Just a person that reads, writes, and reviews stuff. Oh, and draws.
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Twist didn't have her cutie mark, and she wanted her cutie mark just as much as Apple Bloom did. Diamond Tiara's party was only a few hours away, and it was the last chance she had at getting her cutie mark.
Simple story written for Idea Contest #7 in Weekly Contests
Prompt: "For the Last time"
Coverart done by (I'm not really sure)
Congrats to Bad Dragon for the heads up and suggestions on the idea.
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Not a bad little story considering it focused on Twist.
You probably mean "The Experiment That Got Twist Her Cutie Mark" to be the story title.
This was a really neat idea, and I think you did a good job of writing something that I could see happening in the show.
Some things you could work on:
you say "her favorite sweet/treat" a little to much at the beginning, and in the story some parts of the wording seem to be a little off.
the story seems to jump from one point to another a lot, and you could slow it down with a little more description or something else to bridge the gap a little more between points.
5164335 I thank you greatly for taking the time to read my story, and I'll be sure to check with those mistakes at a more convenient time. Again, thank you for reading.
Cover art looks like Egophiliac's work, might wanna put those two together on Derpibooru to find the actual source.
In any case, this looks interesting. Can't wait to read it!
A very nice little story, and I don't think it getting the love it probably deserves. You have potential.
And I hope above all else you had twice as much fun writing this as I had reading it!
5179447 Heh, thanks a lot. Your comment is much appreciated.
Heheh that's an awesome story you have there, man! I enjoyed reading this!
Kudos to you, man. Other than the few errors around, this makes a great piece of text (I love repeating myself)
You keep ending dialogue with commas even when there aren't dialogue tags or descriptors related to the dialogue. If the remainder of the sentence isn't something like "Twist said" or otherwise related to what's being spoken, the dialogue should end with a period.
This should be "pace".
Verbs need to be consistent; she walked and dropped.
Just some examples of places where commas are missing...
Rereading your own work helps to catch extra words like this.
That's pretty awkwardly worded, and it could be much clearer.
It would be better to say "put on" or "wore".
You've shifted from past tense to present tense.
There are a number of other errors as well. I like the general idea, but I really have to recommend that you work with an editor before I can approve this for the Twist group.
5195851 Alright, I'll have them worked on. Thanks for taking the time to read it.