ﾉ'ᄊ ﾌЦㄎｲ ﾑ ǤЦﾘ ЩんԾ 乇刀ﾌԾﾘㄎ Щ尺ﾉｲﾉ刀Ǥ 乇Џ乇尺ﾘ 刀ԾЩ ﾑ刀Ð ﾑǤﾑﾉ刀. Щんﾑｲ 乇ﾚㄎ乇 ﾉㄎ ｲん乇尺乇 ｲԾ ㄎﾑﾘ?
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This was the summer that everything went wrong. This was the summer that my best friend vanished.
First person story told from Rainbow's perspective. Based on a real life event that happened a couple years ago.
Preread by: DerpyMuffin7
Featured on 4/7/2017 and 4/8/2017! Thanks so much for the support, everyone!
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Didn't see that coming
Wow... mashes the like button.
*Hugs author*
*Hugs Fluttershy*
*Hugs Rainbow Dash*
Them feels man
I hope you hear anything at all some day.
(Also, mm, the correct word is "instinctively".)
I really can't say anything...
...
*hit the like button, sits down, and think thoughtfully*
I can think of no words other than… powerful story. And, you have my sympathy.
Amazing story, one of the most powerful ones I've read. As for what inspired this story, I'm not going to pry, I simply wish you the best. Until next time,
-Sphinx
Holy shit....*smashes the like button*
Amazing work. Really, just wow! Have a like.
I had this tune running, while reading this:
The feelings
I just want to give a hug in all of them.
Pretty strong story. You delivered on what your descriptions gave us: Rainbow Dash is upset about Fluttershy's behavior. You did go above and beyond the description too, which I'm glad to see. Formatting on this was good (using italics appropriately for certain scenes and proper double spacing of paragraphs). Heck, I have to give a lot of credit for the correct amount of dialogue when you used dialogue. The right amount of dialogue really helps the realistic aspect that comes into this story.
I think something to improve on would be the development of the end. Honestly, you could've expanded on this more and actually show us a partial reaction to this whole perspective.
Suggestions [spoilered]:
1. Sequel with Rainbow Dash handing her this "story" as a letter. Have a conversation unfold to put a cherry on top?
2. Sequel with Rainbow Dash going through her first and last days of school with Fluttershy.
The end is not the only thing I had a bit of troubles with. I'm not sure about the story's flare with how Rainbow Dash treats Fluttershy like just another friend. If we go based off fanon, they're best friends to the hip. Canon has them as best friends too, but not as connected, it's more like everyone is the group are connected to the hip. I'm not sure which route you went here, or if you decided to give us a new view where there's a huge disconnect between the two characters, but I know one things for sure: that segment threw me off.
Overall, definitely a likable story. A lot of things to like in just 4k words, but the things that threw me off didn't make me touch the bookshelves. Still, thank you for writing and sharing it with us.
Why you don't have hundreds more followers, I'll never know. This was sublime. A masterpiece of down-to-earth emotion and heartache. Your stories have a way of gripping the reader and never letting go even after the end.
Like and fave. You deserve them, and you deserve the Feature. Bravo.
8078778 Glad I managed to be surprising!
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8080388 *Smashes like button on user comments*. Thanks for the thumbs up! I'm glad it left such a strong impression.
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8080727 Thanks for the likes! I'm glad it sparked such a powerful reaction out of you guys! (and as for the past event, it's since been resolved, and we both made it out of it just fine.)
8080761 Coming from someone who's made it clear that they don't like FlutterDash at all, that's probably the greatest compliment you could've ever given me. Thank you so much
.
I like to congratulate you on getting in the feature box.
8080658 First off, thank you so much for the review! I really like it when people do that. Anyway, onto the points:
Believe me, you're not the only one who had some issue with the end. When I was writing this, most of it flowed pretty naturally (not surprising, given how most of this was based on a real life event.), but when I got to the ending, I ended up getting stuck. I wrote quite a few different endings, ranging from obnoxiously saccharine, ridiculously dark, and everything in between, but I never quite got it to fit quite right. Eventually, I decided the best way to do it was to end it in a way that left Rainbow and the audience completely unsure of whether Fluttershy was okay or not, and to show Rainbow's thoughts about that. I felt ending on that note would result in the strongest reaction.
Funny story, actually. One of the endings I'd written did go somewhat similarly to that. In it, Rainbow was writing the above down in a journal, but it slipped out of her pocket during one of her jogs. Later, Fluttershy ended up coming across it, saw her name, recognized Rainbow's handwriting, and as a result became curious, with the story ending with her flipping back to see what the full story was. The reason I didn't end it like that was because A) it seemed rather jarring to spend so long in 1st person, just to switch to 3rd person for the last few hundred words, and B) it seemed like too perfect of a coincidence, to the point of being contrived. Still, I do like the idea of finishing it off with something like that. Maybe for a sequel? Who knows?
I was sort of going for a half and half sort of thing. Yes, all of the main (or humane, I suppose) 6 are really tight at the hip, but I was going for the idea that, even in a tight group of friends, everyone has a favorite, and for Rainbow, it would be Fluttershy, and I tried to make it clear that, even if Fluttershy wasn't as close to Rainbow as Rainbow was to her (which could go either way here), they were still pretty close. I tried to make it clear that Rainbow was aware that it was possible that Fluttershy could've told another friend about it without telling her, which is why I occasionally brought up the others. I don't quite understand what you meant by Rainbow Dash treats Fluttershy like just another friend, though.
You're quite welcome. Thank you for the review, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story overall. Cheers
8080976
First off, I'd like to say, you're welcome! I like to give reviews like this once in a while if a story really speaks to me. This one did. I would write everything else down as points, but right as I write another point down, another one pops up. Do you have a Discord I could PM you with?
8081353 Unfortunately, I do not.
Lord Almighty, that was amazing.
8080906
I understand Flutters here, better than most people should. I thought for the longest time that losing my friend was my fault, I kind of still do sometimes, and this is the first time something has reminded me so much of her without making me cry. Thank you.
This...I didn't see that coming.
OH.... My heart... So many god damned emotions are going through me right now...
Me: Hey Fluttershy! Need A hug?
*Me and Fluttershy hug*
8082447 Only someone with no heart would down vote your comment.
Damn, the feels...
8083308 One ain't that true. two I really fill sorry for one of the cutest and shyest chacters of mlp fim and equestrian girls. Three Fluttershy really needs a hug.
8084824 One, I wasn't being for real. I was just sayin' there is no reason to dislike a comment like that. Two, maybe not the cutest character, but the shyest. Three, feel*
8086422 oh ok and wh is the cutest chacter in mlp?
8086483 In my opinion, it's Rainbow Dash.
8087427 ah well I think she is in the list of awesome and cute.
I can't even get the words to describe this right, so I'll just say, "woah", "the feelings are very real", and "
"
Man this hits hard.
Finally got around to this... And I gotta say this broke my heart in a hundred different ways.
Holy crap, feels bad man. This was pretty amazing.
This is a powerful story. I genuinely felt sympathy for Fluttershy for her loss and guilt and Rainbow for the loss of her best friend.
Excellent work.
★★★★
Gone, but not from memory
An extraordinary drama production, one that explodes with the sort of human feelings and emotions rarely explored here on this website. Charles Spratt weaves the tale of a woman who witnesses the grief of her best friend over the loss of a performer in a car crash and that friend vanishing upon the realization of her guilt. The story's emotions, the simultaneous ones of sadness, bitterness, suicide and anger, are presented in details so colorful that they define this beautiful, heartfelt work of art.