take the time to point things out and express themselves whether they like something or not. If you want to make sure you don't miss an update I'd suggest putting this in your tracking, since I'll be updating this every Saturday for the next 8 weeks. I hope you enjoy :twilightsmile:

9811209
Hah! I just looked at your profile. YOU'RE the one writing the Sixth Alicorn! I LOVE that story!

9811230
Thank you! I have Chapter 2 mostly done. I am revising it at present.

Mrs. Sauerkraut was notorious among the town’s children for being a rotten old hag, taking every opportunity she could to make them miserable, whether it be taking away toys that fell on her property to just straight up screaming at them.

I! HATE! SAUERKRAUT! That’s all I’m really trying to say.

9812618
She'll get what's coming to her, you'll see :)

9812637
I was making a reference to Albuquerque, but this is fine, too.

9812755
A song by Weird Al, it’s a fan favorite. It’s 11 and a half minutes of nonsense, but it’s funny nonsense.

He starts the song talking about his experiences with sauerkraut, and 10 minutes later he claims the only thing he was trying to say the entire time was “I! HATE! SAUERKRAUT!”.

9813260
What a random thing to be reminded of from this chapter.

I like it

Castle? 'Reformed Diamond Tiara'? I thought it's a "Past Sins"-based fic not Hasbro advertisment.

9818865
media2.giphy.com/media/3orieUyda3QynAL8ek/source.gif

Jokes aside, this takes place after the episode 'Crusaders of the Lost Mark'.

And besides, who doesn't like castles?

9818865
Can't tell if you're trolling or actually serious.

Jokes aside, this takes place after the episode 'Crusaders of the Lost Mark'.

Which was the worst episode at the time of it's release...

What next? Hysterics of Starshit Himmler and etc? Coming to EG-world?

OK may be you don't understand that not everything what Hasbro does is a canon by default (I don't treat as a canon everything after 4th season). But why mix in your work everything what people hate when you write a sequel to a fic based on very early seasons and can ignore any stupid idea like destroying Twilight's Library that will push away most of the readers? "Pen Stoke" did that before and failed miserably.

9818945
As much as I love Pen Stroke's work I feel that he's not going anywhere with the character he created all those years ago. I wanted to do my own thing, this is why I'm ignoring 'The Road Home'. I would suggest you wait to pass judgment on this until after a few more chapters and ignore the minor, inconsequential things in it like whether or not Twilight and her family are still living in an oak tree.

As for Diamond Tiera... I didn't necessarily care for how one-note her character arch in that episode was, either. At LEAST in terms of the Nyxverse, this is my interpretation on how to deal with her. If you want a little more context of what I'm doing with this character, I suggest you read Yukito's Scarred Hearts, since this is technically a sequel to that story as well.

In other words, I'll get back to Diamond in a minute, I'm not DONE with her, yet.

9818945
On another note concerning Starlight Glimmer; I don't like the character either, and I'm never going to write a story about her unless it's a complete character rehaul

9818945
Judging by the ratings of the story and every comment other than yours, your assertion that people dislike the story is what we like to call "wrong."

Seems to me that you're just a salty boi who should go ohhh.... I dunno... read things that don't trigger you. I'd suggest My Little Dashie.

On another note concerning Starlight Glimmer; I don't like the character either, and I'm never going to write a story about her unless it's a complete character rehaul

But a reader doesn't know that and will expect her appearence. May be 300 pages later. I've a habit to scroll down or search fics for a characters I prefer to be slowly burned.

Speaking about DT she is typical school bully with rich parents. Something common around the world. And no one of school bullies does the shit they usually do because their parents tell them do that. Adults have a different criterias for what they think is a success. Like money, good spouse and etc. but not doing shit to their clasmates. So 'reforming' of DT and blaming her mother is a shit I will not believe. What's more it directly rejects the responsibility for your own life. Technically MLP since 5th season is like that "throw hysterics and blame anybody else". And that's why people not just don't like but hate Starshit Himmler.

What's more there's episode with Babs Sid in MLP where the message is "tell adults". And DT and SS are afraid of that. They perfectly understand their parents will not approve their actions. So "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" contradicts prev. MLP episode. But it contradicts "Past Sins" either. When DT's parents come to Twilight they insist their daughter is innocent little angel and she couldn't do what she did to Nyx. Then DT being a child blurts out too much and her parents finally believe Twilight.

Contradictions between old fics and later official sources are very common thing. F. e. fics about Luna befoure her 1st dedicated episode. And normally fic-writers don't rewrite them. Pen Stroke added Shinig Armor to "Past Sins" and it was bad. So I don't understand why mix established AUs in fics with the show. Especially if AU and MLP have different rules.

What about Nyx. She's interesting character in her adult NMM form when she can and should do her own decisions. And despite all the shit of NMM memory inserted in her head she is really smart. Before that she mostly not a main character but an passive object and most of events happen around her. But as we know this adult form disappears in the end which terminates her character. And there's one interesting consequence as interest to what she can be when she would grow up naturally. And since her actions as NMM will affect her for decades it's rather obvious idea for sequel. In fact my interest to your work is a result of the cover art with her adult form.

Pen Stroke himself in "The Road Home" took literally everything people hate from every bad one-episode character to EG. "Past Sins" likes count 11.6k. "The Road Home" likes count 1.6k. Numbers say for themself. Even boring "Winter Bells" had IIRC 4.6k likes. I wouldn't say I'm surprised since been a huge fan of Nyx who spends much money for art with her I read 5 chapters and scrolled down 2 before tossing it away as a heresy.

9821178

But a reader doesn't know that and will expect her appearance. May be 300 pages later. I have a habit to scroll down or search fics for characters I prefer to be slowly burned.

Honest question, really. Why would you actively search out characters you know you don't care for? Seems like an unnecessary aggravation. And I don't know if saying kid Nyx can't be interesting, I think I've been doing a pretty good job with her character so far(at least all the feedback I've gotten towards her character points in that direction). But again, as I said, in order for you to really have a full picture of what's going on, you're gonna have to read more of the story as it comes out. In fact, I'll be uploading the next chapter in about an hour

9838306
OWO This is heartwarming

I know you've had criticism for the last two chapters but I think it's a great start for a fantastic story.
I am really enjoying reading this.

9849474
Criticism. Good or bad, it's always welcome

«Нет! Убирайся! - закричал он, нанося удары по ближайшему: существо воет от боли, когда оно отступает, другие в группе бросаются к нему, чтобы пожрать своего падающего товарища. Блейз побежал дальше на улицу, пытаясь уйти как можно дальше, когда его внезапно оттолкнуло на асфальт пара ужасных зверей, пытаясь оторвать от него нож, когда они пригвоздили его к земле.

Why did I read this moment in my head played from the Silent Hil in my head?

9850548
Well I don't know let me translate the section

*puts it in google*

*Laughs in Pyramid-head*

This has giving me deep deep deeeeeeeeep feels.

In the next chapter I hope we see Luna interact with this Gari mare, me thinks she is one of the original children of the night if I had to guess, and Eidolon is in fact the land Luna had taking them to.

Also, me thinks this master/father/silver mist figure took things a little to far in how they chose to get close to Nyx, tho some sort of conflict had to take place and you have done an amazing job writing it.

9850678
Y'all should get ready, cause the next 4 chapters I'm coming out of the gate swinging. The actions of the Father are that of someone on the edge.

And next chapter, huh?

Your wish is my command

:)

Interestingly, as I would have the reaction of Nyx when I saw that most of the sweets of the sweets on the tradition of the graduation are given to her statue?
P.S. извините за мой английский / sorry for my english

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