As a general rule, leaving your future bride at the altar and abandoning your entire family to flee the city of Canterlot is a bad idea.
Then again, you never know just who you'll meet on the train to your new life.
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Eakin
Joined 21st Feb, 2012 ·
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Eakin · 4.2k words · 234 10 · 2.7k views
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Had a long couple of days, so I thought I'd unwind by rush-writing something contrived but cute. Ended up being too long for my shorts compilation
Are you going to write a sequel where they figure out that they both left their spouse at the same altar? Because that is the next logical step. Probably with five to seven chapters, where they just move into wherever in chapter one, and then have them realize who they are in chapter four or so, then the next chapter or two for dealing with it, then the next chapter where they actually fall for each other or some other plot bunny.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5283634
It is a promising start, isn't it? But probably not. Already chasing more than enough plot bunnies.
Yes.
EDIT: When will I learn not to be 'that guy?' Signs point to never. It seems like something the show might put out if they ever tackled the arranged marriages/non-fairy tale love aspect of life. Which they won't. 'Contrived but cute' really fits this. Yeah, it's pure author set-up and EVERYONE but the two characters knows EXACTLY what is going on but it's cute.
"Whoa, that’s so cool!”"
The opening quotation mark appears to be missing.
5283746
Good catch! Fixed.
Yep, very cute.
Am I the only one who sees a Journey reference here?
I'm really like this story, just wish we could see more, like some misadventures in Baltimare, and the inevitable truth of who they really are
5283864
I wrote this on a whim, but I'd be lying if I said I couldn't expand upon it. Don't currently plan to, though.
I rather enjoyed this.
Man, these two sure are thick. But cute! But stupid. But so cute!
5283828 Before even reading, this is what I noticed. Open story -> go do stuff in other tabs -> "why am I humming Journey?"
5283828 No, I'm the one who spotted the Journey reference and is afraid to even start reading. I don't like Journey.
5284108
I can promise that it's purely a cosmetic reference.
5283892 Adding to Tracking, just in case.
I didn't even read the premise on the principle that Eakin wrote this.
All I knew was that this was going to involve a train and romance.
Third paragraph in:
This was the moment when I went, "I KNOW HOW THIS STORY IS GOING TO PLAY OUT".
Even though it isn't high on your priority, I do wish for a followup for this delightful one shot.
5284165
Probably wise. I've always seen the 'Complete' tag as more of a suggestion than anything else.
5284124 I like how neither of them figured out the blatantly obvious fact that they're currently falling for the pony they were scheduled to marry anyway.
5284173
Maybe someday! No promises, though.
5284180
In-universe justification!
5284108
you...
dont...
like...
Journey...
DIE HERETIC!!!
5283650 Your problem is that you are chasing them, you should be setting up traps and letting them come to you. Try baiting the traps with images from derpibooru and deviantart.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
I want this to be a full multi-chapter story so hard. Or at least see their reaction when they inevitably realize they were actually going to be married to one another.
The next chapter could happen a few months later, and while pondering on his friendship with Emma (which is a weird name for a pony, I think) he finds a scroll in the bin from her mother scolding her for skipping out on them at the wedding. The rest is easy to figure out.
And you could call it Street Lights
A squeal would be great but maybe this story is good enough that it can stand on its own and leave it to the reader to come up with their own ideas of what happens next.
This was a nice little story
It's always amusing to see the two who were initially supposed to be together meeting under a random happenstance and hitting it off.
I wouldn't mind seeing more of this, even if you have pretty much ended it already.
Gee, I wonder who she could be.
GEE, I WONDER WHO SHE COULD BE.
GEE, I— alright, alright, I'll knock it off. Still, if you telegraphed that any harder, you'd raise Morse from the dead. Of course, that's probably the point.
I don't even like eggplant, and you made that sandwich sound delicious. Or maybe I'm just hungry.
Okay, reached the end, and yeah, that was definitely the point. The hilarious part is that their parents were actually right. If they had broken with tradition a little, they probably wouldn't have egg on their faces right now. On the other hand, these two probably wouldn't be as happy as they likely will be in Baltimare.
Also, I can't help but think that you yourself were the third passenger in the car. "I'm writing you two and I'm sick of you! Get a move on!"
Thank you for a great story of star-crisscrossed lovers with a happily hopeful (and hopefully happy) ending.
Cute stuff! I'm glad they didn't find out by the end, it's funnier to imagine the conversation in a few weeks' time. :) Thanks for writing!
Very cute.
5284890 Well tell me please because it's way too early and I don't know who Emerald Dream is supposed to be!
Except that it reminds me of a terrible OC idea I'd had, for a filly named Sapphire Fire, with the nickname "Sophie." She ended up dying in a fire in a fic I never wrote. I'm such a good author....
Dude, stop pulling my leg here. This is way too short and too good to leave as is.
Nicely done, mate. The little twist is more obvious in hindsight, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this quite a bit.
Kudos, man. Thumbs up.
Despite the fact I knew where this was going the second I saw the "Waiiiiiiiit!" part I love the fact that you never outright say that it's the two newlyweds falling in love with one another. Masterstroke of subtly.
Perfect telegraphing. Equestria: The land where one in a million coincidences happen every day.
Dear Mom and Dad.
Don't send the gifts back. The two of us will be home shortly.
Your son,
Stuffed Shirt
Based on just this, I'm going to guess that the bride ran too, and they're on the same train.
Saying what we're all thinking.
I love that this is a one-shot and the reveal never actually happens. I wonder how long it'll take them to find out. :P
Am disappoint, 5283650 . Am very disappoint.
5285826
If I kept going with it, I'd have to do it as a sequel. Because I think it turns into a clopfic pretty damn quickly and this story is rated Everyone.
5285068
The idea of an OC named Sapphire Fire who dies in a fire is something I find darkly hilarious for some reason.
5285694
5285379
I trust my readers to be bright enough to connect the dots on their own, which I've always felt is a more rewarding reading experience than being blatantly told what happened.
5285883 Then you may find the entire story surrounding that even funnier.
Her father's Hephaestus Ironwright, a blacksmith and my avatar. Depending on what backstory I give at the time, he was either almost killed as a lad in his father's smithy and saved by their pet Phoenix, Enfermo, practically fusing with him, or he's an experimental fighter voluntarily transformed by Celestia to better fight the Thestrals Nightmare Moon created.
Sapphire Fire (I had also had her name as Soft Fire, which just changed to Sapphire due to homophones) got part of the phoenix blood in her, making it so she has a sixth sense of where fires will start, but none of the rejuvenation abilities. So, she becomes Equestria's first firefighter, able to respond nearly instantly when a fire starts, but one day during a drought, before Cloudsdale started keeping a minimum cloud count for the nation, she ends up dying while saving a hobbled mare and her infant. She's honored even now, as the suits they wear in current-day Equestria are modeled after her coat and mane colors.
And the saddest part? Her death was all to just push her father into a nomadic and self-destructive cycle of plying his craft and killing himself whenever he got the chance, until finally he's nearly crazy enough to take on the Solar Monarch, as she'd started killing off all hybrids like himself, and he'd convinced himself she'd been responsible for his first and only daughter's death. Mwahahaha, and stuff.
It also doesn't matter that I say all this, because I'm never going to write this fic. It was supposed to be a tie-in with a friend's fic, but we realized that it's just dumb and a waste of time.
This was cute! A joy to read.
Just because a story is interesting/compelling doesn't mean it needs expanding or a sequel. Extending it into an overly complicated food metaphor, sometimes a salad is an appetizer: a precursor to the larger meal to come. Sometimes a salad is just a salad. To me, this story works fine as just a salad. Leaving it up to the reader to use their imagination to ponder where these characters go gives the entire thing a very light, charming mood.
And for something described as "rush-writing," it's rather thought provoking. Sometimes you just have to take that leap and make the crazy decision.
I've said too much about this already. Nice story. :)
5286018
I think Tinker and Emma would wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments.
All my best writing is rush-writing. Lots of caffeine and a glass or two of red wine is the perfect recipe for letting out the good sort of crazy that so much of what I post here springs from. I'm quite happy with this as a standalone, and as I said I'd do any expansion of it as a sequel with a more lenient rating.
this is way to easy to see through. a nice first try
I thoroughly enjoyed this story! It was well-paced and had nice writing. However, right when it said "a green mare", I knew it was Emerald Dream. Maybe you could change it to a different "green" word? Emerald just gave it away for me.
Its awesome that they both left their wedding and happened to come together on their own. Reminds me of a less cheesy version of the disney sleeping beauty.
Hum...
Oh, bloody hell, it is completed? Darn, I wanted more.
Alright, this was a very nice little story. Really enjoyed it, although I am a bit dissapointed at the lack of continuation. Oh well, what can we do?
Still, kudos on you, Eakin ^^
5286106 5286157
It's supposed to be obvious.
5285662
Plot Twist: Princess Cadence is on the train back to the Crystal Empire after finding out she no longer has to officiate a wedding for the local gem/clothing barons as both the bride and groom eloped.
5286396 then whats the point?
5286684 Was the surprise factor of realizing that Emma was Emerald Dream the only thing you got from this story?
Okey dokey. Super sweet story regardless.
someone needs to make this into one of those 150000 word stories