Rainbow Dash has had a good life. Well, as good as any other Earth pony’s life, anyway. She has good friends, a good home, and has proven herself to be quite the speed demon, but for some reason, she just can’t shake the feeling that something is missing from her life. Like, something she used to have in her life, but can’t remember what that something was. What is she missing? And why does it feel connected to Scootaloo?
As always, please let me know what you thought once you're finished reading. Hope you Enjoy!
Chapters (6)
so its a sotry about her losing her wings nad somehow not remembering it?
there is a bit more difference between pegasi and earht ponies though.
This is interesting.
This interests me. No glaringly obvious grammar errors. I look forward to reading more.
this is pretty good! the only thing i would change is the scene transition. i don't know what they're called, but some authors put dots, lines, pictures, or some other thing, in order to show a scene transition between paragraphs. maybe think about using those?
5009496 Glad you like! As for scene transitions: Thanks for the tip!
I'll make sure to add some sort of scene transition in the later chapters. Cheers 
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This is great! But there's one MAJOR, glaring plot hole: If Rainbow Dash is an earth pony in this universe, then how do the Mane 6 have their cutie marks? Rainbow was the one responsible for their success!
5012593 Yeah, that plot hole was one that I noticed pretty early in development. That's why I added an alternate universe tag. Aside from that, glad you like it
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welp, scootaloo's the bad guy in this one. i swear, she better give dash back her wings!
Better or worse, the current present is wrong.
Scootaloo stole Rainbow Dash's life, plain and simple.
The right choice is obvious to me, and I hope she takes it.
5 minutes later...
5022257 I don't see Scootaloo as a villian in this. Personally, I feel she made a decision without realizing the consequences of it. Honestly, it's a situation that a little kid could very easily get in, although probably not with consequences this dire.
5022550 well yeah, i get that she got into the mess without knowing what would happen, but now she's not even giving the person she wronged the chance to live her life! it's not her decision, because she's not the one who's life she (unintentionally) ripped apart and put back together again. she didn't suffer her whole life in this world! Rainbow did. she's lived her whole life thinking that something was missing, and she was right. so why should it be just Scootaloos choice, when it's not only her life on the line?
So the only way for Scootaloo to fly is going to a wishing pool and take away her honorary sister's wings as a shortcut.
She needs to make things right or the cosmic balance would go out of control.
5022617 That's true, but then again, for now, how the heck would you ask Rainbow what her choice is in this case?
S: Hey, Rainbow Dash!
R: Hey, Squirt!
S: I have a question
R: Shoot
S: Do you wanna go back to being a Pegasus?
R:
S:Well, you see...
(one explanation later)
S: And now we're back to the choice. Wanna go back?
R: ... Kid, are you feeling okay?
(cue 'it's true' argument.)
For now, if she asked Rainbow about it, Rainbow would think Scootaloo was insane.
5022282 Wait, hold up, hold the phone. Are you THE Khao Mortadios?
Also, yes, it is wrong, but when you get down to it, only Scootaloo knows that it's wrong. In this case, everypony else (including Pinkie Pie) only remember Rainbow Dash without wings (due to the wish). Just a little explanation of why no one tells Scootaloo that this world is wrong (Just in case.)
5022663 considering all that her and her friends have been through, i think she'd be willing to hear her out. and besides; wouldn't scootaloo saying that she used to have wings coincide with her feelings of missing something, especially when she's around scootaloo? and if she still was skeptical, all she would have to do was take her to the pool, and show her it exists.
even though you probably already have the whole thing planned out, i'm still having fun discussing this.
5022686 I'm having fun discussing this too. And yeah, I have the next chapter(s) planned out. Only question is, will I need 1 or 2? Oh well, not important. PS, what do you mean, all her friends have been through? Their lives are largely unchanged. And yes, I know that the Rainboom was what caused their original paths to coincide, but considering this is wish granting magic we're dealing with here, it's possible that the wish caused the other Mane 6 to go through similar events as before, but without the Rainboom playing a part.
5022719 that's what i meant. they've taken on Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra, and the changling queen. dealt with a pool that created clones of ponies who used it, are the wielders of the elements of harmony, and many other myth related things that i'm to lazy to type out. so the idea of a pool that can grant wishes shouldn't be that hard to believe.
5022679
While she doesn't know what's wrong exactly, Rainbow still knows it too, and that's more than enough for me. Even if her life is perfect in every way, she'll live through it always feeling that something's just not right with stuff. And that's kind of a scary thought, imagine having a perfect life, with everything you ever wanted and not a single thing working against your happiness... But still not being able to reach that happiness for some reason.
I could totally see that driving her to madness.
And yeah, I'm Khao Mortadios! I had no idea I was "THE"-worthy, though! =P
5023139 Oh my god, dude, I am SUCH a huge fan of your game Megapony!! I freaking love it!! It's so cool for me to actually see you on this site!!
Ahem
Ok, now that I got that out of my system: That's a pretty good point, and an interesting thought. I wonder if that idea could be used for a fanfic later... Nah, just kidding. Another time, maybe.
I like that Pinkie is trying to be fair to Scootaloo while trying to understand a reality that does not exist to her.
Oddly you could make a similar story with Pinkie considering she was a Pegasus initially and was made an earth pony later in production. Really Pinkie is the one this happened to and it would be interesting to see how she would feel if asked if it happened to her. Considering her love of being in the air she might have some interesting things to say.
For some reason while we don't see it on the show I love stories that have Scoots and Pinkie interacting. They seem to have a good dynamic. Since I also like Pinkie and Dash working off of each other it makes for a strong trifecta.
5023197
Man, running into a random Mega Pony fan always makes my day, haha! Glad you liked it!
awesome job keep it up
When's the next chapter coming out?
I'm really interested in seeing where the story goes.
This was a very emotionally charged chapter, and I loved it.
Can't wait for the next one.
Liking the start. Can't say I don't know what is missing. It is clearly obvious from the stories cover. However, I will be sure to read the rest soon. It is well written as there is little to comment on at the moment.
Good job basically, I look forward to the next chapter
5012593 very good point
Liking the story. Felt like I knew where it was going quite early though. I'm still interested to ride this one out and see where you will take me
5024097 dude, there are plenty of people who thought your game was awesome! I may do a let's play of it some time
With your consent of course
Loving the story. I did, however, feel that Pinkie seemed a little... off. I dunno how to describe it but I felt that Scoots was talking to AJ whilst reading it. Maybe it was because Pinkie was acting calmly. You pulled Pinkie off really well in the last BTW so it is clear that you can do it. I also know the the story might be finished now (I forget) so what I'm typing here is unimportant.
Anyways, yeah. I did see this coming and I hope that the ending I expect will happen.
5022401
: I'm still stuck in the city
5887314
Go ahead, no need to ask for my consent! I didn't make a game so I could stop people from enjoying it, after all!
5887323 Ok, first off, glad you're liking it so far! As for Pinkie... Funny story. I actually wrote this chapter before I wrote chapter 2. In the original, however, it was AJ that Scoots and Rainbow were talking with, not Pinkie. However, after I was about 80% done writing the chapter, I realized that AJ probably wouldn't believe Scoots so easily. As a result, I swapped AJ with Pinkie, since out of all the members of the Main 6, Pinkie would be the most likely to believe Scootaloo's tale. (Pinkie's had experience with magic pools, and she's less grounded in reality than the others, making her more likely to believe Scootaloo's story). So basically, chapter 3 was AJ dialogue remodeled into Pinkie dialogue, whilst Chapter 2's Pinkie was built from the ground up to sound like Pinkie. The More You Know.
Well, I never said I was trying to be subtle. Still, I hope that the journey is enjoyable regardless. Cheers
Good job as usual. Only thing is, the section talking about Spike making a copy had the word 'copy' in way too many times. Try to keep particular key words to once every couple of sentences.
This is true for when rainbow yelled after. You used yell in adjacent sentences. Maybe cried the first time then yelled the next would be better, if that makes sense (if not then ask).
Personally I would hacpve had x'd with a capital X to make it more poinient but really that is up to you.
5888401 oh my god I totally called it! The mannerisms Pinkie had were too calm and 'older sister'-ish. As for the story, again there were a couple of places where repetition of words disrupted the flow a little.
(Note: I am assuming this is the last chapter, if anther one comes out then most of this could be ignored)
I felt the story ended a little too abruptly as well. It would have been nice to end it on something like Rainbow Dash taking Scoots for a ride on her back like they used to. I feel that would have been a bit more heartfelt. Again though, it is your story.
All in all, I loved it. It was a bit easy to see what was coming but I enjoyed it all the same. I found myself halfway through this chapter being reminded of this song:
God it makes me feel empty though
I'm glad the story went where I hoped it would and now you can get some peace from my comments.
Ya know, just...read the points I write, you don't necessarily have to do them. I hope you find them useful.
Anyways, enjoy the sad, sad song that makes me wish I had a hero I could talk to
5887707 thank you very much! Man, I can't wait.
Thanks for the acknowledgement. I know that people are busy so the smallest comment can mean a lot.
MOUSTACHE
5891450 See the yellow block above. I just need to finish off my school work first.
5893594 oh yeah. Sorry about that. I kinda got swept into the story and just assumed it ended where it is at the moment. Good to see its still going.
5917946 Granted, there's not a ton left (just one more chapter, and even that chapter isn't going to be anything huge) but still, I ain't done just yet. Glad to see it's immersive, though! Hopefully I'll be done soon! Cheers
5918018 more why is it not living going to have to call search party to find the Arthur to this story
7564472 ...I don't even know how to respond to that.
7564481 I'm referencing that you're missing and this story is awesome and I'm wondering why your not continuing it
7564524 Let's just say that real life has been hell for the past year and a half, ranging from trying to keep up with house payments to losing my flashdrive with all of the story on it. I'm going to finish this story, but I'm going to wait until I have a bit more free time to write it. Glad you enjoyed it so far though! Cheers
7564532 here is some kindly advice in the future get a Google Drive account this will help you in the future to avoid losing your entire story as long as you have a copy of it uploaded to Google Drive then you won't risk losing your entire story the next time you lose a flash drive and also the best way to get the flow back of what your writing is to read what you already have on your story and attempt to connect it from there also in case you're having writer's block which is one of the worst things that a writer can have their are websites that help to cure all in all have a great day and don't let losing your flash drive get you down as long as you're prepared and you have backups losing your flash drive will never hurt you as much as It could good day to you sir may you live long and prosper
It's fascinating, I think the exposition could have been pulled off a bit better, but really fascinating.
7976407 I'm glad you liked it! And yeah, looking back on it now, I did have a bit of a problem with a few things. I can only hope that I've since improved my craft. Appreciate the upvote and fave! Cheers
This is an excellent story, though I feel I might have misread it-
Isn´t Rainbow Dash an Earth Pony in this (fascinating, I must give you that) universe?
In response to Scootaloo´s comment, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon torment her, saying she´s a crippled pegasus, and therefore will never be as good a flyer. Technically, Scootaloo´s already as good a flyer as Rainbow Dash, because Earth Ponies can fly!!!!
8080296 There was one detail you missed. The taunting happened before Scootaloo made the wish that made Rainbow an Earth Pony. When the taunting happened, they were in the universe we know. After the taunting came Scootaloo's wish, which resulted in the universe where Rainbow was an Earth Pony.
Glad you liked it though! Cheers
Rereading this for the first time in a while, it's still good, but feels like it's missing something that makes it truly impactful to go back to.