• Member Since 10th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 5th, 2017

Cesar


Just another brony trying to figure out my special talent. Can I be a crusader now???

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Comments ( 39 )

Nice touch. Good job. :pinkiehappy:

I like it. =)

D'awwwwwww
That was a sweet one-shot. I couldn't find anything wrong at all.
Also, I say this'll get featured. Called it!
Faved and liked :twilightsmile:

THIS WILL BE FEATURED.
NO ONE WILL DENY IT. :flutterrage:

D'awwwwww indeed:twilightsmile:

If this is a one shot, why does it say chapter 1?
What could come next?
What will Shiny do?
Will Twilight fix her book?
Will I stop asking questions?

Ughhhhh so much syrupy cuteness.... :applecry:
I need to watch something manly now.
Have a favorite.

???

483687 will not deny you say? well...i say deny it! nah i'm just kidding

483727 to answer your last question no your wont:twilightsmile:
and it says completed

That was adorable. Short and to the point.
Flow::twilightsmile: It was good, but it seemed to run a tad bit fast.
Content::raritystarry: A heart wrenching story with a great ending that stole all my D'awws for the day.
Canon::twilightsmile: Stayed along the lines of the show pretty well, but a bit out of character in spots.
Buildup/Emotions::ajbemused: It ran a bit too fast to actually give you time to process the emotion, but it was still a good story.
Grammar/Spelling::raritystarry: Amazing dahling. Simply stunning.
Overall::twilightsmile:4/5. Keep up the writing!

BR

Feature. Callin' it. I like it.

Aw! Big bro and little sis... I love it! XD

Wow. I'm speechless. I wasn't expecting such a positive reaction to my first story, but wow! Thank you all so much for your feedback and favorites!

483992 Thanks for the review! I see what you mean about it going a bit fast, and while I think that was partly because I was already exhausted when I started writing it late last night, I know I have no excuse. I'll be sure to slow it down a bit in the future.

483727 Yes, it's a one-shot- I think FIMFiction just assigns it a chapter number if you don't put a specific title. However, it's only somewhat a one-shot. The story actually came from a little bit of my world-building for another story that I intend to finish. I'm not going to give away anything right now, but let's just say that Shining Armor is best pony :scootangel:

484214
Too cool for you to handle, huh?
i1093.photobucket.com/albums/i437/RainsongSkywatcher/too_cool_for_you_by_pokerface3699-d486bdq-1.png
(Also, Im in the middle of writing a story called: Of Moonlight and Sunlight ;D)

This was a nice story. It went fast (Not as fast as me!), but thats why I took a moment to read it. Twas short and sweet! Nice going for a first try!

As soon as I started reading the part that Twilight heard that there was fighting going on and then she realized it was her brother that was doing the fighting, I instantly imagined a dramatic reading or even a scene going on with "Guile's Theme" in the background. Or more specifically it started when he said "You. Will. Not. Hurt. Her.". Great job my dear Brony. Great job indeed.

Great story. A little too short, but still great.

D'awww.:heart:

-Man tear slides down cheek-
that was amazing

the fact that you have references from both g1&2 just made me facehoof. also, so Much FLUFFINESS!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

515941 hahahahaha! I was wondering if anyone would catch that! As far as I know, you're the first, so congrats! To be fair, the g1 story would make a pretty good kid's book, and Twilight would probably read it. And Ace seemed like a good name for the bully.

This is why we need a heartwarming tag. It was more heartwarming than anything and the G1 references were a nice touch.

:heart: Aww. And I liked the G1 references too.

...Damn. Did those bullies actually come close to KILLING Shining Armor?

1372412 kids don't know their own strength, and generally don't have enough experience to know how to hold back. He took quite the beating, and from the way I gather that unicorn magic works, a little kid using so much raw power after a pounding like that would cause huge stress on the body.
Plus, it shows just how far shining armor is willing to go to protect his little sister, and as the oldest in my family with little sisters of my own, this was the feeling I really wanted to capture.
(Also, sorry if this comment seems late- I've been on a writing/fimfiction hiatus for the last few months, what with school and my voice acting and everything. I hope to return to more writing someday soon, but I'm not making any promises. Writing is hard! :twilightblush: )

A cute little story, brought to life by Scribbler's reading. The G1 reference was indeed a nice touch. Though I will say the story beats were pretty generic. Would've been more interesting to have a different antagonist beyond the usual stock bullies. Doesn't have to be extravagant, since I can tell this fic was meant to be a simple fluff piece (and that's not a knock against it, quite the opposite. Nothing wrong with simplicity).

Was quite surprised to see Shining armour almost die, though this could've been Twilight not knowing where on the chest to listen for a heartbeat. Overall, a decent if well-trodden story that could've done with a little spice to make it stand out more.

I'll be generous and give it a 7/10. It is a small heart warmer, after all, and it succeeds in that regard :).

Edit: I just noticed this was your first fic. Are you new to writing? If so, then the neatness of the pros and on-point descriptions aid in setting the scene well. I look forward to reading more of your stuff, and as far as first stories go, you can do a lot worse than a typical, but polished little story that brings a smile to people's faces :).

This kind of makes me think of my own younger brother when he was younger, I promised that if I ever saw him getting bullied, those bullies would have to answer to me, now that he is older, he can better take care of himself, particularly since he takes power-lifting at school. I was particularly saddened in the part when Shining Armor was passed out because it kind of reminded me from another perspective of something I used to do when my brother would "get me" and I would "play dead" and had a tendency to stretch it out a bit until he started getting noticeably upset. until now, I tended to look at it through the lens of funny stories from "back then" never thinking about it being on the other side of the equation so to speak.

9628368
Wish there was a method to add thumbs up to this reading Scribbler, you did a fantastic job (almost had me in tears a couple of times, especially seeing as I am an older sibling myself so it hit me rather close to home), anyways, as I was saying you did a fantastic job which I guess shouldn't be a surprise, as I don't think I've ever listened to one of these that wasn't. Anywho, being unable to do multiple thumbs-up, I'll do the next best thing:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::yay::yay::heart::heart::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: mixed with :fluttershysad::pinkiesad2::raritydespair::applecry:

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