I was so close to tasting it...
Twist and Apple Bloom went home their separate ways after being humiliated by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon on not having their cutie marks. Twist assured Apple Bloom not to worry about them, but she herself was trembling on thought of going to the party celebrating Diamond Tiara's cutie mark and she didn't have hers.
"Oh no, It would be like a disaster going there without a cutie mark," Twist had sped up her paste to get home as quickly as she could. The party was in the evening of that very day, and Twist couldn't risk the horror of her along with Apple Bloom not having cutie marks.
She rushed right in through the doors, and her glasses fell right onto the floor. "Oh darn," Twist quickly picked it up and looked at the frame to make sure everything was alright, but the right lens was cracked a little at the bottom left corner. "Guess I'm gonna have to get a new lens for this thing, again," she walked over to the kitchen area and drop the glasses right on the kitchen table and headed straight for her room.
She had passed the living room along the way. "Hi Mom, Hi Dad!" she said waving her hoof.
"Good evening Twisty, there's some food in the kitchen for you to eat and afterwards you could have at your favorite treat," her Mom replied waving back.
"Okay!" Twist hopped up and down hearing she will be eating her favorite treat as a desert.
"Don't for forget to do your homework, Twist. Your grades are important."
"Don't worry Daddy, I won't forget. But I won't do well without having a bite of my favorite sweet," Twist winked. She quickly left their presence heading back into the kitchen and taking up her plate of food and her desert and carrying the plate on her muzzle into her bedroom.
Her room being nothing, but a white bed having the patterns of peppermint, her favorite sweet, and a desk that was right near a window and her colored in similar patterns it was the ideal room for her to come into after a day of school just for her to dream away about peppermints.
Twist closed the door and rested the plate of food she had on her small desk near the window. She stopped and listened for if her parents were moving about the halls. After a few seconds of listening, she came to an affirmation of hearing that the coast was clear.
"Alright, it's time for the experiment, heyuk, "Twist rubbed her hooves together looking at her closet door. She opened up the door and pulled out the tools needed to create her own favorite sweet. A large experimental kit of different kinds of things used to make the perfect peppermint sticks.
Twist wears on a small lab coat, puts on two black gloves, and then puts a pair goggles over her eyes, "Alright," she says with confident expression, "Let's get this experiment going!" She hopped up and down a few times before starting an experiment which her a little over an hour to get around completing the experiment.
She read books upon books that told her recipes of creating her own peppermint sticks and some others that told of experiment that told her how to make it from scratch. Twist didn't have the money to keep the books that she happened to read from different unexpected encountering, so she had to remember all the steps it took to complete this experiment.
Twist tells her friends that the great tasting peppermint sticks offered to them were made by her, but the truth was she always got her mother to help her make them, but this experiment had to be done so that could she could finally have ownership over the peppermint sticks she offered her friends.
It was only a little over a half an hour till Diamond's Cutsie Senora party, and she was on the verge of completing her experiment. "Almost done," Twist said carefully pulling up the peppermint stick from out of the chemical water with a small metal clincher. "Just need to eat this thing, and I'm done!"
But there was a sudden knock on her door, and Twist quickly jumped up and released her clincher, dropping her peppermint stick back into the boiling chemical cup. The stick cracked up into small fragments inside the cup and caused a small explosion.
Twist's room was filled with a black smog. She scurried over to her window and opened it up to release the bad air with her bedroom. She hung her head out of the window and took off her goggles and had on a sad expression, a tear going down her face, "Just my luck, now I'll have to go to the party as a blank flank, be teased by Diamond Tiara and her friends, and on top of it all the experiment was a fail because I never got to taste my hard work."
The air inside her room got a little clearer after the small explosion she had experienced. She moved away from away from the window and to the spot where she did her experiment, but it was only just a black stain of all of her hard work, "There's goes my chances of making any on my own now." Twist let out a small sigh and turned back to look at her flank.
Her eyes widened, and a large appeared on her face staring at what was her official cutie mark, two peppermint sticks that intersected at the bottom parts forming the symbol of a heart which showed and represented her love for peppermint sticks. Twist hopped up and down in her room yelling with joy.
"Yeah! Alright! I got my cutie mark!" Twist turned looked at it again. "And it looks so beautiful! I wonder if Apple Bloom had gotten hers? That would so cool if she had gotten hers too. We wouldn't have to worry about showing up to Diamond Tiara's party this evening at all!"
There was another knock on Twist's door. Her Mother calling from outside, "Twisty dear, someone is knocking at the door for you. Answer the door quickly now."
"Yes, Mommy!" Twist took off her torn lab coat and ran over to her dresser that now had a cracked mirror that was a result of her failed experiment. It was still good enough for her to see her mane. She passed her hooves through her curly mane to get rid of all the black dust that was in her mane.
After cleaning herself to a much more presentable state, she quickly unlocked the door and raced down to answer the door. She opened the top part of the door and looked over to see whoever it may have been. Twist smiled knowing it was Apple Bloom, but she didn't see a cutie mark on her flank.
And so the story continues on and ends into what had happened in the episode "Call Of The Cutie".
~The End
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Hollyfern · 33k words · 669 10 · 22k views
- Hollyfern · 37k words · 312 3 · 5.3k views
- Pascoite · 3k words · 410 7 · 4.3k views
- Opalina Cecile · 5k words · 80 1 · 2.3k views
- PatchworkPoltergeist · 1.5k words · 129 3 · 2.5k views
- naturalbornderpy · 2.1k words · 154 6 · 1.7k views
- PresentPerfect · 1.7k words · 340 22 · 6.4k views
- bahatumay · 2.4k words · 47 1 · 516 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.109 seconds
Total duration
1,085 users online
1,669,110 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not a bad little story considering it focused on Twist.
You probably mean "The Experiment That Got Twist Her Cutie Mark" to be the story title.
This was a really neat idea, and I think you did a good job of writing something that I could see happening in the show.
Some things you could work on:
you say "her favorite sweet/treat" a little to much at the beginning, and in the story some parts of the wording seem to be a little off.
the story seems to jump from one point to another a lot, and you could slow it down with a little more description or something else to bridge the gap a little more between points.
5164335 I thank you greatly for taking the time to read my story, and I'll be sure to check with those mistakes at a more convenient time. Again, thank you for reading.
Cover art looks like Egophiliac's work, might wanna put those two together on Derpibooru to find the actual source.
In any case, this looks interesting. Can't wait to read it!
A very nice little story, and I don't think it getting the love it probably deserves. You have potential.
And I hope above all else you had twice as much fun writing this as I had reading it!
5179447 Heh, thanks a lot. Your comment is much appreciated.
Heheh that's an awesome story you have there, man! I enjoyed reading this!
Kudos to you, man. Other than the few errors around, this makes a great piece of text (I love repeating myself)
You keep ending dialogue with commas even when there aren't dialogue tags or descriptors related to the dialogue. If the remainder of the sentence isn't something like "Twist said" or otherwise related to what's being spoken, the dialogue should end with a period.
This should be "pace".
Verbs need to be consistent; she walked and dropped.
Just some examples of places where commas are missing...
Rereading your own work helps to catch extra words like this.
That's pretty awkwardly worded, and it could be much clearer.
It would be better to say "put on" or "wore".
You've shifted from past tense to present tense.
There are a number of other errors as well. I like the general idea, but I really have to recommend that you work with an editor before I can approve this for the Twist group.
5195851 Alright, I'll have them worked on. Thanks for taking the time to read it.