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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The Crusaders had not abandoned their comrade, but that was mute. But the point was moot. Not mute.
The ghoul was lifted off the ground; the flesh on Jacks impromptu weapon was sloped off from the force. Sloughed, not sloped.
Still, not a bad start. I'd add more detail to the settings and get an editor to give it a bit of a fluff 'n buff, but overall not bad.
DON'T PUT HUGE IMAGES IN DESCRIPTION!
Crop smaller or remove. It is really annoying.
Edit: Thanks.
Love it. Best Contract ever. Run like hell.
This... seems interesting. But the constant, unnecessary swearing/profanity is a bit of a turnoff. Not saying that you can't cuss or anything, but most of the swears in here seem randomly thrown in and have no context. Makes the story and Jack seem juvenile(not in a good way) and annoying, like they can't express the details of the situation without resorting to crude language. Not trying to put you down or anything. Just giving my opinion.
Double of.
Me will read entire thing!!!
WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.
5331405 although it is very accurate to real life military
Man, this guy can kill anyone, anywhere. Children, animals, old people, doesn't matter. He just loves killing.
7002346 Except when he sees small, adorable pegasi thanking him. Then he bravely runs away.
7172873 He was clearly listening to Pinkie Pie.
5331405 most soldiers especially ones on suicide missions like jack tend to Cus a lot and really don't care about the juvenile aspect of it. Their is a reason the term cussing like a saloir exists
The Doom vibes are real when i read this.
scontent.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xft1/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/11336188_366194056838365_962521527_n.jpg
FACE FIRST INTO HELL
I LOVE THIS ALREADY
THERE NO SUCH THING AS OVERKILL!
This is one f the better YHaY fi a I've seen in a long time. What is it a crossover with, or is this guy and works a home brew?
7172873
When a pony raised her little cute head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
(I didn't)
Brave brave brave Sir Kessle
7740119
Brave Sir Kessle ran away
(No!)
Bravely ran away away
(I didn't!)
When Flitter raised her cutesy head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
(No!)
Yes, brave Sir Kessle turned about
(I didn't!)
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
(I never did!)
He beat a very brave retreat
(All lies!)
Bravest of the brave, Sir Kessle!
(I never!)
7764340 You deserve a cookie. Or a coconut but the swallows haven't arrived yet.
7172873 oi I do believe it's called a tactical retreat
8012610
no swallows. The coconuts come on their own.
You spelled organized wrong in this chapter.
"He set down his helmet next to the carefully organised pile "
Sorry. I mean, I get what you're trying to say, but that's just such a funny phrasing.
You know, I was worried this was going to be one of those really dour and self-important milfic things. I was clearly wrong.
8467169
Ballad has its ups and downs, so expect a little dour here and there
Now that one bloody way to make an entrance; coming in a killing spree and running screaming from a colorful pony.
Holy shit, what a perfect way to start a story. Berserk rampage followed by the worst fear of humanity: talking equines! Binging this for sure!
This story was recommended to me. I like it already.
So is it safe to say that Jacj would say something like,
EDIT: One day later, and I have my answer.
Mmm, I too enjoy the taste of yummy air!
So jack is a robot with basicy just an human head?
10682052
Had you ever been in a blowing desert with more grit than air in the air, you would understand what he means. Air that tastes like air is vastly superior to air that tastes like dirt.