Chapter 1
First Defender
Twilight trotted down the city street, book levitating in front of her. The small filly had only learned how to levitate objects a few weeks ago, but she picked it up as if she had been doing it her whole life. And what better use was there for the spell than to continue her reading? It was getting to the best part too; the evil horned monster with the arms of an ape was fighting the group of heroic ponies, and had just unleashed his beam of darkness. Twilight turned the page…
And crashed into another pony, sending her book flying. Flustered and disoriented from the sudden jolt back to reality, Twilight looked up to see a colt a few years older than she was looking down at her.
“Watch where you’re going, egghead!” he snarled. Twilight squeaked in fear as she recognized him. It was Ace, the ill-tempered sports jock she’d seen at school a few times. Behind him, Twilight noticed two of his friends looking down at her, sneering.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you,” she managed to mutter as she tried to pick her book up. The colt slammed his hoof down onto the open pages.
“What’s this?” he glared at Twilight, “some namby-pamby kid’s book?”
“N-no, it’s not!” Twilight stammered. The other two colts laughed at her obvious fear. Ace waved his hoof and they trotted forward slowly until they had her surrounded. Twilight did not like where this was going.
“What is it then?”
Twilight gulped. “It’s called, um, Rescue from Midnight Castle. It’s about these ponies on a mission to save their friends from a monster and-”
“Save it.” Ace interrupted. He grinned at his friends before looking back at her. “Well boys, looks like I’ve got some reading to do. You don’t mind if I take this, do you?”
“But… I was…”
“Great.” Ace said as he snatched it, turned around, and trotted away, his friends following suit. Twilight stared at him in shock as he trotted away with her book. Her book!
“N-no! That’s mine! You can’t have it!” Twilight cried after them. Ace paused and turned around.
“You want this back?” he said. Then he did the unthinkable. He grabbed a few pages and, with all the force he could muster, ripped it out of the book. “Come and get it!” he snarled as he threw the rest of the book into a nearby mud puddle. He turned around and laughed loudly along with his two companions.
Twilight just sat there in shock. He had just destroyed a book! DESTROYED A BOOK! In all of Twilight’s short life, she had never seen anything as horrible. It was more than she could bear. She collapsed to the ground and, as the colts continued to laugh mercilessly at her, she began to cry. Ace saw this and began to laugh harder.
“What’s the matter egghead? You want your mommy?” With that, his friends doubled over with laughter. Twilight
sobbed furiously, covering her face with her hooves. How could anypony do something so cruel? What had she done to deserve this?
Suddenly there was a loud shout and the laughing abruptly stopped. Twilight, crying, pulled her head up a little bit so she could see what was going on.
The three colts were fighting with somepony. Twilight couldn’t make out who it was through her tears, but they were definitely putting up a fight. She wiped her eyes and was able to make out a deep blue mane with an electric blue streak. Suddenly she knew exactly who had come to her rescue.
It was her brother.
“Shiny!” she cried out in panic. He turned to look at her and took a hoof to the side, knocking the wind out of him.
“Twilie… run!” He panted. The bullies seized the opportunity and began to pummel him into the ground. Shining Armor kicked and bucked at the colts, but he was outnumbered three to one. Ace delivered a swift kick to his head, and he collapsed. His opponents jeered at the defenseless colt lying on the ground, clutching his horn in agony.
Twilight was frozen in place. Sheer horror had taken over her and she couldn’t move a muscle. All she could do was look at Shining Armor as he laid there on the ground on the verge of consciousness.
“You’re still here, filly? Good. Round two, I guess,” Ace said viciously, advancing towards her. Twilight cowered in fear. The three bullies surrounded her again, their laughter filled with nothing but pure malice.
“You. Will. Not. Hurt. Her.” Shining Armor panted weakly. The grim determination in his voice made the bullies stop their laughing.
“And what are you going to do about it, huh?” Ace sneered contemptuously.
In response, Shining Armor’s horn began to weakly glow with magic. Ace laughed a little, but his laughter died as the spell grew stronger. The wind picked up all down the all but empty street, growing in power. Twilight looked up in awe at her big brother, whose eyes turned brilliant white with raw magic. Suddenly, there was an enormous explosion of magenta magic, sending the bullies flying down the street.
As the bullies picked themselves up and ran away in fright, Shining Armor collapsed to the ground. Twilight picked herself up and ran over to him.
“Big brother?” There was no response. She tried shaking him a little bit. “Big brother?” She pressed her ear to his chest.
She didn’t hear anything.
“Shiny?” Her lips began to tremble. “Shiny wake up. It’s me, Twilight. Your little sister. Come on Shiny, you’ve got to get up!” Still no response. She shook him as hard as she could. She pressed her ear to his chest again. Still nothing.
“SHINY!” she cried, tears starting to flow down her face again. She pounded on his chest again and again, hoping he would get up. He had to get up! He was her Big brother! He would always get up! He had to!
He had to.
“Please… please… get up Shiny.” She sobbed. “Shiny…”
Twilight pressed her ear to his chest one more time… and heard a very faint breath.
“Sh-shiny?” Shining Armor’s eyes opened a tiny bit.
“Hey there… sis.” He weakly whispered.
“SHINY!” Twilight tackled him in the biggest bear hug he had ever received, crying with sheer joy. “I thought I’d almost lost you, Shiny.”
“Wouldn’t… ever leave you Twi.” He smiled. Twilight smiled and hugged him tighter. Then she noticed something.
“Shiny! You got your cutie mark!”
“Really?” said Shining Armor, still too weak to move, “What is it?”
“A shield. It’s a shield with a star in it!”
He chuckled faintly. “How fitting.” He turned and looked up at Twilight. “Hey Twi?”
“Yes Shiny?”
“I love you.”
Twilight smiled. “I love you too, big brother. Now let’s get you home.”
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Nice touch. Good job.
I like it. =)
Aww~
So sweet
D'awwwwwww
That was a sweet one-shot. I couldn't find anything wrong at all.
Also, I say this'll get featured. Called it!
Faved and liked
THIS WILL BE FEATURED.
NO ONE WILL DENY IT.
D'awwwwww indeed
If this is a one shot, why does it say chapter 1?
What could come next?
What will Shiny do?
Will Twilight fix her book?
Will I stop asking questions?
Ughhhhh so much syrupy cuteness....
I need to watch something manly now.
Have a favorite.
483687 will not deny you say? well...i say deny it! nah i'm just kidding
483727 to answer your last question no your wont
and it says completed
That was adorable. Short and to the point.
It was good, but it seemed to run a tad bit fast.
A heart wrenching story with a great ending that stole all my D'awws for the day.
Stayed along the lines of the show pretty well, but a bit out of character in spots.
It ran a bit too fast to actually give you time to process the emotion, but it was still a good story.
Amazing dahling. Simply stunning.
4/5. Keep up the writing!
Flow:
Content:
Canon:
Buildup/Emotions:
Grammar/Spelling:
Overall:
Feature. Callin' it. I like it.
Aw! Big bro and little sis... I love it! XD
Wow. I'm speechless. I wasn't expecting such a positive reaction to my first story, but wow! Thank you all so much for your feedback and favorites!
483992 Thanks for the review! I see what you mean about it going a bit fast, and while I think that was partly because I was already exhausted when I started writing it late last night, I know I have no excuse. I'll be sure to slow it down a bit in the future.
483727 Yes, it's a one-shot- I think FIMFiction just assigns it a chapter number if you don't put a specific title. However, it's only somewhat a one-shot. The story actually came from a little bit of my world-building for another story that I intend to finish. I'm not going to give away anything right now, but let's just say that Shining Armor is best pony
Cool story bro
483687
Awwwwww too late bro, beat you to it
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484195
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Too cool for you to handle, huh?
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(Also, Im in the middle of writing a story called: Of Moonlight and Sunlight ;D)
Awesome!
484239
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484281
LOLNOPE
Missed me!
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This was a nice story. It went fast (Not as fast as me!), but thats why I took a moment to read it. Twas short and sweet! Nice going for a first try!
As soon as I started reading the part that Twilight heard that there was fighting going on and then she realized it was her brother that was doing the fighting, I instantly imagined a dramatic reading or even a scene going on with "Guile's Theme" in the background. Or more specifically it started when he said "You. Will. Not. Hurt. Her.". Great job my dear Brony. Great job indeed.
Great story. A little too short, but still great.
D'awww.
-Man tear slides down cheek-
that was amazing
the fact that you have references from both g1&2 just made me facehoof. also, so Much FLUFFINESS!!!!!
515941 hahahahaha! I was wondering if anyone would catch that! As far as I know, you're the first, so congrats! To be fair, the g1 story would make a pretty good kid's book, and Twilight would probably read it. And Ace seemed like a good name for the bully.
This is why we need a heartwarming tag. It was more heartwarming than anything and the G1 references were a nice touch.
1372412 kids don't know their own strength, and generally don't have enough experience to know how to hold back. He took quite the beating, and from the way I gather that unicorn magic works, a little kid using so much raw power after a pounding like that would cause huge stress on the body.
)
Plus, it shows just how far shining armor is willing to go to protect his little sister, and as the oldest in my family with little sisters of my own, this was the feeling I really wanted to capture.
(Also, sorry if this comment seems late- I've been on a writing/fimfiction hiatus for the last few months, what with school and my voice acting and everything. I hope to return to more writing someday soon, but I'm not making any promises. Writing is hard!
A cute little story, brought to life by Scribbler's reading. The G1 reference was indeed a nice touch. Though I will say the story beats were pretty generic. Would've been more interesting to have a different antagonist beyond the usual stock bullies. Doesn't have to be extravagant, since I can tell this fic was meant to be a simple fluff piece (and that's not a knock against it, quite the opposite. Nothing wrong with simplicity).
Was quite surprised to see Shining armour almost die, though this could've been Twilight not knowing where on the chest to listen for a heartbeat. Overall, a decent if well-trodden story that could've done with a little spice to make it stand out more.
I'll be generous and give it a 7/10. It is a small heart warmer, after all, and it succeeds in that regard :).
Edit: I just noticed this was your first fic. Are you new to writing? If so, then the neatness of the pros and on-point descriptions aid in setting the scene well. I look forward to reading more of your stuff, and as far as first stories go, you can do a lot worse than a typical, but polished little story that brings a smile to people's faces :).
This kind of makes me think of my own younger brother when he was younger, I promised that if I ever saw him getting bullied, those bullies would have to answer to me, now that he is older, he can better take care of himself, particularly since he takes power-lifting at school. I was particularly saddened in the part when Shining Armor was passed out because it kind of reminded me from another perspective of something I used to do when my brother would "get me" and I would "play dead" and had a tendency to stretch it out a bit until he started getting noticeably upset. until now, I tended to look at it through the lens of funny stories from "back then" never thinking about it being on the other side of the equation so to speak.
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mixed with 
Wish there was a method to add thumbs up to this reading Scribbler, you did a fantastic job (almost had me in tears a couple of times, especially seeing as I am an older sibling myself so it hit me rather close to home), anyways, as I was saying you did a fantastic job which I guess shouldn't be a surprise, as I don't think I've ever listened to one of these that wasn't. Anywho, being unable to do multiple thumbs-up, I'll do the next best thing