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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hopefully you won't leave us on this cliffhanger for too long.
6591520 Well... I dunno man/manette, Cliffhangers are best hangers.
Congrats on making front page Iron! :D
6591532 Is this a crossover?
6591584 You heard the noises I made. Such Joy. Much celebrate.
6591596 Only with Your Human and You's 'verse, but more with my own bent spin on it.
Here's a cold one to hoping Flitter cold-cocks her mother!
6591644 But if you obliterate me, who will post the next chapter?
I was just thinking about this fic earlier today! I was expecting another two weeks, I was pleasantly surprised.
i.imgur.com/gReKyVS.png
Congratulations on getting featured too.
6591740 I'm half expecting it to be gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow, but I have screenshots. My time in the sun has come.
Edit: Aaaaaaaand it's gone.
Wait wait wait didn't you say earlier that Jacks armor was ballistic proof? You also said that I covered from head to toe. Now I know that Jack wasn't wearing his helmet in the fight, but you said head to toe meaning that his neck would be covered too. His only weak point would be his face or under his chin not underneath it as you supposing wrote. Master Cheif would be disappointed in you. Oh wait here he is now
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Please don't leave us in this cliffhanger for long. I want to see Jack destroy everything.
6591868 He went out wearing only his sweater.
You'd think they'd have nanobots to neutralize the tranquilizers/poisons in the future considering they've mastered human augmentation. But this chapter was really good, I like how the Jack isn't a Gary Sue and super overpowered (despite the previous sentence, I was merely making an observation). I've enjoy the entire series so far, but this is the first time I've commented.
6591740 Holy Fucking Shit! That is a lot of bookmarks!
6592080 I'd use the term 'mastered' very loosely. Jack has always had glaring flaws. He makes mistakes, he makes bad calls, he's wrong sometimes; the point being, he's human. He is painfully human, with all the ups and downs that brings.
Glad you enjoy the story so much, and I hope it stays that way.
6592616
Haha, what can I say? I have a bad problem with not closing tabs.
6592760
meh, done a couple hundred in the past
How exactly did he go from resting with the ill tribal to suddenly having a domestic fight with Luna in his dreams? I cant seem to find the intervening time to reference
6592791 pretty simple, he eventually got up and fell asleep at the cave, same as Flitter renting a motel room for the night.
Edit: they broke the flow in the previous chapter, and felt out of place in this one. They were important enough or exciting enough for anybody to really care if I hammered them in or left them out.
6593185
A little note at the least to say when Luna started bothering him at the least would help remove the confusion its sudden appearance brings in otherwise.
6593577 I'll see if there's anywhere I can work it in.
6591974
I don't remember him putting one on. I'll reread this chapter.
6594573
I wonder how long it will be until the ponies realize their harboring a futuristic super soldier and a nuke big enough to level canterlot, I really wanna see their "we've seriously fucked up" faces.
6594750
Wait...so when did he pull his armor off so the jumper could be pulled on? I thought he slept in it?
6596441 He rarely wears his armour, as stated in earlier chapters that he dislikes it. Most chapters just involve his exo and a sweater.
Awesome work so far mate keep it up :)
I'm enjoying the shit outa this so far!
Excuse me while I come up with various ways to kill those wranglers, and also Flitter's mother. Forgive me, adorable little pony, but your mother is a bitch and deserves the most cruel and unusual punishment my mind can conjure!
6604394 Personally I though two megatons was actually quite reasonable. Glad you're enjoying the story thus far!
Fucking cliffhanger!
6606481 :D
6607904 Jack is more Jayne Cobb than I originally intended... It's fitting.
Ok, now that I'm all caught up... overall not a bad story. Grammar is a tad rough throughout the whole thing, but not bad enough to bother me much. The scene skips are rough at best, and tend to not flow well. If you cleaned up the transition spots a tad, it would make for overall more enjoyable reading. The added line in later chapters is an excellent start, though I do recommend going back and at least do the same to all older chapters too. There is a marked improvement in writing from beginning chapters to current.
The biggest thing that I think is confusing to readers is your lack of description between the 'EXO' and 'Powered Battle Armor'. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most of the time he isn't wearing either of them. Then there are times he utilities his 'exo', which I believe to look something roughly like this... cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2396192/exo-concept-large.0.jpg ... sans the BDU's or infantry battle armor. <unless he wears standard battle armor too, which I cant tell to be honest.> Times he uses the big boy suit, he enters it already wearing the 'exo'. I guess that the 'exo' is needed to integrate with the battle suit? <which I imagine to look much like your cover art.>
So, If I am correct our protagonist is a cyborg with enhanced bone structure and musculature. Who then can, due to the cybernetics, use an enhanced exoframe to increase his already enhanced abilities even more. Who then can, with the cybernetics and exoframe, utilize an even more powerful powered battle armor. Ain't future tech great! Assuming all this is correct, I didn't have a hard time envisioning it, though there are times where your depictions are rather vague. That may be intended, but I've seen several comments seemingly confused about it. Perhaps a more detailed explanation in early chapters could clear it up. Something from Flitters point of view perhaps.
All that aside, I have a rather serious question here. When Jane... I mean Jack <silly grin> is conversing with Field Point and we find out about Titanium being the end all magic stopper... How in fracks sake did the magic blast from the slaver hit and hurt him at all? I mean his entire skeletal structure is reinforced with Titanium! From the convo with Field Point, even the smallest amt of Titanium completely nullifies magic. Should he have been hit by the blast only for nothing to happen, him get a smug look, and the slaver growl, pick up a crate, and bean him with it? Seems more likely in my head, but could be completely off.
In any event, keep up the good work :)
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6610219 I'm always happy when people take the time to write out longer comments with pointers, it does help out. I've been planning on a first few chapters overhaul for some time, just need to get to a point where I reliably can take the time without depriving everyone of updates while I work with my editors.
Answering your questions in the order they came in:
His exo is basically the hydraulics of the power armour. The armour itself could barely be considered power armour in the ways most people know it. Essentially, it's like someone built a more modern suit of Knights armour and set it over an exo-skeleton. Because really, running around the battlefield with only an exo is a great way to get shot in the junk/ face. You're super strong, not super bullet resistant. The exo is basically the pin in everything Jack does.
As explained in earlier chapters, Titanium itself is anti-magic, but Jack is not. He's only got traces of titanium in his legs (Mainly structural and where it connects) and a plate in his skull. His bones aren't reinforced with titanium (If anything they'd be shunted with biosteel.), but even if they were, his muscles aren't. Any magical area effect (Like a kinetic blast) Would easily knock him on his ass.
I'd honestly wouldve loved it if one of the trainings Jack actually sung a cadence.
Dunno why, but "mama mama can't you see" being sung alongside with flitter would've been fucking amazing.
6612640 Don't lose faith, there's plenty of chapters ahead for Jack to belt out Napalm Sticks to Kids
Huh. This is the third time sg-1 has been mentioned on this site since I started rewatching it two days ago. Odd.
You already established that magic has no effect on him thanks to all that titanium in his body, and now it suddenly does, even if its just minor.
You bloody hypocrite.
mercs hired by her mother? i epect alot of death
7811765
I noticed that as well
Fuck, and fuck, and... fuck
7811765
I don’t think he has his exo on during this, and if just his tendons have titanium then what’s to say that it has enough range to block the magic? I would think all the hard muscle and skin tissue would dampen the effects quite a bit.
PoNy's YoUR aLL GOING TO DIE YER ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIE!!!!
Alone for this i hope he kills hundred of Ponys